Woman is making man jump through hopes to "win her heart"

[devilkingx2]

Nothing wrong with having standards. You think a man like @Desdinova isnt making his girlfriend jump through hoops?

I don't see a reasonable screening period as a problem at all. I'd want to observe enough behavior to be reasonably assured I wasn't getting involved with someone incompatible with me.

The idea that men should have standards and women shouldn't is schoolyard childishness.

We ALL have standards & criteria, deal breakers and things we are willing to deal with.

How is this news? If anything having standards should be encouraged. Men respect a woman more if she has standards.

strange that you conflate jumping through hoops with having standards and a screening process.

would you consider making sure a man isn't crazy to be forcing him to jump through hoops? because that would be an example of something you screen for, but I don't see how hoop jumping would apply.

 

[Trump]

Top posters post excellent advice but get banned because they don't follow the rules.

ThisNThat finds articles and situations that men struggling with women have been in before, and he emphasizes the situation to emphasize with men, when in fact they hurt men. He is trolling and everyone responds thinking he is actually questioning the situation he posts about.

Every post he has made has related to beta men in someway and has HURT them. His posts don't help with the secrets of dating, seducing, and sleeping with women as the site advertises. But hey, at least he is following the "rules" right?

 

[BeExcellent]

strange that you conflate jumping through hoops with having standards and a screening process.

would you consider making sure a man isn't crazy to be forcing him to jump through hoops? because that would be an example of something you screen for, but I don't see how hoop jumping would apply.

I didn't name the thread. Any responsible person is going to evaluate potential mates and sexual partners. Doesn't really matter if you call it looking for red flags, jumping through hoops or whatever other label you pick.

It all boils down to screening. Everyone would do well to screen. That's all I'm saying.

 

[RangerMIke]

If she is making him jump through hoops she doesn't really like him. She is only hoping she will feel something if he works hard.

It won't work... you either have chemistry or you don't. If he 'wins' her, she will learn to hate him because no matter how hard he tries she just won't feel anything for him. The harder he tries the less she will think of him, no respect = no love.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

She gave me her response that she assured me it wasn't about control, but after having been through a 25 year abusive marriage, she wants to make sure this guy is authentic. That he can show is own strength and maturity, nothing to do with playing games.

"25 year abusive marriage" = red flag.

And she's probably 45 or older and wants a guy to jump through hoops? Sounds like she's giving the hamster quite a workout.

-Augustus-

 

[sazc]

@devilkingx2 personally I am not into games or testing in order to determine loyalty in a suitor. Like you all, I have a base level of standards that I look for and I screen passively.

Playing games with people, and attempting to generate artificial attraction via games, and or testing to see their loyalty, doesn't ever reveal the true nature of who they are and their level of affection for you. For that you need to interact and compare their actions with their words.

 

[ThisNThat]

@devilkingx2 personally I am not into games or testing in order to determine loyalty in a suitor. Like you all, I have a base level of standards that I look for and I screen passively.

Playing games with people, and attempting to generate artificial attraction via games, and or testing to see their loyalty, doesn't ever reveal the true nature of who they are and their level of affection for you. For that you need to interact and compare their actions with their words.

Well, it's like they go from one extreme to the next. It's like "I was in abusive relationship, so now future prospects will be a subject of major scrutiny and s**t tests for the duration of my life."

It's as if their abuse qualifies them for these methods.

 

[sazc]

Well, it's like they go from one extreme to the next. It's like "I was in abusive relationship, so now future prospects will be a subject of major scrutiny and s**t tests for the duration of my life."

It's as if their abuse qualifies them for these methods.

you know, once you have trauma in your life (weather that is from childhood, or something that occurred in adulthood) you will usually behave in a manner that reflects that trauam (weather you realize it or not) unless you actively seek to address the trauma. It just is what it is.

Sometimes they dont realize they are operating in the world being motivated by their trauma. If they realize do they are reacting based on truama then, yes, they feel justified in doing that. This doesnt mean you have to participate in it. This is why another part of the screening process should be asking about trauma (when the time is right) Ask about parental relationship (parents married) and gently about any trauma that might have occurred and how they feel it affected them. Then really listen.

I listen. If someone was cheated on I ask "what reason did she give?" if the reason is relayed, that tells me that there is a possibility that this is how this person is in a relationship. Then I ask "do you feel there is any validity in her reasoning" and I listen for the reply. If it's just all "no, no, no, I am perfect" I see red flags. That's my process.

Everyone has trauma. Have you ever admitted what your trauma is and thought about how it affects your daily decisions? Most people dont because contemplating trauma and it's affects is traumatizing in itself.

my real message is - find out what their trauma is, how they have dealt with it, and then GTFO if you need to. It's not worth the dysfunction to hope things go well between you two. I'd rather be alone and peaceful.

 

[ThisNThat]

you know, once you have trauma in your life (weather that is from childhood, or something that occurred in adulthood) you will usually behave in a manner that reflects that trauam (weather you realize it or not) unless you actively seek to address the trauma. It just is what it is.

Sometimes they dont realize they are operating in the world being motivated by their trauma. If they realize do they are reacting based on truama then, yes, they feel justified in doing that. This doesnt mean you have to participate in it. This is why another part of the screening process should be asking about trauma (when the time is right) Ask about parental relationship (parents married) and gently about any trauma that might have occurred and how they feel it affected them. Then really listen.

I listen. If someone was cheated on I ask "what reason did she give?" if the reason is relayed, that tells me that there is a possibility that this is how this person is in a relationship. Then I ask "do you feel there is any validity in her reasoning" and I listen for the reply. If it's just all "no, no, no, I am perfect" I see red flags. That's my process.

Everyone has trauma. Have you ever admitted what your trauma is and thought about how it affects your daily decisions? Most people dont because contemplating trauma and it's affects is traumatizing in itself.

my real message is - find out what their trauma is, how they have dealt with it, and then GTFO if you need to. It's not worth the dysfunction to hope things go well between you two. I'd rather be alone and peaceful.

Yea, lately I seem to come across women that have a propensity for panic attacks. I recall one woman, after we first became intimate in her bedroom, after we were done...she wouldn't sleep with me, but made a bee line to the couch. I asked her what was wrong and she said that she wasn't really tired so wanted to watch a DVD set she bought and would let me sleep.

I still found it odd.

Later I found out the truth from her, that she had a panic attack as her previous boyfriends, once they started getting into routine intimacy, that's pretty much all they used her for. One guy she was in a 2 year relationship with, lived together, was a real **** to her. Not abusive, but just simply neglectful until he wanted some nookie., he would be all nice.

Basically, she was waiting for the other shoe to fall with me, afraid I would be just like one of her previous ex's. Her insecurities impacted our relationship,so I had to end things.

 

[devilkingx2]

Yea, lately I seem to come across women that have a propensity for panic attacks. I recall one woman, after we first became intimate in her bedroom, after we were done...she wouldn't sleep with me, but made a bee line to the couch. I asked her what was wrong and she said that she wasn't really tired so wanted to watch a DVD set she bought and would let me sleep.

I still found it odd.

Later I found out the truth from her, that she had a panic attack as her previous boyfriends, once they started getting into routine intimacy, that's pretty much all they used her for. One guy she was in a 2 year relationship with, lived together, was a real **** to her. Not abusive, but just simply neglectful until he wanted some nookie., he would be all nice.

Basically, she was waiting for the other shoe to fall with me, afraid I would be just like one of her previous ex's. Her insecurities impacted our relationship,so I had to end things.

aww poor girl that's a sad story.