Woman doesn't understand LJBF...how do I get myself out of this hole?

[duke007]

Some of you may remember me posting about an older woman I've been DJing recently.

Well I had to pull the plug on our relationship because she fell for me WAY to quickly for someone who's 7 years older. She was withholding sex because she saw our relationship as something "on a deeper level" and wanted to enter an LTR. She's been engaged before and has baggage....so you can't really blame me for running.

She cried when I told her we couldn't see each other in "that" way anymore. Then I said we can still be friends because she's a cool person. But then she's done something I didn't expect!

Later that same night (as the dumping) she sends me a text message:
"How about we try this platonic thing at the St Kilda Festival next weekend? There's heaps of stuff on. i'm going anyway. Ok, today I've gone through a kaleidoscope of emotions but am much better after a ****tail and dinner on bridge rd, then a bunch of sunflowers from *roommate* =)"

WTF? Why does she still want to hang around me? Does she genuinely want a friend or just doesn't want to let go? This sh1ts me....sometimes DJing works too well and the chick goes all AFC on me, and in the meantime I'm still a virgin!

 

[I-am-someone]

Okay, girls say LJBF. Any man will then say "sure" and never speak to her again.

What you did by telling her you still want to be friends, is a somewhat mixed message. It probably came across to her like "Let's set this relationship to a lower level". My advice is: don't go with her. It'll be clear enough.

 

[Climax]

keep away...

I have to agree with I-am-someone on this one... she is probably STILL emotionally attached to you, and still has hopes for the 2 of you for the future, so i would suggest that u dont go with her, and just make it clear to her that the only thing that she will get from u is your friendship. If you go, g0d knows what she will take it as, so rather try avoid any further complications, and keep your distance frorm her for a while


Laterz...

 

[seabreeze]

Honestly Duke, if you told me that and I liked you, you would definitely become my "emotional tampon." Just kidding. But, women LOVE being just friends with men. It means we can have boyfriends without having to have sex with him. When you told her that she probably went BINGO! It's what I would have done. So, NEVER tell a woman you just want to be friends unless you are ready to follow through with friendship. Otherwise, just tell her the truth and that you are only interested in developing romantic relationships with women. She'll be disappointed, but she'll live. Your only recourse now is to be honest with her because it sounds like you lied about wanting to be her friend. Besides, if she's so cool and is willing to be friends with you what's the big deal? Just go and keep reminding her that she's a good friend and TREAT HER THAT WAY.

I hope this helps,
SB

 

[BigWillyStyle]

Duke007, I dunno but you keep mentioning your virgin status. So you'll only get the putang if you get into a LTR with her? Well, this might be a bit cruel though, go out with her for a few months then you can hit it, when you do, pick up your bags and say "sorry, things aren't working out too well, we have to break up"

Who knows, maybe you'll actually *like* dating this older broad. Although I've been following your posts on this older bird and she does sound a bit unstable with baggage.

It's a bit malicious though, dunno, depends on what sorta guy you are....

P.S. Why don't you go out with some boys and hit the clubs/bars, get trashed and hit on the youngen's there. Drunk girls are easy, well they sometimes.

 

[DJDamage]

Your best coarse of action is to tell her that you two need a break from one another and at the moment its best if you don't see each other for some time.

If you really want to be friends with her, give her a call two weeks later to see how she is and then schedule some small get together a week later. If you feel that she is still hurting badley, your best choice is to back off even more. If all goes well after this meeting you best not meet her one on one but in an atmosphere where there is a lot of people and she won't be able to express her feelings to you.

This treatment might lead to resentment by her and end of the friendship all together but this is the reason why most friendships with the ex don't end up working anyway.