RedScorpion
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2012
- Messages
- 418
- Reaction score
- 217
- Age
- 36
Hey guys,
This is more of a vent rather than a proper question, due to feeling pretty ****ty over current circumstances.
I've been hanging out with this girl that I've known for a couple years, heavily over the past 3-4 months. We've been flirting plenty during those 3-4 months, during which she's in this weird LDR with some guy she doesn't seem to like (became bf/gf over spring, he visited for a week at her house, she avoided him as much as possible, sadly). I met him, he seems like a standard nice guy. She never talks about him. Maybe two three times when prompted, and it's one sentence, no emotion or info. Seemed like they were barely talking (if even going out still).
Anyway, she's been spending all her weekends hanging out with me. I have made some moves on her, (asked out, tried one on one, tried hand holding, some attempts to kiss - turned out poorly). Although we've plenty play fight, hug, hand-held before, etc., she doesn't seem to want to push it past a certain point. Which I figured maybe this 'bf' was still an issue (despite her never talking about him).
After the last 'failure' to push thing forward a bit before christmas, I withdrew to just treating her friendly. She ups it the next day, by everyday putting on makeup, dying hair, buying all fresh food and cooking a big supper for me, showing her crochet skills off (all unusual for her). Buying some used movies specifically for me in mind. I show more general interest but lowered flirting to minimum (she tried a bit to flirt).
I leave for christmas holidays (with my mother), we don't text each other during. Come back, run into her in the hall. She was very excited, couldn't resist coming over immediately (is friends with and talks with my mom). She does her ***** session for quite some time about random stuff (to my mom), and during includes "my brother and sister live with my boyfriend and his mom", and before in convo, "If I were single". Being in the same room, I gave no reaction, just whatever. After a bit, my mom got her to leave (she resisted). She also pushed plans to watch movies the next day. I left early the next day, guess she was sulking/seemed disappointed about it.
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Now, with my own assessment of what's going on, is that she does like my attention, she does like being with me and committing time and resources to me. I believe there is a good attraction towards me. BUT. Where I have failed, I feel is I've been too giving of my attention, with too little back from her part. I think she is comfortable where we are at, with the flirting but no actual 'relationship' stuff. And I think mentioning the bf thing was to re-establish those boundaries. She has been able to 'have her cake and eat it too'. She has been considering my attention as reliable and secure, without her giving too much back.
The obvious answer is to move on - spin more plates, etc. Something which I am working on while feeling bleh.
But, for the meantime, I'm looking for confirmation in doing the right thing. I know I'll more easily commit to it having that in mind. I have been withdrawing smoothly, with no signals or messages sent to her. My main question, is that if a girl is actually attracted to you, and you disappear, she will be concerned and follow-up. And is this withdrawal the correct action (will any harm come of it)?
What I'm thinking, I'm dividing the possibilities into two. With withdrawal...
If she is truly interested and attracted, she will step up her game and try to compensate, and show some real commitment to escalation.
If she is not, she will let it drop (if only after a short time).
I'll be happy if withdrawal is the correct action regardless.
Any input would definitely be appreciated.
This is more of a vent rather than a proper question, due to feeling pretty ****ty over current circumstances.
I've been hanging out with this girl that I've known for a couple years, heavily over the past 3-4 months. We've been flirting plenty during those 3-4 months, during which she's in this weird LDR with some guy she doesn't seem to like (became bf/gf over spring, he visited for a week at her house, she avoided him as much as possible, sadly). I met him, he seems like a standard nice guy. She never talks about him. Maybe two three times when prompted, and it's one sentence, no emotion or info. Seemed like they were barely talking (if even going out still).
Anyway, she's been spending all her weekends hanging out with me. I have made some moves on her, (asked out, tried one on one, tried hand holding, some attempts to kiss - turned out poorly). Although we've plenty play fight, hug, hand-held before, etc., she doesn't seem to want to push it past a certain point. Which I figured maybe this 'bf' was still an issue (despite her never talking about him).
After the last 'failure' to push thing forward a bit before christmas, I withdrew to just treating her friendly. She ups it the next day, by everyday putting on makeup, dying hair, buying all fresh food and cooking a big supper for me, showing her crochet skills off (all unusual for her). Buying some used movies specifically for me in mind. I show more general interest but lowered flirting to minimum (she tried a bit to flirt).
I leave for christmas holidays (with my mother), we don't text each other during. Come back, run into her in the hall. She was very excited, couldn't resist coming over immediately (is friends with and talks with my mom). She does her ***** session for quite some time about random stuff (to my mom), and during includes "my brother and sister live with my boyfriend and his mom", and before in convo, "If I were single". Being in the same room, I gave no reaction, just whatever. After a bit, my mom got her to leave (she resisted). She also pushed plans to watch movies the next day. I left early the next day, guess she was sulking/seemed disappointed about it.
-------------------------------
Now, with my own assessment of what's going on, is that she does like my attention, she does like being with me and committing time and resources to me. I believe there is a good attraction towards me. BUT. Where I have failed, I feel is I've been too giving of my attention, with too little back from her part. I think she is comfortable where we are at, with the flirting but no actual 'relationship' stuff. And I think mentioning the bf thing was to re-establish those boundaries. She has been able to 'have her cake and eat it too'. She has been considering my attention as reliable and secure, without her giving too much back.
The obvious answer is to move on - spin more plates, etc. Something which I am working on while feeling bleh.
But, for the meantime, I'm looking for confirmation in doing the right thing. I know I'll more easily commit to it having that in mind. I have been withdrawing smoothly, with no signals or messages sent to her. My main question, is that if a girl is actually attracted to you, and you disappear, she will be concerned and follow-up. And is this withdrawal the correct action (will any harm come of it)?
What I'm thinking, I'm dividing the possibilities into two. With withdrawal...
If she is truly interested and attracted, she will step up her game and try to compensate, and show some real commitment to escalation.
If she is not, she will let it drop (if only after a short time).
I'll be happy if withdrawal is the correct action regardless.
Any input would definitely be appreciated.
