Will this get me in the friendzone?

[MackJr]

Sometimes it's hard to decide when and when not to be kind. A lady I know needed a job so I told her, "go fill out an application. that's an order". She later said, "thanks for the order."

On the other hand, I did something kind, I let her know about a company that could hire her, and the thing I was worried about was that helping her would be construed as non-DJ wimpy girly man behavior. On the other hand, it could be seen as macho provider behavior. Sometimes it's hard to tell a woman's masochism requirement.

We were talking before this job situation came up, so I'm not being played, but since it's current, that's what comes up a lot. I'm putting this in the "mature man" category, because we have to deal with work issues and the woman involved is in her mid-30s.

So my question is in the title of this post.

 

[Gold Heart]

Touching, laughing, fooling around, smiles = good. Just remember that.

You can talk about ANYTHING as long as she perceives you as "a fun guy with a sensual/sexual aura to him." If you get any uneasy vibes from her, rare smiles = bad. This means that she doesn't think of you in "that way" and there is not a lot you can do about it.

 

[GirlCrazy]

Did you give her the job lead because you thought she was the best candidate for the job, or because you have a thing for her? It's only a "non-DJ wimpy" move if you referred her because you wanted to get laid.

Really the only way you can tell for sure whether you're in the friends zone or not is make some kind of pass at her. She's either going to return your affection or give you the LJBF speech. No need to obsess about your actions. She either sees you as more than a friend, or she doesn't -- find out.

 

[legolas]

Asexuality can land you inthe friendzone faster than a rocket. if you cannot seem to color everything sexually (subtly of course) then you'll end up inthe infamous friendzone. Read Gunwitch for more on that one.

 

[WaterTiger]

(From the way I understand it, you just told her where she might get a job. You didn't actually GIVE her a job right?)

I think you're over thinnking things. When I was looking for jobs, I took recomendations as just that, recomendations. I was far more concerned about finding a job than as to WHO gave me a lead. (Although I was very grateful & paid him back with a steak dinner with my first paycheck!)


If you DID give her a job...then anything more than a strictly professional relationship could be a disaster for your career.

 

[MackJr]

I didn't do anything unethical. I was just helpful, and like I said, with the masochism requirements of some women, even being helpful in a good human being way is disastrous from a sexual standpoint.

 

[DJnomore]

FriendZone is a bunch of crap

The LJBF zone is really a lets admit that I have no interest in sleeping with you ever zone.

It has nothing. Nothing. Nothing at all to do with friendship.

There are guys whose whole game is converting "friends" into FB or gf or whatever.

Nice is not bad.

Powerless is bad.

When you can be powerful and nice you can enter and exit the friend zone at will.

LJBF is mostly in the guys mind anyway.

 

[MackJr]

that's all theory, but can you give an example of going in and out of the friendzone at will?

 

[Bungo Pony]

Doing nice things for a woman will not get you in the friend zone. Doing nice things because you're in awe of her beauty and in want of her body will get you in the friend zone. Making sacrifices to make her happy will get you in the friend zone.

Another thing I should point out is the difference between doing nice things, and using romance.

Nice Things:
Giving her a recommendation for a garage to fix her car
Giving her directions to a location she's uncertain of
Helping her pick a good TV/DVD player/Stereo that she's buying
Picking a leaf out of her hair

Romantic Things:
Paying for her dinner
Giving her money to buy something she really wants
Telling her you have feelings for her
Buying her flowers

In summary, nice things that you'd do for anybody won't affect where the relationship goes. Romance is just a spice for a well cooked meal (Long Term Relationship)

If you want to keep yourself out of the friend zone, use kino frequently. Touch her any way and whenever you can (non-sexually). Having a poking war works well