after reading MANY posts on this site about the fear of what the PD/BPD woman will do if you break up with her and go no contact with her, I want to give you some advice that helped me alleviate the fear of the bpd/pd revenge that is associated with leaving a bpd/pd woman. I left my BPD yesterday. No contact isn't easy. What made my no contact easier is that im not as afraid to go no contact because I have a primitive gauge or read on what she might do.
So, after dealing with a PD/ BPD chic for over a year now and finally going no contact on her two weeks ago, then slipping and going no contact again yesterday [she caught me drunk at 3:30 am and went down on me] i had struggled with the fear of 'what is she going to do if i dump her'. i really was concerned. Why be concerned?
First, hell hath no fury like a recently dumped normal woman. But BPDs are abandonment bruised already and can't deal with it. Since my giirl had hit me several times and cheated and threatened me and herself since we got together over a year ago, My fear was, like many others have posted, that the dumping of the PD chic would lead to some sort of FATAL ATTRACTION scenario. [fyi fatal attaction = a movie with DJ michael douglas... the bpd/pd woman breaks into the married DJ's house, tries to kill his wife with a butcher knife after she put the DJ's kids bunny into a pot of boiling water. It's a great reality check for those of you with bpd women. watch the movie if you don't know it].
HOW MUCH SHOULD YOU PREPARE FOR? THE ADVICE: from a therapist's mouth to this forum... and also mentioned in BPD books:
the ONLY objective evidence you have of what a PD / BPD MAY [and i mean MAY, this is not 100% definitive but is accurate gauge] do when she's been abandoned is what you know she has done in similar situations. im talking about what you KNOW about her history... im NOT saying what she has told you about her history, im saying what you KNOW about her history [PDs/BPDs are liars, just cause she said she didn't hurt somebody doesn't mean she didn't go after them after they broke up with her].
Clarifying: the evidence of what the bpd has done in the past when she has broken up or been abandoned is the ONLY measure of what is a possibility for you after you abandon her. It will separate her from the Fatal Attraction BPDs [or it might not..]
You don't have to be paranoid, as some posts suggest, JUST SMART. Just because PD/ BPDs have a potential for violent behavior [lorena bobbit who chopped of her hubby's penis is one example], doesn't mean they all do it. WHEN people in this forum say it varies from BPD to BPD or PD to PD, i got nervous about what my Pd/BPD would do when i left. Im not as nervous. why? i did this:
I anticipated what i was going to definetly [and possibly] deal with by MY ONLY EVIDENCE - what I learned about her history from knowing who she dated [she'll probably have told you this] and then you finding out what happened to the poor schmucks after the LTR ended between bpd/pd and them.
OBJECTIVE EVIDENCE about the past isn't what the pd/bpd told you. Its what you know to be true by your own senses or research. An EXAMPLE = after being with my pd/bpd for over a year and learning that she has had several LTRs in the past I realized i may not be in store for crazy fatal attraction scenario if i left her. I live 6 blocks away from her. It was a very real concern. BUT, since i i have met some of her old LTR - bfs in person and found out that those ex-LTR-bfs had new girls and moved on, i could safetly assume those guys still had their balls in tact and not chopped off.
Since most of the former guys remained in contact with her when she hit them up to make me jealous when i wwas the bad boyfriend, I assumed that she probably didn't send them to jail on fake allegations... otherwise these guys probably wouldn't talk to her at all [some would still be in jail if they were accused of rape or serious domestic abuse... look up the minimum sentencing guidelines for your area. yes im an attorney. yes you can find this info on google.]
NEXT: after finding out what she has NOT done in the past [cut off the balls or broke into a home and boiled a bunny]... find out what SHE HAS DONE...
Here is what i expect to happen to me, based on objective evidence:
MY bpd hb9 likes to keep her old guys around. She told me all the old guys were jerks and horrible men. If this sounds like your BPD then you have to accept [and i accept this] that no matter how good you are/were to her that you are going to be labeled just like all the other 'jerks' - whether you are one or not. I'm still an AFC working on DJ status; yes i already work out and can pick up girls but now im starting to spin multiple plates and its a serious 'commitment' [timewise]. BUT anyways, based on what i heard from her, I predict my BPD will talk trash about me to her new guys and her friends. I also predict, as this happened to me, that I will be contacted by my BPD when she has problems with her future victims. So I'm ready for a blow to the reputation. better than getting herpes cause she's so messed up she has to suck everything in sight just so she can feel good enough to deal with the fact that she grew up without a daddy. IMO, anger = good, if used to protect yourself and stay far away from the drama / bpd / pd, whatever you wanna call it.
After realizing that the past was my only indicator of what was to come, I felt comfortable enough and wanted to deal with the consequences. I rolled the dice, stopped contacting her. Started logging her calls. I recorded the conversation where I broke up with her to be sure to show if anything happened. I have a log of the abuse she did to me when we were together, JUST IN CASE. GOOD LUCK.
So, after dealing with a PD/ BPD chic for over a year now and finally going no contact on her two weeks ago, then slipping and going no contact again yesterday [she caught me drunk at 3:30 am and went down on me] i had struggled with the fear of 'what is she going to do if i dump her'. i really was concerned. Why be concerned?
First, hell hath no fury like a recently dumped normal woman. But BPDs are abandonment bruised already and can't deal with it. Since my giirl had hit me several times and cheated and threatened me and herself since we got together over a year ago, My fear was, like many others have posted, that the dumping of the PD chic would lead to some sort of FATAL ATTRACTION scenario. [fyi fatal attaction = a movie with DJ michael douglas... the bpd/pd woman breaks into the married DJ's house, tries to kill his wife with a butcher knife after she put the DJ's kids bunny into a pot of boiling water. It's a great reality check for those of you with bpd women. watch the movie if you don't know it].
HOW MUCH SHOULD YOU PREPARE FOR? THE ADVICE: from a therapist's mouth to this forum... and also mentioned in BPD books:
the ONLY objective evidence you have of what a PD / BPD MAY [and i mean MAY, this is not 100% definitive but is accurate gauge] do when she's been abandoned is what you know she has done in similar situations. im talking about what you KNOW about her history... im NOT saying what she has told you about her history, im saying what you KNOW about her history [PDs/BPDs are liars, just cause she said she didn't hurt somebody doesn't mean she didn't go after them after they broke up with her].
Clarifying: the evidence of what the bpd has done in the past when she has broken up or been abandoned is the ONLY measure of what is a possibility for you after you abandon her. It will separate her from the Fatal Attraction BPDs [or it might not..]
You don't have to be paranoid, as some posts suggest, JUST SMART. Just because PD/ BPDs have a potential for violent behavior [lorena bobbit who chopped of her hubby's penis is one example], doesn't mean they all do it. WHEN people in this forum say it varies from BPD to BPD or PD to PD, i got nervous about what my Pd/BPD would do when i left. Im not as nervous. why? i did this:
I anticipated what i was going to definetly [and possibly] deal with by MY ONLY EVIDENCE - what I learned about her history from knowing who she dated [she'll probably have told you this] and then you finding out what happened to the poor schmucks after the LTR ended between bpd/pd and them.
OBJECTIVE EVIDENCE about the past isn't what the pd/bpd told you. Its what you know to be true by your own senses or research. An EXAMPLE = after being with my pd/bpd for over a year and learning that she has had several LTRs in the past I realized i may not be in store for crazy fatal attraction scenario if i left her. I live 6 blocks away from her. It was a very real concern. BUT, since i i have met some of her old LTR - bfs in person and found out that those ex-LTR-bfs had new girls and moved on, i could safetly assume those guys still had their balls in tact and not chopped off.
Since most of the former guys remained in contact with her when she hit them up to make me jealous when i wwas the bad boyfriend, I assumed that she probably didn't send them to jail on fake allegations... otherwise these guys probably wouldn't talk to her at all [some would still be in jail if they were accused of rape or serious domestic abuse... look up the minimum sentencing guidelines for your area. yes im an attorney. yes you can find this info on google.]
NEXT: after finding out what she has NOT done in the past [cut off the balls or broke into a home and boiled a bunny]... find out what SHE HAS DONE...
Here is what i expect to happen to me, based on objective evidence:
MY bpd hb9 likes to keep her old guys around. She told me all the old guys were jerks and horrible men. If this sounds like your BPD then you have to accept [and i accept this] that no matter how good you are/were to her that you are going to be labeled just like all the other 'jerks' - whether you are one or not. I'm still an AFC working on DJ status; yes i already work out and can pick up girls but now im starting to spin multiple plates and its a serious 'commitment' [timewise]. BUT anyways, based on what i heard from her, I predict my BPD will talk trash about me to her new guys and her friends. I also predict, as this happened to me, that I will be contacted by my BPD when she has problems with her future victims. So I'm ready for a blow to the reputation. better than getting herpes cause she's so messed up she has to suck everything in sight just so she can feel good enough to deal with the fact that she grew up without a daddy. IMO, anger = good, if used to protect yourself and stay far away from the drama / bpd / pd, whatever you wanna call it.
After realizing that the past was my only indicator of what was to come, I felt comfortable enough and wanted to deal with the consequences. I rolled the dice, stopped contacting her. Started logging her calls. I recorded the conversation where I broke up with her to be sure to show if anything happened. I have a log of the abuse she did to me when we were together, JUST IN CASE. GOOD LUCK.