Will I ever be able to get there?

[\O/]

Hi. I have a feeling this is going to be a lenghty thread, but I'm feeling kinda down now. Been like this for a while and it's not going away...so i need all the help, advise and pep-talk I can get.

Background info:
I found this site a few months ago after hitting a record low in my life. I had been single for almost 7 months after my ex ended our LTR. I had a terrible case of one-itis and acted as AFC as humanly possible after the breakup. Worst period of my life. Heartbroken. I finally decided that one girl wasn't going to ruin my life and cut of all contact. Haven't spoken to her since. It's been 10 months now.
This site opened my eyes and I felt that anything was possible. You could actually LEARN how to attract women on a consistent basis? This was amazing info for me and i was determined to do whatever it took to get back my confidence and start improving my game until i was as good as I could get. I had never thought of success with hot girls as a skill that could be learnt. I had a new hobby. I read the bible day and night. Took notes. Bought E-books. Downloaded full seminars. I have the theory pretty much down. I get it.

So howcome I'm feeling down now?

Because i don't see results! I got more action when i was acting like a total afc. In the past I have always been good at kissclosing girls. Because i didn't care if i got rejected. I told her how hot she was, that she was beautiful. Great body etc. And it worked. I got to makeout with hot chicks and i have no clue why it worked. Because according to the theory it shouldn't have worked. I have kissed over 100 girls.. I have always had trouble f-closing girls, but now i have trouble doing both.

I have blamed my lack of success these months on the fact that I'm improving my inner-game for now. But I'm not. Not at all. I'm lazier than ever. I only improve inside my head. I think. I have it all figured out in my head.

This is why my life sucks now:

* I live at home. I have no privacy. I'm currently looking for an appartment and I will move one of these days, and i truly truly hope that will give me the fresh motivation i need. But I'm a student so it's also a matter of finances.

* I don't do anything with my days. I always sleep until late. I don't go to class. I'm failing some of my subjects. I watch tv. I play poker. I'm basically a slob ( this is partially due to the holiday, but i'm lazy all year long)

* I have an injury so I can't work out atm. This gives me less energy. I'm getting skinnier.

* Me and my friends don't really just "hang out" during the week. Only time we really get together is for beers at the pub or parties in the weekend. My closest friends are mostly AFC's and don't have many female friends. They just sit around at home like me and are slobs in their own apartments. My friends with gf's just stay home with them. Sometimes we play soccer together or go to the movies. But almost always alcohol is involved. I want this to change! I need to be more social during the week.

* Even though my mindset is DJ, I turn into a real chump when i drink alcohol. Lately I have been getting very drunk and this makes me act really stupid. I loose control of the situation and my game is horrible. This is something I'm currently working on..I need to handle alcohol better. It's becoming a too big part of my life.

All of these things make my days very boring and unexiting. I have no real agenda. There is actually no reason for me to wake up in the morning, so i don't. My family takes this very seriously and they always give me a hard time about it. This makes me feel very guilty and just makes me sad about the whole lifesituation. I should be in my primetime now. But the fact is, I'm bored and I'm lonely.


So..is this how it's going to be for me in the future? I don't have a life. Lets see..What do i have going for me in my life that is good? I'll list that aswell:


** I have a great family. A big one. Filled with lots of love and compassion. They are always there for me and they have raised me well. I'm smart, well-mannered and ambitious ( I actually am, though you wouldn't think so from reading this post..lol)

** I have almost finished my bachelor-degree in business. Although life as a student is pretty good, It will be great to finally earn money and work my way up in the businessworld!

** I have many friends and I socialize very easily. I know alot of people and even more people know me. I have good social proof most places i go to.

** I'll be moving out soon! This I hope will open a whole new world to me. I have to become more independent and I can invite girls over to hang out, make dinner, watch movies etc . I have dated some girls these last months, but I can't really do anything until i get my own place. But they are waiting for invitations..I have made preperations!

** I will keep on improving my game. I will not stop until i get good at this stuff. I have to stop getting drunk though, because that ****s it all up for me. Some of this DJ stuff i have naturally i think. That's how i got my LTR. I did all the stuff in the bible, also during the entire relationship. Thing is i didn't know the bible existed. I hope that's a good thing, but in the end alcohol ruined my relationship..or atleast what alcohol made me do

I sometimes see the light at the end of the tunnel, but right now i don't. I know i have alot going for me. Successful semi-wealthy family, decent looks, solid education, health, intelligence, good sense of humor and i have had some level of success with women in the past, so i can't be totally discouraged. I must have it in me somewhere. I'm getting pretty good at "vibing" with girls. I'm naturally ****y. I'm conveying myself as the catch and get the girls to qualify themselves. I'm beginning to see the big picture and how it's all connected. I hope that someday I will see the matrix. I sometimes come of as arrogant, that is a bit of a problem. My confidence is coming back slooowly, but it took a huge blow after this sucky year. Worst year of my life. I just feel like I'll never get that feeling of happiness that i had in my last relationship ever again. I just feel so empty. I feel needy. I feel like I deserve the smartest, hottest girl on the planet but they just don't see it. And I just want to tell everyone how ****ing great I am, and that is the exact opposite of what i should be doing. Maybe I'm just not patient enough to become the DJ i want to. Because until I get it, I will be miserable throughout the entire learning-process and it will become a vicious cycle.

I'm just ranting now i know, but I honestly don't know what to do. Because I try to improve. I try to be the best i can be. I know there is no shortcut to becoming a DJ, but I'm in a bad place right now. I just feel like my whole life is slipping away from me and that i will regret it for the rest of my life if I don't manage to pull my **** together. This is not supposed to be a thread where i just whine and feel sorry for myself. Because I know many people have it worse, but that doesn't help me at all. i feel like crap.

Please feel free to give me any advise you might have. Positive or negative. I wanna hear it all. Flame me if you like. I just need to get the **** on with my life before it slips away from me....

Thx.

\o/

 

[The Juan and only]

sosuave can be very addictive and often leads to over thinking things - too much theory and not enough real experience.

If you ask me, Seduction is 90% inner game (which is hard to improve without going out and actually practicing in real life)


..sorry if that isn't really relevant to your post. I just kinda skimmed it.

 

[\O/]

Originally posted by The Juan and only
sosuave can be very addictive and often leads to over thinking things - too much theory and not enough real experience.

If you ask me, Seduction is 90% inner game (which is hard to improve without going out and actually practicing in real life)


..sorry if that isn't really relevant to your post. I just kinda skimmed it.

It's all relevant. I know some of the info and tips on this site is contradicting eachother and that you have to find out for yourself what works best for you. I do go out and test all this in real life. Bit by bit. I field-test most of the stuff i learn and memorize. Techniques, routines, comments and negs. I love that part. But somewhere along the pickup i screw up. I think I come on too strong when i drink alcohol, and the exact opposite when i'm sober. I am very picky when it comes to women, so i often reject girls that make passes at me when I'm sober. When i'm drunk however, and horny..(cause i haven't been laid in 2 months) I will jump almost anything..And fail miserably. huge difference in behaviour. I have no boundries after I get smashed. It's not a very attractive quality....

I'm always working on my inner-game. It just gets kinda messed up when i think about being alone all the time. I know I'm a good person, and i know I will be successful in life. But I'm lazy! That's a huge problem. I'm lacking energy. I'm tired. I hate mornings. I can sleep 15 hours a day no problem. That's the problem. Even if i attract a girl, i feel like i will lose her as soon as she sees how my days are like. 'Cause they are not exiting at all. They are just fecking boring.

 

[JonJack]

Try to prepare yourself for a life without a woman by your side. This should then get you to focus on other things to occupy your time and entertain you. If you can't even do that, then girls are the least of your problems.

It's hard for anyone to tell you to do something meaningful with your time. I have no idea what you would find entertaining or enjoyable. I also have no idea how far you would be able to go with doing certain things. I could suggest so many different things for you to involve yourself with, but if you decide not to do them for whatever reasons you may have, my suggestions would mean little.

 

[\O/]

double post..

 

[SevenOne9]

Be glad that you're alive because you have the chance to change things for the better.

I know what you mean man, I've been there myself in my life.

We're all human afterall.

Every experience doesn't have to be negative, you've gotta see the positive...you gotta ask yourself, "What'd I learn?", "Why should I care if this happend, etc..", "Why should I be all emotional about it?"

When good things happen, crap always "stinks" around the corner.

There has to be a balance.

Kinda like, 2 steps foward, 1 step back.

Find the roots of your problem and cut them off (like how you mentioned them in your post).

You said being afc got you more women...why? I can tell you why... you appealed to their vanity (read or listen to the art of seduction if you haven't already...its gold.)

That's pretty much it...and don't let the matrix control you -- YOU are always in control.

 

[\O/]

Originally posted by JonJack
Try to prepare yourself for a life without a woman by your side. This should then get you to focus on other things to occupy your time and entertain you. If you can't even do that, then girls are the least of your problems.

It's hard for anyone to tell you to do something meaningful with your time. I have no idea what you would find entertaining or enjoyable. I also have no idea how far you would be able to go with doing certain things. I could suggest so many different things for you to involve yourself with, but if you decide not to do them for whatever reasons you may have, my suggestions would mean little.

I can't prepare myself for that. I've had a taste of how a great relationship can be like, and i want it again. Just not now. I want to be great with women so that when that day comes I will be able to get the one i want. But I don't want to be lonely either. I feel like if that part of my life got "fixed" everything else would fall into place. I know that sounds like the backwards way to do it, but that's what happened last time. I wan't miserable before i got a gf, because i didn't know what it would be like. But while in the relationship i got great grades. I was always in a super mood. I was extremely confident. I had to work hard NOT to mess around with other girls because i was taken. I was very social. I started to take on new hobbies. Played Golf. I managed to focus on alot of things because i din't feel the pressure. I didn't feel needy. I felt relaxed. Like i could accomplish anything. I've always felt like I will go far. Be great. Filthy rich, powerful and all of that stuff. I've always felt better than many people. I've looked down on certain people. People have often seen those traits as unhealthy, but i don't. I disagree. I think it's necessary to become great. I may have narsisisstic (spelling?) traits, or atleast i used to. I don't now. I used to have a superiority complex. Now i don't. I don't feel better than most people anymore. I feel average. And that's a terrible feeling. I want back the old me!
Amazing how much a one-itis can **** up ones innergame.
(Btw, it's not about HER at all. I don't have one-itis anymore. That's just what triggered it. I don't want anything to do with her now and I'm not at all interested)

 

[\O/]

Originally posted by SevenOne9
Find the roots of your problem and cut them off (like how you mentioned them in your post).

You said being afc got you more women...why? I can tell you why... you appealed to their vanity (read or listen to the art of seduction if you haven't already...its gold.)

That's pretty much it...and don't let the matrix control you -- YOU are always in control.

Thanks for the booster. It helps. I will definately control my drinking. I will ofcourse drink, cause i love to party, but there is no reason to get drunk. That's not even fun.

It was really interesting what you said about appealing to their vanity. I will read that book. Bacause after coming to this site and learning all this stuff, I hardly ever give out compliments anymore. I now think i have to reconsider that. In my afc days i always tried to make the compliments a bit out of the ordinary, like atleast commenting on something special when complimenting on their appearence. And it worked. Now i only compliment on personality-traits. No action from that yet. Maybe it makes me look like a wuss who's beating around the bush? heh that rhymed... Maybe it will create a stronger connection in the long run but not as much physical attraction then and there as the more direct approach? Must be a way to compliment her on looks and NOT look like you are placing her on a pedestal?

What's your view on compliments?

 

[SevenOne9]

Depends.

I wouldn't compliment a chick just for lookin' good or standing there... she already knows it and that's why guys hit on her...she doesn't need anymore validation.

I definitely wouldn't do it to a LSE (Low-Self Esteem) chick. LSE girls are a turn off -- drama queens...

I focus more on back-handed compiments...y'know 'negs'.

For example (although, i wouldn't call this a neg...more like displaying higher value --DHV)..., I was talkin' to some chick (who was clearly interested w/me) -- she mentioned somethin' about us being a "sideshow" and out of the blue I was like like, "Whoa, Whoa...whoa..Did you just call yourself a freak?" (yes, people -- you can steal that one if you want). Her jaw-dropped...and totally digged it. As I KNOW she is a 'freak'... Notice how I completely ignored the fact that she included me in her 'sideshow'... She tried to steal me to her frame and I totally reflected it back to her.

She still wants me, but I won't want her -- I just love teasing the f*ck outta her.

You gotta have fun w/it. I'm a fun guy because its who I am -- which also plays a huge part...knowing the type of person u are and what you are able to convey to the people around you.

I got promoted at my job because of my charm, hard work, and because of my confidence to do the job right.

Its my reality...as pook says "As you think, you shall become".

But anyways, it definitely depends on the type of female you're dealing with if they get w/the program or not.


EDIT: Funny thing is, I'm always positive, I smile and have the laid-back, don't give a flying f*ck attitude...

My boss told me, "Y'know what... It seems like no matter what happens, or when you know the tasks are stressful...you're always smilling and I can never figure out why"...and I replied, "Haha... Its because I have no reason to be negative".

 

[\O/]

Good one =) I also like negs. I use them alot. I'm actually more comfortable talking to hot girls then I am with average or uglies. I've always been scared that the not so greatlooking girls would be interested and start hitting on me. It makes me uncomfortable. Just as i assume hot girls feel when average guys hit on them.

I don't even compliment girls after I have already initated kino. I don't tell them i think they are hot before going for the kiss. My experience is that this makes it alot more difficult. It was easier when i "buttered" them up first and THEN went in for the kill. But now all i can think is that I don't wanna push her away by boosting her ego so she thinks she can do better and that I'm supplicating her. Am i just totally messed up? I don't wanna compliment her because i want to keep her guessing and i don't want to give away the power...The result is no action for me

 

[SevenOne9]

You have limiting beliefs man...

You're putting one belief ontop of what already worked.

Does that make sense?

You should mix it up... this is where field testing comes to play.

As my game is my own, and I've figured out what works for me...it'll be different for you.

YOU have to test these things out man...that's how you will establish the truth for you and weed out the lies.

A-Unit has an awesome post -- you should check this out http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=91499

 

[\O/]

Originally posted by SevenOne9
You have limiting beliefs man...

You're putting one belief ontop of what already worked.

Does that make sense?

You should mix it up... this is where field testing comes to play.

As my game is my own, and I've figured out what works for me...it'll be different for you.

YOU have to test these things out man...that's how you will establish the truth for you and weed out the lies.

You're right. I need to reframe. Trouble with all the information is that it's hard to seperate what works from what doesn't. Especially when you are mixing it up. If i get inconsistent results from various techniques, how can i know which is the way to go? It will just be the same as people going "I got lucky last night" without having a clue as to what they did right, so they won't be able to repeat successfully next time. I don't believe in luck when it comes to this. I'll try each approach 50 times and see if i can draw any conclusions from that. Thing is..i've been getting different responses from doing the same things in most parts of the game. Only thing so far that has been getting 100% positive responses is the ****y and funny attitude. Playing around with girls seems like it's rocksolid and universal.

Funny you should post that link to A-unit's thread, 'cause i was just reading it

 

[SevenOne9]

The reason why playin' around w/chicks work is because they're not in a friggin' pedestal... you're bringing them to your reality and appealing to their 'inner-child' (i think the middle part of the art of seduction talks about this -- i'm not sure)...

 

[JonJack]

Originally posted by \O/
I can't prepare myself for that. I've had a taste of how a great relationship can be like, and i want it again. Just not now. I want to be great with women so that when that day comes I will be able to get the one i want. But I don't want to be lonely either. I feel like if that part of my life got "fixed" everything else would fall into place. I know that sounds like the backwards way to do it, but that's what happened last time. I wan't miserable before i got a gf, because i didn't know what it would be like. But while in the relationship i got great grades. I was always in a super mood. I was extremely confident. I had to work hard NOT to mess around with other girls because i was taken. I was very social. I started to take on new hobbies. Played Golf. I managed to focus on alot of things because i din't feel the pressure. I didn't feel needy. I felt relaxed. Like i could accomplish anything. I've always felt like I will go far. Be great. Filthy rich, powerful and all of that stuff. I've always felt better than many people. I've looked down on certain people. People have often seen those traits as unhealthy, but i don't. I disagree. I think it's necessary to become great. I may have narsisisstic (spelling?) traits, or atleast i used to. I don't now. I used to have a superiority complex. Now i don't. I don't feel better than most people anymore. I feel average. And that's a terrible feeling. I want back the old me!
Amazing how much a one-itis can **** up ones innergame.
(Btw, it's not about HER at all. I don't have one-itis anymore. That's just what triggered it. I don't want anything to do with her now and I'm not at all interested)

The problem with making girls the 'end all' of all your problems is that you actually need one to be by your side for you to actually feel good about yourself. It's difficult to have an enjoyable and happy life when it's equally difficult to be with a girl that you like and for it to continue to be that way for many years. I'm not saying that it won't happen. I'm just saying that it seldom happens. Because of this, it's always best to be able to be happy and enjoy your life without a girl by your side. When you do get a girl, you'll then be happier.

I know how great it can be to have a girl. I also know how crap it can be when you lose one. I also know how great friends can be and I also know how much fun I can have doing the stuff that I enjoy. I don't need anyone to help me because if I can't do it for myself, I'm not living up to my own expectations.

Maybe the difference here is that I've decided not to rely on other people for my happiness. I want to be independant in this sense and therefore I have anticipated how to live my life without a girl. If you're a different sort of guy, it's perfectly fair. I'm only presenting you with my personal method of combating loneliness and unhappiness.

 

[SevenOne9]

Originally posted by JonJack
Maybe the difference here is that I've decided not to rely on other people for my happiness. I want to be independant in this sense and therefore I have anticipated how to live my life without a girl. If you're a different sort of guy, it's perfectly fair. I'm only presenting you with my personal method of combating loneliness and unhappiness.

That paragraph right there is also a great belief to have.

 

[NHY]

Hello

Well, personally you made more progress than I've ever had.... YET. But thats a different point entirely and I won't discuss here.

You say your a little down at the moment and that you lack a zest for life? I wouldn't worry about too much about it all. You see, we are all on our own journeys through life, its like our rollarcoaster ride designed for us and us only! Sometimes it has its ups and sometimes it has its downs. That is life, it has its good times and its bad times.

Also, you still seem to carry the ideal that your not ' complete ' without a women by your side? Here, for the longest times, i beleived that as well. For whats after happening? Personality change; I no longer care. Just because I've never had girl in my life, doesn't mean I can't be happy!

I reckon you should write down how you feel or something in a journal of some sorts, that might help. also, talking things over with a trusted friend might help as well.

Finally, take my little piece of advice from my sig;

Be who you want to be, don't let anyone say otherwise! Have no regrets, its YOUR journey of life, not anyone elses! Enjoy the ride!

Good Luck

 

[IS|Reinhart]

Ok too sleepy to try really hard to answer ur questions. but i'll start:

U still can work out even not doing heavy weight. but do atleast cardio and get the six pack. lower ur body fat % to 8.

finish ur school!

ur only 24! life is ahead of u!

I wish i could open ur skull and give u the "correct mind set" but i think this is impossible. Ok don focus too much on the girls! they are not priority of ur life! NO THEY ARE NOT! Work out get good grades. FKIN STOP WATCHING TV and hanging out with ur friends u have more drive then them. LEAVE those fkers. Increase value in urself, yeah its like selling when a car salesman tries to sell u a care if he is gona tell u a price right away u will be like "NO WAY!" but what they do is they show that this car is 400 HP, MP3 player, 6 speed and blah blah blah! U will buy it. so what does the sales person do he is increasing value of the car. U need to increase ur own value the same way. u should be like FKIN LOOK AT ME I'm working out! i'm fast, i'm smart finishing college I'm better than all of this AFCs in the bars and other places u will meet! And if u are not interested i just simply will move to my next female target and u will be lost FOREVER!

But still do no focus urself on girls. u are not getting laid so fking what use ur testosterone in a better way!

 

[\O/]

Thanks guys. Some great responses here.

JonJack:

I agree that you shouldn't rely your happiness upon having a girl. I have never done that before. But I need women in my life. It's an important part for me and even though i can probably be happy without one, I know I will be more happy WITH one. I don't want a LTR now. I just want to be able to attract and keep women in my close circle and have them in my life. I need to KNOW that I have the opportunity and possibility to eventually find a great girl. I also don't want to be lonely while improving the other aspects of my life until I become the person I want to be.

NHY:

I think it's a good idea to write down my "sticking points". This week I'll go out and buy some new clothes on the january sale, get a tan, start to work out small again and just do some superficial "moves" so that I'll boost my outer confidence a bit. Wintertime can really make you feel like ****. It sucks to go to sleep alone in a cold bed, when you know what it's like to have a warm female body next to you.

You're right. It IS my journey. I like the whole "you're in my world now" mentality. In the movie Boiler Room it's a scene that always inspire me to think I'm king of the world. That I can do anything. It's the part where Ben Affleck holds his "Act as if"-speech. "Act as if you are the ****ing president of this firm" "Act as if you have a 9 inch ****". I love this attitude, and everytime I go somewhere i try to get into that state. It does work and it makes me very confident.

IS|Reinhart:

About my arm..yeah i know. It actually is making exuses for myself. It's still lot of stuff I can do. I don't like doing too much cardio-training though, 'cause I think I'm too thin, so I'd rather bulk up.
About my friends..they are not really slobs. That is the wrong word. They are just not very social during the weekdays. That is partially because they are occupied with their education and also some of them are lazy too.. They are studying too become doctors, engineers, dentists and lawyers. So they are the kind of people i like. They just suck with women.

I'm still young. That's right. I look even younger. I use that to my advantage in my pursuit of younger girls. I will try to get my focus of girls. But when there is something you really want which you don't have, it's hard not to think about it. When I had a gf it never even occured to me that i would ever have trouble getting a hot, quality women. Because she was a bombshell and she was with me. She often told me she felt i was too good for her. That felt weird to me because she was much betterlooking than me. I hope I can find someone as hot in the end...hopefully based on my personality and behaviour and not just when i become successful and financially strong.

Thx for all replies.

 

[Maverick001]

\O/,

Like everything, it all starts with you and your perceptions. From that comes curiousity and the drive/desire to understand, followed by action and then finally experience. At the very end is debriefing or dissection if you will, where initial perceptions are weighed against the practical experience.

Course adjustments are made and you carry on towards the goal you`ve set. Nothing revelatory here.

Inner game requires that, as a first basis, you be at least comfortable with yourself. Then comes improving yourself and then appreciating and valuing yourself. At the end you become the prize.

Why do you become the prize? This automatically happens because you have a life that you`ve made for yourself, with good friends and strong relations with family, a promising career or business on the go, interesting and engaging hobbies, a regimen or routine of physical fitness and a healthy dose of spirituality or religion in your life too.

In my opinion, getting out there and working the DJ stuff WILL NOT improve your inner game. Taking time off from that and working on yourself will.

Will you ever be able to get there? Of course you will. The stirrings and rumblings of your current dissatisfaction at the present state of things is the first positive step. Take the next.

Just my 2 cents.

Cheers,
Mav