Wierd Thing Happened Today....

[DJDamage]

Today I was sitting in my office working on the computer at my new job which I got about a month ago.

I hear a knock on the door and this woman who seems a few years older then me, overweight and not my type introduced herself as Mary and ask me how do I like this job. The conversation went for about a minute and she left to do other things and I went back to my work. I have never spoken to her up until today nor have I noticed her, so I thought nothing of it.

About 45 mins later another overweight woman who I did not find attractive at all, came by to the office and introduced hereself as Beth and she told me she is dropping in a note for me and walked away.

I pick up the note and it said from Mary. In the note it says that Mary think of me as being really cute and that she wants to know what is my situation and whether or not if I am single so we can go out sometimes.

Now this has bothered me because:

1) I do not want to get involved with someone from work, I already learned my lesson. Now I need to find away to let her off easy.

2) Why does an overweight woman who is not very attractive is being so aggressive towards me from the get go? I never had that approach before where it was so fast and on the spot. I am a bit wary of a chick who I am not intrested in and never met up until today is interested in me so fast. I like to be the one who does approaches and when a chick does it, it seems wierd.

3) Now if an unattractive woman thinks that she can have a shot with me does that mean that she can sense the AFC in me? Most women who are attracted to someone tend to be nervous so if an unattractive woman who probably has low self esteem from constant rejection by attractive males shows full confidence in trying to pick me up what does that say about me?

Any advice would be highly apperciated.

 

[TonyTheTigerOI]

To address point 3:

She is just playing the #s game. It is a reflection on youre attractiveness, and that is all. You have in no way shown interest in her, and she doesnt care. That same note has found its way onto every attractive man's desk in the office.

 

[Disconnect]

Tell them to take a hike, but don't be rude about it - simply because you are new there, and they could give you sh1t for the remainder of your time there. Make friends instead of enemies.

 

[Wiesman44]

It really depends on her personality. Since you barely know her at all, its tough to say. Is she really assertive ? Does she have high motivation ? Very friendly ? Once you get those answers settled you will know.

On the otherhand, if she was intimidated by you, she wouldnt have doen this. Like if she thought you were very very good looking, she wouldnt have done it, b/c she'd think she has no chance. Same thing if you have a very good physique, a very dominating personality, etc.

In essence, its very possibly she has seen the AFC in you. But who knows

 

[penkitten]

i think she just has the hots for you big time and hopes that if she comes off aggressive she will "get " you.

stand firm on the fact that you dont mix work with dating.
let that be that.

 

[Kaine]

what does that say about me?

Your mindset should be::


"ha! again evidence that I am attractive to women"

NOT

"jeesus fat pogs think I'm easy".


You need to reframe situations more positively

I also get this at work, I just play with it.

And Penkitten is correct, you needn't be rude. Just state that you don't mix work with your personal life and leave it at that. State it assertively and neutrally.


Kaine

 

[DJDamage]

Your mindset should be::


"ha! again evidence that I am attractive to women"

NOT

"jeesus fat pogs think I'm easy".


You need to reframe situations more positively

Well Kaine its really hard to reframe that kinds of mindset. I know there are many areas of my life I want to improve and I can improve but it will take time. The reason I am more incline to think the latter about the "fat pogs think i'm easy" its because it tends be very difficult to get the attractive females.

An attractive female will be more critical on a guy like myself, the more attractive she is the more likely she will ignore me and seeks the best. That is what this game is all about: portraying your best qualities in order for you to succedd and attract the best mate. I never had a very attractive female be so blunt about hooking up with me - Usually I have to really work for it!

Therefore If there was an experiment where I acted aloof to both an unattractive female and attractive female, the unattractive female will find me attractive, while the attractive female will only find me attractive if I pass the physical test which is alot higher then the fat chick who is looking for any warm body.

I tend to be doing well with women who are about 6 in terms of looks. I guess if I had my mindset of viewing all women as average the more attractive females would be easier to talk too.

Petkitten was right that this woman has the hots for me and I will inform her that either I am attached or that I don't mix business with pleasure.

 

[alphawolfx]

just say what females say

"you seem nice but i don't think of you that way. sorry!"

 

[DJDamage]

"you seem nice but i don't think of you that way. sorry!"

Yeah Iv'e gotten those early on in my life. I think if it was in any other situation I could say that but since its work environment, you need to play the diplomat in order to prevent bitterness and akwardness that could spill onto the office environment.

To be blunt about it is really saying" I am not attracted to you because you are unattractive" - that will hurt anyone's ego.

I need to say something else like I appereciate what she wrote but I am seeing someone. This will ensure that her self esteem will still be intact and there will be normal relationship once again. Telling a chick the truth is like trying to diffuse a bomb, it might explode in your face if you are not careful.

 

[Mojo604]

Simple solution.

Say that you are taken.

 

[dookie]

Send a note back: "I'm single but you aren't what I'm looking for... hit me up if you have some good looking girlfriends."

Back in highschool, I used something similar because the girl put me on the spot (asking me to prom). The only thing that came to my mind was, "Sorry, but she isnt my type." Then she asks me "So... What is your type?" All I could do is say, Bie and walk away from the situation.

 

[WaterTiger]

Don't say "you aren't my type" or "I'm taken". Keep the personal oppinion stuff out of it. Simply tell her you don't date co-workers. Business is business and it has nothing to do with your personal life.

 

[sapphire]

Believe it or not there are unattractive women who are not intimidated by good looks or status and who will act much the same as a confident albeit unattractive guy who hits on a hot girl. I think it is just a reflection of her personality. There are aggressive and passive women.

I have had a fair number of women both attractive and unattractive hit on me so I don't think it is a reflection on you per se.

 

[ScrewIt]

unfortunately, thats how some overweight women are.

there's this 50 year old fat telemarketer where i work who i find annoying and is somewhat of an attention seeker.

Now there's a new co-worker here who's happily married.
If she could, she would take what she can get her grubby hands on. i can tell she wants get into his pants.... i can tell she'd be aggressive if she ever wanted.

for unattractive/overweight women, they have no place in the world. so they are forced to be aggressive

 

[Desdinova]

Just tell her you're already taken. She doesn't have to know who. If she starts asking too many questions about your supposed girlfriend, just tell her about your last girlfriend. It's cruel 5hit, but it'll help keep her off your back without her hating you.

 

[Royal Elite]

Originally posted by DJDamage
Well Kaine its really hard to reframe that kinds of mindset. I know there are many areas of my life I want to improve and I can improve but it will take time. The reason I am more incline to think the latter about the "fat pogs think i'm easy" its because it tends be very difficult to get the attractive females.

An attractive female will be more critical on a guy like myself, the more attractive she is the more likely she will ignore me and seeks the best. That is what this game is all about: portraying your best qualities in order for you to succedd and attract the best mate. I never had a very attractive female be so blunt about hooking up with me - Usually I have to really work for it!

Therefore If there was an experiment where I acted aloof to both an unattractive female and attractive female, the unattractive female will find me attractive, while the attractive female will only find me attractive if I pass the physical test which is alot higher then the fat chick who is looking for any warm body.

I tend to be doing well with women who are about 6 in terms of looks. I guess if I had my mindset of viewing all women as average the more attractive females would be easier to talk too.

Petkitten was right that this woman has the hots for me and I will inform her that either I am attached or that I don't mix business with pleasure.

This post clearly lets you know why some guys get all the women and some guys get little. Even though you are typing this, you are only typing your thoughts. Your thought pattern clearly shows you have little to no confidence and are putting out a lot of negative energy.

For every one here, when you ask what is confidence or why do girls like confidence, reread this post and post like this and ask yourself this this type of attitude seem attractive to you.

Your problem is that you need to change your attitude, you have a very negative attitude, and women, who are excellent when it comes to intution can feel this. This is where the statement "exuding confidence" comes from. Its an energy, which cause a feeling. All a woman knows is you don't make her feel comfortable.

You need to change your mindstate, and before you start to defend yourself reread the post you posted again, and it will be clear what you really think of yourself as opposed to what you think you think of yourself.

Start thinking more positively.

 

[jprjrjr]

This is classic!!!!!! I love how all the advice involves this guy pvssy footing around with this cow. If the situation were reversed ie..*Some fat guy hitting on a young cute chick*, she'd hit him with a sexual harssment suit so fast his head would spin.


Just goes to show, women hold the cards when it comes to political correctness....

 

[DJDamage]

This is classic!!!!!! I love how all the advice involves this guy pvssy footing around with this cow. If the situation were reversed ie..*Some fat guy hitting on a young cute chick*, she'd hit him with a sexual harssment suit so fast his head would spin.


Just goes to show, women hold the cards when it comes to political correctness....

Your right, there is no way around it when you are at work. If it was in a bar somewhere, I can tell her that she ain't my type. You try that in the workplace and you might get a different story.

Today for example another fat chick (yeah those fat chicks seem to move in herds) passed by my office and told me that how she already heard Iv'e been hit on in this place. Mary already told everyone in her section how she had send me the note and I did not do anything about it. In reality I am too buzy in the office then to find her and have a chit chat about it, nor do I want to. I actually saw her sitting down and I passed by and said hello to everyone, but it seems that she wanted to ignore me - looking a bit pissed that I did not have a "talk with her" about it.

Am I suppose to drop everything and have a chit chat with her?! I don't think so.