Why you shouldn't depend on a woman for your need to socialize

[SW15]

I actually live in the city part

That seems like a good thing for you. I don't understand why that specific run club is rich yuppie Millennials with kids. Rich yuppie Millennials with kids would be more likely to be in suburbs with good school districts.

City neighborhoods are more likely to be childless white collar workers if they are middle class + city neighborhoods.

 

[CornbreadFed]

It is more difficult for unattached men or men who have shorter relationships to have consistent male friends with married men or men in more serious unmarried LTRs.

You and @Gamisch are basically describing the disconnect between older single men and older married/post-divorced married men. Many bachelor men tend to develop traits that don't resonate well with others, especially after 30. The whole "my partner won't let me" excuse is a convenient cop-out because I even use it myself, lol. It's easy to just say, "My partner won't let me," and when they press you with "Why, bro?" you can simply say no. I recently had an issue with a single friend who saw I was tagged in a photo with a group of married friends. One of the women had brought her coworker and some friends, which included several single women. He got upset that I didn't invite him, and I was like, "Dude, nobody in this group wants a desperate guy showing up and hitting on anything that moves."

 

[CornbreadFed]

That seems like a good thing for you. I don't understand why that specific run club is rich yuppie Millennials with kids. Rich yuppie Millennials with kids would be more likely to be in suburbs with good school districts.

City neighborhoods are more likely to be childless white collar workers if they are middle class + city neighborhoods.

There are post-gentrification sections & old school neighborhoods of Houston where a lot of well-off yuppie millennials had kids and moved to because they didn't want to live in the suburbs. Most of the childless city parts are actually going to shvt because younger people aren't moving there anymore and they are becoming infested with homeless and crime.

 

[SW15]

You and @Gamisch are basically describing the disconnect between older single men and older married/post-divorced married men.

I agree with you that there is a disconnect between older, childless, never married single men and older married men. The lifestyles are quite different, especially if the married man has children.

There can also be a disconnect between an older, childless, never married single man and a divorced man. While both the divorced man and the never married man have the same marital status as single at the moment, they arrived at being single in different ways. The divorced man may also still have children under 18 as an obligation. There can even be a disconnect between a childless divorced man and a childless never married man due to some lifestyle differences, but that isn't as probable.

With the Millennials now being 30+, there are more older, childless single men. Even within Millennials, the older, never married often is challenged to fit into social circles.

Many bachelor men tend to develop traits that don't resonate well with others, especially after 30. The whole "my partner won't let me" excuse is a convenient cop-out because I even use it myself, lol. It's easy to just say, "My partner won't let me," and when they press you with "Why, bro?" you can simply say no.

My friend using "the wife won't let me" excuse for not playing tennis with me is a sign that he's a weak beta male. It is not a sign that I'm a toxic bachelor. For playing tennis, it should not matter than I am a toxic bachelor (I'm not). All that should matter for tennis is that we have a similar skill level. There is not much social conversation during a tennis match and rarely ever an opportunity to hit on women while playing tennis. In this specific case, both this friend and I are advanced level tennis players at the same general skill rating. While we are not Jannik Sinner and Carlos Alcaraz, we are strong tennis players.

I think your input here could be more relevant in general social settings than in a tennis match with limited conversation.

My friend has transformed from a skilled seducer with a triple digit notch count to a weak beta male. The transformation has been shocking. His beta male traits are toxic according to me. However, he is a likable human being and I would like to play tennis with him due to our similar skill level.

It's possible that I have some traits that don't resonate well with others as a 30+ never married and childless man.

I recently had an issue with a single friend who saw I was tagged in a photo with a group of married friends. One of the women had brought her coworker and some friends, which included several single women. He got upset that I didn't invite him, and I was like, "Dude, nobody in this group wants a desperate guy showing up and hitting on anything that moves."

That single male has every right to be extremely upset in that scenario. There was an opportunity for him to receive a social circle introduction and he was denied that opportunity. Social circle opportunities are quite valuable. It is easier to find an LTR through a social circle event than through random approaching or app swiping.

I see your point of view too depending on how he acts in front of single women. If he's more short term oriented and they aren't, that could cause issues. If he's well behaved and might be a good fit for someone in the circle, then there should have been an introduction.

There are post-gentrification sections & old school neighborhoods of Houston where a lot of well-off yuppie millennials had kids and moved to because they didn't want to live in the suburbs. Most of the childless city parts are actually going to shvt because younger people aren't moving there anymore and they are becoming infested with homeless and crime.

This isn't happening as much in Dallas because Dallas ISD has terrible schools. It would be difficult to buy a house in a lot of Dallas city limit neighborhoods and be zoned to good school districts for all schools between K and 12. It's possible in Dallas to be zoned to a good elementary school, but a weak middle school and high school. In that situation, it would be possible to go to a public school for elementary and then go to private school later on to avoid the weak middle and high school. Some yuppie Millennials might choose that path but I've seen few examples of it.

The more common move in metro Dallas is to move to a suburb once a couple marries/has kids to get better public school districts. There are numerous examples of couples forming in the childless neighborhoods near the center of Dallas and then moving to the Dallas suburbs after marriage or soon after the first child is born.

I would have thought childless city parts in Houston would be attracting childless transplants from elsewhere for the jobs in the region.

Hiring has been slow for new college grads and early career professionals lately since white collar has been in recession since 2023.

 

[CornbreadFed]

My friend using "the wife won't let me" excuse for not playing tennis with me is a sign that he's a weak beta male. It is not a sign that I'm a toxic bachelor. For playing tennis, it should not matter than I am a toxic bachelor (I'm not). All that should matter for tennis is that we have a similar skill level. There is not much social conversation during a tennis match and rarely ever an opportunity to hit on women while playing tennis. In this specific case, both this friend and I are advanced level tennis players at the same general skill rating. While we are not Novak Djokovic and Carlos Alcaraz, we are strong tennis players.

Sounds like there's some underlying disconnect because I play Tennis, and my dad is married to a fvcking Karen and even she lets him do it lol. Does the wife like you at all?

That single male has every right to be extremely upset in that scenario. There was an opportunity for him to receive a social circle introduction and he was denied that opportunity. Social circle opportunities are quite valuable. It is easier to find an LTR through a social circle event than through random approaching or app swiping.

I see your point of view too depending on how he acts in front of single women. If he's more short term oriented and they aren't, that could cause issues. If he's well behaved and might be a good fit for someone in the circle, then there should have been an introduction.

I’ve invited my single friends to similar events before, and it always ends with some girl feeling creeped out because she was just being "friendly," and they took it as an open invitation to bombard her. Unfortunately, single women have plenty of average men to choose from, so they typically don’t want to be bothered at events like this, unless, of course, you happen to have a 6'3" new-in-town Mr. Darcy in store for them.

 

[SW15]

Sounds like there's some underlying disconnect because I play Tennis, and my dad is married to a fvcking Karen and even she lets him do it lol.

I would be interested in knowing the story. It seems to me that he is a weak beta male.

Does the wife like you at all?

This is a good question. I've wondered the answer to this question. The answer is that I don't know.

They have been a couple of 10+ years and married nearly 5 years.

About 3-4 years ago, my friend mentioned to me that his wife had never expressed any sort of opinion on me. Considering that they had been a couple for about 7 years at that point, she had plenty of time to express an opinion.

Since that conversation, I have only seen her in person about 3-4 times. All interactions with her have been uneventful and neutral.

She has bipolar disorder and often acts strangely. I'm not sure if she was on her medicine or off of her medicine when these things happened. I've heard reports of her acting unhinged in real life and also seen some bizarre screenshots of text messages she has sent. It's possible that her bipolar disorder is affecting how he interacts with her. He might be worried about doing the slightest thing to set off her bipolar. She has taken medicines for her bipolar. I have seen the empty bipolar medicine containers at their home.

I’ve invited my single friends to similar events before, and it always ends with some girl feeling creeped out because she was just being "friendly," and they took it as an open invitation to bombard her.

I can imagine single men doing something like this.

single women have plenty of average men to choose from, so they typically don’t want to be bothered at events like this, unless, of course, you happen to have a 6'3" new-in-town Mr. Darcy in store for them.

Social circles are often hyped as the best way for average tier men to get attention and form relationships with women. There's a reason why an average tier man would get excited for meeting a woman through his social circle at a social circle event.

Single women have plenty of 6'0"+, fit/muscular men in their swipe queues/swipe app inboxes and in their social media DMs. That would give them less of an incentive to interact with an average tier man, even if they can get the in-person experience from him immediately and he is pre-screened by the social circle.