Why women are attracted to guys who are a "challenge"

[FatHairyM4F]

I've never been able to understand this. I just can't relate to it. Maybe is it just a woman thing? To want things that are challenging I mean? Maybe women like challenges and guys want things as easy and unchallenging as possible? Someone help me out?

 

[tony-montana]

yeah thats the weirdest sh!t. girls like it when you be mean and hard to get. why can't we just say how we feel and be mr nice guy? wouldn't that be great. that's just the way it is with them. like if you're nice you seem desperate or boring... that's just silly but hey, that's women.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Because most guys are too boring by being nice. They just overcompensate their lack of intrigue, and high quality personality by overdoing the nice guy $hit.

They rather be with a guy who's a challenge than with a bore-snore like a lot of men.

There is also a lot of guys who must get a challenge from women, they are called drama queens. They will get into relationships with high maintenance women and with women who bring a lot of drama. That is how they deal with their boredom. They also tend to get into a lot of drama themselves. They need a challenge.

 

[FutureSpartan]

The whole "Challenge game" IMO is overrated and a waste of time.

If you need to protect your ego and reassure yourself that you are the "prize" then by all means have fun NOT getting laid.

Don't be a pushover, but remember you're the MAN. You need to be aggressive, confident, and go after the girls you want. Trust me if the girl is interested in you, you don't need to be a challenge. Just get a good rapport going and then isolate.

 

[backbreaker]

okay

it's a little deeper than the respopnses that have been given.

Humans are a part of nature and part of eveolution requires the survial of the fittest.

I do not understand where this preconcieved notion that every guy was ment to have a girl in life, have 2 kids, a dog and live happily ever after. That "notion" is what drives most men insane and what drives alot of men to settle for medrocity.

In nature, even in our own history if you can look back a little father than the avg person is willing to, Men fight for the right to breed. In a pack of lions, it's not a group of guy friends going around humping other female lions... there is one male lion that has won the right to breed to the GROUP of female lions in the pack. the male lions who are not the group leader are forced out to fend on their own. Same with other species as well. It's just how it works. This guarantees the greatest chance of survival for the offspring.

it works the same with humans. Women don't just open their legs for anyone. You have to earn the right to breed so to speak. I have seen women, on more than one occussion, knowingly have sex with the same man, while other single men (AFCs) are at home to take their phone calls, about how much of a "jerk" the guy that just got done taking up the *** from is.

If I am not mistaken, Rollo said something like this and he hit it dead on, men who can't match up, use different tactics to get women, and that is usually apathy to convince the woman to have sex with him. This is nothing new, and has been going on for thousands of years. For every story about King Soloman, there are 10s if not 100s of guys who were there, to each one of his wifes, listening to them spout about how much of a jerk he is, letting the woman cry on their shoulders, hoping to see how "worthy" of a lover they really are.

I don't know about you, but I've been there.

But the funny thing is, the closer you are to who you really see yourself being, the more of a man you become and the more respect is given from you from the opposite sex.

This where being a challenge comes to play. it's not being a challenge for the sake of being a challenge, because that gets you nowhere. It's being the ****.

As of right now, I current sleep with on a constant/semi constant basis, 3 women. One about one time a week, one about one time every other week and the other it's to sporadic to pin down. one knows she is not the only one i sleep with, and still continues to see me. If the other two asks, I would tell them and I doubt they stop doing what they are doing. I'm in a position of power, they are not. Even if they did, I don't care.

that's what being a challenge is... not caring bout the outcome of an interaction with a woman. Not neg hitting for the sake of neg hitting. Not waiting 2 days to call because you are supposed to. Waiting 2 days to call because you are knee deep in some other ***** and cant' get to a phone.

One of the women I sleep with on a constant basis is what you would call a drama queen... BUT I let it effect me because I stay out of her business, even when she leaves an open invitation to go in it (stuff like leaving the phone phone on while she is sleep and letting me see her ex as a missed call, little stuff like that). I don't see her enough to let it be a problem. Drama queens are only a problem for femaine men with no backbone.

my last REAL GF, when I met her was and still IS a drama queen. she had just broken up with her BF of 5 years 5 months eariler and was still seeing him. She was torn on going on a first date with me and stood me up twice. She was a cutie, and had spunk, which I like so I gave her a last chance. instead of calling her an accepting her fake ass apology, I told her that I can honestly understand what she is going though, but just because i understand doesn't mean I condone it, and it's not my problem. She has one more chance, on x date... if you call cancel or stand me up, I won't call you again, simple as that. no hard feelings but it is what it is.

Not only did she come, she moved the date UP to the next day. She later told me if I didn't do that, she probably never would have came around. "guys never put their foot down to me", which is the case with most drama queens.. their hotness gives them a pass. Over the course of time, when we got serious, she had her moments, and when she did, I would leave and not excite her. i'm not one for wasting my engery on pointless crap like that.

 

[Poonani Maker]

I think being a challenge is about showing your authority (not to be disappointed) for her to know when to keep her distance (when she's stepped over the line and doesn't know her place). She'll never get to fully know your mind, only slivers of it are graciously bestowed to her. She must feel your power in her gut and that you feel your own power turning (honesty) back and forth in your gut. She must see your imaginery sword or light-saber and be respectfully fearful of it like a child. There must be things that she will not know and can never know. That's how she knows who she is.

 

[Badmannaz]

it's the same reason guys want girls who are challenging!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Good evolutionary breakdown there from backbreakeer so I wont go that route, but bear in mind that a women have a need for intrigue and drama. When you embody this emotion for them you become a challenge and the feeling she associates with the drama gets transfered to you.

Stop seeing this as a negative - you want a woman to associate you with the rush that comes from being a challenge, that's what keeps the fish on the hook. Women don't want to read the cliff notes of your life or the synopsis of your story from the inside cover of the book that is you. They want to read you a chapter at a time because they get off on NOT knowing what to expect.

Let a woman's imagination work in your favor; this is a very powerful DJ tool that far too many AFCs automatically think is counterintuitive. "Well if I'm not 100% honest and forthcoming with her I'll blow my chances" says the AFC and then wonders why he got LJBFed the day after his date.

As much as I hate to use Shrek as a metaphor, but, you need to be an onion. Women need to be rewarded by finding out about you layer by layer, tidbit by tidbit, that's what keeps their imaginations working. It's when you vomit out your life's story all over the restaurant table on the first date that there ceases to be anything left for her to figure out and you're LJBFed.

 

[ScrewIt]

It has something to do with being the prize. But in fact I believe it has more to do with the fact that the guy is truly a challenge because he has things going for him - ambitions/success/hobbies...and best of all for all she knows, the guy has his picking of the woman he wants to sleep with.

It's a psychological thing, if a woman believes that the guy has other woman chasing him she too will be intrigued and will want a piece of the cake. Besides who doesnt want to feel special, with the feeling that they 'earned' him/her for putting in the effort in doing the chasing - chasing the person who's genuinely focused on his life other than *****. which truly separates him from all the other guys clawing on her for a date.

And I think woman lack that. Most women lack ambition/hobbies/interests, they often give up easily especially when the going gets tough. In the end, i wouldnt be surprised why women behave in such a way to compensate for what they lack by looking for a challenging guy who's naturally busy. If women were born to be natural leaders they'd grow a pair of balls, unfortunately that didnt happen.

 

[mzilla2]

I'll add an economics analogy:

Scarcity creates value.

Things that are plentiful dont have as much relative value as those that are scarce or hard to come by... :crackup:

 

[sca_p]

Take a moment to think about all the books, movies, and tv shows depicting relationships. In romance-type stories, there is always some sort of struggle between the man and the woman. Of course, this is necessary in a plot because if there was no conflict, then nobody would bother reading it. However, after years of observing conflict-based romances in books and on tv, it's no wonder why many women equate "conflict" with "good relationship", and feel that if there is no drama in the relationship and everything is sailing smoothly that their relationship isn't clicking anymore. If the media portrayed relationships as devoid of drama with good communication from both parties, I bet that most women would seek relationships like that too.

 

[Serialized3]

It's a basic psychological principle: we value things that are more difficult to acquire than things that are easy to acquire.

 

[Snow Plowman]

You're different from all the other chodes...

Look at the really hot girls they always have guys drooling all over her, giving her attention, trying to pickup in these horrible ways. After awhile they get autopilot responses to blow guys out. It gets annoying day after day.

Think of yourself as a hb10 and for 15 years you have guys opening you every single day. Your hanging with your friends just eating and guys are yelling out comments. You walk in to get some food for your mother and guys are cat calling you.

It's like something you can never shut off because you got all these guys who want you and constantly try to get you.

An then there is a guy who is different. He doesn't even look at her. He just talks to her as a person and he isn't even trying to get in with her. He is trying to push her away. Her mind is thinking "WTF, a guy is pushing me away!? This is impossible every guy wants me."

It's also breaking rapport an causes sexual tension. Add that to a high value guy and when he uses the CLAW. Pretty deadly if you ask me.

 

[2_intense2]

> Why women are attracted to guys who are a challenge

its just more fun and it keeps things interesting, plain and simple. Its all about the chase..so when you finally get the guy there is sense of accomplishment (i.e ) you were able to overcome the challenge.

 

[FatHairyM4F]

It's a basic psychological principle: we value things that are more difficult to acquire than things that are easy to acquire.

Well I remember when this girl and I were dating last year. I still consider myself as never having a gf because she wasn't much of a "prize" so I don't count her. Basically I just kept her around because she was better than nothing. But anyway, she was really into me right from the start. It was either our 1st or 2nd date that she told me she loved me. I just wasn't anywhere near as into her as she was into me. There were other factors involved, but I think a big reason was because I'm such a loser, I figure any woman who would be that into me has to be pretty damn desperate. It's like that old Groucho Marx joke "I'd never belong to a club that would have someone like me as a member".

There was this other girl who was definitely the worst case of Oneitis in my life (I turn 34 next month), who told me basically that she only liked me as a friend, I wasn't her type, etc after I came out and told her I had romantic feelings for her. Well I started acting differently with her, like guys who I imagined she would find more exciting. And she did (it seemed to me anyway) start to find me more exciting, fun, etc. And when that happened I started losing interest in her.

And this pisses me off to admit this because it goes against everything I stand for, which is "if it takes anymore than a minimal effort on my part, just give up and do without. If it's not within my comfort zone, it's not worth it unless of course its something thats necessary for basic survival".

 

[Alphamale1821]

yeah backbreaker hit the nail pretty good. The thing about being a challenge is it's who you are, you give the women what you want when YOU want and not when she wants it. If a women wants a kiss and you don't then tell her "no". Women who are used to getting what they want from guys strive for something different and when they see this cool, confident, guy who is mysterious and isn't immediately trying to "game" her and instead goes for other girls and doesn't feel like he has to win her over her mind begins to race with thoughts. "I can't believe he told me no", "does he not think I’m attractive" "What I can't believe he just said that, I’m not fake" She soon realizes that she can't stop thinking about this guy and now she is intrigued with the fact that you treated her not like some princess but just a regular girl.

A perfect example of this is say you approach the group of ladies and theirs the 2 cute chicks and then the one hb10 Alpha female chick. Obviously most guys who want the hb10 immediately approach the group and start gaming her up. However if you were to approach the group be friendly with them all but turn your attention towards the other chicks more and show some disinterest in the hb10 her mind will go crazy and she will be attracted to you. The fact that you aren't trying to win her over and immediately game her up proves that you may be a challenge as opposed to the other guys who "always" hit on her and "always" do **** for her. She's attracted to this mysterious guy who is different and unique from the other hundred guys who shower her with attention.

 

[Alphamale1821]

And this pisses me off to admit this because it goes against everything I stand for, which is "if it takes anymore than a minimal effort on my part, just give up and do without. If it's not within my comfort zone, it's not worth it unless of course its something thats necessary for basic survival".

Dude how do you get enjoyment out of your life, just blending in letting life control you instead of you taking life by the horns and you control it. With this trend you are going to die alone and very lonely. May god bless yor soul.

 

[STR8UP]

my last REAL GF, when I met her was and still IS a drama queen. she had just broken up with her BF of 5 years 5 months eariler and was still seeing him. She was torn on going on a first date with me and stood me up twice. She was a cutie, and had spunk, which I like so I gave her a last chance. instead of calling her an accepting her fake ass apology, I told her that I can honestly understand what she is going though, but just because i understand doesn't mean I condone it, and it's not my problem. She has one more chance, on x date... if you call cancel or stand me up, I won't call you again, simple as that. no hard feelings but it is what it is.

Not only did she come, she moved the date UP to the next day. She later told me if I didn't do that, she probably never would have came around. "guys never put their foot down to me", which is the case with most drama queens.. their hotness gives them a pass.

I did something similar recently (told a chick she better not flake on me again), but she actually DID try to cancel on me. She texted her cancellation and I basically told her that it was nice knowing her, but I don't play that sh!t. It turned the situation around 180 and that night she tried to backtrack and keep our plans, but I ignored her attempts to salvage it, and didn't call her back for a couple of weeks. TOTALLY different attitude after I put her in her place and made her wait a couple of weeks for any more of my time.

That was a little off topic, back to the subject....

I agree with Rollo. Women NEED that chemical rush they get from being surrounded by a chaotic universe. Some more than other's mind you, but they are ALL emotion junkies that need to get a fix one way or another.

The drama queens are the ones who will stir sh!t up just to get their fix. Hell, even women I wouldn't consider to be drama queens will do this from time to time. A chick I was seeing awhile back stormed out on me a couple of times when she thought I was paying too much attention to other women. One time she told me the next day that had she known I WOULDN'T react to her outburst, she wouldn't have caused it. WTF??? That's chicks for ya.

So it all comes down to giving them the fuel for the fire they need to have burning in them at all times. Make yourself a challenge and you can keep the coals smoldering forever.

You know you are doing it right when a chick starts complaining about how you don't share anything about yourself with her.

I'm actually pretty good about holding the cards close at this stage in my life. I have gotten that comment from pretty much all the women I have been with over the past several years. It's not that hard....women LOVE to talk, so let them do what they do best!

 

[backbreaker]

I did something similar recently (told a chick she better not flake on me again), but she actually DID try to cancel on me. She texted her cancellation and I basically told her that it was nice knowing her, but I don't play that sh!t. It turned the situation around 180 and that night she tried to backtrack and keep our plans, but I ignored her attempts to salvage it, and didn't call her back for a couple of weeks. TOTALLY different attitude after I put her in her place and made her wait a couple of weeks for any more of my time.

That was a little off topic, back to the subject....

I agree with Rollo. Women NEED that chemical rush they get from being surrounded by a chaotic universe. Some more than other's mind you, but they are ALL emotion junkies that need to get a fix one way or another.

The drama queens are the ones who will stir sh!t up just to get their fix. Hell, even women I wouldn't consider to be drama queens will do this from time to time. A chick I was seeing awhile back stormed out on me a couple of times when she thought I was paying too much attention to other women. One time she told me the next day that had she known I WOULDN'T react to her outburst, she wouldn't have caused it. WTF??? That's chicks for ya.

So it all comes down to giving them the fuel for the fire they need to have burning in them at all times. Make yourself a challenge and you can keep the coals smoldering forever.

You know you are doing it right when a chick starts complaining about how you don't share anything about yourself with her.

I'm actually pretty good about holding the cards close at this stage in my life. I have gotten that comment from pretty much all the women I have been with over the past several years. It's not that hard....women LOVE to talk, so let them do what they do best!

\

hitting on that, before I did computers, I had a brief (and sucessful) stint selling cars. It's night and day selling a car to a woman.. not because women are stupid, actually women usually knew more about what they wanted then men.

You can't rationalize with most women. It's not because they aren't smart, it's because WOMEN AREN'T RATIONAL!!! THEY AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE!!

If a woman wants something, she wants it. My ex used to get a rush out of me not calling her for a week, then calling her at 2 in th morning and making her come and give me a BJ in the pouring rain. She got off knowing I wasn't all to her (before we actually dated). She got off on the approval I would give her if I came home and my house was sick and span and dinner was on the stove. She got off on the fact that she couldn't control me, and contrary to AFC's everywhere, loved when I took charge of her. She, like other women I have dated, longed to be a WOMAN. Under the thumb of a man. I would take her out to clubs/bars at night, and turn her loose, wouldn't talk to her the entire night, and Know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she wasn't going to take anything to far... not because I trusted her (I trusted her to be her), but because i knew she wouldn't risk it with me. And every night we would go out, there she would be, with 2-3 men clinging to her like lost souls, waiting for me with those puppy dog eyes and that coke bottle figure she had (i would turn her loose because i can dance and she can't nor tries to attempt to learn, plus she had female friends she would run into) happy as a punk in the pen

 

[backbreaker]

i take that back.. we actually would talk. she would find me and ask me what did I want to drink, and have guys buy her drinks and find me and give them to me. I would go out and sometimes not have to buy anything.