Why the Cold Approach is fundamental in the art of becoming a DJ

[Ricky]

Good post.

Guys I've redefined this for myself to make it less challenging.

Instead of it being called an approach now (just the word gets the heart racing for some of us), I take the much more laid back approach of talking to a girl just to meet her.

I can tell you this, some girls you talk to, they may be cute but a few minutes of talking with her and you realize that you aren't attracted to them. So I talk to the girl, if I like her and get interest back I go for a close.

So far this month I've met over 20 new woman that way. But I have only closed on 3. One denied me the other two gave me their info. What about the others? Many of them I didn't get to talk to long enough or didn't have interest on closing.

So I am becoming more social and this is a great thing.

 

[pimpfromdayone]

Yeah, that is basically how you have to do it... like you just want to talk to them, nothing more. As far as approaches go, I have never failed to get the # in the cases I still wanted it after talking to her.... you're right, some girls are just plain unattractive when it comes to personality, and it is just a shame when the girl is hot.

 

[HOSS83]

The best post I have read on this board.

 

[Jariel]

I disagree.

Cold approaching is the act of putting yourself out to try and pick up random strangers. Whichever way you look at it, it's an act of desperation. Some guys even dedicate most of the week to it, which shows their life is really lacking.

Personally, I believe the fundamental art in becoming a DJ is letting go of desperation and becoming content with yourself regardless of women.

 

[Q-Pid]

Originally posted by Jariel
Cold approaching is the act of putting yourself out to try and pick up random strangers.

Picking up women. Women are random strangers.

So you only pick up women you know? How's that working for you?

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by Q-Unit
So you only pick up women you know? How's that working for you?

Extremely well, but this is the only way that has worked out for me.

I've been involved with women who I've cold approached or who have cold approached me and they were drastic mistakes. If I'd spent more time getting to know them I would never have given them my number let alone taking them out.

 

[pimpfromdayone]

Cold approaches do kinda suck sometimes because it is based purely on looks. If she looks good, you approach, but that's a big mistake sometimes. You have to go through many girls before finding one that is not a bit-ch, boring, or an attention wh-ore. Going for people you know, at least you know what you're in for. So much effort can be wasted on a girl just because you thought she was hot.

 

[DJ_in_making]

I'm with this post 100%. cold approaches seem to be the most important and even underrated part....

 

[Bradshaw]

Most of the guys who do not agree with cold approaches are guys who tried once or twice, and failed.

I think Mystery said it best: Your first 1000 approaches don't even count.


To me, cold approaches are very similar to public speaking. At first you feel anxiety and dread them. However, if you get skilled enough, you actually look forward to them. In my program at school, I had to give numerous presentations. At first they sucked. I was nervous. However, something interesting happened...


I got over the anxiety.

Now, I look forward to them. I get compliments from other students on the quality of my presentation skills. If we have a group project at school, I volunteer to do the bulk of the presentation. I enjoy it.


Take my word for it: Once you get over the initial anxiety (fist 10 -20 approaches for me), you will love cold approaches. Do whatever you can to get over this initial anxiety.
Start here if you have to:
http://www.anxietynetwork.com.au/Treatment/Exposure Therapy/treatment.htm


You have no idea what you are missing out on. Cold approaches are fun. Meeting new women is fun. Variety in women is the spice of life.

 

[Cheat_LBJ]

Originally posted by Bradshaw

You have no idea what you are missing out on. Cold approaches are fun. Meeting new women is fun. Variety in women is the spice of life.

Unless you're better than a 7 on the "attractive-o-meter" scale (out of 10) and with no physical characteristics outside of the socially acceptable norm, the only thing you're missing out on is a lot of awkward moments.

Cold Approaches are great for people who fit the mold of what women are looking for in terms of physical attractiveness. That's a baseline test for all women the same as it is for all men: if you don't pass the "attractiveness test," her eyes are wandering before you even get a hello out.

You can still be a DJ without cold appraoching; you've just to tailor your game to situations where you have a better chances of success.

Of course, there's always the great equalizer of alcohol...

 

[GropeDope]

"Finding a girl is like playing slot machines. You put in enough quarters and eventually you're gonna get one."

 

[Ricky]

There is no such thing as a cold approach. There is the art of being social.

I don''t close for emails or numbers on a girl if I don't feel it. I am judging her based on her personality and attractiveness.

I go to say hello.

Yes I have now been attacked by one drunk jackass for talking to his gf and one girl was nasty "She's married and I'm not available" I promptly told them that I wasn't hitting on them, and surely wouldn't ever now since they have such ****ty attitudes.

 

[Ricky]

Another word on it

Make it look like it isn't an approach. Friendly convo rules the day and if possible be in her vicinity instead of physically walking up to her. These tips make a huge difference!

 

[ikkenai]

Cold approaching is the act of putting yourself out to try and pick up random strangers. Whichever way you look at it, it's an act of desperation. Some guys even dedicate most of the week to it, which shows their life is really lacking.

What in god's name are you talking about? Since school has started, I've been approaching like a madman. What's wrong with it? I get a few numbers, get more confidence, work on my routines and social skills, and see where my game is lacking. I fail to see what's wrong with that.

 

[ikkenai]

Originally posted by Cheat_LBJ
Unless you're better than a 7 on the "attractive-o-meter" scale (out of 10) and with no physical characteristics outside of the socially acceptable norm, the only thing you're missing out on is a lot of awkward moments.

What's awkward? You find an opening, you strut up, calibrate her, and close. The majority of cold approaches I've done have been interactions lasting less than five minutes. Either you like her, and get the #, or see disinterest, and exit. The only potential for deliciously awkward silence would be you trying to get push through a convo while intentionally ignoring the fact that you've said something dumb, or boring or she's busy, or in a hurry, or disinterested, or whatever.

I mean, unless you've walked up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder, she AT LEAST had interest enough to make eye contact or whatever, right? What can go wrong? Either it works or it doesn't, and the more you do it, the more it works. It's win-win, man.

Originally posted by Cheat_LBJ
Cold Approaches are great for people who fit the mold of what women are looking for in terms of physical attractiveness. That's a baseline test for all women the same as it is for all men: if you don't pass the "attractiveness test," her eyes are wandering before you even get a hello out.

Oh god, the endless argument of looks do/don't matter. Only a man with no skills whatsoever think that looks are the only factor that will make or break your success with a cold approach, or women in general.

Originally posted by Cheat_LBJ
You can still be a DJ without cold appraoching

True

Originally posted by Cheat_LBJ
you've just to tailor your game to situations where you have a better chances of success.

And how are you going to have the experience necessary to calibrate girls, or to alter your game in such a way that it'll be more effective on the target? Practise, perhaps? How are you going to get that?

I approach every day, and each one improves my game. I really don't see any way around approaching in order to get this experience. Practise makes perfect...

 

[ikkenai]

Originally posted by Ricky
Another word on it

Make it look like it isn't an approach. Friendly convo rules the day and if possible be in her vicinity instead of physically walking up to her. These tips make a huge difference!

I've been thinking a lot about this, and I think it works either way... women can smell your agenda, of course, but that's not always a bad thing. If it's an "alright" girl, and the opportunity is there, I don't care if she knows there's one thing on my mind. "Look, I'm seeking for a romantic partner, but I'm not desparate, so are you interested in hooking up?"

I mean, you're not sparking coversation with a girl passing you in the hallway for the wonderful opportunity of her friendship. She knows it, you know it, why mask it?

I think it's a more a matter of how strong you come on... hotter girls will be more snotty and choosy, so I guess you have to be more relaxed about it. A girl that you know you can pull within a few minutes? Just go in for the number.