Article: They’re not “trying to get laid”
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I’ve been trying hard to get better with women for the past ten years.
Throughout that journey, I’ve met guys who were nothing but rockstars, and on the other hand, guys who’re totally terrible with women.
The successful guys were so good with the ladies that it sometimes seemed like they simply attracted them into their lives. They had this kind of effortless feel about them. It “just happened” for them.
After getting rejected by hundreds of women (I wrote a free ebook about what I learned here), I realized the common principles behind their success.
1. They make things happen: they pursue women with an assertive mindset
Part of the reason only a small percentage of men usually get laid is simply because they take action.
That’s it. The other 80–90%% of men barely do anything to get women into their lives. They don’t go out and approach women in bars, pubs, etc.
They’ll rather sit at home with Tinder open, asking “why don’t I get matches??”
You can definitely meet great women on apps, but it can’t substitute real-life experience if you ask me. You can’t develop actual skills and confidence while sitting behind a screen, swiping left and right.
You want great women in your life? Go out there and make it happen. Don’t wait for anything or anyone and go get what you want.
Successful guys also make an effort to court the women they meet.
They don’t give up after one or two attempts. They realize that sometimes, you need to be consistent to get into a woman’s life. You can’t walk away after one or two attempts saying “she doesn’t want me” or “It didn’t work out”. Approach her again. Ask her out again.
Not only it’ll get you more women, but it’ll also help you develop a tremendous amount of self-respect. Even if you don’t get the girl,
you know that you didn’t give up easily, and there’s nothing else you could do about it.
2. They don’t rely on “methods”; they’re emotionally intelligent
This is a big one.
I have friends that are very good with women, who you can consider “bums” (no “real job”, no career path, no plans for the future).
But they aren’t idiots. Part of what makes them so successful is that they appreciate women and make them feel comfortable. They know that comfort is everything. They can feel what’s going on with the girl they’re with and act accordingly.
In other words, they’re emotionally intelligent.
Now here’s the thing. You got lots of smart guys out there. However, they rarely make any moves and thus rarely fail, so their “instincts” never sharpen.
To develop that emotional intelligence, you need to act. You have to go out there and make things happen. This is the only way to truly understand what works for you.
You’ll make mistakes that’ll help you realize, “ha, ok, that was too much. I should be more aware of this next time.” Or maybe a penny drops, and you realize you should do more instead of less in some situations.
Ditch the methods and go for the real thing. Go in as the real you. No masks. No tricks, routines, or any of that ****. Let yourself feel the situation and work with what you have.
3. They’re not “trying to get laid”
Once I stopped trying so hard to get laid, everything changed for me.
I shifted all my attention to the girl I was with instead of my desires.
When a guy comes in with the specific goal of getting laid, women feel that vibe. And it comes off as needy or even desperate.
Men who’re successful with women go out and do their best to meet new people. But they don’t have to prove themselves anything. They go out with a girl because they want to be around her, not because they need to.
Even if you do feel like you “need” that woman, that’s totally natural. Bit by bit, you can shift your attention outwards instead of inwards. Your sole purpose should be going out with a girl and giving her a good time. That’s it. Let go of the idea of SeX for a while and just go out with her.
Soon you’ll realize SeX is just a by-product of two people having fun and feeling comfortable with each other.
4. Their mindset shifted from scarcity to abundance
Guys who get laid don’t analyze every move they make with a girl.
They have this carefree vibe around them. They know that if they don’t get laid today, it’ll happen next week. Or two weeks from now.
Or two months from now. It doesn’t really matter- it’s only a matter of time.
At some point, you become “enlightened” and realize you can never know where or when you’re going to meet a new woman. It can happen in a bar. It can happen in the apps. You can go out with the girl next door. You can meet a new girl through friends in class, work, or even on the bus or bank.
Life is dynamic, and you can never tell what’s about to happen.
It’s so easy to get pulled into a scarcity mindset sometimes. I’ve had a period in life where I felt terrible not only regarding women but regarding money as well. I was worried about my future and wasn’t sure what to do with my life.
But as hard as it was, I kept taking action, dealing with my issues through therapy and believed better days would come. Eventually, I could step out of a scarcity mindset into a more abundant one.
5. They take care of themselves
Successful men take good care of their emotional and physical health.
They know it’ll make them feel, think, and look better. Many men don’t put a lot of time into what they wear. They don’t put in the effort to get in shape. Their mental and emotional issues are a constant they accepted for life.
If you want to attract people into your lives, “quality people”, you’ll have to work on how you present yourself. You’ll have to work on the way you feel about yourself. You’ll have to work on improving that product called “you”.
People are very sensitive to other people’s energy, whether conscious or not. If YOU don’t feel good about yourself, how can others feel good about you.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, every man creates his own island. As I see it, a man’s job is to build an island he’s proud of. An island that he and other people he likes can enjoy. Guys who get laid often know it’s their job to go out and get what they want. They take full responsibility and “optimize” their lives in a way that lets them enjoy success.
--------------------
Thoughts?
----------------------------------------------
I’ve been trying hard to get better with women for the past ten years.
Throughout that journey, I’ve met guys who were nothing but rockstars, and on the other hand, guys who’re totally terrible with women.
The successful guys were so good with the ladies that it sometimes seemed like they simply attracted them into their lives. They had this kind of effortless feel about them. It “just happened” for them.
After getting rejected by hundreds of women (I wrote a free ebook about what I learned here), I realized the common principles behind their success.
1. They make things happen: they pursue women with an assertive mindset
Part of the reason only a small percentage of men usually get laid is simply because they take action.
That’s it. The other 80–90%% of men barely do anything to get women into their lives. They don’t go out and approach women in bars, pubs, etc.
They’ll rather sit at home with Tinder open, asking “why don’t I get matches??”
You can definitely meet great women on apps, but it can’t substitute real-life experience if you ask me. You can’t develop actual skills and confidence while sitting behind a screen, swiping left and right.
You want great women in your life? Go out there and make it happen. Don’t wait for anything or anyone and go get what you want.
Successful guys also make an effort to court the women they meet.
They don’t give up after one or two attempts. They realize that sometimes, you need to be consistent to get into a woman’s life. You can’t walk away after one or two attempts saying “she doesn’t want me” or “It didn’t work out”. Approach her again. Ask her out again.
Not only it’ll get you more women, but it’ll also help you develop a tremendous amount of self-respect. Even if you don’t get the girl,
you know that you didn’t give up easily, and there’s nothing else you could do about it.
2. They don’t rely on “methods”; they’re emotionally intelligent
This is a big one.
I have friends that are very good with women, who you can consider “bums” (no “real job”, no career path, no plans for the future).
But they aren’t idiots. Part of what makes them so successful is that they appreciate women and make them feel comfortable. They know that comfort is everything. They can feel what’s going on with the girl they’re with and act accordingly.
In other words, they’re emotionally intelligent.
Now here’s the thing. You got lots of smart guys out there. However, they rarely make any moves and thus rarely fail, so their “instincts” never sharpen.
To develop that emotional intelligence, you need to act. You have to go out there and make things happen. This is the only way to truly understand what works for you.
You’ll make mistakes that’ll help you realize, “ha, ok, that was too much. I should be more aware of this next time.” Or maybe a penny drops, and you realize you should do more instead of less in some situations.
Ditch the methods and go for the real thing. Go in as the real you. No masks. No tricks, routines, or any of that ****. Let yourself feel the situation and work with what you have.
3. They’re not “trying to get laid”
Once I stopped trying so hard to get laid, everything changed for me.
I shifted all my attention to the girl I was with instead of my desires.
When a guy comes in with the specific goal of getting laid, women feel that vibe. And it comes off as needy or even desperate.
Men who’re successful with women go out and do their best to meet new people. But they don’t have to prove themselves anything. They go out with a girl because they want to be around her, not because they need to.
Even if you do feel like you “need” that woman, that’s totally natural. Bit by bit, you can shift your attention outwards instead of inwards. Your sole purpose should be going out with a girl and giving her a good time. That’s it. Let go of the idea of SeX for a while and just go out with her.
Soon you’ll realize SeX is just a by-product of two people having fun and feeling comfortable with each other.
4. Their mindset shifted from scarcity to abundance
Guys who get laid don’t analyze every move they make with a girl.
They have this carefree vibe around them. They know that if they don’t get laid today, it’ll happen next week. Or two weeks from now.
Or two months from now. It doesn’t really matter- it’s only a matter of time.
At some point, you become “enlightened” and realize you can never know where or when you’re going to meet a new woman. It can happen in a bar. It can happen in the apps. You can go out with the girl next door. You can meet a new girl through friends in class, work, or even on the bus or bank.
Life is dynamic, and you can never tell what’s about to happen.
It’s so easy to get pulled into a scarcity mindset sometimes. I’ve had a period in life where I felt terrible not only regarding women but regarding money as well. I was worried about my future and wasn’t sure what to do with my life.
But as hard as it was, I kept taking action, dealing with my issues through therapy and believed better days would come. Eventually, I could step out of a scarcity mindset into a more abundant one.
5. They take care of themselves
Successful men take good care of their emotional and physical health.
They know it’ll make them feel, think, and look better. Many men don’t put a lot of time into what they wear. They don’t put in the effort to get in shape. Their mental and emotional issues are a constant they accepted for life.
If you want to attract people into your lives, “quality people”, you’ll have to work on how you present yourself. You’ll have to work on the way you feel about yourself. You’ll have to work on improving that product called “you”.
People are very sensitive to other people’s energy, whether conscious or not. If YOU don’t feel good about yourself, how can others feel good about you.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, every man creates his own island. As I see it, a man’s job is to build an island he’s proud of. An island that he and other people he likes can enjoy. Guys who get laid often know it’s their job to go out and get what they want. They take full responsibility and “optimize” their lives in a way that lets them enjoy success.
--------------------
Thoughts?
.
