Why social circle game is a poor alternative to cold approach.

Jesse Pinkman

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Lately, there has been a movement going on where a lot of guys have hyped up "social circle game" or "expanding your social circle" in order to meet women. While this would be okay in theory, it is being promoted as an alternative to cold approach by guys and especially by coaches trying to sell a product. As someone who has tasted both social circle game success and cold approach success in his life, I am here to talk about why social circle game is a poor alternative to cold approach.

There is nothing wrong with having a "social circle" for the sake of friendships.

If you like people and like to make friends, then go ahead. I encourage men to get social circles and make friends outside of game. In fact, I encourage guys to not just use women for sex but if the sex and chemistry was good, feel free to call her and her friends to cool events in town you may know. You can meet a lot of cool people this way, some of her friends might like you and stay in touch in case things don't work out between you two, and you can explore a lot of cool places together. Have a social circle for the sake of friendships and fun, it's just that when you do it to escape from cold approach to meet women, it goes poorly.

The reality about "social circle game" in the context of meeting women.

Guys believe that they can show up to the right "social circle" and meet hot girls who will just be clamoring for them. There are quite a few flaws with this way of thinking. One is that most guys out there who have access to hot girls are not going to let just any random dude into their parties. The other issue is that even if they did, women don't magically become nicer to you because you happen to know the same people they do. Quite a few attractive women could care less if you are friends with someone they also happen to know unless that someone can get them ahead in something like a modeling career or get them more clout.

We are not talking about any plain ole social circle here, we are talking about one which is likely to have a lot of hot girls in it. Just getting into said social circle is not going to do that much for you. You heard me right, a lot of hot girls are b*tches to many guys in their social circle as well.

So what kinds of guys actually kill it with social circle game?

You might ask, what kinds of guys are usually killing it with social circle game? The first ones, very rare, are those who are quite high status. Think someone with connections to celebrities, someone with a yacht, or someone who runs a modeling contest. These kinds of men are relatively rare. What about the rest of the men killing it?

It is guys that don't need it because they are so good at getting women from other avenues like online dating and cold approach. I have seen it so much to where the guys who are desired by women in a given social circle are the same guys who have no commitment to that social circle. They do cold approach, they do it well, and they get matches from online dating. These guys will even show up to brunch or a night event with a date not from that social circle. The women in it will then get curious about the guy and if he is not committed, want to get with him.

Most guys in social circles if they are not tied down are often desperately fighting for the girls in it. They might luck out here and there but soon, they get the creepy reputation, people stop calling them to events, and they ousted from the social circle. These guys have to rely on the social circle for their source of women and sex.

The men who are doing well with social circle game don't even need the social circle, they are getting girls from cold approach, online, and other avenues and social circle is just one other avenue for them. The women in the circle want them because they are wondering how this guy gets girls from outside of the circle.

So is social circle game a nice to have? Yes but it is not an alternative to guys that suck with women.
 

zekko

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So is social circle game a nice to have? Yes but it is not an alternative to guys that suck with women.
When I think of social circle, I don't think of a small group of friends that hang out together, like on Seinfeld for example - oh, maybe I'll date Elaine this month. I see it more of a large group of people that you know, and maybe they know some other people, and they know other people, and on and on, and if you are proactive about getting together and going to parties, then you get to encounter a lot of people that you don't know in the course of a month.

That's what I did when I was younger. I've talked about how I was shy growing up, and I put a lot of intentional effort into building up my social skills over the years, by taking almost every opportunity that came up to be social and attend parties and whatnot. My generation probably had more parties because we didn't have social media. But there would be huge parties sometimes, and you could meet tons of people at one party that you didn't know before if you applied yourself. When I think about using social circle to meet women, that's the kind of thing I think of. And you get social proof because you're friends with whoever.

But we would still go out and cold approach too. No sense in limiting your methods.
 

tksniper

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I have a friend who has his own non profit art company. Every time he invites me to an event, no matter how boring I think it is (art show, poetry reading, yoga class, etc) there’s loads of hot women. During the Super Bowl I hooked up with a hot chick that was at his party. And he didn’t even know her. It was like a conglomeration of many social circles hanging out. This is what people mean when they say social circle game.

They don’t mean your world of Warcraft buddies. Any guy that I know that either works in a female dominated field or have female dominated hobbies always seem to have access to alot of women. So perhaps the problem is you don’t have hobbies or know guys who have female dominated hobbies like the arts or something.
 

Jesse Pinkman

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I have a friend who has his own non profit art company. Every time he invites me to an event, no matter how boring I think it is (art show, poetry reading, yoga class, etc) there’s loads of hot women. During the Super Bowl I hooked up with a hot chick that was at his party. And he didn’t even know her. It was like a conglomeration of many social circles hanging out. This is what people mean when they say social circle game.

They don’t mean your world of Warcraft buddies.
First of all, lose the disrespectful tone if you are trying to debate someone. No one said videogames or Warcraft buddies here but let's break down your stance.

1. He OWNS a non profit art company. Again, how many guys are going to do that? How many guys are going to start a business or something of the sort that exclusively appeals to attractive women? Moreover, how many guys are going to be friends with someone like that? It is just not practical at all.

2. For the event you proposed of many circles hanging out, it doesn't happen every day or even every week. I know because I have been a part of such events and even the typical boat party is random and might happen on some weekend or some special occasion. Outside of that, it just does not happen that often. Meanwhile, you can cold approach a woman every day if you wanted to.
 

NealIRC

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The thing about cold approaching girls is - girls typically don't go out on their own solo, they typically go out in groups. Making this more of the same thing, except you're solo rather than with a group.
 

Jesse Pinkman

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When I think of social circle, I don't think of a small group of friends that hang out together, like on Seinfeld for example - oh, maybe I'll date Elaine this month. I see it more of a large group of people that you know, and maybe they know some other people, and they know other people, and on and on, and if you are proactive about getting together and going to parties, then you get to encounter a lot of people that you don't know in the course of a month.

That's what I did when I was younger. I've talked about how I was shy growing up, and I put a lot of intentional effort into building up my social skills over the years, by taking almost every opportunity that came up to be social and attend parties and whatnot. My generation probably had more parties because we didn't have social media. But there would be huge parties sometimes, and you could meet tons of people at one party that you didn't know before if you applied yourself. When I think about using social circle to meet women, that's the kind of thing I think of. And you get social proof because you're friends with whoever.

But we would still go out and cold approach too. No sense in limiting your methods.
I get what you are saying and liked your post because you said that you can cold approach too. However, as I said to the previous guy, those events are not every day. You can cold approach often.

I agree, it should be about incorporating social circle and cold approach along with online dating.
 

tksniper

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First of all, lose the disrespectful tone if you are trying to debate someone. No one said videogames or Warcraft buddies here but let's break down your stance.

1. He OWNS a non profit art company. Again, how many guys are going to do that? How many guys are going to start a business or something of the sort that exclusively appeals to attractive women? Moreover, how many guys are going to be friends with someone like that? It is just not practical at all.

2. For the event you proposed of many circles hanging out, it doesn't happen every day or even every week. I know because I have been a part of such events and even the typical boat party is random and might happen on some weekend or some special occasion. Outside of that, it just does not happen that often. Meanwhile, you can cold approach a woman every day if you wanted to.
if I had a choice between spending the weekend with my artistic guy friends (who always seem to know a lot of women) as opposed to my pickup buddies (I know both), I would always choose my artistic guy friends. They simply have more access and activities where women show up and are built into the environment , whereas with my pickup buddies the activity is usually let’s go out and find women.

This is not a debate, simply my experience. I did the pickup thing for years. And this is probably the 100th post I’ve seen about cold approach vs social circle. There’s nothing new under the sun. Ideally you want a lifestyle that has alot of women in it and have the courage to break the ice with random women. This whole cold approach vs social circle debate is pretty silly.
 

Jesse Pinkman

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if I had a choice between spending the weekend with my artistic guy friends (who always seem to know a lot of women) as opposed to my pickup buddies (I know both), I would always choose my artistic guy friends. They simply have more access and activities where women show up and are built into the environment , whereas with my pickup buddies the activity is usually let’s go out and find women.

This is not a debate, simply my experience. I did the pickup thing for years. And this is probably the 100th post I’ve seen about cold approach vs social circle. There’s nothing new under the sun. Ideally you want a lifestyle that has alot of women in it and have the courage to break the ice with random women. This whole cold approach vs social circle debate is pretty silly.
Yeah, I can relate. I mean, you are not wrong at all. I notice that my best wingman ever has slowly transitioned out of the pickup community even though he does cold approach. IMO, cold approach is a great skill to have but the Pickup community is full of so many weird, broken, and deranged dudes that it turns guys off of that. I recently left a pickup group because most wings I met from it were just god awful. A lot of guys in it sucked with women and even if they spam approached, they had a lot of toxic beliefs and behaviors, a major one being clinginess.

I don't blame you at all for choosing your artsy friends in this situation and I am glad it worked out for you. I wish more people appreciated cold approach and more healthy and secure men got into it. Then again, those men are all committed in relationships and it is rare to find a mentally healthy wingman.

Most wingmen I have met are screwed up in the head, clingy, have serious personality flaws, and think that going to spam approach is going to better their lives. Come to find 5 years later, they are the same guy. The issue is not cold approach, the issue is most men who are doing it. I have made cold approach work for me and when you think about what a gift of a skill it can be to master, you truly appreciate it.

The only thing with social circle game is that for the most part and for most men, it is not practical to the extent you and I have done it. It is based purely on luck and I find it to be an investment even outside of game. I don't want to waste time with friendships for the sake of getting laid when apps and cold approach can do the work for me. I want to have friendships where we align on a lot of things.
 

CornbreadFed

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Most social circles are not that great and can basically be the HOA version of dating with its rules and parameters. You only hear about the good ones and not the normal ones which are mainly mediocre women with one hot girl that gets constantly hit on by the guys in it. Guys that parade social circle game are just guys making excuses not to go out in the field.
 

Bokanovsky

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Your social circle game is only going to be as good as your social circle. If it's made up of incels who smoke pot and play video games all day, you are probably not going to meet many hot women through it. But if your social circles is made up of multi-millionaires who own yachts and hang out in Monaco, your chances are going to be much better. And of course, there are a million shades of grey in between those two extremes.

Social circle game has never been my strength because I'm not a very social person. I don't like most people and have a hard time forcing myself to hang out with people I don't like. However, if you're a social person, there is not doubt that you can reap major benefits by becoming part of the right social circle.
 

Jesse Pinkman

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Most social circles are not that great and can basically be the HOA version of dating with its rules and parameters. You only hear about the good ones and not the normal ones which are mainly mediocre women with one hot girl that gets constantly hit on by the guys in it. Guys that parade social circle game are just guys making excuses not to go out in the field.
Or they are trying to sell you something which is becoming more and more popular these days. Social circle game coaches are the equivalent of PUA coaches back in the day trying to sell you their social media products. They will diss cold approach and then show off photos of them with paid models. In some rare cases they have a lifestyle hack like hosting some swimsuit contest and they want to show that off.
 

Jesse Pinkman

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Your social circle game is only going to be as good as your social circle. If it's made up of incels who smoke pot and play video games all day, you are probably not going to meet many hot women through it. But if your social circles is made up of multi-millionaires who own yachts and hang out in Monaco, your chances are going to be much better. And of course, there are a million shades of grey in between those two extremes.

Social circle game has never been my strength because I'm not a very social person. I don't like most people and have a hard time forcing myself to hang out with people I don't like. However, if you're a social person, there is not doubt that you can reap major benefits by becoming part of the right social circle.
I have not exactly been around multi millionaires in yachts but the reality is that it is the top 0.01% of men. For those men, they can simply buy girls and pay escorts to get laid if they wanted. I have been around wealthy guys that own boats though and let me tell you, they still need a girls guy to get them girls. You don't just show up with a boat and hope girls hop on, the ones who do will be the ratchet and ugly ones. A lot of times, they see the value in having a guy who can invite hot girls out to the boat party. It does involve a guy who once again, has a lot of hot girls he can DM and invite.
 

BadBoy89

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Your social circle game is only going to be as good as your social circle. If it's made up of incels who smoke pot and play video games all day, you are probably not going to meet many hot women through it. But if your social circles is made up of multi-millionaires who own yachts and hang out in Monaco, your chances are going to be much better. And of course, there are a million shades of grey in between those two extremes.

Social circle game has never been my strength because I'm not a very social person. I don't like most people and have a hard time forcing myself to hang out with people I don't like. However, if you're a social person, there is not doubt that you can reap major benefits by becoming part of the right social circle.
My man.

I don’t believe in Social circle. No guy in a social circle is going to help a single guy in the circle have sex with hot, young, sexy, girl he knows. He will keep the girl for himself. Even if he is married, he wont help the single guy, unless the girl over 35. And who wants that?

A female may help a single guy in his social circle, I’ve had females introduce to some nice girls. But even then, a man prefers to find hot girls himself.
 

HaleyBaron

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I have a friend who has his own non profit art company. Every time he invites me to an event, no matter how boring I think it is (art show, poetry reading, yoga class, etc) there’s loads of hot women. During the Super Bowl I hooked up with a hot chick that was at his party. And he didn’t even know her. It was like a conglomeration of many social circles hanging out. This is what people mean when they say social circle game.

They don’t mean your world of Warcraft buddies. Any guy that I know that either works in a female dominated field or have female dominated hobbies always seem to have access to alot of women. So perhaps the problem is you don’t have hobbies or know guys who have female dominated hobbies like the arts or something.
This is the answer to the thread's topic.

PUAs are lame. I see them around every bar or club and they act like high school green boys. They forget that being a magician type (poet, artist, anyone who is socially or interesting in attitude), is how you woo women. Men learn guitar for women. They learn magic tricks for women. Picaso likely did his paintings to f*ck women.

Do stuff that women like to do or are attracted to. Easy.
 

SW15

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As I’ve said many times before, both swipe apps and approaching strangers are difficult paths if you find yourself without any options in your woman life and without a social circle.

A social circle introduction is a higher percentage play than a swipe app interaction or approaching a stranger (either in a bar or non-bar setting). It's a more difficult path and it's not a path I recommend highly. Social circle is better in the shorter to medium term. You can get a solid, medium term (1-4 years) girlfriend via social circles more easily than through approaches or swiping more easily.

Social circle is great for getting a girlfriend that's going to be a longer term girlfriend. Pay close attention to the words "a girlfriend". That means one girlfriend. If you're looking for an extended relationship (2-5 years or more), your best bet for getting that with the least amount of grief and frustration is social circle. Many men who get social circle girlfriends tend to retain those girlfriends for a long time and often beyond the useful life of the relationship. A lot of the social circle girlfriend guys are beta males and beta males operate from a scarcity mindset. It's common to see a 10+ year relationship (and counting) relationship from social circle which does lead to a marriage proposal.

There are some problems with social circle though. Social circle relies upon having the pre-existing circle built. It relies upon being in the same geographic area for a long time.

The men I’ve seen use social circle best are ones that stayed in the same area for their entire lives, with the exception of going away to college at a nearby regional school. The men were fortunate that their parents never relocated them during the K-12 years and that during the K-12 years, they were not complete social outcasts. These men made the choice to stay the same area as where they spent their K-12 years once they finished the educational phase of their lives.

The biggest problem with social circle is sustainability over a longer period of time as an unmarried male. Social circle game is designed for men who don’t relocate much and are looking for an LTR with marriage and babies. Social circles have a way of getting pissed off at men who continually exchange girlfriends without marriage or babies, even if the relationships are semi-long (1-4 years). After 2 or so instances of medium term relationships, the social circle will run dry. Social circles are more forgiving if you have a divorce, especially a childless divorce. Remember that most social circles operate with a blue pill/feminine ideal approach to relationships. Most social circles don’t like guys that are openly red or black pill, though you probably can get away with mentioning some of the red pill beliefs without outright mentioning a red pill content creator or a well known PUA.

Most men who don’t have social circles aren’t red pill guys. They are blue pill guys who have happened to relocate multiple times in their lives. Let’s also remember that there are red and black pill guys who have moved around too. Relocations weaken social circles, regardless of ideology.

If you find yourself having to consider weak social circle activities like co-ed sports league, approaching strangers, swipe apps, or social media DMs due to the lack of a social circle (often from relocations), your best option at that point is often approaching strangers. This is true despite all of the downsides with approaching strangers in a non-educational setting.

LTRs seem to be the ticket for most men into regular sex at most phases of life. That's why a lot of people have them and stay in them, even beyond their useful life (think long term sexless marriages).
 

Bigpapa

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Social game can also mean going to events in your area

Usually more or less you will kinda see the same people

What I have noticed is that higher quality women would rather go to events, rather than going out nights

You either have to do day game or go to events
 

SW15

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if there’s a decent looking chick, she gets white knighted to kingdom come by every dude in that circle.
This was happening in my local area social circle about 8-10 years ago. Multiple men were competing and breaking Iron Rules of Tomassi to get with women in the circle.

A female may help a single guy in his social circle, I’ve had females introduce to some nice girls. But even then, a man prefers to find hot girls himself.
Some men have a better chance to impress women if they have a social circle introduction as compared to if they were some dude swiping on an app or approaching strangers. A lot of basic beta males get into relationships because of having a decent social circle and some "nice on paper" characteristics.

Your social circle game is only going to be as good as your social circle. If it's made up of incels who smoke pot and play video games all day, you are probably not going to meet many hot women through it. But if your social circles is made up of multi-millionaires who own yachts and hang out in Monaco, your chances are going to be much better. And of course, there are a million shades of grey in between those two extremes.
True. The million shades of grey are the more realistic social circle examples.
 

CornbreadFed

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Social game can also mean going to events in your area

Usually more or less you will kinda see the same people

What I have noticed is that higher quality women would rather go to events, rather than going out nights

You either have to do day game or go to events
Clubs and similar venues only attract certain girls. Most of your shy regular women won’t be caught dead at a bar unless it’s a special occasion.
 
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