There's another interpretation to the "nice guy" theory presented in the article above and many others. They confuse cause with effect. In other words, the guy can get away with being "a jerk" or not nice guy, or even mistreat her, because the girl is already in love with him or greatly attached to him. The same thing happens to guys who are similarly attached to a girl (or "oneitis").
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
"Why Nice Guys Fail with Women"
- Thread starter BigFoot
- Start date
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
not exactly.
you must be charming and sweet on us in the begining, but show your jerkiness even then.
you can not wait til later to become the jerk.
does that make sense?
you must be charming and sweet on us in the begining, but show your jerkiness even then.
you can not wait til later to become the jerk.
does that make sense?
penkitten
Master Don Juan
yes!
so when a chick says , you are too nice for me i dont deserve you = means = stand up for yourself pvssy. i dont like that.
and if you are only "acting " nice to later loose it and turn into a jerk because you feel comfortable enough to ... we will tell everyone you turned into an ass hole and dump you.
Good points Penkitten. What i'm saying is
when Dave D. says something like
She did not get that way because of his mistreatment.
when Dave D. says something like
cause and effect have been switched around. The guy can get away with not treating her very well because she's already "gone" on him.
She did not get that way because of his mistreatment.
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
thats why they say it nicely.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
but she isnt gonna fall for a totally nice guy either.
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
more or less
I hate the term nice guy. I prefer doormat.
I know a guy who is like that: do anything for anyone, won't rock the boat, and will apologize if he has a different opinion than someone else. But inside you can see the frustration with life...you know every night he's wondering why things don't go his way...they should right? He's doing everything for everyone.
...wrong! He's spineless. Instead of standing up for himself, he lays down over the puddles EXPECTING people to PAY HIM BACK after they walk over him....
Do you ever feel you need to pay back the favor for your doormat? No. Its a piece of rug.
When people are doormats, they are rugs. Objects.
I know a guy who is like that: do anything for anyone, won't rock the boat, and will apologize if he has a different opinion than someone else. But inside you can see the frustration with life...you know every night he's wondering why things don't go his way...they should right? He's doing everything for everyone.
...wrong! He's spineless. Instead of standing up for himself, he lays down over the puddles EXPECTING people to PAY HIM BACK after they walk over him....
Do you ever feel you need to pay back the favor for your doormat? No. Its a piece of rug.
When people are doormats, they are rugs. Objects.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
by acting this way, even if he is sincere , it demeans him and ppl see him as a doormat and dont wanna think about long term with someone who wont stand up for himself.
if you cant stand up for yourself, how would you stand up for a chick or a wife or some kids one day?
penkitten
Master Don Juan
its like a subconsious thing, we are not always aware of .
but yes we want a guy to like us and be sweet to us, but we want to see him stand up for himself, with us, with other people etc. we like to see men be leaders or take charge of situations.
act like an adult in these situations at all times.
no cry baby fits.
if you put your foot down , ok but give a reasonable response to as why you are, dont just say "because i said so" cause that is childish.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
ok
its a little hard to describe but i think you got the picture
its a little hard to describe but i think you got the picture
women are vulnerable.
you are a tool women can use to protect themselves.
the more you value this women has the more you will protect her.
she will make herself more of a prize (sexiness) and will seek validation that you are her prize (e.g lots of attention from you, gifts etc)
if she doesn't get this validation she will try harder to make herself the prize. esp if other women are competing for the same protector.
if she finds out later that you are not a good protector she will find a new one.
(nice guy)
a guy who values a women highly but she finds out sooner or later that he is weak. Depending on the women she may find out straight away or it may take years.
(DJ)
a guy who demonstrates that he is a good protector but doesn't value the women highly. Therefor the onus is on the women to make the guy value her.
you are a tool women can use to protect themselves.
the more you value this women has the more you will protect her.
she will make herself more of a prize (sexiness) and will seek validation that you are her prize (e.g lots of attention from you, gifts etc)
if she doesn't get this validation she will try harder to make herself the prize. esp if other women are competing for the same protector.
if she finds out later that you are not a good protector she will find a new one.
(nice guy)
a guy who values a women highly but she finds out sooner or later that he is weak. Depending on the women she may find out straight away or it may take years.
(DJ)
a guy who demonstrates that he is a good protector but doesn't value the women highly. Therefor the onus is on the women to make the guy value her.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
this seems pretty accurate:cheer:
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.