Why most of you will fail miserably

[MrJibbles]

PUA guru Tyler Durden: "The average guy not only lacks the skills that are necessary to become with good with women. He lacks the skills to do anything productive with his life." (link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWoAvqhODJs&feature=player_embedded

We are a society that thrives on instant gratification. Everything that is wrong in our lives, we want fixed NOW. We want a "magic pill" for everything.

This is one of the single greatest downfalls of my generation. Kids play video games for hours a day. Shoot, kill, get a high score, and your self-esteem goes up within a 10-minute period. Rinse, recycle, repeat. Once you get bored of that, go on your computer. Watch porn, jerk off, finish, and your sexual gratification is increased within a 10-minute period. Rinse, recycle, repeat. The average teenager today, so I have heard (in a TED talk by therapist Philip Zombardo), watches 50 porn clips a week.

No wonder there are so many socially-clueless, kissless virgins and shut-ins all across the Western world. The patience and persistence to change breeds success, but this is impossible for most people because a temporary, quick-fix solution is available in some form or another.

I will admit, I fall under this category. I give up easily, lose attention quickly, and rarely finish anything I start. I want to get good with girls, but am afraid to approach, afraid to talk to them. I am shy, introverted, neurotic, plagued by anxiety and self-limiting beliefs. I will do more to avoid pain then gain pleasure. I'd rather permanently stay in my shell then practice my social skills over and over. If I get one or two rejections and feel really bad about it, my momentum will be completely cut off and I'll drift back into my old, self-defeating ways. This is ultimately my Achilles heel.

So members of Sosuave, how can patience, persistence, and self-discipline be developed? Is this a socially-pervasive problem of my generation (~say, born 1985 and later)? Have these qualities been set in stone throughout our childhood? To what extent can we really work towards changing?

How can an individual learn not to give up easily? It is one thing to tell someone "Never give up. Try, try again", but it is another thing to actually intrinsically develop the ability to do so.

 

[Mark1234]

This post really describes me as well. I'm a live for the moment kind of guy and a "selfish lazy hedonist" so to speak, I try to maximize pleasure while minimizing pain. I play video games for hours on end, used to watch porn daily, and really enjoy it but know that it's fairly destructive behavior.

Reading articles on here have really opened my eyes to my weaknesses and flaws, which is a motivation to improve and change.

If I was to offer any advice, which you should take with a grain of salt of course, it's develop a hobby or interest that you can continually improve at and only compete against yourself. I have found through training for a upcoming meet or event it has helped immensely with discipline and overall happiness. Some days I'm pumped up to train and compete against myself, other days I ask, "Why bother?" but I do it anyways and I think it's those days that'll make you an overall better/stronger person, which hopefully will parallel with other facets of life (girls, ect).

I don't know I'm probably just talking out of my ass but that's my 2 cents.

 

[Vice]

Check out my journal; I gave up video games in October 2010, never looked back. I'm still on the learning curve, but since then I've made some massive progress. I'm still struggling, but I'm working hard.

What motivates me is that the spoils of war are there for me, because since the average guy in our generation sucks in general, there's more for me, in both business and women. Abundance.

My success is inconsistent; that's NORMAL. If everything I touched turned into gold without any effort, I wouldn't have any tolerance for failure, and it would crush my soul when it happened.

How many average guys can say they've been rejected by more women than me, or you? Very, very few. Because they more than likely gave up early in life.

I've learned that preaching to others rarely changes them. However, "the worthy will present themselves." Most people don't want to take a good hard look at themselves and see what they may need improvement on.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

The rise in video games, internet porn, and other "shut-in" type behaviors is really a response to over-protective parents or as the generation Y parents are commonly called, "helicopter parents".

I'm a generation Y kid, but I didn't have my parents drop me off at school, pick me up, drive me to tutoring, drive me to clarinet lessons, and plan out every second of my daily life. I walked to the bus stop every morning, went to school, got out of school, went to extra help if I needed it.. Then hungout with my friends.

Every day after school I would skateboard with friends, raise hell, smoke pot, get drunk and get the cops called on us everywhere. I had a great social life, probably not the best decisions for a 14/15 year old, but I learned a lot of valuable things on friendship, leadership, trust, etc.. Then there were kids who just went home and played nintendo everyday with a friend or two.

Now I know I was probably every parent's worst nightmare (I know I was for my parents lol) but I got a lot of street smarts from my high school years and a lot of social knowledge. I think a lot more parents today just need to back off a tiny bit... And kids need to continue pissing off their parents to. Stay out past curfew, get drunk or stoned illegally if you feel like it, sneak out of the house to sneak in your highschool girlfriends room late at night.. They're all growing social experiences.

 

[perseverance]

Playing video games here and there isn't a bad thing, it becomes a bad thing when you start spending the entire day sitting playing them. It goes from a pasttime to an addiction and no addiction is healthy.

 

[PapiChulo]

I don't see anything wrong with it at all! This is human nature, and you have to have the will to persevere. And the other thing is that you have to work and be smarter than other folks, gotta be able to learn and not just work your butt off all the time. I never give up on anything, but at times I notice that I don't have the capacity and will never be able to reach high levels at whatever that may be, a particular sport, occupation, etc.

 

[JonJaper]

Totally agree with OP. Our whole culture is immersed in instant gratification.

Think about celebrity culture. Thanks to reality TV, and even Youtube, a nobody can become a somebody in an instant. So many people get their 15 minutes of fame.

And the worst part is, a lot of these famous people are terrible role models, yet they are being celebrated and worshipped by idiots around the world. I'm not religious but any Christians out there will remember 1 of the 10 commandments about not worshipping false idols. Retarded celebrities count as false idols in this context.

We are lucky to have found sosuave. Learning and applying the Don Juan principles is like taking the red pill and waking up from the matrix. Even though learning and seeing the light is a huge step forward, don't just post here and stay in front of your computer screen all day, but TAKE ACTION!!

That's the whole point of this website. I've just signed up to take part in a Don Juan bootcamp because I want to take action. When I joined sosuave 7 weeks ago, I impulsively took a trip to Amsterdam (from London so it was fairly cheap and quick) and lost my virginity to hookers. I wanted to take action, I was sick of living a life without real tangible experiences, without a feeling of control.

Everyone here must take action, no matter how hard it may seem. Those that don't will be miserable and never progress. Experiencing failure/ rejection and stepping out of your comfort zone is what it means to be alive.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Your brain is a muscle and muscles are trained by using them. Habits are formed by action and as such broken the same way.

You game all day? Now your brain is used to gaming all day. You talk to girls all day now your brain will be in talk to girls mode.

Favorite saying:
"Attention gives rise to awareness."

Get out there, pay attention to girls and you will be aware of them in much the same way you get better at video games as time progresses.

And the same learning curve can be accepted. When I first started gaming I would stay out of cover and stop to aim. Now I dive from cover to cover and snipe suckers all night on the move if necessary.

 

[corrector]

I will admit, I fall under this category. I give up easily, lose attention quickly, and rarely finish anything I start. I want to get good with girls, but am afraid to approach, afraid to talk to them.

But girls have to want you to approach and talk to them. Notice all the hot guys never seem to have problems with girls. I see some people and think, their reality is our "fantasy". Reality is, there is somethings you can't change. As a result of that there will be frustration. Frustration is expressed either by hurting other people and taking it out on society, or being shut-in and having these temporary quick-fix solutions. It seems like this is a more productive way to express frustrations.

Then you've also got Occupy Wall Street as a way to vent. Why not blame the 1% for this too. Blame them for everything. They want to keep a docile population immerced in techno-trinkets so nobody will resist them.

I am shy, introverted, neurotic, plagued by anxiety and self-limiting beliefs. I will do more to avoid pain then gain pleasure. I'd rather permanently stay in my shell then practice my social skills over and over. If I get one or two rejections and feel really bad about it, my momentum will be completely cut off and I'll drift back into my old, self-defeating ways. This is ultimately my Achilles heel.

Again, if you looked hot enough then you wouldn't be getting those rejections in the first place. Again, why do naturals, or guys with good looks or appeal with women seem to have no problems in this area of life? It tells me social skill is only as important as your status and appeal to women in the first place. If they don't like you, then no matter how good your "social skills" are, it's only good to practise on a dog.

So members of Sosuave, how can patience, persistence, and self-discipline be developed? Is this a socially-pervasive problem of my generation (~say, born 1985 and later)? Have these qualities been set in stone throughout our childhood? To what extent can we really work towards changing?

How can an individual learn not to give up easily? It is one thing to tell someone "Never give up. Try, try again", but it is another thing to actually intrinsically develop the ability to do so.

Sometimes you have to cut bait. If you keep banging your head against the wall you may break your skull and die.

 

[metoo]

A REAL martial school would do this for you, but they cost about $20 an hour for the 3-4 people classes that do you any real good. Also, it takes several 100 hours. Does it mean that much to you? of course it doesn't. That's why you won't change.