Why it's not so bad to be romantic

[Tactical Assault]

Lots of times when I read this message board I get the distinct impression that it's seen here as "unmanly" or "AFC" to be romantic. I see a lot of advice posted to the effect of "oh don't worry about feelings, just shut up and f**k her and all will be well" or "women are just sluts who need to be f***ked", don't worry about them".

Occasionally I see a repost to the effect of "this board sucks! You should be yourself!"

I can't agree with the latter in it's entirety, since I do believe that this board was created with the best intentions in mind. For the clueless among us, it has at least provided a reflection away from the pop-media cultural traditions (you know the typical Hollywood nice boy-meets-nice girl fair).

But I am heavily opposed to the former view. It's not just that I think it's wrong. I think it's the mainstay of losers and immature bums who don't know any better or are too lazy to think for themselves so they just go around spouting nonsense.


I hate to be the one to break the ice folks, but women are just people. Honestly, the only reason they get to be the ones who reject men (happens more often than the other way round) is coz we put 'em in a position to do so.

I think we do this primarily for cultural reasons. Men are the ones who produce testosterone, supposedly for this reason we have the higher sex drives. The exact biological linkage is dubious, but it's pretty obvious from common experience that men exhibit a far higher craving for sex than do women.

Think about what happens next. Since we are the ones who are constantly looking for the next humping encounter, it's us men who put the most emphasis and energy into obtaining it. Women are sort of the limiting factor here, since in the end they get to have the final NO (the assumption being that men - being the hornier of the species - never say "no" to sex).

So we kind of set up the rules here. Unfortunately it turns out it's to our own disadvantage (a lot of the time). Imagine what would happen if all of the men in the world suddenly became aloof, and more sexually distant. Now suddenly, men are the limiting factor. We become the sexually desired. And it's women on the attack! (don't get excited folks, this is just a simulation)


For me I guess the "hyper-macho" attitude towards women just doesn't sit well. See during my teens I was a romantic kid. I still am, of course, only a little more wiser (it'll become clearer later on). I thought the idea of falling in love was ultra-cool, I longed for it very much and I hoped upon hope that I would become happy with the girl of my dreams.

I've lost a lot of that as I've grown into my twenties, not so much because of a conscious choice to "toughen myself up", rather just as a matter of the progression of my life it sort of died in me. Not totally, but I admit the boyish charm and fantasy of being all giddy and sparkly - a lot less of that.

I became much more thoughtful. I didn't just view things with my emotions, I probed them with my mind. Hence the change from "pure romantic" to "tactical".

What happened to me during this change vis-a-vis my connections with women? Well, something that I've said for a while now was that a woman would be the luckiest gal in the world if she snagged me during my teen years. Coz I had so much romantic potential - I just couldn't understand why women weren't falling head over heels for me straight away. Even now I think if I were a girl I'd love to have been with a guy like me as a teen - and it really bothered me at the time why other women couldn't see it too.


I gather that's what goes on with a lot of the so-called "nice guys" on this board. They often see women they adore with Jerks, and they wonder why the heck these chicks would go out with the Jerks as opposed to the Nice Guys. They lead lives of quiet desperation.

Then they appear on boards like these and get told to act like a**holes, coz that's the only way they can get chicks to like them. I completely disagree with the premise ("Jerks always get the girl"), for reasons I'll explain a little later and expand on in another thread.


In a sense, I'm in agreement with the Nice Guys. Chicks really don't know what they are missing out on half the time. By ignoring these guys (for a variety of reasons), they miss so much in the juice of life. I know coz I've watched it happen many times (and not involving myself if that's what you're thinking). A Nice Guy and Girl who would have made a great couple, who should get together but don't. Instead she goes off with some dude who sleeps around and trashes her. Honestly watching it unfold before me when I know better breaks my heart. But there you go.

 

[Tactical Assault]

Now there are two parts to my discussion

1. What is it about being romantic that doesn't work?

2. Why if you are a romantic guy you should continue to be one


So let's get to it.


1) Most of the time when we strive to be romantic, what ends up happening is that we are percieved as a walking joke. That's not really by accident - the term "romantic" implies that you will express exactly what you are feeling as you feel it. The problem is, this doesn't necessarily lend itself to the big real stage - sometimes our romantic professions of love look a little corny or just seem funny or odd.


What this really means is that we are not very skilled at communicating our thoughts. Think about it. If we were skilled at expressing ourselves, our thoughts would be conveyed in a manner that forces the object of our desire(s) to view us in a different light. Instead of being laughed at, we are admired and attractive.

Let me ask you something. Ever wondered why a chick will laugh at you expressing your love for her, but why watching a movie she's all tears? It's because of the way it's done.

In the movie, you have a skillfully crafted set-piece which is timed to perfection in order to influence (some would say manipulate) our emotions. The chick watching this cries and thinks that movie is "so romantic" because it has been handled well. However, you trying out your own version of this is far less successful.

So if you are a romantic guy the trick is you have to become far more skilled at expressing or conveying your feelings.

The proof-in-the-pudding is what's been happening circa 2000. Have you noticed that some of the best selling movies & books have been fantasy? Harry Potter and the LOTR Trilogy is being eaten up. People love this s**t. And I guarantee a good part of the audience are chicks.

But why? Becoz fantasies offer escapism from reality. Love, romance, mystery, intrigue, excitement... all sorts of stuff like that. And women love it too.


So there's no reason to think that being a romantic will jeopardize your chances with a girl you really like.


I say this coz I know a lot of you will have developed that "I need to be a Jerk" (above-mentioned) attitude. Many romantics are (in my opinion mistakenly) labelled as "Nice Guys who can't get laid or have a girlfriend". I don't think this is true at all. In fact in my belief as the popularity of the fantasy genre shows, the romantic outlook can help a lot too.


So what's happened to me now? Well, I really hated being a Closet Romantic. It's one of the worst things you can be, I think. All you do is be dreamy and know that so many girls would be happy if they were with you, but aren't (happy or with you).

So I developed a new ideology. That of the Romantic Tactician. Now I can't go into depth about my philosophy in general right now, but suffice to say that it reflects what I have already said above - in order to get girls by being romantic, you have to express that in a way that profoundly effects them.

You've seen musicians do it all the time. Not just the rich and famous but those losers who don't have a penny coming in but still manage to heap the ladies in piles and take them home. Bear in mind, these guys are considered Romantics. A lot of the time, they sing about love. But I guarantee you, most of these dudes are getting laid for it, as opposed to the bulk mass of Nice Guys who don't.

Poets are another good example.


Okay, so onto number 2.


2) But you might be wondering, why the heck should I bother being Romantic? Even if the a**holes aren't right, and I can be a Romantic - doesn't it require too much thinking?


Given the level of vitriol expressed by certain (immature) posters to the image of a DJ being romantic, I'm not suprised many of us would have negative associations with it.


However, I will say this much. Life is as much about taste and flavour as it is about functionality. Many of the dudes on this board see sex as some kind of pride objective - you have it because if you don't, you are a p***y or gay. And it's purely an activity to these guys, not something beautiful to be cherished or sought after. In fact, to admit so would be to admit "weakness". Furthering your p***y status.

I think a lot of guys subscribe to this philosophy coz they use it as a defence mechanism. If you don't go in head deep, you won't drown. Maybe they have been hurt in the past and so are jaded. Or they are angry at women coz they themselves haven't yet got laid.

Problem I have with it is that you are allowing someone else to determine your general philosophy and outlook on life. Because you care so much about what women will do once you reveal your intentions, you miss out on the juice of life yourself.

Think for a minute what that means. You will never experience the joy and passion in life because you are so scared of letting go of your defence mechanism. God, it might as well be like you never lived.

I'm sorry to be getting all Master Dan on you, but that's how I feel. If you are allowing so many other people determine your concieved notions of life, you will never be able to set your own pace.

Live life. Experience it. Take risks. Learn from your mistakes. Learn. You'll only get this chance once.

What I'm basically saying is that if you are a Romantic dude, don't let others pre-define your own notions of just how beautiful and wonderful a thing it is. Becoz you have a reason to see things the way you do. They don't. You want to live. They don't.

And as I've stated previously, it sure as s**t doesn't mean that you can't pull in the chicks with it. You just have to be skillfull enough at it to attract them.

Don't try and force the issue (your Romanticism) on the ladies. Draw them in with the charm of your own persona in an adroit manner. It can be done, coz I've done so plenty of times. Fellow Romantics, it's time to take the world back for ourselves! EXPRESS YOURSELVES (skillfully )!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



--- Please note: there was much more I wanted to cover in this thread - but can't do so just because of slot allocations. Material will be covered in greater detail in subsequent threads.---

 

[Tactical Assault]

-------Please note: This Opening Post had to be split into 2 parts, in order to accomodate the max. word limit----------

 

[DonJuanMonk]

Romance is a fictional tool used to lie to woman to help men get what they want:

sex.

Same forth for marriage.

Same forth for roses.

Same forth for diamond rings!

Trust me, girls know the real deal.

 

[Tactical Assault]

DonJuanMonk:

Romance is a fictional tool used to lie to woman to help men get what they want:

sex.

Same forth for marriage.

Same forth for roses.

Same forth for diamond rings!

Trust me, girls know the real deal.

Ah, the cynics worldview. But I think it should be relegated to the backwaters.

Let's face it, loads of men have died over a woman. Evolutionarily speaking it really doesn't make sense to do this, since you can't really procreate (or at least enjoy it) once you're dead.


And I'm thinking marriage suits women not men, since we can go forth and spread our seed many many times, whereas a woman has to settle for one (at least for a nine-month to two year period).

 

[Tactical Assault]

My point on marriage being that men really wouldn't want to make that specific kind of s**t up.

 

[frivolousz21]

And I'm thinking marriage suits women not men, since we can go forth and spread our seed many many times, whereas a woman has to settle for one (at least for a nine-month to two year period).

marriage is for safety, security, family.....what are u talkign about?

marriage is for tax breaks, joint incomes..

its alot easier to afford a 180K home if she is paying part of the bill.

 

[Tactical Assault]

Originally posted by frivolousz21
marriage is for safety, security, family.....what are u talkign about?

marriage is for tax breaks, joint incomes..

its alot easier to afford a 180K home if she is paying part of the bill.

Tax breaks which you wouldn't need if you didn't have to support an extra person.


A 180K home which you could supplant with a cool (far cheaper) apartment coz you don't have to "settle down". In fact, moving isn't half as much of a worry now that you don't need to concern yourself about anyone else's a**.


But I think we are getting off topic here. The real issue is with romantic guys feeling the need to change their perspective to the traditional "bad boy" image, just to get with the Ladies. I think it is unnecessary, and silly.

No one ever mentions what you stand to lose from the deal.

 

[frivolousz21]

I agree with you on that...

you dont have to be a bad boy.

you can be wahtever you want..just be confident and believe in yourself and others will repect you.

that doesnt mean every women will want you..but you will eventually run into one for you...or will get enuf to satisfy your needs if you want to go that route

 

[Tactical Assault]

that doesnt mean every women will want you..but you will eventually run into one for you...or will get enuf to satisfy your needs if you want to go that route

I'd actually go a little stronger on that. I think you can draw women into your world, instead of having to "wait around for the right one".

It takes great skill, and patience to build up that skill, but that doesn't mean it's not worth it.