Why it's easy for some and hard for others (your ideas...)

[9asus2]

Would be interested in hearing your take on this,

Obviously in real life, on a personal level, there's not a lot of value in trying to understand why certain people have it easy/hard, because you still have to decide to handle your business, or not.

But....

Reading through people's journals, both on here and another well known forum (a site that's much more open to calling its self a pua forum)

I see journals that consist of nothing but blowouts, over and over again.
And I see journals of guys doing very well for themselves.

Such a strong divide piques my interest as to why this occurs.

Ideas off the top-

Confidence - would be my first guess, I'm talking about true confidence, hundreds of good reference experiences etc.

Looks - maybe to some extent, but that can't be the main factor, we don't need another thread debating this.

Social status - again, maybe it has some bearing, but a lot of these journals are from guys who do a lot of cold approaches alone, so we can forget that

Time invested/repetition - maybe

Different areas of the world - there's winners and losers everywhere, attraction is universal.

 

[9asus2]

I'm not personally convinced that any of us has it easy. In my mind, we're doing our best day to day, but that doesn't mean it comes easy.

Yes I realized after posting that the words "easy" and "hard" were poor choices.

What I'm getting at is the seemingly large gap between certain groups of people who seem to get smooth consistent lays/day 2's etc vs the guys who put themselves out there just as much but get an overwhelmingly large number of rejections in a row.

 

[Misrah]

Some people are much more physically attractive, and are willing to kick it with lower end 1-5's to increase lay rate. People are shallow. At the end of the day, if yoy dont look drop dead good- you will be putting in more work. Seduction and attraction are only 2 pieces of the puzzle.

 

[Konada]

I'm not personally convinced that any of us has it easy. In my mind, we're doing our best day to day, but that doesn't mean it comes easy.

Fully agree. Ulimately there are learning points from success/failure stories. To see things in black and white is very myopic to say the least.

The essence lies in repeating what works and changing what doesn't. Repetition is the mother of skill and confidence. You are a winner if you take every experience, good or bad, as a step towards your eventual goal.

3 months ago, I was awkward with girls and had trouble pulling the trigger. Fast forward, I have no problems talking to women and have been getting dates.

Baby steps, haven't made it past a first date but I'm confident it will come if I keep working at it.

 

[amethyst]

it really all boils down to experience. The more you put yourself out of your comfort zone the more experiences you will amass, the more experiences you have the more comfortable you will feel with yourself.

P.s. Canned openers and the "skill sets" you learn from most systems don't count, because they allow you to stay in your comfort zone under the illusion that you are in control. They are a good place to start, in order to get rid of the initial stage fright, but you should try to take the training wheels as soon as possible in order to start working on you rather than your "game".

 

[Stagger Lee]

Some guys definitely have it easier and other guys have it harder. I think it's something visual/appearance related. Women are consistently more receptive or less receptive respectively on first sight. It doesn't matter so much what the guy thinks or does as long as the appearance is right.

 

[9asus2]

Some guys definitely have it easier and other guys have it harder. I think it's something visual/appearance related. Women are consistently more receptive or less receptive respectively on first sight. It doesn't matter so much what the guy thinks or does as long as the appearance is right.

See this is interesting, cause when you say appearance I'm guessing you're referring to demeanour/cadence/vibe more than "looks". Which I would agree with.

The question would be, does this come from confidence etc, or is it something more than that, almost chemical. I don't think we'll ever be sure

 

[amazingswayze]

It's the combination of (inner + outer game)x(experience)x(effort) = success

 

[Stagger Lee]

See this is interesting, cause when you say appearance I'm guessing you're referring to demeanour/cadence/vibe more than "looks". Which I would agree with.

The question would be, does this come from confidence etc, or is it something more than that, almost chemical. I don't think we'll ever be sure

I think of it as 'looks' is a still picture of you and appearance is you in motion and sound or your looks in motion or animated. The looks is important but so is appearance, looks plus demeanor/vibe/motion. I look at all like being a good actor-good looking plus good acting. Your mental thoughts or frame is irrelevant beyond any effect on appearance as is the scripts and tactics to a large extent. A good actor who is good looking can convincingly play a loser or a winner.

I look as it as being a good actor who experiences success or a bad actor who experience failure. I think it's mostly born and not made.

I think confidence fundamentally is chemical. Maybe frame control or 'faking' confidence is like 'being on drugs' and real confidence is like being on a natural high. I think appearance is a chemical/genetically influenced thing also subconscious and not really within a person's control. That would explain why no matter how much some guys try and try different things they inevitably fail more.

 

[dustmuffin]

For me keeping my head on straight is key. The rest will follow. I dont see the dj way as a method to get girls. It is total self improvement. Fix your mind. Fix yourself. They will come. My mind has been f ucked with from day one. From parents, ex wife, ex gfs...you name it. Its time for me to be in control. Its time for me to take charge. Its my time. With all the mind fuc kery I have been through this will take time. Right now I am pissed at women in general. They seem to have no consequences for their actions. I know their mindset now. I have the tools. Build a new you..
Even if you don't pull p ussy you have something.

 

[9asus2]

For me keeping my head on straight is key. The rest will follow. I dont see the dj way as a method to get girls. It is total self improvement. Fix your mind. Fix yourself. They will come. My mind has been f ucked with from day one. From parents, ex wife, ex gfs...you name it. Its time for me to be in control. Its time for me to take charge. Its my time. With all the mind fuc kery I have been through this will take time. Right now I am pissed at women in general. They seem to have no consequences for their actions. I know their mindset now. I have the tools. Build a new you..
Even if you don't pull p ussy you have something.

100% agree, you have got to do it for you.

But it's definitely begs questions when the pick-up side of things seems to just click for some people, and is a gruelling process for others.

 

[Konada]

I think it boils down to presence, as RSD preaches alot. Its alot about being present in the moment where it allows you to extend your emotional consciousness and connect with people on a sub-conscious level. Those who have it hard are generally not emotionally in tune with themselves and henceforth unable to "vibe" with others quickly.

 

[NSX-R]

Everything has to do with the point of view.