Why is this bothering me so much?!

[mecca411]

My girlfriend and I have been together now for about 5 months. WE're long distance (about 2hrs), but we see each other most weekends and sometimes even during the week. Things are going well. Her family likes me and my family likes her. Now on to my issue.

We've got great chemistry and sex is great. I never like to delve into past relationships, but she's pretty open about everything thing and sometimes just offers things up without me even asking. I don't know why, but I tend to fixate on things that happened in my girls past. Maybe it's because I like the idea of the girl that I'm dating to be fairly pure without alot of past sex partners etc. Well, I know that my girl has had two serious realtionships in the past. The last one ended almost three years ago. They dated for a year and things were pretty serious, but they broke up because he was somewhat unstable and they realized they werent meant to be.

In the space of time since the breakup up until just before we met, she had plenty of dates, but never had sex with anyone. Then about 3 or 4 months before we met she met a guy in the club in MOntreal(about 45 mimutes from where she lives) and they got along well. They spent alot of time togther and hung out for about a month (kissing only) before they started having sex. I guess she figured that they would end up boyfriend and girlfriend, so it wasnt a casual thing to her.

THen one day she decided to find out where things were heading and talk about meeting each others family and he tol dher that he wasn't really looking for a girlfriend, but he still wanted to hang out with her. WHen she realized this, she broke it off with him. She said it was weird because the whole thing had felt so real. He's Jewish and she figures that he probably had pressure to date a jewish girl. Anyway, she was mad about it, but she firgures it wouldn't have worked out anyway because he was a boring guy and she sometimes felt that he acted like she wasnt good enough for him. Also, her best friend, who she really trusts and respects, hated this guy and his personality. So that was that. She met me about 2 months after that when she was visiting my city (Ottawa) on Canada day and we've progressed to the point we're at. ANd like I said, things are good.

NOw on to my problem. I don't know what it is, but I keep thinking about my girl with this Jewish guy before me and it's really bothering me for some reason. Maybe it's because I feel like it was so soon before we met. Before that last guy it had been a couple years since she had sex(I think she really missed it too). I don't have problem when I think about her having sex with her past serious boyfriends, just thing bothers me. Almost like I don't feel so special anymore since it was so close together or that she could connect with someone else like that such a short time before me and then connect with me. I'm the type to only have sex when I know for sure that things are going to work out. I guess I kind of don't like the fact that she feel into that whole thing before she really knew. I don't know what it is. I don't think it really bother me...but it does when I think about it. When I'm with her, things are great, but lately I've been dwelling on that and it doesn't feel good.

I don't think I should bring it up to her since it's really my own issue. I really like her a ton. Why do you think it bothers me? How do I stop it? I know it'll pass, right? Thanks.

M.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

x

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Let me tell you what your true worry is - you are merely the next pimp in line!!! You are no one special and you know that you will not be the last that she favors (sexual intercourse) - you happened to be there when the Jewish dude vanished and you were/are her next "acceptable" sex partner. Someone else will soon replace you - don't be so attached to her!!!! She has sex for sexual satisfaction and she can receive this from most dudes with a penis - you are no one special and thus you feel powerless to convince her that you are someone special!!

 

[mecca411]

So what? Are you saying that she's not ltr material or is it that you were merely pointing out my true concern? Before the Jewish dude, the last time she had sex was 2 years ago. Every girl will always have a next acceptable sex partner, right? We've got alot more going on than just sex. So if that's the case, how do you decide if she's a keeper? The goal here isn't just sex.

M.

 

[Donald Kaufman]

There isn't that much to go on here but do you think the fact it is a long distance rerlationship and you have a lot of time to wonder what she is doing and that she is living closer to her ex then to you might be relevant?

One of the difficulties of starting something that you want to be long term but is also immediately long distance is developing trust. Even if you saw her no more often but knew she was in the same city would make it easier. I don't know why but it often seems to be true.

Ultimately, it probably isn't the ex that is the real problem. That's just the one she descibed, no matter how vaguely, so you have some kind of picture of it already running around in your head. Long distance is tough for people who got to know each other first. You could try getting really busy so you have less time to worry about it .

You also might not be ready to have what sounds like a semi serious relationship LD. Maybe you will have to cool it until you live closer.

 

[DeathDealer]

Never do long distance relationships.

It just doesn't work for the most part. For those that do, it's only because they've known each other probably for at least half a year before someone decides to relocate somewhere 2-3 hours further and only because the relocation was temporary for a work project or something. There's a lot of people out there that are available to date within 30 minutes drive, so getting someone 2-3 hours out there is wasting gas/time/and energy.