why is there always a problem?

[guitarman520]

Hi guys..........

I wrote a couple weeks ago about a girl I met at work.
First though.............
a little backround on me. (thanks to everyone for taking the time to give thier perspective).

I am a 40 yr old guy. Look good, good sense of humor.
I date alot. My dilemma is that It is a VERY, VERY rare uoccasion that I feel anyhting more than a fleeting feeling (and usually only sexual in nature) for anyone I meet. I made the joke that "I have looked into so many eyes...........I feel like an optomotrist......lol).

Anyhow, I after several years of bouncing around, lots of erotic adventure but no real deep feelings (which believe me, i would love to find......Im getting tired of the chase), I finally met a woman that made me feel the way I was hoping for. I had thought that I could not have those kind of feelings anymore.
To my delight, she felt the same way and she actually pursued me in getting our relationship started. we wre enjoying iunbelieveable chemistry. she told me she was amazed by how strong the chemistry between us was so quickly. I was unsure at first but before long. I must admit, I fell HARD for her. A very very rare thing for me. We probably got physical far to quickly (3rd date) but angain, she was all for it and me, being a guy...............couldnt say no. backround on her.........She has been divorced only about a yr and has an 8 yr old daughter.
She was so kind and caring. Just like a bright light shining in my life. she told me numerous times how much she was enjoying our time together and that sexually her climax was more powerful with me than ever before in her life. I was thrilled. She just felt right for me. the kiss, the smell, the aura. it was all there. I wa amazed.
then suddenly, for no reason at all, she grew cold, had no time to see me or barely even talk with me. Told me she didnt expect to feel this way with anyone at this point in her life. had other priorities and had to back off. she actually became unable to look me in the eye when i would see her at work (I know, office romance is a no-no.............I should have learned my lesson the last 5 times ii did that in my life). Anyhow, when she backed up, I was so suprised and then hurt, that I lost my composure (which is probably what attracted her to me in the first place) and wrote her several LONG and deep emails telling her ihow much she meant to me and telling her that even though it had only been a short time..............I wanted to be with her forever. (stupid..I know). the emails scared her off even more. now we are barely on speaking terms.
As I said, this girl chased me.............showed me over and over that she was enthralled with me (as was I with her) then just shut it down like a light switch. I have done this to many women over the years and I know I have hurt alot of feelings. I guess this is what you might call poetic justice.
I still want this girl so badly though............no matter how many others i date....it doeant seem to help. not yet anyway.
My question is, knowing how much we originally felt for one another, is there a way I can rekindle this thing and get it back to where it was?
or is it just time to move on? Maybe in moving on, in a few months or so It might come back around.
am i making any sense? or am I being clouded with too much emotion?

A different point of veiw would be welcomed.

thanks

Dan

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by guitarman520
Hi guys..........

I wrote a couple weeks ago about a girl I met at work.
First though.............
a little backround on me. (thanks to everyone for taking the time to give thier perspective).

I am a 40 yr old guy. Look good, good sense of humor.
I date alot. My dilemma is that It is a VERY, VERY rare uoccasion that I feel anyhting more than a fleeting feeling (and usually only sexual in nature) for anyone I meet. I made the joke that "I have looked into so many eyes...........I feel like an optomotrist......lol).

Anyhow, I after several years of bouncing around, lots of erotic adventure but no real deep feelings (which believe me, i would love to find......Im getting tired of the chase), I finally met a woman that made me feel the way I was hoping for. I had thought that I could not have those kind of feelings anymore.
To my delight, she felt the same way and she actually pursued me in getting our relationship started. we wre enjoying iunbelieveable chemistry. she told me she was amazed by how strong the chemistry between us was so quickly. I was unsure at first but before long. I must admit, I fell HARD for her. A very very rare thing for me. We probably got physical far to quickly (3rd date) but angain, she was all for it and me, being a guy...............couldnt say no. backround on her.........She has been divorced only about a yr and has an 8 yr old daughter.
She was so kind and caring. Just like a bright light shining in my life. she told me numerous times how much she was enjoying our time together and that sexually her climax was more powerful with me than ever before in her life. I was thrilled. She just felt right for me. the kiss, the smell, the aura. it was all there. I wa amazed.
then suddenly, for no reason at all, she grew cold, had no time to see me or barely even talk with me. Told me she didnt expect to feel this way with anyone at this point in her life. had other priorities and had to back off. she actually became unable to look me in the eye when i would see her at work (I know, office romance is a no-no.............I should have learned my lesson the last 5 times ii did that in my life). Anyhow, when she backed up, I was so suprised and then hurt, that I lost my composure (which is probably what attracted her to me in the first place) and wrote her several LONG and deep emails telling her ihow much she meant to me and telling her that even though it had only been a short time..............I wanted to be with her forever. (stupid..I know). the emails scared her off even more. now we are barely on speaking terms.
As I said, this girl chased me.............showed me over and over that she was enthralled with me (as was I with her) then just shut it down like a light switch. I have done this to many women over the years and I know I have hurt alot of feelings. I guess this is what you might call poetic justice.
I still want this girl so badly though............no matter how many others i date....it doeant seem to help. not yet anyway.
My question is, knowing how much we originally felt for one another, is there a way I can rekindle this thing and get it back to where it was?
or is it just time to move on? Maybe in moving on, in a few months or so It might come back around.
am i making any sense? or am I being clouded with too much emotion?

A different point of veiw would be welcomed.

thanks

Dan

No offense Dan, but are you purposely aiming low? A divorced mother who has screwed who knows how many guys and has an 8 year old daughter? She has only been divorced a year!? I think these feelings you have are only the desperation of being 40 without a LTR/wife. You are not in love or any of that crap.

Open your eyes. She has red flag written all over her. Divorced for one year. Eight year old daughter. Goes from hot to cold. She is most likely emotionally and psychologically unstable. Be glad your AFCness scared her away! Keep her away!

I may be half your age, but the game does not change. The only real difference is that at an older age women have their egos knocked down a few notches as their youthful beauty fades and are usually less stuck up and happier with whom they can catch. They know for whom the biological clock bell tolls!

 

[PimpNHard]

She approached you? She got close to you all fast? Then when you return the feelings she shuts down on you? Hmmmmm......
Sounds to me like the classic case of the confused middle-aged woman. Did she ever tell you why she got divorced? Hmmm....
Anyway.... lucky for you - you're a guy which means it is physically possible for you to have kids pretty much until you croak. Don't let your age get you discouraged. Sh!t you're only halfway there! You oughtta be proud of yourself - you are a seasoned mack! Allz you gotta do is turn it back on. Don't let this confused divorcee knock you off your horse.

 

[Julian]

yo man you went totally afc on her.

 

[guitarman520]

thanks for the thoughts

first off.................what does AFC mean..............lol.

I thank everyone for the advice and the veiwpoints. I know it may sound pathetic that im all meesed up over this woman that seems to be "just another of many" . As I said before though guys, I have been through litlerally hundreds of women in the last few yrs. older, younger, taller, shorter, blonde, brunette, redhead.............as the song goes.........."I've had the blues.the reds and the pinks (too much pink for my own good actually). I have 3 more i am seeing right now. have one for tonight, one for tomorrow, and one lined up for monday. Its just that REAL chemsitry that I never feel . The women feel it probably 50% of the time, they make it obvious, and they try like hell to get close to me. I NEVER LET THEM IN MY HEART. This one felt right For both of us. I guess I didnt really ever know who she was though. Now that I know i can feel that way about someone again, i guess I have to continue on and allow the next "Right one" to come along.
I mean from what you guys are hearing......does this thing have ANY chance of going back to where I want it to be? unlikely isnt it?
To ignore her and forget about it is probably the only way it could possibly come around and then, maybe Im all hot for someone else anyway. I know this starting to get boring.............this ***** just really got under my skin............I thought she was a sweetheart and guess i was mistaken.

Dan

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Re: thanks for the thoughts

.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Re: Re: thanks for the thoughts

You're much better off without her. You will find someone better. Move on and don't look back.

By professing your "love" in those e-mails you told her that she can make you happy or unhappy. Now she withdraws her affection to see you suffer. She is cold, callous, and void of human compassion. This is the tragedy that is the "modern independent woman".

Rest assured that she will continue to use this power she perceives she has over you to try to make you miserable. How do I know this? I will make a prediction to prove my point. The prediction is as follows:

Go out and have fun! Forget about her. Focus on the other women in your life. Be a happy guy and have everything going for you! Smile and laugh a lot around the workplace. Happily walk around humming or whistling your favourite tune. This is what will happen:

She will try to come back into your life when she sees you happy without her. Don't fall for the trap. She will only do this out of jealousy and hatred, not love. I guarantee you deep down inside that she is miserable and it will eat away at her to see someone she knows like you, happy. She will get close to you again only to try and to bring you back down. Don't let her do this!

Release the power she has over your mood! Tell yourself that you will not be another victim of a cold-hearted woman! Tell yourself you are not some toy she can play around with when it pleases her and then toss out like a piece of garbage.

Release yourself! Be free! Enjoy your life! Without her.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Guitarman, put your guitar down and listen up, err, read!!

I'm 43 years young and what you have here a classic hor scenario --- you sexed her on the third date and so did many other dudes - so you were no one special - you were just the next pimp in line!!!! Women don’t pursue men – only hors do – this is a major clue of her aggressive masculine corrupted hor status and she has obviously pursued other men as well!!!

You respect and treat a lioness as if it was a kitten and you will miscalculate and always lose and get your ass eaten!!!

Your e-mails were heartfelt Im sure, but hors don't care for the matters of the heart - they are selfish and care for only their temporal state of happiness - you, my man, don't count!! You approached a hor wrong because you got emotional with her!!! Hors don’t concern themselves with the matters of the heart!!!

You were so close to her because of "chemistry" ???? So what!!!

Tell me this man - did you know her character before you so wholeheartedly embraced her as your future wife?? No, you didn't because you sexed her like the hor that she knows that she is and yet you still see this as a woman worthy of your heart!!!

You are acting as the woman (attached after sex) and she is acting as the man (unattached) - somebody changed the program in the matrix!!!

I know dude, you've been patient in your waiting for the right woman but in your desperateness to find the one and to end your perpetual chase you got emotional really fast with the one you thought you had chemistry with! A rare find, so you thought!! No man, Hors are a dime a dozen dozen.

Never get emotional with a woman until she totally immerses herself into your existence and clamors for your presence with passionate longing ---- then you know she is for real and not just horing!!!

Never say, "I love you" to a woman first!! Why? You ask? Because the realm of love is more inherently scripted within the nature of the female than it is the male’s nature --- and if "she" the female, in her naturally inclined heightened state of affection and love which is ingrained in her femininity does not divulge her heart to a man then this tells you that she doesn't have a deep felt regard for your love and presence; thus, the man should never expose himself to a woman whose heart is not available to him because he will only become discouraged and depressed for desiring that which is not available to him!!

It is fruitless!! The tree is barren! Find a tree bearing the rich fruit that you so desire which will give you nourishment and strength!!

Hors are fruitless and barren to matters of the heart – they are rotting flesh with a stench that warns you to keep your distance. Why men of today gravitate towards this foul smell is beyond comprehension – suffer the consequences!!

She has most likely returned to someone she was sexing before you!! You were just the next pimp in line!!

A man is supposed to pimp the hor -- NOT fall in love with her!!!

Move on and do as I stated above and NEVER get emotional with a hor!!!

 

[guitarman520]

you guys are right but its still difficult

Im not sure about the part about her being a hor...........lol
she was all starry eyed when we did it together and just being with me. then she shut down like a light switch.

The advise to just let it go and go get some more is certainly sound I know.
I actually have one lined up for tonight and another for tomorrow but I still keep thinking of HER!!!! I hate feeling this way.
Im not sure id even take her back at this point though. she'd probably do the same thing again.
the meaningless sexual escapades ARE getting old though (like me...lol).
maybe one day I can figure it out and find the answers to ther universal mysteries (probably NOT).

 

[Pimp-sicle]

guitarman: Oh she's definitely a w-hore!! She's damaged goods who doesn't feel comfortable being anything but a dumb slvt!! She w-hores, psychos etc can never see themselves settling down and committing. They like to toy with the idea of it every now and then, only to return to their slvtty ways in due time.

C'mon man, you think she's not a slvt because of the starry look in her eyes when you fuvked her??? LOL That's a joke, its call seduction bro, and looks like she flipped the script on you pretty well. Sounds like she's scared of committment and who could blame her, she's divorced and has a kid.

Your use to having the power and you gave up your seat in the throne to this byatch and now you want it back. But she's not going to give you that satisfaction. Remember, its good that you guard your heart, but judge women day by day. She's only been consistent with one character trait: INCONSISTENCY!! And that my friend is not something you'd want to deal with for the rest of your life.


PS: You completely blew it by writing all those sappy e-mails and telling her that you wanted to be with her forever. If she's a true psycho, walking wounded, she will come back to you though. That's how you know that you should ditch her, she'll suck the life outta you 10x worse than she already has in such a short time.




PIMP

 

[becker]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
Guitarman, put your guitar down and listen up, err, read!!

I'm 43 years young and what you have here a classic hor scenario --- you sexed her on the third date and so did many other dudes - so you were no one special - you were just the next pimp in line!!!! Women don’t pursue men – only hors do – this is a major clue of her aggressive masculine corrupted hor status and she has obviously pursued other men as well!!!

You respect and treat a lioness as if it was a kitten and you will miscalculate and always lose and get your ass eaten!!!

Your e-mails were heartfelt Im sure, but hors don't care for the matters of the heart - they are selfish and care for only their temporal state of happiness - you, my man, don't count!! You approached a hor wrong because you got emotional with her!!! Hors don’t concern themselves with the matters of the heart!!!

You were so close to her because of "chemistry" ???? So what!!!

Tell me this man - did you know her character before you so wholeheartedly embraced her as your future wife?? No, you didn't because you sexed her like the hor that she knows that she is and yet you still see this as a woman worthy of your heart!!!

You are acting as the woman (attached after sex) and she is acting as the man (unattached) - somebody changed the program in the matrix!!!

I know dude, you've been patient in your waiting for the right woman but in your desperateness to find the one and to end your perpetual chase you got emotional really fast with the one you thought you had chemistry with! A rare find, so you thought!! No man, Hors are a dime a dozen dozen.

Never get emotional with a woman until she totally immerses herself into your existence and clamors for your presence with passionate longing ---- then you know she is for real and not just horing!!!

Never say, "I love you" to a woman first!! Why? You ask? Because the realm of love is more inherently scripted within the nature of the female than it is the male’s nature --- and if "she" the female, in her naturally inclined heightened state of affection and love which is ingrained in her femininity does not divulge her heart to a man then this tells you that she doesn't have a deep felt regard for your love and presence; thus, the man should never expose himself to a woman whose heart is not available to him because he will only become discouraged and depressed for desiring that which is not available to him!!

It is fruitless!! The tree is barren! Find a tree bearing the rich fruit that you so desire which will give you nourishment and strength!!

Hors are fruitless and barren to matters of the heart – they are rotting flesh with a stench that warns you to keep your distance. Why men of today gravitate towards this foul smell is beyond comprehension – suffer the consequences!!

She has most likely returned to someone she was sexing before you!! You were just the next pimp in line!!

A man is supposed to pimp the hor -- NOT fall in love with her!!!

Move on and do as I stated above and NEVER get emotional with a hor!!!

Great post, PuertoRican_Lover, I have to say that I went through this exact thing, minus the sappy e-mails, which I never wrote. Girl seemed like the sweetest safest girl in the world to get into something with. She was very into me, always called and initiated. Didn't work out though, and a part of me will always wonder what the heck happened. I do know though, that if you let yourself meet other women, at least the chances of finding one that will be a great match for you will happen. The problem is working through that feeling that if the last girl who you sort of saw as being almost "the one" didn't work out, how could anyone work out? You'll have to trust it I guess, and I wish I could take my own advice, because I for one am not too motivated at all to even look right now.

 

[guitarman520]

I know what you mean

its not easy to explain, is it.
You can have 5,6,7 or more on the line but the one that you REALLY feel it for is the one that gets away.

seems like some people are happy with love and find the right relationships. Is it an illusion? is ANYBODY really content?

I thought this one could be the one. the kiss, the aura, the magnetizm we BOTH felt. She was toally infatuated with me.
I was thrillled at this because the taste, the smell, the feel, and the personality (not nessesarily in that order) were ALL right on target. I have ot go thru like 50 women to get that good feeling. maybe more. Itsa NOT ALL about looks either. its something intangible that you just feel inside. LOVE STINKS!!!
but Im gettin tired of all the meaningless sex with the masses.

I wanted her to be the one really badly. Ididnt lose my cool until after she flipped out for no reason. i should have played it cool but I got primal.
Life, my friends, although a spectacular adventure, is NOT an easy road.
I have one comming over in a few minutes to watch the b-ball playoff game and probably blow me too but.............like an ass............. I still miss the other one that got away.

 

[OpenMind]

When u feel some kind of "sparks" or magical connection with a woman that is natures way of telling you that sh*t isn't right! Men are NOT supposed to feel that kind of **** for women, it is against our biology, and when we do we are acting like women, it is a woman's job to feel sh*t...... you probably passed up some good women in your time that were right for you but Hollyood brainwashed you to think they weren't because you didn't feel sparks... find a good woman that you aren't infatuated with and you won't hand her your balls in a shopping bag...

 

[guitarman520]

you may have a good point but dont you like it when a woman REALLY does it for you. doesnt everyone like that sensation?

I have what you might call an addictive personality so maybe the spark or magik that i want to have is like food, or money or a drug or alcohol. Im not sure. I do know that this lovesick feeling is NOT an enjoyable one so, was the euphoria I was feeling before really worht this bad feeling Im having now? maybe not maybe so.........its all a mystery. Ill be ok though, I can always get more and more.
I do miss that byach though............lol. i REALLY do. she kissed better, smelled better, screwed better...............ok enough.

 

[Jake-inator]

You just gotta man up and move on...
Nothing you can do, except try not to let this happen again.

You'll probably think about her for some time, it's natural. Eventually it'll fade.

You have the right idea...
Good luck, and stay away from those man-wh0res.

 

[Reed247]

see what happens if you propose marriage to her, if you 2 are so in love then see what happens when you propose marriage.
But I agree with rican about this girl, I dated a girl who was a real wh*re (how many guys on this board have done that ZERO) and it wasn't my fault She was a college student doing it on the side!

You know what she did to me? (this is similar to you)

I e-mailed her saying I loved her and she broke my heart and she used it against me!!!!!!!
Scum biotch! I ended up kicking her a** literally...but man, it seems to me when a woman learns about what makes you tick, she knows how to control you!!!!

I think mystery and unavailability work like magic.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Re: I know what you mean

Originally posted by guitarman520
...I thought this one could be the one. the kiss, the aura, the magnetizm we BOTH felt. She was toally infatuated with me.
I was thrillled at this because the taste, the smell, the feel, and the personality (not nessesarily in that order) were ALL right on target. I have ot go thru like 50 women to get that good feeling. maybe more. Itsa NOT ALL about looks either. its something intangible that you just feel inside. LOVE STINKS!!!

Ok, your above statement makes you sound like an emotional buffoon!!!! STOP IT!!!!

Guitar man – I didn’t write my previous insightful post for you to so readily dismiss it as, “she is not a hor”.

The crux of my message was that, yes, she is a hor!!! And the other part of the message is for you to stop being an emotional buffoon!! Emotion is the domain of women and “reason” is the domain of the man!!!!

Emotional attachment based on her smell, taste, feel, aura, magnetism, thrill etc.. is the criteria for a women to be infatuated with a man but it is NOT in the man’s nature to fall for a girl based on such frivolous and intangible criteria!!!! Do you notice those factors have no rationale or reason it just “FEELS” right!!! You are thinking and talking like a woman!!!

You are 40 years old and you are talking like a biatch!! SLAP!!! SLAP!!!

Wake up – The Matrix has you!!!!!!!

Follow the Puerto Rican Rabbit!!

Read my first post again – your cure was there don’t be blinded by your previous thinking before you came to this site !!! Did you read the DJ Bible – you sound like an AFC!!!

She is a Hor with an capital “H” --- she had sex with you and then she takes off!!! HUH?????? What kind of a woman does this??? I remember when women were endeared to a man and totally committed to him THEN and only until THEN opened her legs to invite her man to enter her inner sanctum!!!!

But your hor opens her legs for you to enter her stank hole with NO emotional or endearing attachment to you – then she leaves!!! HUH???? This is half-ass backwards and is the doing of a hor!!!!!

Women don’t pursue men – this is the doing of hors!!!! She has chased many before you!!! Read my previous post again!!

She wasn’t thrilled or did she have lovey dovey eyes for you – that is an error in your perception due to your desperateness to meet the love of your life – you saw things the way YOU wanted to see them…tsk tsk you fooled yourself!!!!

At 40 years old you better wake up to these hors you are associating with before you get your ass eaten!!!! You got off lucky this time!!

 

[Reed247]

it sounds like she just wanted a fling with you.
women experiment with love...they will fall in love just for the feeling, then get bored without being attached. basically all women today are wh*res.
Did you know Paris Hilton has a fan club with 4-10 year old children?
What is the world coming to? Hell that is what.
Yes I am Mr. Negative. But negative people are better at predicting the future then positive people, it's a scientific fact.

If you don't believe it, turn on the TV, look at those womens magazines "sneaky ways to get what you want". Men are actually considered fashion accessories to a lot of big city women!!

Sickening. You should do this my friend, MOVE THE HELL OUT OF AMERICA...why? because America is a big cultural disease infecting it's plague all over the world.

As soon as foreign women move here they become wh*res. It's like the American dream of women, Move here, Wh*re thy self for rich man, rich man dumps them, then wh*re thy self again...and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again.....
Until they are wrinkled like a leather hand bag, cottage cheese legs, plastic surgery, and bitter nasty attitudes. This is the classic new age american woman.

Welcome to the USA.

Do like my room mate does, he is your age (mid 40's) and goes to asia for a month and screws 18 year old babes for 20 bucks a day.
Give that a shot.

 

[Jake-inator]

Love is an addiction, just like any other drug. You get the first high for free, and you feel all good.
Once it wears off, you'll pay anything to get the second dose... and the dealer knows it.

You're addicted...
Here's something you might want to read:
http://www.peele.net/lib/love.html

Hope that gets you on the right track...

Originally posted by Reed247
America is a big cultural disease infecting it's plague all over the world.

It's funny... because it's true :crackup:

 

[guitarman520]

what to do now.....................

Hey guys...........

I had written a story a couple weeks ago about this girl I was getting really close to, everything was feelin perfect (which is unusual..............Most of the time I just want to get laid and then split). Then she got scared of her feelings and ran off on me. Kinda broke my heart because I have been thru so many tramps looking for the one that would stir my heart.
Anyhow, today we had lunch together with another coworker along with us. We were friendly enough to one another but the aura and the magic that was in the air before, seemed to be all but gone. That could have been because of the 3rd person there but Im not sure. I mean this girl was all gaga over me and now she has a hard time looking me in the eye.
Im thinkin that Now i have to just let it go and if it comes back around it does......and if not.............so what.
Ive done like 5 more women since her and I had our falling out but none are even close to her in my mind.
whats my next move? I think , as I said i have to be cool and let her come to me......or not. Definately DO NOT CALL HER.
does everyone agree??