why is it...

[ItsOnNow]

some guys, from a very early age, have all the luck, and the rest of us struggle on in pain? Why is it every other guy lost it at 15 and 16, and I struggle to even ask someone out or get a date? Is it the world? Is attraction? Why is it every has there sweetheart and love, and the rest of us are alone in misery? Why is it everyone had there gf in highschool, college, etc? Why why why? This anger is causing me to have lashed out.Seriously, is like there is this repressed side to me. Everyone else has the skills, I dont.

 

[KontrollerX]

Usually comes from childhood dude.

The naturals tend to have very good and involved parents.

And no I'm not talking soccer mom idiots or metrosexual fathers, no I am not talking society's idea of good parents.

I'm talking the badass father that is the head of the household who seems proud of you his son despite any mistakes you make, he regularly makes you feel included in his life and you subconsciously pick up on how confident he acts around others especially your mother and women in general. It has a profound effect on our DJ development.

As for the role of the mother, if our mother is a energetic happy woman that respects our father and is kind to us but corrects us when we are wrong and she doesn't suffer from depression or any other mental health illness we subconsciously are trained to seek out healthy women like her when we get old enough to become attracted to girls.

Unfortunately though I'd argue most of us while having parents that loved us and cared about us in their own ways were not at all a healthy couple or parents to us.

During my time here and PM's with many members of the forum I've discovered that a grand lot of us had depressed moody mothers and a strong silent type self distancing father who didn't really do a great deal to make us feel included in his life even though it was clear he loved us by putting a roof over our heads and took us to the doctor and paid for things when we needed it.

Healthy parental interaction is usually critical for the development of a healthy individual that grows into being a natural with women and with life in general. There are exceptions of course but yeah like I said most of us were born and raised with a disadvantage of mentally unstable mothers and strong silent type distancing fathers and though they love us the best they can with their impairments we are still effected greatly in a negative way by their sickness and unhealthy treatment of us.

The moody unstable mother causes us to fear women and when we finally get the courage to approach a woman or accept a woman's advances its usually someone sick like our mother or with an even worse but similar seeming sickness.

And because our father was so distanced from us we cling to our moody mother's by default and thus never know the fullness of what being a man is all about from a first hand observation.

This happens by default a lot of the time with guys who come here from single mother households.

There are exceptions to what I've just said for sure and perhaps you are one but this is an answer for why many of us have found ourselves here and have found such great benefit from the teachings of this place.

 

[ItsOnNow]

Its funny you mention all that. My parents, sure, have there quirks, but In some ways, I always felt or tried to be rather independent of them. Both my parents were there for me, but I can think of instances when I would push them away. My dad could have an irritating presence at times. Just I couldnt stand being around him. Not that he was abusive at all, just things that irked me. My mother was always a saint to me, which is why I feel like utter **** in regards to some of the ways I have treated her in the past. My problems may stem more from a lazyness, or a depression. All I know is that when I was a bit younger, this thing hit me, and hasnt let go. I mean, I started getting these, not anxiety attacks, but more like feelings of extreme worry, Like I will never get married, go to school, no freinds or social life, as it was at the time. High School sucked for me, and didnt even have a formidable college experience. So socially, I feel lacking. I was raised in a 2 parent household, and I want to point something out, amongst most people I know, those who were raised in single mother households, seem to be more natrual, or are sexually active earlier. Like a freind of mine, he basically doesnt know his dad, as he explained to me once, yet, he has been with more girls than me. Growing up,I did seem to favor spending more time with my mom than dad. One thing killing me is this,whether its in my head or just is, inability to attract. It just seems unlikely. Spending alot of time inside, which I am too used too, doesnt help either.

 

[KontrollerX]

Edited away for being too harsh lmao.

 

[Flabbergasped?]

Maybe wutang is right and it is looks.

I've been called attractive ONCE in recent memory, and it was after I started working out thanks to advice on this website. I can only imagine how terrible I looked in high school.

It is scientifically proven that attractive people live happier lives, and I'm sure a good part of it is the fact that they get more ass.

 

[ItsOnNow]

Well, I can see where I went wrong I guess. Now the step is to get over it. I think its a personality thing. Sometimes I can be "fun,spontaneous, outgoing" Sometimes I am quiet and keep to myself. It may be a fear of talking to people. I dont know what that comes from. I work a retail job that requires me to talk to people every day. Yet, I lack other skills. I mean, as for looking good/working out, again, If i had just the effort in sooner, say 16,17, yeah. Could have been getting more ass as they say. Or, maybe I just haven't found the balls to go out and talk. I am worried that being online alot as well affects me.

 

[ItsOnNow]

Yeah. Thats what I have wanted, to be ahead. This problem is def a social thing. Probably from long periods of feeling isolated. I mean, I really wonder, am I normal and is there something wrong with me if I am constantly like this. Can I/am I attractive enough? I am a pretty regular guy. Maybe I need to spice things up a bit? also, not having been through the whole college thing makes me feel even more behind. Also, I never bought into this "fabricated image" thing, where someone wears "the right clothes" "says the right/cool thing all the time" "has the latest this that and the other thing." Cause for the most part, I really dont care. dont care about whats hot and not, whats in and out, ya know?

 

[warrior1]

ItsonNow, did you drop out of college/still in it/ or graduated?

Do you have a job or do you just sit at home everyday on the computer?

 

[ItsOnNow]

It could be this whole judgement fear thing. The whole being/not being a man thing. Every other guy lost it at 15,16,17, and has been banging around ever since. Of course, perhaps holding yourself up to a higher standard is better? I mean, are some more "alpha/natural" than others???...

 

[Tex]

Dude...suck it up or it'll never happen. There is no such thing as luck. Just differing amounts of will power. Seeing as how you're here moping instead of out there makin it happen it sounds like you don't have the will to change the status quo. Better to be out there crashing and burning than in here just talking. PM me if you think I'm wrong...

 

[ItsOnNow]

No, you're right. But I cant bring myself. I mean, I just want everything no b.s. Isnt that what we want? Or am I delusional? I mean, I want to be the guy that has it all, the power, you know what I mean? I feel like I could have gotten this sooner, but due to my own lack or lazyness, I am so behind. This is killing me. I mean, everyone starts out, learns, and gets to where they are. Ya know? I mean, I still see things in this "high school" mode of sorts.

 

[theunflushables]

Nothing is ever given to you, if you want it you have to take it. Sitting around wishing things were different is not going to make things different. Life is unfair, thems the breaks. Only through struggle and determination will you achieve your goals. So, drop the whole "some guys have all the luck" mentality and get out there and make your own luck.

 

[Kupid Diggs]

Nothing is ever given to you, if you want it you have to take it. Sitting around wishing things were different is not going to make things different. Life is unfair, thems the breaks. Only through struggle and determination will you achieve your goals. So, drop the whole "some guys have all the luck" mentality and get out there and make your own luck.

I co-sign this.

I'm 21, I didn't grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth either. When I was in high school I only had a few girls. I slept with 2 girls my entire time in high school. Funny thing was, I was a good looking dude(still am). I just didn't have any game and had no AWARENESS. Females was throwin' me coochie in high school, but I wouldn't even pick up on it. It didn't help that dudes in school would talk ish to me because I actually gave a damn about my schoolwork(You know how high school is, its cool to be stupid). My confidence was low and I had no self-esteem. It was only me and my mom when i was in high school. I never talked to her about girls and how to get them. I didn't kiss a girl until my soph year of high school.

And now I'm 21 and I finally get it. Females come up to me like 50% of the time now. They see that I'm trying to get to the next level and they want to be a part of that. I don't even try to pick-up women sometimes. I'm too busy living my life and enjoying it. I used to be a slave to p u s s y, but then one day I woke up and changed my thought process. Oh yea, just so you know WuTang, I'm 5'8.

Dudes put so much emphasis on getting b i t c h es thats its not even funny. If dudes put as much emphasis on improving themselves as they did on "trying to get b i t ches", they'd probably be able to conquer the world by now. If you live your life and accomplish great things, the females will come to you. I've seen a couple of my friends get a local hoodrat that gives them head or sex on a regular basis, and "wife her up". I've seen them go to jail because of a chick. One of my friends dropped out of college so he could be closer to his girl. So be careful what you wish for. live life...

 

[ItsOnNow]

I feel I havent put enough emphasis on anything. High School was well, terrible for me, got no signs, probably developed a rep, and just didnt pick up on anything. Probably my own idk, blinding negativity. I havent even been in college college, only community college. I have only slept with 2 girls my whole life. Also, not focusing enough on certain work aspects didnt help either. I didnt even kiss a girl till I was 19.

I mean, I dont know if i am "living life", I get up, go to work,come home, occasionally go out. I mean, I feel behind in areas that seem normal to others. I mean, I have always had a tendency to look at things in sort of long term, rather than the now. I mean, All I wanted was to have finished high school on time, go to college, and really make something of my self. I feel behind in this area the most.

I dont want to just get b i t ches either, believe, i want a quality honest woman who will be faithful,loyal, and honest to me. Maybe i just need to get out more. As for chicks that will screw you over, I am trying to learn the signs to look out for.

Looking back, I was a serious wbafc, trying to meet girls online, looking for any sign of interest, instead of being in the field, met a few chicks, met a good one, lost it to her, and I screwed that up. Oh man was I clingy, seeking approval, putting myself down, oh man it was bad.

The whole improving/living life thing, I mean, perhaps it wasn't imbedded into me at an earlier age.

 

[Maxtro]

ItsOnNow, if you think your life was bad you don't know anything. High School was the lamest experience ever. My senior year was also the year that American Pie came out. I was jealous of those guys because they actually got laid. I managed to get out of High School without even a kiss. No girls at all liked me. Community college was more of the same. No attention from females at all.

As for sex, I've been with five women. Three of those I've paid for their services and the other two I met at a swinger club and they were taking all comers. I have not been with a single girl that I wanted to be with. At 26 years old I've only "dated" two girls. I was with one girl for two weeks, and the other girl I've only had one date with. I didn't kiss my first girl till I was 22 and she was fat, and she is the only girl I've kissed and that was over three years ago.

So the moral of the story is that no matter how bad you think you have it, there is always somebody else is worse.

Getting back to the original post, some people simply have more luck than others. Or there were major events that happened in a person’s life that had an adverse affect on that person. Or maybe they also have poor genes that hinder their ability to cope with what is happening.

For reasons I don’t know, I became a very angry, emotionally weak child after my parents divorced when I was three. Instead of becoming stronger, I became very depressed and have struggled with it until my mid 20’s. I haven’t had bad life by any means and I haven’t had to struggle at all, so I could never understand where my lack of confidence comes from. I’m average in looks and below average in height 5’6 so the complete lack of attention from females hasn’t helped.

Either way the most important thing is to not give up. Unless one does something stupid they are stuck on this rock for about 70 years, might as well make the most of it. I plan to enjoy the my life so I’m going to do the best I can to make sure I turns out as good as I want it to be. I suggest you do the same.

 

[ItsOnNow]

Well, I dont know what to say. Other than, I cant help but compare myself to others. Looking on craigslist at the people looking to find a girl to join them in a 3 way certainly doesnt help. Its not like I have done anything to really make myself better either. Not like I worked out, got in shape, got that look that gets all the hot chicks. Perhpas its my own hangups. I dont know what happened. I know there are those who have it worse, but I cant help but feel so lonely and empty. This feeling took over me. I am also starting to think, is there something wrong with the women in this society? Perhaps its not me?

I mean, there are people out there who have been with that one person for close to 6,7,8 years. I mean, how does that happen?!!? And they are already married!! What am I lacking to prevent me from that? What have I been doing wrong? I have an idea and I dont.

 

[Maxtro]

Its not like I have done anything to really make myself better either. Not like I worked out, got in shape, got that look that gets all the hot chicks. Perhpas its my own hangups. I dont know what happened. I know there are those who have it worse, but I cant help but feel so lonely and empty. This feeling took over me. I am also starting to think, is there something wrong with the women in this society? Perhaps its not me?

There is no doubt that it is you. Who else would it be? You admitted your first problem. You are not doing anything to make yourself better.

Yes being lonely and empty is a natural feeling. Humans are a selfish people. Living in America we have good lives, that are much better that most of the world. But we are still unhappy, that is just the way people are.

I suggest you take some time to try and figure out what is wrong with you. Right down what you want to change about yourself and then work on them. Also start working out. Their are tons of benefits to exercising.

The only thing I can say is that you must try to fix the things that are wrong in your life. To neglect doing that, is to doom yourself to misery.

 

[ItsOnNow]

I guess I would want it to know I have found someone. I mean, seeing everyone else married and starting a family, makes me worry. Someone who loves me for me. I mean, I would rather be married than lonely. Am I looking at this all wrong?

 

[ItsOnNow]

Also, Am I being unrealistic?