Why is it GUYS who seem to get too emotionally invested?

[runner83]

Emotional investment in too short a time period = NEEEEEDDDY

Not getting emotionally invested after a reasonable period (e.g. 6 months) is also not healthy.

Probably because I am so busy with work lately and don't have time for a relationship of any sort, I don't seem to be getting emotionally invested at all.

Hook up with a chick, bang her, see what happens, but if you both move on, no biggie, enjoy the s!x for what it was, and get on with more important things in your life than chasing one pvssy.

 

[sstype]

To the OP....

The answer is because most guys have no lives outside of chasing pvssy or pleasing their girlfriends/wives. When mainstream society (and the PUA counter-culture) conditions us to tie our emotional well-being soley to the approval of fickle women, you get tons of guys who are mental trainwrecks.

I'm guilty of falling in this trap, and its something I'm trying to work on everyday. Just stop taking women so goddmn seriously and your mental/emotional state will improve overnight.

 

[SoSuave666]

Prior to exclusivity, the man has won. He can be with as many girls as he wants without having to worry about the headaches the opposite sex can bring. For a woman, prior to exclusivity, she is losing. Her alpha male is off doing God-knows-what when he isn't with her. She can't trust him, and it makes her try harder.

After exclusivity, the man has lost. His nature is polygamy, but the female has convinced him that monogamy with her is his best option. For a woman, she has won. She no longer needs to chase her alpha male because he wants to be with her. She has conquered the unconquerable. When she stops trying to qualify herself to her man, she will become complacent. When this happens, she will look for other suitors.

The key is to always be running game, no matter what stage of the relationship you are in. Once a man becomes complacent, he is comfortable. When a woman becomes complacent, she is uncomfortable and will seek others. It is at this point when the man becomes clingy and pushes her farther away, instead of using game to keep her on her toes. You want to avoid clinginess? Like others have said, spin more plates...even when exclusive. You never know when you may need to call one up. Women do this naturally. As men, we need to do it consciously until it becomes our nature.

 

[JohnChops]

Soldmysoul laid it right down!

It's out of loneliness.. The guy does this when he feels that he has a void which needs to be filled. A lot us put women on a pedestal thinking "I need to lose my virginity!", "I need a long term girlfriend!", "I need to get laid!"..

Now look at those three quotes. We have all said them once upon a time.. See what they start out with? "I need". That is "needy" behavior. Needy behavior is a byproduct of insecurity and general unhapiness with yourself. Think about it.

"I need to leave the bar with some chick tonight!" - I am desperate for sex.

"Sorry guys, I can't hang. this girl just got back to me." - I am desperate to have this woman in my life. (You love your friends, but have no problem losing them for some chick that stood you up last week).

We need to abandon this idea of "emotional investment".. It's not emotional investment at all. It's "needy investment". All of my good friends who have hot girlfriends don't just ditch their friends to be with their girlfriend. If anything, they tell the girl to come to them and hangout with all of us.

+1 for this post. Needy behavior = clingy, low self esteem, and a dude who has 0 self respect for himself.

 

[st_99]

IMO, when guys get overly emotional with women (early on) its simply a byproduct of inexperience and past frustration. Thats mostly it.

Once you get enough expereince with women you'll stop doing sh*t like that. Even when you fail with a women, you'll just
say, "well, that was pretty funny."

 

[ArcBound]

It's because there is no socially acceptable emotion outlet for a man other than his woman. A man's support network is pretty much non-existent compared to a woman's.



That is rather modern and culturally programmed - and wrong too.

You can't think of any example of masculine emotional expression?

This.

Also people need to stop saying only women can express emotions. Women have a monopoly on expressive emotion but all humans feel emotion.

Whether you like it or not men need to express emotion and it will come out one way or another. If you don't have an outlet it will come out when you can't control it.

 

[perseverance]

Perseverance, you're taking a dump on one of the main principles of PUA Bro Theory: That women run solely on emotion and make all their decisions solely on emotion. While I've never completely bought that, it is true that men are discouraged from showing their emotions from a young age. We're supposed to be more logical.

When a Spartan roared like a Lion in the Battle of Thermopylae was he not showing emotion? Was he not showing the ultimate Alpha traits? Did the Spartan's angry emotions not lead to one the greatest feats of valour that the human race is ever likely to achieve?

Would the Spartan army achieved what they did for seven days were it not for emotion? No, of course not, emotions can work for you and against you, it's a double-edged sword. Showing emotion is not weakness, providing you can control that emotion.

All animals show emotions.

 

[perseverance]

IMO, when guys get overly emotional with women (early on) its simply a byproduct of inexperience and past frustration. Thats mostly it.

This was me a few years ago. *Shudders*

 

[loveorlust]

Shouldn't it be girls?

Girls are the more emotional beings, so how come nowadays at least it's mostly guys who ruin relationship prospects by their emotional behaviour?

Is it a biological irony or a cultural thing? Shouldn't pin pointing the reason for this emotional epidemic be the key priority in order to shift the balance back to the way it seems it should be?

Why are women the men in todays dating warzone?

That's a very good question. Personally I think it's cultural and based on my experience I think it works like this..

Boy meets girl.

Girl gets excited but then boy comes on too strong.

Girl wonders why boy is coming on too strong and gets freaked out.

Girl loses interest.

Or boy turns out not to be what girl was hoping for, girl loses interest.

Boy wonders what the hell is wrong with girls.


As you can see the problem could be boys expect too much in the beginning, like they met the girl of their dreams without even getting to know the girl first. It doesn't make sense to girls. They want a fairy tell.


You may also find the following article on oneitis, which I found to be related to this thread, helpful cause I think it highlights part of the problem.


http://www.pualingo.com/pua-definitions/one-itis/


Good luck and all the best to you with women.

 

[bigneil]

What I can't stand is that eventually in a relationship something will happen that will cause a man to become emotional for non-relationship reasons, but it seems that women still hold it against him.

 

[MrJibbles]

Women are from Venus, and Men are from Mars. Sure, males and females are wired differently, but that doesn't mean men, though usually the more rational sex, are not emotional.

I think the tendency for men to fall in love with a girl based on her looks and for women to fall in love with a guy based on "how he makes her feels" often results in guys "falling in love" before the girl does. A guy can "fall" for a girl almost instantly, but it will take time for a girl to be 'charmed' by a man. If the guy is sexually-frustrated and inexperienced, he is more likely to fall in this trap, as he is not confident around females and, by default, has adopted a scarcity mentality. A more stoic, sexually-experienced man, however, has multiple plates spinning and therefore is way less likely to fall for a girl (i.e. get emotionally-invested) because he knows he has more options. In addition, this type of man can easily differentiate "love" from "lust", and knows these two concepts are very different, though often interrelated. A needy guy will be quick to emotionally-invest because he knows (or believes) that finding a girl after the current one will be difficult. Women, on the other hand, often have a multitude of orbiters to exploit and gain sex, "love", intimacy, or emotional-support from literally at their fingertips (by phone, Facebook, etc.) in order to replace a guy who has just dumped her or gone cold.

I once jokingly took a chick by the hand and told her "I love you" a bunch of times. The next day, I played Mr. Beta-sensitive, told her she "deserved" the best, and that she was "like no girl I've ever met in my life before". These were all lies, of course (she was just some bimbo slvt), but by this point, what have could been turned into a comical, over-the-top display of attraction, turned into a display of neediness. RIGHT after this, she told me that she actually had a crush on another guy, but that guy was "too busy." I was friend zoned instantly. That guy, by showing he was too busy to "need" her, essentially became her alpha.

The key is show a girl you WANT her, not that you NEED her. Giacomo Casanova, the real-life counterpart of Don Juan, said that [this is from Wikipedia]: “a man who makes known his love by words is a fool”. Verbal communication is essential—“without speech, the pleasure of love is diminished by at least two-thirds”—but words of love must be implied, not boldly proclaimed." Using verbal communication and demonstrating attractive 'actions' to seduce a girl will obviously take time and patience, whereas a female can quickly seduce a man not only into lust, but love when it comes to needy males).

 

[rum]

Because guys have hearts, they have a conscious, they are protectors and nurturers by nature (a woman is only spiritually attached to her children...and some even abandon THEM)

women are transient creatures, by nature. Often "unsure" of their feelings and always inclined towards taking on dangerous and unstable projects (deadbeat men) that they feel they can mold over ready made products. They are also gamblers by nature...I remember some game show host always saying that women always take more risks on his show than men. That's why so many gamble by leaving good men for a "potentially" better man. And when that potential becomes an abuse SOB, they cry for 2 days "waaah I should've stayed with Jim" but their memory becomes short and they end up repeating the same mistakes

in short...they're stupid

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Why is it GUYS who seem to get too emotionally invested?

I don't think it's really this cut-and-dried, or gender-specific. I've observed and experienced that WHOEVER is the most attached to the romantic outcome of ANY relationship is usually the one that's the most emotionally vulnerable.

So choose your women wisely, troops....

 

[bigneil]

Giacomo Casanova, the real-life counterpart of Don Juan, said that [this is from Wikipedia]: “a man who makes known his love by words is a fool”. Verbal communication is essential—“without speech, the pleasure of love is diminished by at least two-thirds”—but words of love must be implied, not boldly proclaimed."

Great stuff again MrJibbles.

 

[drak_ool]

I don't think it's really this cut-and-dried, or gender-specific. I've observed and experienced that WHOEVER is the most attached to the romantic outcome of ANY relationship is usually the one that's the most emotionally vulnerable.

So choose your women wisely, troops....

VU for the win, as usual...

Attachement really comes from the fear of walking away. Whoever fears it the most loses. The vast majority of guys are betas. Even if they learn enough game to attract a decent girl, they don't realize that relationship game is 100x harder than pick-up! And so they slip, and they start putting the woman on a pedestal, and they become pvssy-whipped. This in turn only makes the woman less attracted to them. Assuming she was hot to begin with, she knows she has options and starts contemplating them. The more she pulls away, the more beta-fied and emotionally attached her bf becomes.

It just becomes a vicious circle that usually ends with the woman exercizing her options and the man being left behind pondering where the h3ll it all went wrong...

HOWEVER, if the man manages to run a tight game even during the relationship, if he refuses to engage her when she sh1t tests him, and if he walks away at the first sign of disrespect, he will have his woman wrapped around his finger. In this (rare) situation, she will be the one that is too emotionally involved, always telling her friends how much of an terrible person he is, yet running back to him like a puppy.

 

[Lucifero]

Because they only focus their attention on one girl instead of branching out.

And they don't realize that most women are worthless b1tches.

 

[jocvtrhythgd]

in reality, have tiny to no options. A person can dump a woman, but there will consistently be considered a thousand guys who will bend greater than backwards for her. And females know this.
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[PrettyBoyAJ]

Because there is a moist movement. Guys are turning into emotional girls while girls are turning into masculine dudes. You can attribute this to TV and the higher divorce rates! You would never see stuff like this happen in Africa or the Middle East. There the men have the women in check.

 

[PapiChulo]

Thats complety normal and human. Most of us on here are emotionally stunted and callous inside due to past bad experiences. Therefore we chose the sex without attachment to fill the void. All men long for affection, love and admiration, and it's in short supply. I went to the point that I am no longer able to trust a woman, or another human being. That's not healthy, has an impact on quality of life, and generally leads to a lack of maturity.

 

[Eternal_water]

well this is a morbid thread