Why eliminate desire?

[Jay-X]

<intro>
Beforehand, I meant to publish this as a post in Sammo's last thread, but I realized that it would be better a thread for everyone to read and comment.
</intro>

I see a lot of people in this board telling newbies and oldies to forget their lust for women and to actually stop to desire them.
I may not be as great of a Don Juan as many of the guys who advocate this theory, but I'd like to express my opinion on this:

1st. we are animals, so we can't do nothing about it. it's normal to DESIRE women. ok, maybe if you don't desire them, they will desire you. but so what?! what's the point of being desired by someone you don't desire? it's like those dudes that complain about being chased by ugly girls. you won't be happy.

2nd. you can say, girls should not be our focus. then, what should be our focus? Our happiness? What if our happiness is founded on how much we fùck each day? Why should you change your focus on something else?!

3rd. many guys suggest forgetting about this board, in order to eliminate desire. why? lots of people don't come here to seek advice on how to get women, but about improving yourself in every field of your life. if i stopped coming here, it wouldn't help me forgetting women, but it would damage me in not asking for advice about sports, health, workin out, relatin to people, approachin people (not only WOMEN), general knowledge and lots of other things


criticize my thought, if you wish, but don't start flame wars

 

[Heyjose25points]

Good points dude. But i think there is one thing u forget to realize, Will ****ing everyday will bring happiness for the rest of your life? Course not. It'll keep u happy to an extent, but there has got to be other things to do in life too(especially when ur middle aged as ur mojo will go down significantly). But there has been proof that women are more likely to pursue you when ur not pursuing them. Try it, and come back and tell us. Funny thing is that i've been paying no attention to women for quite a while and have been getting constant IOIs when i least expect them, but then when i pursue the IOIs, the women barely ever do it.

 

[thefonz]

I think you're confusing the word desire with desperation....I may be wrong but I don't believe if hear too many people (master dj's) advocate killing desire. There's times when i wanna disappear from this board not because i want to eliminate desire but because I'm bombarded by so many different ideas, concepts, and techiniques that I feel like I have this GIGANTIC puzzle in from of me and I'm trying to fit everything together, but everytime i put one piece in another falls out and I have to find a new spot to put the old one.

For the 2nd part i think it's wrong to base your happiness on how much you f\/ck everyday because it's not something you can control. I can't make my girlfriend f\/c whenever I want to and honestly if she did i'd probably get very sick of her, and if she didn't I'd probably feel pretty worthless.....but what I CAN control is me going to the gym and telling myself "Ok, I wanna lift 10 lbs more than I did last week." or "I wanna go out and sarge 5 girls today." Those things feel great in accomplishment and failure because I tried.

 

[Jariel]

You make good points, but there are negative and positive types of desire.

In a positive sense, you may desire to be a better person or lead a better life.

In a negative sense, you may feel like you want or need something to make you happy. This is posessive and materialistic desire.

It's not wrong to desire a woman's company and experience good times together, but when its a controlling or selfish type of desire, it can lead to very destrutive feelings like jealousy, anger, and frustration.

This is the attitude that screws up a lot of guy's heads. Instead of appreciating a date with a woman, good company and good moments, they see it as a means to an end. All they can think about is getting something out of it (a kiss, sex, attention).

If you can limit or control this posessive/materialistic desire, you can learn to relax and enjoy each moment regardless of any outcome. This is a great attitude to have in life, because even if you get nothing, you had a good time. It makes you much happier and more grateful, and women definitely go for it.

Negative desire leads to desperation and this is something women can sense instinctively.

 

[cinephile]

If your desires control you, they need to be eliminated.

If they drive you, then they just need to be directed.

 

[Heyjose25points]

It's not wrong to desire a woman's company and experience good times together, but when its a controlling or selfish type of desire, it can lead to very destru[c]tive feelings like jealousy, anger, and frustration.

Exactly. Destructive is the perfect word.

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by cinephile
If your desires control you, they need to be eliminated.

If they drive you, then they just need to be directed.

Very concise and very accurate! Perfectly said!

 

[whistler]

To maybe add some clarity...

Realizing, embracing, and "living" your sexuality are all good aims.

Conveying to girls (through words, body language, or subtext) that you NEED them is often counterproductive. It lessens your value. And, it's like offering her a glass of wine, where the whine is your power in the relationship.

Eliminating desire? Not gonna happen, plus it's unnatural.

Letting desire mutate into neediness? Yuck.

 

[Visceral]

I've come to believe that desire and force are the two and only motivators available - everything a man does he does because he wants to or because he has to.

Living your life either forcing yourself to do things or being forced to do things would be horrible; no sane man would choose such a life.

So wanting to do things is the only valid option, and if you can attach to something new or difficult the same desire and love that you have for something old or easy, then there will be no stopping you.

Forget eliminating desire. Cultivate desire instead: strengthen the ones you have and find and develop new ones.

If you have enough sense to know a good idea from a bad idea and enough discipline to act on that knowledge, then you're in no danger, so relax and let loose
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The problem that we face is that desire doesn't, or can't, exist without pleasure. No-one desires something that is unpleasant to them, and therefore they take no action to get that something.

You could argue that someone in this position could use force and make themselves go after the thing, but seriously, what are the odds of that? You'd have a double negative, the unpleasantness of the thing and the unpleasantness of being forced after it

If force can't be forced - unless you're absolutely impervious to pain, you can't make yourself do something unless you really need to do it - and desire doesn't exist because pleasure doesn't exist either, then what is a man to do?