"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Why does this always happen?

Swashbuckler

Don Juan
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Aight, my biggest problem is I never go for the easy girl. I never go for the one who is like hey I like you. I always go for the one that will drag me through a dramatic btw I got a boyfriend roller coaster, and I hate it.

So, I recently graduated college. I moved back home, and god an amazing job at this retail store, and there are a handful of cute women. This store has a ton of employees. The good part is about half of the employees are either gay or lesbian and most of the remaining straight guys are married, which leaves like 10 straight guys and most of them are nerds, so I have no competition for women in the store. So none the less, I get a lot of female attention in the store from the female employees, which is nice.

However, there is one girl that I've really started to be keen on. She's kind of my type, which is girl next door 5'8" and hour glass figure with long hair. She's like an 7.5 or 8, and for some reason that's the typical girl I go for. The problem is she and I are at far ends of the store. She does the technical repairs while I sell. I've only worked there for 2 months; she's been there 2 years. She and I talk off and on, but I wouldn't call us buddy/buddy. We do flirt though... when we get the chance, and she shows a lot of interest in me.

The problem is I have a hard time pulling the gun. In my recent past relationships, I've basically had the girl in my bed before we ever started dating, which was awesome because I never put myself out there. You know it was like: whelp, as long as we're having sex, do you want to grab something in the morning? and then we'd date, but now I'm like... this sucks.

I just hate how I never go for the easy ones. There's another girl who actually asked me out tonight. She'd talked about going out for 2 months a lot, and she finally was like do you want grab coffee after work tomorrow. The problem is she's like 5 feet tall and petite, but she's mad cool. I'd totally dig her as a friend.

There's another girl at work who hunts me down to talk to me and always wants hugs, and honestly she probably wants to go out already, but again she's like 5 feet tall and petite... not what I go for.

There's one other girl who I do find attractive, but she's a party/gamer girl, so she loves to play halo to much. Lately, she's really come on to me. Like she'll start looking through my bag, listening to my music, messing with my hair, poking me... it's cute, but I'd just want something physical if anything with her.

It just pisses me off that I have to like the girl who I rarely talk to and who I know the least...

[/vent]
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Iceberg

Master Don Juan
Joined
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Swashbuckler said:
It just pisses me off that I have to like the girl who I rarely talk to and who I know the least...

[/vent]

I don't understand. Why can't you hook up with the girls who like you AND the girls who are a challenge?

You make it sound like there's only one path you can choose.

Maybe I'm banging a girl who I think is cute, but I'm not into her romantically. And maybe the next day I'm going out on a date with a girl I actually like.

Sounds like you get these cases of one-itis and you just fixate on that meanwhile passing up opportunities to date girls along the way. Hey, I have girls I fixate on too...but if another girl wants to meet me for drinks, she can have a shot too.

Tell the girl you like to meet you out for drinks. See if that works out. Get it over with, and open your mind to other girls. All that hesitation, "we don't talk a lot" crap is nonsense. All it takes is a 5 minute conversation, you make her laugh, and end it with "Happy hour. Let's do it."
 

Radharc

Senior Don Juan
Joined
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Iceberg is right, you have a oneitis mentality. If the same thing allways happens to you is because you keep doing the same thing.

So try something new. Stop thinking about how you want to have some specific girl that you cant, go spin plates, be more open minded. Once you do that there´s even a chance you might get the girl you like.
 

Kailex

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 3, 2010
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Swashbuckler said:
Aight, my biggest problem is I never go for the easy girl. I never go for the one who is like hey I like you. I always go for the one that will drag me through a dramatic btw I got a boyfriend roller coaster, and I hate it.
[/vent]
The problem and the solution are both in this very first sentence. You know how to remedy this.

Just date everyone.

If you JUST graduated from college, you are NOT over the age of 25, most likely. You should NOT be considering long-term relationships at this point. Do yourself a favor and date as many women as you can out there without ever really seriously committing. That way, you can better know how to assess which women to pick from in the future. Right now, I can tell you that your sniper mentality is definitely destroying you.

Turn that into a shotgun mentality.

Question: What's to stop you from going out with every girl you lay eyes upon right now?

Answer: YOU.
 
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