Why does it feel like I'm constantly being disrespected

[IronStar]

Thundermaverick,

Would have helped if you'd dropped this in the first post? Personally that whole scene isnt my bag, I wouldnt have even replied as its out of my own personal experience - I'd run a country mile if I met a bird like yours.

One thing I do know: Do this & she is your responsibility, you dont get to mess up here or walk away without consequences.

And by consequences I dont mean drunken text messages at 3am.

Good luck TM. If you can make it work for you & her, chances are she's safer with you anyway.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Aside from the act that this is a deviant practice and by definition unhealthy, you are falling into the trap of believing that if you acquire the knowledge and adopt the behavior of a member of this 'group' , then you can create a 'relationship' with her.

However, in so doing you have violated one of our most significant DJ directives.

" A woman joins a man's life, not the other way around."

Trouble ahead TM.

Firstly AGAIN I have no problem doing it. It's actually interesting and I'm not "compromising" that much. In fact she is submitting more control to me and catering more to MY lifestyle than hers.

Secondly I'll probably never say this to you again, but your first sentence speaks on ignorance. You know nothing of the lifestyle or the people in it. Yes there are people who are royally screwed up and cannot function under normal circumstances. **** is another forum of releasing that energy of abuse and channeling it through consensual physical expression. She knows and I know that I wouldn't do anything to put her life in danger or go overboard with my actions.

I'm not going to go back and forth with you on this Jo, just look into it.

btw Am I this forums first open Dom!? Are there any other Doms here?

 

[jophil28]

**** is another forum of releasing that energy of abuse and channeling it through consensual physical expression.
?

Geez, this is worse than I first thought.

The above is one of those contrived statements that fringe dweller folks often sprout to explain and justify their whacked out behavior.

..."release the energy of abuse." Give me a break TM. That sounds like something out of the Scientology Handbook .

Good luck with this TM. Perhaps you need to walk this path to discover what work you need to do on yourself to protect yourself in future.

 

[cordoncordon]

Firstly AGAIN I have no problem doing it. It's actually interesting and I'm not "compromising" that much. In fact she is submitting more control to me and catering more to MY lifestyle than hers.

Secondly I'll probably never say this to you again, but your first sentence speaks on ignorance. You know nothing of the lifestyle or the people in it. Yes there are people who are royally screwed up and cannot function under normal circumstances. **** is another forum of releasing that energy of abuse and channeling it through consensual physical expression. She knows and I know that I wouldn't do anything to put her life in danger or go overboard with my actions.

I'm not going to go back and forth with you on this Jo, just look into it.

btw Am I this forums first open Dom!? Are there any other Doms here?

Someday you are going to look back at this chapter in your life TM and wonder what in the hell you were doing.

I know you are willing to put up with all of this drama. But my question is....why? There are literally millions of normal, classy, mature women out there for you to choose from. Why go through this drama with a poor, ghetto, issue filled, and I'm guessing uneducated girl who is into this dominatrix crap? I just can't imagine taking someone like this home to the family for Thanksgiving dinner. Have your standards fallen that much? And for you to say what you said to her in that facebook exchange, I gotta be honest bro, it sounds like you are the one being dominated, not her. The stuff you said to her was almost dare I say...begging her to change for you. To love you. Just really really bad stuff.

And you are rationalizing everything that has to do with this relationship. Almost like you are trying to talk yourself into being in it.

 

[Bluntmaster]

I remember when I was posting about my BPD and how I was trying to work it out with her, TM called me a "damned fool". Well, right back at you buddy!

 

[Warrior74]

Well pal. Even with that whole Dom and Sub sh1t...the guy still gave you the same advice we did here.

You may not realize it, but even in the vanilla world... a man does not need to suffer through situations like this at the hand of his woman. You have every right to be very clear with yourself and your woman what you WILL and WILL NOT tolerate in a relationship. It's not good for you to endure this lack of consideration for your feelings. I think the main problem is you are not giving your own feelings enough consideration.

And the point is. You don't realize it. Do you realize it now?

 

[iqqi]

SO basically the abused (TM) has decided to become the abuser so he can keep his abuser (the GF), by switching abusive roles.

Hmmmm....

Damn, TM, do you really want to be this chick's parent? Talk about ultimate alpha role.

Damn, TM, do you really want to be an abusive, controlling prick? How'd that work out for her last boyfriend? You're going to be her ex she refers to as abusive and controlling in the future, BTW.

If you want to date crazy chicks, at least take notes on how Biblebelt does it successfully... by NOT being fully committed to them.

But anyhow, I agree with the diagnosis that you may be BPD yourself. You are intelligent of the mind, but retarded emotionally. You have to recognize this, and want to change before things will get better. They won't until you do, because YOU are the one causing, inviting, welcoming, trying to hang onto the drama.

 

[iqqi]

*facepalm*

All joking aside you are clearly the person with the problem here. You are an ENABLER of disrespectful behavior, much like a woman is an enabler when she lets a man beat her silly.

Like any good enabler you are also very much in denial about this whole situation. Look at the title of this post for the love of God

Why does it feel like I'm constantly being disrespected

And a quote of yours in this SAME thread



So let me get this straight - it's okay if she's constantly disrespecting you on a subtle level as long is it doesn't surpass some imaginary blatancy threshold? Do you realize how little f*cking sense this makes?



*double-facepalm*

Look man, I've read your posts so I know that you are not a complete idiot. I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt here. Maybe she really is a special scorpion... er girl.

If that's the case and you really want to keep her around you need to reverse the roles. YOU need to be the one going on dubious lunch dates which force HER to rationalize your behavior. SHE is the one who should be counting the minutes until you come home, and texting you every 5 minutes to make sure everything is okay.

Right now it is pretty clear who the b*tch in this relationship is. Also, I don't mean to pick on you here but what is up with you and the L word dog?

I am sick and tired of men proclaiming their love for girls they only been dating for a few months!

It makes me absolutely sick to my stomach how whiny and needy most guys are nowadays.. its f*cking DISGUSTING

1. You do not love her. You barely know her. Get real.
2. Stop telling her that you love her when she is in the middle of doing something you don't like. (It's like giving your dog a treat while it whizzes on your rug)
3. The only thing you love is the uncertainty, you are confusing the intensity of these rollercoaster emotions for love, much like a woman does.
4. You deserve all the suffering you will deal with if you don't walk away before the situation worsens (and it will)

In conclusion, you got some serious issues of your own and have no right "saving" anyone when you can hardly respect or care for yourself.

Recognize and cultivate your own worth man. Draw some personal boundaries and then maybe people won't walk all over you.

This whole post is GOLD.

 

[romangod]

Could really use some advice guys. My mind is going 100 miles a minute.

This is the post that is very revealing to me. If your emotions are out of control over this then I can only expect it to get worse.


I experimented briefly with S & M back in the 90's. It was fun and interesting but not really for me. The folly of youth, I suppose. The irony of the whole scene is that the SUB has all the power and control. It penetrates the depths of the sexual psyche and can be dark and disturbing. It's not for the emotionally weak.

Hopefully, you're just going through an experimental phase but the depths of your emotions are a red flag. Be careful. You're living in a parallel sexual universe.


Cheers!

 

[zekko]

I made it clear to her (as I disciplined) that he thinks it's okay for him to do these things without acknowledging her Dom. I told her he would have to talk to me first if he wanted to make other plans. He texted her back with "I don't need to talk to him. Forget it."

Well, at least you finally started to address some of her unacceptable behavior instead of just taking it. Unfortunately, it sounds like you're putting a lot of this on him when her behavior is HER responsibility. She should be turning these guys down for lunch dates on her own, for example.

As for the **** stuff, this is just an extension of the dominance that is always talked about on this forum. It is always being advised here that guys be dominant, and this is commonly expressed as hair pulling and spanking, which most girls enjoy. Daniel Rose's Sex God Method even recommends some light bondage.

So I don't have a problem with the ****, but like most things, I imagine it can be taken too far. For someone to actually take up a role outside the bedroom as a slave/sub to someone doesn't seem healthy to me. But hey, to each his own I guess.

Then there's another issue with her being into this stuff, and is out doing these types of modeling sessions (read: porn). Do you really want to be dating a porn model? This isn't your grandfather's relationship. But again, that's up to you.

 

[Kailex]

Firstly AGAIN I have no problem doing it. It's actually interesting and I'm not "compromising" that much. In fact she is submitting more control to me and catering more to MY lifestyle than hers.

Secondly I'll probably never say this to you again, but your first sentence speaks on ignorance. You know nothing of the lifestyle or the people in it. Yes there are people who are royally screwed up and cannot function under normal circumstances. **** is another forum of releasing that energy of abuse and channeling it through consensual physical expression. She knows and I know that I wouldn't do anything to put her life in danger or go overboard with my actions.

I'm not going to go back and forth with you on this Jo, just look into it.

btw Am I this forums first open Dom!? Are there any other Doms here?

Oh, get the fvck out of here.
I'm sorry, but I am DONE reading all of this nonsense TM.

If you feel the need to post in more than ONE forum (twice in DJ forums) about this situation, you are CLEARLY NOT IN CONTROL. I don't care how you want to label this. I don't care if you want to call yourself a Dom or whatever the hell the term is, but since sometimes the puppeteer is the one having his strings manipulated and in this case, you CLEARLY ARE.

If you have to walk on eggshells for every move, then something isn't right. Don't come in here saying that she is submitting control to you in a thread titled "Why does it feel like I'm being constantly disrespected". How does one even go with the other? At this point, you are trying to justify yourself out of the whole ordeal and making it seem like you are more in control than you really are.

Every time I read this thread, all I see is HER controlling YOU. Plain and simple like pound cake.

I CANNOT believe that you posted TWO threads in these forums about this and have gotten the same advice (even from some noobie posters) and you simply have chosen to ignore all of it. That to me speaks VOLUMES.

What angers me even further is the fact that so many people are taking their time and limited posts to reach out to you and you are simply handpicking what you want to listen to and accept. Everyone here is telling you that you are the puppet but you want to believe that you aren't. Everyone here is telling you that the relationship isn't worth it but you want to believe that it is. Everyone here is telling you that at the core of the situation, there's nothing really GOOD to it, but you probably think the world of her.

Stop wasting our time. Stop wasting our patience.

I, for one, won't be sitting there when you post about how she left you for someone else or how you ran into her room and saw her in the middle of her on all fours with the photographer. It can happen, and it most likely WILL happen.

The fact that you are posting this is a testament to your lack of intestinal fortitude to even deal with this situation. You don't know how to deal with it, but you would like to believe that you are. You think of it as a learning process, but you ALREADY KNOW THE END RESULT. What's the point then? Do you think that if she conforms to your every word, that you get a medal? How can this be a prize?

You don't see it now, but she has you under her control.

Need evidence: Your threads.

 

[samspade]

I've come to the conclusion that posts on the DJ MM board boil down to a very few basic problems, which come up over and over again. The details always change, but the basic issues at hand are always the same, and always quite simple if you remove all the details. I haven't made a comprehensive list (someone should though), but I'm sure there are probably 10-15 basic issues affecting DJs and AFCs out there.

Part of the problem with loads and loads of details and nuance is a) people lose sight of the basic issue, and b) the OP uses the details to fool himself into thinking that his situation/girl is "different."

I'm also convinced that when the thread goes beyond 3 pages, it means the OP is not willing to listen to the valuable advice offered him, and the argument degenerates into nitpicking.

To that I will add one final point: Photographers, especially of female subjects, are among the get-laid kings of all time if they have proper (even minimal) game. They are automatically in a position of control over women, who get gina tingles from having their image (naked or not) captured. Even if they don't nail every subject, they are the proprietors of delicious images of these women, surrendered voluntarily to them. In short, they are in a prime position to spin plates and run game with very minimal concern over outcome.

 

[zekko]

However, in so doing you have violated one of our most significant DJ directives.
" A woman joins a man's life, not the other way around."

You are correct, of course. But that is not to say that the female does not have anything to offer. A lot of times women are involved in certain hobbies, sports, or interests that are worthwhile (maybe they picked them up from a former boyfriend). If you find them interesting, I would not refuse to get involved in them just because "a woman joins a man's life".

For instance, I know a guy who got involved with marathon running because a former girlfriend introduced him to it. I've picked up a few new interests from my girlfriend and her friends, and I'd have to say I'm a better, more well rounded person because of it. If it's a cool activity, it doesn't really matter who thought of it.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Thanks guys!

 

[unlucky11]

I think it sometimes depends on the situation. Seems like this girl is constantly testing you by going out with her ex and the photographer and telling u about it last minute. To keep your mind at ease, u should just think that these guys are just going to MAKE you look good. And by trusting her, u get more points. Communication is key in relationships, if it bothers you, you should bring it up after the fact, and see what she says. If she, has no regards to your feelings, than u know where u stand.

If your worried about her being taken advantage of, maybe enrol in a kickboxing or self defense class with her. I've been in the same situation, she's obviously a real pretty girl since she's a model, and you are afraid these guys will try to do something. Its a tough call, since she is also poor which means money may be her weakness. Life is not perfect, but life is also too short to worry.

 

[zekko]

I think it sometimes depends on the situation. Seems like this girl is constantly testing you by going out with her ex and the photographer and telling u about it last minute. To keep your mind at ease, u should just think that these guys are just going to MAKE you look good.

I would keep my mind at ease by dumping her @ss. That behavior is, to me, unacceptable.

This is like saying "If she's sleeping with other guys, laugh it off. Just think about how much better these chumps are making YOU look in the sack".
Yeah, I don't think so.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

What a **** deep world some relationships can go, eh?

"release" her man; this is clearly a woman who enjoys being abused, and perhaps you do too.