Why does everyone say looks don't matter? they do!

[Blaster]

Why does everyone keep saying looks don't matter, when clearly they do?

Hypothetically speaking, if brad pitt, leo dicaprio, or tom cruise weren't actors nor rich (just regular pretty boys), I'm sure women would still choose them over any John smith with amazing personality, and superior confidence........ Am I wrong?

 

[drZaius09]

Originally posted by Blaster
Why does everyone keep saying looks don't matter, when clearly they do?

I don't say that. I prefer to use my brain to formulate logical and realistic conclusions. To maintain that looks don't matter is neither logical nor realistic. Quite simply, this is a fairy tale people use to protect themselves from the truth. It also helps to create confidence and hope, which I suppose is understandable despite the fact that it's built upon a false pretense.

 

[FlyGuy]

I think everyone here knows that looks matter. The DJ Bible (and just about every self help dating guide out there) advocates that you do everything possible to improve your image. Everything from working out to getting the latest fashion in clothes and hairstyle. Sure these things will help boost your confidence and they are things you should do regardless if you respect yourself. But lets not kid ourselves - this is designed primarily to help sell yourself to the ladies by looking better. So I don't think anyone can honestly sit here and say that its ALL about personality.

You are going to be limited by your looks at some point. No matter how much you work out or how much you spend on clothes you won't be able to change your face or your body structure (or at least not without MAJOR plastic surgery ) For those of us that are bald, short or otherwise less-than-perfect physically this can suck. No, actually it REALLY FVCKING BLOWS. But you can't change reality.

So if you want to get better with women you have to do as much as you can with what you have. Personality, attitude, humor and charm may not be EVERYTHING with women like some people want to believe, but they do have at least *some* importance. The thing that I am still trying to find out is whether personality can actually make a woman feel SEXUAL attraction for you or not - as claimed by David D. and other prominent dating gurus. Can personality tip the scale, or are they just trying to sell books to the ugly people in the world? That is the real debate. So far I'd have to say that looks still trump personality a majority of the time although both are important.

 

[icepick]

Looks matter, all the way up to the point where you...

LOOK INTO HER EYES!

Seriously, it is strange the way things work. There is something very weird (and cool) about eye contact. Looks don't matter too much after this point, because if the eye contact "clicks" for whatever reason, you start to look at the good things in the person rather than the bad things.

Many times I would start to become attracted to certain girls that I don't consider to be perfect. The girl that I "fell for" a while ago wasn't even that great when looked at under the microscope. I would even look at her and try to pick out her faults, that is, until she came up to me and stared into my eyes.

Sometimes, you will even get "shocks", when you first look into a girls eyes and get "shocked" by something that is there. It is very strange. If she is talking, she will stutter or lose track of what she is saying in that moment, while your vision may 'jump' or something. Usually it happens when you turn around, expecting just another girl, and you see some hottie. I really don't know just what this means, but it goes to show there is something underneath the surface.

I really don't know it all, but I KNOW that looks CANNOT be everything. There is something else there, even though I don't know (or care) just exactly WHAT it is. As long as you don't try to put on a facade or try to hide your intensions, weird things happen.

 

[myfriendblu]

Whoever said they didn't? I sure didn't. Of course they matter.

That being said, at least were men. Our looks aren't the number one be-all above-all. Other things come into play, like DJ attributes. When it comes to females, all that men care, 9 out of 10 of them, is there looks. Looks comes first. So as men, we don't have it as bad.

 

[THA REALNESS]

Do you looks matter to you ? Exactly.
Looks matter . An attractive guy has the half the job done.


All he has to do really is stick to basics and be persistent.(approach,close,etc) and he will scorch any other average looking Master DJ ,Player,or Pimp.I'll put money on it.

 

[HighLowJack]

Looks totally matter. Im not a bad looking guy, however I look bad sometimes. I don't get any responses some days. Others I cant keep woman from flirting with me. On the times when woman are flirting with me, I also attract anyone. Even my buddy's are more attracted to me (not in a sexual way) But you know what I mean.

Lots of sleep and smile. Genetics, lol. Your now good looking.

 

[mahon83050]

Of course looks matter for guys. For example, watch Paradise Hotel, it is a reality show on Mondays and Wednedays (Fox Fox 9 Pm ET) As for the guys on the show, all of them are above average to good looking except for poor Dave. Dave has a little gummy smile, bat ears and a hook nose. Dave is the only one on the show who has not gotten any ass or hooked up with any of the girls. None of the girls will go near him. Also, I noticed many of the other guys and gals talk down to him. Why? They don't talk down to him because he is a jerk, they do so because he is ugly. Research and polls show, the way you look has a heavy impact on your life and how people perceive you. Do I feel bad for this guy? Not really, that is why they have plastic surgery.

 

[Boricua_33015]

icepick that is damn true. Eye contact is one of the most important things seduction.

When you look into someones eyes its like, both people are looking directly at your souls. It creates a strong feeling in your gut.

I'm not the best looking person, but I have a strong jawline that shows.

When it comes to eye contact I have gotten women dazed and my eyes suddenly become magnetic.

I like lock on to their eyes as I speak, and imagine something going on between us. When I finish talking I usually linger eye contact for a second or 2 longer and that sparks even more interest.

The eyes are powerful!

 

[DJ_Dork]

Basically if your lover shares sexual attraction with you - then it will work out. Fat dudes.. go work out.. stop thinking you can be with hot chicks.

 

[drZaius09]

Originally posted by THA REALNESS
An attractive guy has the half the job done... All he has to do really is stick to basics and be persistent.(approach,close,etc) and he will scorch any other average looking Master DJ ,Player,or Pimp.I'll put money on it.

Read this over and over again. Commit it to memory. 1000% True to the Core. I know many of you don't want to hear it, but the truth must be spoken.

BTW, Realness, I'm not taking that bet.

Originally posted by THA REALNESS
An attractive guy has the half the job done... All he has to do really is stick to basics and be persistent.(approach,close,etc) and he will scorch any other average looking Master DJ ,Player,or Pimp.I'll put money on it.

Originally posted by THA REALNESS
An attractive guy has the half the job done... All he has to do really is stick to basics and be persistent.(approach,close,etc) and he will scorch any other average looking Master DJ ,Player,or Pimp.I'll put money on it.

 

[icepick]

Hey Zaius, what's your problem man? You think you are ugly and use that as an excuse to not talk to girls? What? I don't get it? You are always the guy who jumps up in discussions like this talking about how good looking folks have all that they need.

There may be some magical thing called "looks" that mean everything, but guess what? Guys cannot tell if another guy is good looking or not! (And you KNOW this is true. Even a gay guy doesn't have the same "taste" as a woman does.)

It is true. Girls also have VASTLY different tastes. I am used to being called "ugly and scary looking" by some girl one day, and then being completely floored the next day when some '10' starts to hit on me. I still get kind of freaked out, because I am really not the classic "pretty boy" kind of guy, and I have never seriously considered the super-beautiful girls, being content with the dime-a-dozen sexy girls.

For anyone out there that thinks that they are not "good looking", here is what REALLY matters:

1. You have to be CLEAN. Guys who get alot of hot chicks do this as a matter of habit: wear nice clothes, nice shoes, good hair, etc. It is not something that needs to be overdone though (metrosexual).

2. Your SOCIAL FORM. This is your charisma, how 'happy' you are, or how 'outgoing', or how 'strong' you seem. There are many different ways to go, but the WORST way to go is the timid little wall wort whose eyes dart around the room because you are too afraid to say anything to anyone and too afraid to just relax and take it easy. Body language is included here, because you better believe that girls can read your mind like a book!

3. LOOKS, meaning: What is your hair color? Eye color? Skin tone? Wide jaw, thin jaw? Tall or short? Etc., etc. Haven't you ever seen two girls where one was more beautiful than the other, yet you were attracted to the less 'perfect' one because she had a certain color eyes or hair? Girls think the same way. No matter how 'good looking' you are, or how much 'game' you have, or how 'popular' you are, there will ALWAYS be those girls that just don't like you because they don't like your "look". There is no "good" or "bad" here. It is like apples and oranges.

4. And last, but surely not least, is the question: ARE YOU AFRAID OF YOUR DESIRES? If you ARE, then the girl will catch on to this and interpret it in a way that will not bode with what you want to do. Take a look at all those "good looking" guys you know that always have a group of hotties lined up. I bet you that all of them have an overwhelming interest in sex and sexuality. Yeah, even an interest STRONG enough to break through all of thier analytical thoughts and self-doubts; an interest STRONG enough to destroy anything in between them and the women that they want. Guys who DON'T get laid will whine about this and that, but the TRUTH is that they don't want it ENOUGH!

Once you find a girl that you want ENOUGH to break through all of your little "mental blocks" and "logical conclusions" and "social fear" and whatever bullsh*t that keeps you down, you will see that your lack of desire was the thing that was holding you back all of these years.

You think you want women now? Ha! Find that girl, and you will see how those guys who get laid all the time feel toward most hot chicks!

Anyway, what is it all about? Is it about having a bunch of girls that say you are "hot"? Are you competing with people to see how easy it is to pull hot chicks? If you see it as a game, then that mindset in itself can have dire consequences. The best "naturals" see girls as a way to please THEMSELVES, not to win any games or gain status or any such bullsh*t.

 

[PEACEDJ]

I think the same way. Physical attraction is pretty powerful and can enhance your game.

 

[Chief]

hmmmm...

It's all in the eye of the beholder...to start with the attraction has to be there. That's what opens the door. Some of the attraction is going to be what she/he considers to be attractive. And some of it is based on what mood, charisma or whatever that we exude from the inside. Bad mood, bad attitude, fearful, dirty, frown, etc. = ugly. Good mood, good attitude, confident, clean, smile, etc. = attractive. Always try to look your and feel your best. Sometimes it works both ways and you have a chance. Sometimes it's one sided and you don't. And then sometimes, it's not there but you see that person over a period of time and it develops when it wasn't there to begin with.

 

[Starman]

this topic has been beaten to a bloody pulp]

if you are going to sit there and base your success with women on looks alone..you are sadly mistaken

look at the world around you, open your eyes..do you always see HB's with brad pitt look alikes? most women will be attracted to better looking guys..but the girls who go for guys based on looks alone..usually wind up played..used, and made to feel bad about themselves

attraction isnt just about looks..its about your sensuality, sex appeal, ****y/funny, great personality and most important..making a girl feel special and feel good about herself and being with you

I have been attracted to women who werent always the BEST looking..it works the same with women..its like 50% looks 50% personality

I have friends with really good looks and the personality of a pocket lint who couldnt get laid if they were a carpet

and friends who are average looking with dynamic personalities that date very hot looking babies

I also know some HOT SMOKIN looking women that I wouldnt piss on if they were on fire..

its all about the TOTAL PACKAGE that is important..look at lyle lovett and Julia robers..billy bob thorton and Angelina Jolie

if you are going to sit there and base your success with women contingent on just looksm you need a wake up call

 

[BobbDobbs]

Regardless of looks, it is still always a numbers game. The less handsome you are the more girls you'll have to interact with before you get the quality you want.

Both guys and gals who are brick wall ugly probably have very little chance of scoring with a hot member of the opposite sex. Hopefully they will be happy with each other.

But if your looks aren't quite in the basement, then by playing the numbers game you can increase your odds of landing someone you'd normally consider outside your range.

Personality does matter in the long run. Even if it doesn't make up for looks, if you don't have personality, you're hosed anyway.

I mean, you gotta offer something besides being a consumer of oxygen.

 

[So pimp its scary]

I think that looks is only part of the issue. If you had a Brad Pitt in looks that didn't carry himself vs. a not so good looking person that portrays confidence... it may be about an even match and would likely come down to the smoother talker.

I think it's Gunwhich that said this equation :

(Looks + effort) / 2 = maximum hotness of women

so 7 in looks and 5 effort and you can hook up with someone that is 12 / 2 = 6 easily.. or higher with difficulty.

Whereas someone with a 3 in the looks and nine in effort could hook up with a 12/2 = 6 easily...

Even though I would say that the 6 would be how the woman rates herself, more then how the man rates her.

Therefore, the effort put into the act of seduction can overcome your deficiencies in looks.

You guys that say that looks matters are only partly right... how you carry yourself is very important... seduction is a mental game, so unless you are disfigured or retarded you can have your fair chances.

 

[becker]

Looks are definitely in the eye of the beholder, but I thnk that most people would agree if a person is butt ugly.

I mean, there are just some universally ugly people. Most famous people are somewhat good looking to begin with, so they're usually not in the mix. The reason for this exception is that these people make a living by being in the public eye, so they will usually be particularly good looking to at least a good number of people, otherwise they wouldn't have made it in that profession.

Now, the rest of the folks out there, I'm sure we can find someone out there who we can all point to and basically say that person is just ugly. That one show "Extreme Makeover" had some of these people. There was this one girl I remember seeing on the show that was so ugly it was a little sad. Then, even after the makeover she probably went from like a 2 to a 3.

Anyways, looks are definitely important. Eye contact is good too, but I'm not sure how much it makes a person fall for you. I'm trying this out right now. There is a hot girl I know who I'm just totally connecting eyes with every time we talk, and I'm going to see what happens. All girls I know so far have had locking eye contact with me, unless they are unbelievably shy.

 

[violator]

So Pimp has it so right. I also agree much with what Starman has to say.

How many super HB's do you see arm in arm with average at best or even slightly ugly looking guys? I am a good observer and honestly I see more HB's with average looking guys than with good looking guys.

What differentiates these guys from others is that they have a dynamic personality or exude extreme confidence. It is as if their personailty trancscends physical appearance. Sure, a girl just as a guy will notice a good looking person who walks by, but that does not neceessarily mean that she wants to be with that person.

My sister who is pretty hot and who is seriously dating a pretty average looking guy said it best: "It is nice to look at a Ferrari, but would you really want to own one considering the high car payments, etc., when you can have a nice reliable Honda that doesn't cost that much and is reliable?

I think that women have this same practical attitude when it comes to relationships. Many would prefer a reliable stable guy (average but not ugly looking) as opposed to a super hot model type that they equate to as a player or unreliable or just trouble for a relationship. Honestly, I have had girls tell me that they would not want a serious relationship with me because I convey a player image as the result of my looks.

I would much prefer to have an LTR with a 7 who has a great personality than a 9 who is high maintenance and has no personality.

Yes looks matter in an eye candy sort of way, but in reality, unless your are but ugly, you can have as much of a chance as a good looking dude if you put effort into it.

 

[00Kevin]

Yes I would have to agree looks totally matter.

This is a good example of how women say one thing and do another. We all know that a woman will pick a hot guy over a guy that is confident any day. A woman will use the "he has no confidence" line to avoid choosing a man that she doesn't find attractive. So not only will you be rejected for not looking good but you will also be falsely rejected for your personality.

Looks are the only thing that matters to a woman. They try covering that fact up, but after a time you see right through them.

As soon as you realize this you won't have any problems finding a girl . Play the numbers game. Sift through all the chicks that are not attracted to you. When you find a girl that is attracted to you will it work out.

yes don't settle for anything less than a woman who IS attracted to you. If you don't when times are sour in your relationship she will use it as a reason to leave you. she will tell her friends, "well i wasn't really attracted to him anyway".