Why does a high-quality woman who has her $hit together sound boring to me?

[CasanovaFrankenstein]

When I met my all-time mother of all oneitises, she at first appeared to be high-quality and have her $hit together. But even then I fantasized about her being in some sort of situation where I was the hero who came along and made everything all better. Then I found out she had a freight train of baggage/issues, and I was hooked. I've read about how very masculine men are attracted to very feminine/girly women. They sound boring to me. I've always been attracted to women who were very opinionated, outspoken, a woman who appears tough and independent, but of course has a soft and tender side. They're wary of people (probably from being hurt a lot) and are cautious about letting people get too close to them emotionally.

Is it because the AFC is less masculine, less sure of himself, less independent, that they like a woman who appears more sure of herself, more independent, maybe they want the woman to lead, be the dominant one in the relationship? But then at the same time the AFC has the fantasy of himself being the leader, and the woman needing and depending on him which confuses me. If I can become more masculine, more of a leader personality as opposed to being very much a follower as I am now, will I probably be attracted to different types of women?

 

[Interceptor]

Sometimes this concept manifests because the man feels inadequate himself. And he wants the situation to be that she is in dire need of 'saving' and he wants to feel good about himself and 'rescuing' her. It is a way to deal with the fragilness, and inadequacy issues of one's Self but project it onto someone else.
Its sometimes a misguided attempt at healing oneself but healing the other person's issues, not one's own.
Part of that allure is the feeling that the man would then become indispensable to her after 'all hes done for her'. But thats not real.
So its a need to have a (false) sense of security with her. But it will never happen.

Saving and resuing a woman are noble ideals. But they dont really play out in real life. Most of that stuff is Hollywood romance stuff, not real life.
And the need for feeling recognition for ones heroic acts are kind of misplaced, and a bit of the realm of juvenile fantasy.
Hollywood movies are not replications of day to day life, and real issues that we deal with in relationships.

If a woman really has her 'sh*t' together, and is 'high quality', then that is a blessing. And something that should be desired, and appreciated.
Relationships are challenging enough as it is , and to want unneccesary drama, conflict, argumentativeness, pettiness, nagging, competetiveness, etc. is a want for more dysfunction in one's Life, and its not a healthy want.

While everyone has different 'tastes' and desires of certain Qualities in a partner, we do have to examine a little bit of why we are desiring certain qualities, and traits.
This is a pretty necessary step in maturing , and identifying what we want in life, and in our potential partner.

I have often seen that the 'strong' women types who 'are opinionated' , and are 'independent' are often very misguided, damaged, and very masculine females. And grow up wanting confrontation, conflict, drama, and control.

And Ive often seen that the men who desire these women often have more femenine and more 'helpless' outlooks. Thus, the yin/yang aspect, but in this case the male is the Yin side, the femenine side, and the female is actually in the Man role.
So IMO, in answer to your question, Yes, the male in question would want the woman to decide everything and essentially 'lead' him. But he would also be subject to her domineering, controlling, and never surrendering to him. In this case, she has decided to take control, and the dynamic of never trusting the male to 'be the Man' is enforced.
And this is not a balanced/whole and healthy relationship ideal.

I think its very important to investigate the aspects of masculinity that one is confused about, and inform oneself on what is a whole and healthy Man and a whole and healthy relationship.
Study yourself first.
Then study what you want out of life and a partner, and relationships.
Then create the space to allow that to come into your life, and put yourself out there to receive it.
I know there are a LOT of other aspect to this, but Im short on time.
I hope this helps a little.
Good luck.

 

[thedarkpassenger]

I feel ya. I'm the same way. I always seem to be attracted to these "damaged" women that need to be rescued. Sort of a Damsel in Distress syndrome.

Being a guy, we are naturally providers, and we urge to take care of our women. That's why when I meet independent and capable women, who would be perfect wife material, I get bored.

I haven't figured out if it's a good or bad thing yet. All I know is that I'm always hooked on women who are either:

a) In a bad situation in life
b) Damaged, cheated on or has a ton of baggage
c) Is a "bad" girl that needs someone to rescue her

What do all these have in common? They require me to be the hero.

If anyone else has insight on this, I would be really interested. I'm not sure why I am this way either.