... why do we stay in love with people who treat us bad?

[European-DJ]

Hello Sosuave,

For a long time i have been seeing this girl, all of the sudden - while everything is very good ( 7 months) - she goes COMPLETE No contact, and i start acting very desperate without even realising it until today.

I was crazy desperate the second day she ignored me; i got an explanation, and she even "broke up" with me.. She even slept with another dude yesterday..

But why is it, we stay "In love" with people who treat us like this?

Have anyone, ANY experience with this; and if you have, what is your take on it? why is it we keep lusting for people treating us like shvt?

 

[Vantagepoint34]

Hello Sosuave,

For a long time i have been seeing this girl, all of the sudden - while everything is very good ( 7 months) - she goes COMPLETE No contact, and i start acting very desperate without even realising it until today.

I was crazy desperate the second day she ignored me; i got an explanation, and she even "broke up" with me.. She even slept with another dude yesterday..

But why is it, we stay "In love" with people who treat us like this?

Have anyone, ANY experience with this; and if you have, what is your take on it? why is it we keep lusting for people treating us like shvt?

I interpret it as part of the romance in your relationship. It depends on how good you are with romance that will give you an interest level gauge. Watch a couple of those spanish soap opera's and you will see it all over the place. In regards to when she treats you bad it could go either way. Girl to the guy or guy to the girl.

 

[Mike32ct]

This is just my opinion and not a criticism of anyone in particular...

People are too hung up on looks. They date someone largely because they are hot. They have hot sex and get more attached. Then it becomes difficult to break up with that person despite that person mistreating you.

A lot of this happens because FWB doesn't always stay that way. Both parties might know they are wrong for each other and it's just lust, but after lots of sex and time together, they get attached and start a relationship.

Most "relationships" are really just FWB that went too far.

 

[Mike32ct]

If you just want sex, have a ONS. A social circle FWB might turn into more than you originally intended. Plus a social circle (or gasp work circle) female is much harder to dump.

 

[European-DJ]

Mike32ct, you are actually spot on..

This girl was just like a FWB; but because of her looks and really amazin sex, i just all of the sudden fell for her.. I guess what i am missing is the sex and looks, more than the time we spent together..

The last 2 months of the relationsship, the only time we wasn't arguing/wasn't happy, was when we had sex/right after sex ..

But the thing is, i am fvcking a lot of different girls at the same time - still am - but fore some reason, i still miss this girl.

 

[European-DJ]

Bradd80, you do not have a link for that?
Because it makes great sense, and i would really enjoy reading it - perhaps ill attain greater knowledge of my current situation.

 

[GotED?]

FIX YOUR POOR SELF-ESTEEM and SELF-IMAGE

YOU SEEK A TROPHY GF WHO MAKES YOU LOOK GOOD - IT SHOULD BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!

Listen to PPPF above - simple line, simple fix.

With respect,

Exodus

 

[Mike32ct]

I'm seeing this HB8 off and on. (From Field Report: Gotta Run to Dance Class)

She's flakey as F. Would I tolerate this from a 6? Probably not lol.

Plus she doesn't stimulate my mind. I like brainy teachers. (With glasses lol)

Probably gonna move on from this chick soon.

 

[Mike32ct]

I agree with everybody so far.

 

[pdx1138]

these relationships are sometimes like heroin. You get addicted to the highs - the great sex, doing nothing on the weekend except having her come over, watch a movie, and fvcking. Getting dressed up and going out. You develop routines with her, habits.

The highs are what hook you in. Awesome sex, the times when she is good and treats you well. Then when she takes it away, especially really great highs and they're taken away so suddenly - you start to crave the highs back like nothing else. You would do anything just to get one more hit.

I read a psychiatric report that actually discussed how bad relationships like this literally affect the brain just like an opiate. When you've been treated badly, and then she suddenly welcomes you back with a sudden hit of sex or whatever, it actually affects your brain in a way that is almost identical to an addictive, opiate pain killer.

So true, I can identify with that.

 

[BigSmooth]

When you've been treated badly, and then she suddenly welcomes you back with a sudden hit of sex or whatever, it actually affects your brain in a way that is almost identical to an addictive, opiate pain killer.

This little piece of information is extremely powerful.

 

[VladPatton]

People, images, drugs, activities, they all have to do with chemicals being pumped out from our brain and affect us. That which feels good we do not want to ever stop regardless of the damage it is doing.

I guess we must choose our poison carefully!

 

[vatoloco]

why do we stay in love with people who treat us bad?

You want The Truth?

Low self-esteem combined with not being a Prize.

Lack of options make for a desperate man.

Edit: Just saw GotED's reply:

FIX YOUR POOR SELF-ESTEEM and SELF-IMAGE

YOU SEEK A TROPHY GF WHO MAKES YOU LOOK GOOD - IT SHOULD BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!

+1

Most of you guys have it backwards. You shouldn't be looking for a Hot [albeit Wrong] Woman. A Good Woman should be looking for you [when you are a Prize]!

 

[European-DJ]

"Lack of options make for a desperate man."

In my situation, the lack of options should be the incapability of being able to contact her; in terms of other women, i have a lot, but nothing as "trophy'ish" as her..

but yes guys, you are right, i have to work on myself to become the prize, so that i will have girls like her flock me..

 

[pdx1138]

ya lack of options, definitely kept me coming back for more...

If I could do it over again though, I wouldn't change a thing.

This one experience I had was a life changing lesson for sure.

I've been way different with women ever since.

 

[DonGorgon]

men do it cause of limited options females do it cause once they fall in love they hate to be dumped before they are ready to dump a dude..

 

[coochieman]

Chemicals, son.

The issue is not ''why do we stay in love with people who treat us bad?''. It is more like: People treat us bad, because we stayed in love.

Attraction is messed up. It's materialized out of contemplating on where you stand with the other party i.e wanting what you cant have, something you have but is of a self admitted high and worthy value or something you feel should be attainable [maybe even easily] but is not just attainable to you at that moment. The illogical mind does not know how to comprehend.

Addiction is even worse. This is nothin' but a fancy word for extreme one-itis.

Let me brief you about a little predicament of mine.... there's this girl I was fucckin' few months back, she got stuck in my head way past her counterparts. Understand that I knew she's was a slore [no right to question her, we were just farkbuddies], also note I was fucckin' other girls but she always remained a CHALLENGE. She had such strong personality for absolutely NO REASON. Observe the word "NO REASON'', She wasn't the prettiest, the richest nor the smartest. She had common beliefs with my unconventional views on relationships and sex embracing them with no atom bitterness or amusement... No matter how much you have her gamed down, she still just says some challenging sh!t to claim a little stake. Then I started "feeling''. Dose of my own medicine, you say? I was cool with all this, but she embodied too many family issues, mind games and incipient disrespect. After an argument with her [she kept me waiting for 2 hours, cos she was banging some other dude], I appealed to my illogical zone to see how she was occupying too much space and my dormant-AFC was creepin' up. I deleted contact and went total ghost. And In few weeks, I had totally kicked her outta my head.

This is how you save yourself from emotional indiscipline. Have the self respect to tell yourself that it is really not worth it, and move on.

Read all the books you want. Know all the bloody compositions, equations and reactions about attraction. But when you are hooked, you are hooked. Only your control, respect and discipline would save you from tagging along with unhealthy relationships.

VERDICT: If your logic says she's an unhealthy emotional baggage, then man-up and move on. Are your other plates still in rotational motion? I hope so.

GO DJ.

 

[C-quenced]

these relationships are sometimes like heroin. You get addicted to the highs - the great sex, doing nothing on the weekend except having her come over, watch a movie, and fvcking. Getting dressed up and going out. You develop routines with her, habits.

The highs are what hook you in. Awesome sex, the times when she is good and treats you well. Then when she takes it away, especially really great highs and they're taken away so suddenly - you start to crave the highs back like nothing else. You would do anything just to get one more hit.

I read a psychiatric report that actually discussed how bad relationships like this literally affect the brain just like an opiate. When you've been treated badly, and then she suddenly welcomes you back with a sudden hit of sex or whatever, it actually affects your brain in a way that is almost identical to an addictive, opiate pain killer.

Right on brother. Its a lot easier for society to look down on the person (the one needing their next fix) in a condescending fashion while being completely oblivious to the underlying mechanics involved. It not only affects your brain but there is also a physiological response as well.

It's actually quite primitive and stupid to simplify it as a persons lack of will, weak character, "AFC behavior", etc.

 

[C-quenced]

Sometimes seeing other women when you're going through a bad break up actually makes it worse.

During my last bad break up, exactly a year ago (in fact just before Christmas this time last year), when I broke up with my ex I was seeing/fvcking four other girls. But the more time I spent with them, the more I missed my ex. It was like being with these girls made me feel like I was missing out, like I had made a mistake.

It depends on the kind of women you are seeing. You'll need women that rival her (the one particular woman you're losing your mind over), if not surpass her in whatever it is that attracted you to her in the first place.

If you're seeing sub-par women it's only going to **** with your mind and give you that feeling as if you are missing out. What this does is it substantially amplifies the good traits (whatever got you hooked in the first place) that your ex partner possess and makes it seem like these traits are unique to her alone.

 

[Epimanes]

Well .. its because everyone has a love bank balance for people that meet their needs. Your love balance is still high up because your needs were getting met really well and hers was low because you were missing the mark on meeting her needs or making withdrawls of her love balance or someone was meeting her needs better than you (obviously or she wouldn't have slept with someone the next day). You tend to want to keep someone around that meets your needs efficiently.

Try hating someone you really like.

Try Liking someone you really hate.

You can't.

Every experience people have with someone, will either make a deposit to your account or a withdrawl from your account. Depends on if it was a negative experience or a positive one. And since everyone is different in how they like their needs met .. your love balance was filling up . and hers was draining.

Simple really..