Why do some women laugh and/or patronize me when I approach them?

[Deicide]

Hi again. On a side note, I'm doing better with women and my inner game is better(I'm spinning one plate andI'm getting used to not caring what people around me think when I approach them or this pick up lifestyle). But, still a problem remains.
Part of the time when I approach women, they, or someone around them starts laughing. I had it happen to me in a bookstore today when a girl's sister laughed as I said my opener(Hi! How are you?). Also, some women(most times mature ones) treat me like a kid or like I'm "special" when I approach them, and quickly tell me Bye after this patronization. I can tell by their tone of voice that they're trying to humor me and don't want me around, and of course, this makes me look bad. So, what am I doing for women to do this to me? I'm wearing tighter fitting clothes now, my hair is black and not blonde, yet I'm still having these issues with women even though I'm consciously improving my inner game.
PS: Women in my age range are the hardest for me to have success with(just wanted to throw that out in case that could be related to this problem.)
Advice is appreciated.

 

[LE6END]

You actually opened with Hi! how are you?

Are you serious? Moreso, in a bookstore??! Where arsenal is ALL AROUND YOU.

Man, you have to be more creative than that. For example, if she was holding a book in her hand, standing beside her, you could say, "You enjoy B. Sheryl's novels too, eh?" Be real casual with it. She'll reply with a yes. You probably have no idea who the hell the author is, or the novels she writes. Doesn't matter. Suggest to her a novel of your own, " Yeah, I'm into mystery. You ever read [crime novel]?" The author's imagery is amazing."



I hope that opener you claimed you used was hypothetical, and or, an example.

If not, you now know your problem.

 

[Deicide]

You actually opened with Hi! how are you?

Are you serious? Moreso, in a bookstore??! Where arsenal is ALL AROUND YOU.

Man, you have to be more creative than that. For example, if she was holding a book in her hand, standing beside her, you could say, "You enjoy B. Sheryl's novels too, eh?" Be real casual with it. She'll reply with a yes. You probably have no idea who the hell the author is, or the novels she writes. Doesn't matter. Suggest to her a novel of your own, " Yeah, I'm into mystery. You ever read [crime novel]?" The author's imagery is amazing."



I hope that opener you claimed you used was hypothetical, and or, an example.

If not, you now know your problem.

Ok, but I thought just opening with anything was good. That certain lines or openers weren't necessary for success. Today, I approached at a restaraunt, bookstore, and the food court at the mall, what was suitable for an opener? I just ended up going direct to a girl(HB 8) at the restaraunt because she was with her mom. That set was heavily improvised because said target never gave me eye contact, and I worked my way in by talking briefly with Mom. Girl at food court(HB 7) didn't give me eye contact until I was right beside her also, and I was looking in her direction before the approach.
In the past, I felt handicapped by using situational openers, like I couldn't go direct, so now I just say whatever, even if it is Hi, how're you doing?

And at the bookstore, I transitioned and talked about her book, and she even gave me a reading for my horoscope when I asked her too.
Hope that info helps.

 

[LE6END]

Deicide, it's obvious that it's either what you say, or how you say it, that leave women laughing at you and walking away. But I'm having trouble understanding your last post.

You met a girl at a restaurant; the girl you saw as a target didn't give you eye contact, so you conversed with her mom??

umm....

Then, you discuss your encounter with a girl at a food court.

But what are you saying? The way you write, you don't lead anywhere. What are you trying to say in regard to both those experiences? What were they supposed to be examples of?

I won't dictate to you where you should go to try and talk to women, but some situations are more favorable than others.. To try and talk to a girl in front of her mother, and then, upon receiving no attention from the girl, you switch to the mother, to slowly squeeze your way into the girl's presence-------man, everything can be so much more easier than that. Don't make it Mission Impossible IV. Find another girl to talk to, who's by herself.

In regards to your openers, I understand you just going in, and initiating contact. That's good. But as I said, something isn't being done right, OR, you simply just ran into a series of women who happened to not be interested in you.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Maybe since you act like a b*tch so they treat you like one. Don't over compensate and try to act like a tough guy now.

Just be yourself and don't be bubbly... unless you're gay and flaming in which case bubble away.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Props to you, Deicide, for going out there and trying so hard.

I think that when you are socially calibrated (nuanced through years of experience), you can easily get away with a simple, "Hi, how are you", because it's part of a congruent package. But for those of us who are learning to socially calibrate (and that includes me), you need to show some of your wit.

So try to comment on something going on around you (like commenting on her book). This allows you to reveal some of your personality.

IMPORTANT: The frame is YOURS. You must carry the knowledge that you are approaching women for YOUR OWN entertainment and benefit. You are qualifying women in your approaches.

Also carry with you the knowledge that you will be rejected 24 out of 25 times or thereabouts. Can you imagine being a woman and walking around with 50% of the population trying to figure out a way to get into your pants? Most approaches are annoyances to most girls.

Just go for that 1 in 25, man. I call it the "Edison Effect". You remember the story about Thomas Edison trying thousands of different elements in his bulb until he hit upon the right one, the one that didn't consume itself? He said that he never got frustrated because he knew that each failure brought him one step closer to success.

Keep doing what you're doing. Each time you do it, your mind and body are making slight adjustments (calibrations) that are so tiny you're not even aware of them. Keep going until those little pennies in your approach bank start generating interest. You will reach critical mass.

As an aside, girls laugh with each other because they are foolish and completely externally motivated. When they are approached with something new they look at each other instantly. When they don't know what to do, they laugh.

Now, finally, please look at your self objectively, and tell me the one physical thing about your self that you suspect may be holding you back. Something that in the back of your mind you think that girls may notice. Some examples would be a pot belly, out of shape, height, skin imperfection, anything that you think might stand out, at least in your mind. There is a method to my madness, so work with me here.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

You actually opened with Hi! how are you?

Are you serious? Moreso, in a bookstore??! Where arsenal is ALL AROUND YOU.

Man, you have to be more creative than that. For example, if she was holding a book in her hand, standing beside her, you could say, "You enjoy B. Sheryl's novels too, eh?" Be real casual with it. She'll reply with a yes. You probably have no idea who the hell the author is, or the novels she writes. Doesn't matter. Suggest to her a novel of your own, " Yeah, I'm into mystery. You ever read [crime novel]?" The author's imagery is amazing."



I hope that opener you claimed you used was hypothetical, and or, an example.

If not, you now know your problem.

The opener isn't the best, especially in a book store, but its not the worst either. The problem with that opener in a book store is will come off as the OP interrupting the girl from her book UNLESS she finds him very physically attractive.

I agree with part of your advice here, his opener needs to be better, which would at least get him past the initial defense and give him an opportunity to connect and possible close.

However the opener is not his main problem. As Atom pointed out its more to do with congruency, you referred to this in your 2nd reply when you mentioned "what you say or the way you say it." Its ALLLLLL about the way you say it.

Most comedians say some funny shiat, but the reason most of them are funny in the first place is due to the way they say it. In other words, the OP needs to learn to believe in himself so that in effect what he says really doesn't matter as much.


Bottom line, Legend gave you some good points; take note of your surroundings to help you have better, more relevant openers. Also learn to assess the situation; if a girl is eye phucking you, then walking up to her and saying "hi" will work just fine. If a girl is buried in her book at the store, as he mentioned, pretend like you read that author's shiat and make up something.

I'm glad to hear that you changed your clothes and your hair color, I'm sure its had a positive impact. Now if your still rocking that spiked punk rock style, I would ditch that for a more modern cut that fits you and it should help you even more.


Hit the gym, work on all the little things you can to improve your look. Whiten your teeth if they need it, get new kicks etc etc.



Keep it up bro, its a journey and your making progress (and finally listening to me! LOL)






PIMP

 

[Zunder]

When these women hit the wall and are as about attractive to men as ROADKILL- they will be silently begging for **any** approach from a male, no matter how corny.

Keep this in mind next time you get **rejected**, smile to yourself, and realise the silly bytch just lost the chance to get to know a really great guy.

 

[Deicide]

Deicide, it's obvious that it's either what you say, or how you say it, that leave women laughing at you and walking away. But I'm having trouble understanding your last post.

You met a girl at a restaurant; the girl you saw as a target didn't give you eye contact, so you conversed with her mom??

umm....

Then, you discuss your encounter with a girl at a food court.

But what are you saying? The way you write, you don't lead anywhere. What are you trying to say in regard to both those experiences? What were they supposed to be examples of?

I won't dictate to you where you should go to try and talk to women, but some situations are more favorable than others.. To try and talk to a girl in front of her mother, and then, upon receiving no attention from the girl, you switch to the mother, to slowly squeeze your way into the girl's presence-------man, everything can be so much more easier than that. Don't make it Mission Impossible IV. Find another girl to talk to, who's by herself.

In regards to your openers, I understand you just going in, and initiating contact. That's good. But as I said, something isn't being done right, OR, you simply just ran into a series of women who happened to not be interested in you.

They're examples of approaching without the initial eye contact I usually get. As a result, I had to improvise differently to the usual way I do things. At the restaraunt, I approached, waited for eye contact, and Mom gave me eye contact while HB 8 target didn't. I figured I needed to be more polite since Mom was there, so since she gave me eye contact, I just opened her first. HB 8 was married by the way.
The HB 7 at the food court was a retail worker on break. I just hesitated too much before my approach and was a little mentally shook from a past approach(Yes, I'm trying to get mentally stronger, but it's a process). And since this girl wasn't giving me eye contact or being very receptive(she recommended that I should go shop a couple times during the approach).
I want to maintain my frame even in these difficult situations basically, and it's hard for me to do so when I'm being friendly and the targets aren't reflecting back.
They're examples of tough situations that I've faltered in, though I know I could've done much better(especially food court approach).

 

[Deicide]

The opener isn't the best, especially in a book store, but its not the worst either. The problem with that opener in a book store is will come off as the OP interrupting the girl from her book UNLESS she finds him very physically attractive.

I agree with part of your advice here, his opener needs to be better, which would at least get him past the initial defense and give him an opportunity to connect and possible close.

However the opener is not his main problem. As Atom pointed out its more to do with congruency, you referred to this in your 2nd reply when you mentioned "what you say or the way you say it." Its ALLLLLL about the way you say it.

Most comedians say some funny shiat, but the reason most of them are funny in the first place is due to the way they say it. In other words, the OP needs to learn to believe in himself so that in effect what he says really doesn't matter as much.


Bottom line, Legend gave you some good points; take note of your surroundings to help you have better, more relevant openers. Also learn to assess the situation; if a girl is eye phucking you, then walking up to her and saying "hi" will work just fine. If a girl is buried in her book at the store, as he mentioned, pretend like you read that author's shiat and make up something.

I'm glad to hear that you changed your clothes and your hair color, I'm sure its had a positive impact. Now if your still rocking that spiked punk rock style, I would ditch that for a more modern cut that fits you and it should help you even more.


Hit the gym, work on all the little things you can to improve your look. Whiten your teeth if they need it, get new kicks etc etc.



Keep it up bro, its a journey and your making progress (and finally listening to me! LOL)






PIMP

Thanks for the advice Pimp. I still have the spiked hair though. Yes, I'm not VERY PHYSICALLY attractive to most of the women I approach, but I don't let that bother me.
Atom Smasher: Something that may be holding back is a general lack of assertiveness(I have problems telling people what to do, even though I need to). Example at my radio job this morning: Just telling on-air workers that they had one minute to get ready for live performance was tough on my personality. Being bossy and confrontational has always been tough for me, but I can adjust myself so that it doesn't bother me so much. I also have a bit more fat on my face than necessary(a little double chin), but not so much a pot belly.