Why do some women actually prefer to be treated like crap?

Smartone84

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After me recently experiencing it personally for the first time in my life I began thinking more about it. I've also seen it many times throughout my youth and even adulthood a bit. As some of you may have read, I treated a girl like gold for two months without any real AFC tendencies involved and then she left me for her on and off again ex of 1.5 years. Now I know 1.5 years of history can always beat out 2 months when it comes to feelings and the "High Score Theory", but this girl that left me, who is by no means a teenager (she's 27 going on 28) eventually semi-crawled back to me actually telling me that the guy was her ex for a reason, doesn't treat her very well, how I did things for her that "He would never do", and even called him a "d-ck" at one point. We never ended up back together as she still was clung onto him and this history they had, but the conversation just fascinated me. It was like talking to a 27 year old going on 17.

So I guess my question is, when does it end? When does the high score finally "drop" for guys who treat girls like crap? Why do some women take so long to grow the hel up in today's world and realize who the better guy is?
 
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billtx49

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Why do some women take so long to grow the hel up in today's world and realize who the better guy is?
Knowing who the better guy is would require some logical reasoning from her. It’s not usually a womans strongest trait and a totally different mindset than what her current feels are…
Women being treated like crap are operating on their feelings and tingles only, usually to the detriment of their own future emotional health…
 
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Dash Riprock

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You have to understand what motivates women and what they find attractive at the subconscious level. I'm sure her ex didn't treat her like crap 100% of the time. Probably closer to 5-10% of the time. What she is really saying in girl-speak is "I couldn't control him, he did his own thing, didn't give a **** if I came or went, displayed the attitude he could walk at any time, acted like a jerk on occasion, was dominant, selfish, confident, and ****y, and didn't take any s*hit." These are all highly attractive qualities some men display (3%'ers). These guys don't "treat women like gold" because the women are usually throwing themselves in front of a train for him. This attitude radiates Dominant Male which women are pre-programmed to find very attractive. At some point, which varies, they do settle for the beta to have a family with because he is generally better husband/dad material more so than the dominant alpha. BUT, the woman will always find the behavior of the alpha highly attractive (affairs,flings) and in your case, will go back with him for more, like an addict to crack.

Your lesson is to not treat women like "gold" as much as you did with the 27 year old. Counter-intuitive I know, but very, very true. Be a bit of a d*ick and your the one that's gold.I learned this the hard way too about 15 years ago but now have the dynamic absolutely mastered.
 

Pandora

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This is an interesting question. The majority of women in the world don't like to be treated like crap. What you are referring to is a sub group of dysfunctional American women. Girls raised in good homes generally don't like to be treated badly. But there is a group of people that have very low self esteems. They feel that they deserve abuse.

Look at the Pinterest series called Roast Me. This is where men and women put up pictures of themselves and invite strangers on the internet to brutally insult them. Can you imagine how low your self esteem has to be in order to be ok with that? Hookers have told me that some business men pay them to dominate them and take a dump on their chest. Some people have very low self esteems. Who knows why. Maybe they got it from a past life, or a family issue, or molestation etc. They don't even know half the time so it will be difficult for us to know. But it is fascinating to ponder. I think about this question a lot too.

I have noticed that being a confident, secure person puts you in a rare bracket. The vast majority of people in any room are insecure and have low self esteems. It takes hard work to develop yourself into a secure kindhearted person. You have to identify and fix your flaws. Most people run away from that type of self examination. So like the pervious poster said, they just run off subconscious impulses their whole lives.
 

Smartone84

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Your lesson is to not treat women like "gold" as much as you did with the 27 year old. Counter-intuitive I know, but very, very true. Be a bit of a d*ick and your the one that's gold.I learned this the hard way too about 15 years ago but now have the dynamic absolutely mastered.
Thanks for your reply. My thing is, and I always truly felt this way, especially now at 33... If it's one of these girls who LIKES that bad boy/semi d-ck/selfish guy who doesn't treat her like gold, if it's one of these girls that you have to use THAT level of game on, then they absolutely aren't for me. Sorry, but as I told her after she crawled back to me talking about ex boyfriends, blowoff regret, and how I should know that she didn't F-CK him, etc, I'm "Too old for this sh-t". As @Pandora noted, most women in the world don't like being treated like crap so if I come across one of the, let's say 15% of American women (way too much) that do, then it's like hey, call me when you grow the hel up.

While I'm not AFC by any means and wasn't buying this girl roses every night or love bombing her after our two months or complimenting her on everything she ever wore and even threw negs at her quite a bit, I did in fact treat her very, very well. It's just in my genes and personality. An interesting note was that not only did she show that she liked me a lot too, but she showed MUCH appreciation for being treated so well, so I didn't have any real reasons to think to change up my game much. One time we are on the train going home and I'm sitting down and I got up so an elderly woman could sit down instead of me and for the next 20 minutes she couldn't get over how sincere and warm hearted I am. It was a real shock when I found out about this bad boy ex of hers, who yeah, also happened to be a rather better looking dude than me, too. He was with her for 1.5 years on and off, and I know that kind of history will typically always beat out 2 months, but still, I was blindsided and disgusted, especially after she went on almost bashing him a bit as noted in my original post.

The issue with this particular girl that screwed me over is that by the time she's grown up and realizes I'm that right/great guy, it will be too late. I'm 33 and am looking for something serious now.

BUT, the woman will always find the behavior of the alpha highly attractive (affairs,flings) and in your case, will go back with him for more, like an addict to crack.
Sad but true.
 
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taiyuu_otoko

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So I guess my question is, when does it end?
It doesn't. Don't waste any time pretending to psychoanalyze the one who left you.

We've heard it all a million times before.

You were perfect, she must be a lunatic.

But instead of forgetting her and moving on, your brain will do ANYTHING to stay focused on "her," including starting thread after thread about why "women are like that" just so you can continue to think about her.

Get over her and find somebody else.
 

logicallefty

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Knowing who the better guy is would require some logical reasoning from her. It’s not usually a womans strongest trait and a totally different mindset than what her current feels are…
Women being treated like crap are operating on their feelings and tingles only, usually to the detriment of their own future emotional health…
This^. It's funny too as I was just thinking along these lines the past few days. I am 43, and most of my exes and other women I know are in the 37-44 age range. I was thinking about all of the women I know now who I dated or who have had good husbands/BFs in the past and were running the show. Leaving good men. Cheating. Breaking hearts. Living the white picket fence dream and not even appreciating it. Etc. Now they are single, living paycheck to paycheck, barely functioning. The human being in me feels a little sorry for them, but more than that I think it's pretty damn funny. I just found out that two of my exes who actually met through me have been hanging out. These happen to be two exes who I still get along with and have no beefs with. I still regularly talk with both of em and everything is good. But one of them, ex #1, told me that the reason she starting hanging with #2 is because "She (#2) is struggling so hard. Needs help with the kids. Everything in her house needs fixed. etc". I credit #1 for one thing, she is pretty handy with fixing stuff. But at the same time #1 doesnt have a lot of resources to spare as she too is struggling financially and is having some legal problems and is facing criminal charges on a stupid thing she did a couple years ago. I sit back and go "Hmmm... I am single.. Banging multiple women, work is going relatively well. All of the stuff at my house works.. Life is pretty good".... For you younger guys who are in your 20s, early 30s, my advise to you is "sit back and just wait. Your chance to watch this same kind of thing unfold with women you know will come"
 

speed dawg

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It doesn't. Don't waste any time pretending to psychoanalyze the one who left you.

We've heard it all a million times before.

You were perfect, she must be a lunatic.

But instead of forgetting her and moving on, your brain will do ANYTHING to stay focused on "her," including starting thread after thread about why "women are like that" just so you can continue to think about her.

Get over her and find somebody else.
Yep, ole smartone84 is still in some kind of arrogant denial. My evidence:

As some of you may have read, I treated a girl like gold for two months without any real AFC tendencies involved and then she left me for her on and off again ex of 1.5 years.
:rolleyes:
 

LJBFB

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Im not claiming to be master dj, but elementary discussions/realizations amongst senior/master members is getting to me. I could filter threads but its nore often than not. This NAWALT shi is absurd. Talk avout your good nature...cool. I want more than secs but I also want return on my efforts too. Two months is nothing...Losers try; winners go home and f the prom queen.
 

Smartone84

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Yep, ole smartone84 is still in some kind of arrogant denial. My evidence:

:rolleyes:
I'm not in arrogant denial at all. This was simply a discussion but you had to go there. I already admitted where I may have been wrong and what lessons I learned but I guess you just didn't "get it". Instead you want to poke fun and think I'm AFC bc I treated a girl well and was "too available". Please. I'm 33. I know what AFC is, and I am far from it. While my thread may have made me sound like I was clung on, it didn't come through much at all. Bottom line: Almost NOTHING I could have done in just my two months with her could have beat out the history and feelings she had from a 1.5 year ex that just dumped her prior to me. Unless you can convince me how something like that is possible, I say we stick to the topic at hand.

It doesn't. Don't waste any time pretending to psychoanalyze the one who left you.

We've heard it all a million times before.

You were perfect, she must be a lunatic.
Dude. Are you serious? I never said I was perfect #1 and I never said she's a lunatic by any means. What i'm saying is there IS a possibility out there that the guy is NOT always to blame completely. Ever think of that? Ever think of the fact that some (especially young) women are just immature/narcissistic/boy crazy chicks who need to hit a certain point in their life before they realize they've f-cked around a bit too much?
 
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LJBFB

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They dont and never will care. But if you need to convince yourself otherwise to move on, so be it. Guys want to relax, but one msut realize peace will never come. You should ve seeking the next the next day after success. Its not a time to relax. Relaxing includes that ypu can sit back and forget that one. You watered the crop. Let it grow.

I've had my best year yet, and many would be envious, but still feel like a failure. It is not the product I thought working on myself would yield in my 30s, but again as Rollo once said "You can't use red pill strategy to obtain blue pill ideals." Or some variation of that.
 

sosousage

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This is an interesting question. The majority of women in the world don't like to be treated like crap. What you are referring to is a sub group of dysfunctional American women. Girls raised in good homes generally don't like to be treated badly. But there is a group of people that have very low self esteems. They feel that they deserve abuse.
i dont agree low self esteem prefer being abused.

its just that if your not nice 24/7 then she has more emotional rollercoaster involved
 

billtx49

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i dont agree low self esteem prefer being abused.
You can also add a definite lack of man qualification and her nonexistent filtering abilities to the list if she picks an abuser …
What triggers that kind of behavior? Very low self esteem.
If you think you’re trash, you can easily accept trash…
 
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taiyuu_otoko

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Dude. Are you serious?
Yes dude, I am serious.

A common human trait is to EXTERNALIZE.

This means we have a hard time looking in the mirror and saying, "Damn, I sucked pretty hard on that one. I guess I'll have to do better next time!"

We remember ourselves and our own behavior as much BETTER than it really was, and the behavior or the "other person" as MUCH WORSE than it really was.

To make it easier, we go on the internet, use the OTHER PERSON'S bad behavior as an EXAMPLE to further externalize.

If we can figure out a way to transition from THAT WOMEN to WOMEN LIKE THAT, it's much easier on our poor male psyches.

After all, if ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT, then you couldn't POSSIBLY have made any mistakes, right?

After all, it's a horrible dating market, all women are lunatics, and we poor guys just have no choice but to deal with this POOR FEMALE BEHAVIOR!

Woe is us....
 

Smartone84

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A common human trait is to EXTERNALIZE.

This means we have a hard time looking in the mirror and saying, "Damn, I sucked pretty hard on that one. I guess I'll have to do better next time!"

We remember ourselves and our own behavior as much BETTER than it really was, and the behavior or the "other person" as MUCH WORSE than it really was.

To make it easier, we go on the internet, use the OTHER PERSON'S bad behavior as an EXAMPLE to further externalize.
Looks like we are never going to agree on this one, so I'll leave you with one last thing from me to you...

Your analogy seems to be that:

-The man is the one who is always at fault for not getting her.
-The man is always technically the one who was wrong
-It's the man who was the reason she picked her ex over them, even after only dating a girl for a very short period of time.

So with your analogy, men are ALWAYS to blame.

Does that sound fair? Does that sound normal?

I've made mistakes in the past and have owned up, I was AFC at one point in my younger days, and even with this particular plate I stated how while I could have done a few things better, nothing would have changed her decision to bow out after 2 months and go back with an ex of 1.5 years that JUST dumped her before me. If I came on here saying I love bombed her after 2 months or did something drastic and she bailed the next day, then you could bash me all you want and say I "sucked pretty hard" there and need to change. I dated a girl and treated her nicely for 2 months and she decided to go back to the ex, and not only that, crawled back to me and said she didn't want to lose me after realizing her ex was well, still a d-ck. Of course we never truly ended up back together, but point is, obviously there is evidence that I didn't straight up "f-ck things up". The girl was an emotional train wreck and she basically admitted that to me all while saying none of this is fair to me.

I went out on one date with a girl about a year ago, spoke every day for a week leading up to the date. Probably a bit too much, but still. We were connecting and I was looking forward to meeting her. We ended up having an amazing time. We laughed, we joked, we went deep in convo on what was a great 2.5 hour date. At the end of the date she even shockingly friended me on facebook right at the table. She continued to come to me and text me a few days after as well. A few days later she started fading and then blew me off out of nowhere saying she had a great time, wanted to go out again, but that I "remind her" of her ex. I guess I sucked on that one too? I guess that was my fault too?

YOU are the one who needs to take the look in the mirror IMO and realize that some women are simply irrational, overly emotional, narcissistic, and often immature beings. Not ALL, but SOME.
 
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LJBFB

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I don't think you did much wrongs to be honest to give you some credit. This sounded unwinnable I just don't see the point you're trying to make and what you've done about the fact that you seem to realize. One thing you do need to accept though is that she didn't crawl back to anyone and she didn't realize anything and she did not want anything from you other than orbiting. And she did not realize that he was a ****
 

speed dawg

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So with your analogy, men are ALWAYS to blame.
No, women have plenty of blame, but real men realize that you can only control YOUR OWN circle of influence.

YOU are the one who needs to take the look in the mirror IMO and realize that some women are simply irrational, overly emotional, narcissistic, and often immature beings. Not ALL, but SOME.
Women are actually very predictable. The more problems they have, the more predictable they become.

You'll see this one day, once the light clicks on. No one here can make it happen for you. All we can do is hope you stick around this forum long enough that it happens on its own.
 

Magotrox

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After me recently experiencing it personally for the first time in my life I began thinking more about it. I've also seen it many times throughout my youth and even adulthood a bit. As some of you may have read, I treated a girl like gold for two months without any real AFC tendencies involved and then she left me for her on and off again ex of 1.5 years. Now I know 1.5 years of history can always beat out 2 months when it comes to feelings and the "High Score Theory", but this girl that left me, who is by no means a teenager (she's 27 going on 28) eventually semi-crawled back to me actually telling me that the guy was her ex for a reason, doesn't treat her very well, how I did things for her that "He would never do", and even called him a "d-ck" at one point. We never ended up back together as she still was clung onto him and this history they had, but the conversation just fascinated me. It was like talking to a 27 year old going on 17.

So I guess my question is, when does it end? When does the high score finally "drop" for guys who treat girls like crap? Why do some women take so long to grow the hel up in today's world and realize who the better guy is?
It's the animal instinct, pal!!! It's his masculinity magnet working on her. By now, throw this girl in the refrigerator. Maybe you'll see her in the future, when you turn yourself into a better man. Develop your masculinity. The masculinity has five main areas to focus. One of them is the MASCULINE BEHAVIOR. A man never *cries* in situations like this, being needy. He knows the life is short and that there are many and better woman out there. Believe me... Go for other girls!!! The solid line behind this kind of situation is that we think we are perfect ant the other guy is the "bad guy". But, in fact, most of times we are crying babies, and half-men. We have a lot areas to develop, but we think we are perfect. Forget this! Work hard ON YOU. The better man you become, the better magnet for girls you will be. Don't trust me!!! Try yourself in your life and you will see what happens. Develop yourself in the five main areas of masculinity. Stop crying. Go for the hunt. Work hard on yourself. See the areas you can become better in short, medium and long time. Go for MANY girls. Go for it, man!!!
 

Magotrox

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(...) As some of you may have read, I treated a girl like gold for two months without any real AFC tendencies involved (...)
Treat a girl like GOLD is AFC. A girl should NEVER be treated as GOLD, as a QUEEN, as a GODDESS. She is just a human being, just like you, and should receive GOOD TREATMENT only as a REWARD, that is when she treat you THE WAY YOU DESERVE. Be a man! Have YOUR life. Be busy! Focus on your interests and life. A woman should NEVER be the main thing in the life of a man.

Did you ever read "The Book of Pook"? (https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B3gagdEJLE6dN2ZmMGEwZmYtODk3Yi00MDM4LWJhOWYtNDg5MDRhNzQ2YTZm/edit?pli=1). It was life changing for me years ago, and I strongly suggest you to read it.
 

wolf

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Here is the secret..

We Date/Marry people who reflect how we truly feel about ourselves.

I don’t feel good

therefore I am bad

therefore no one loves me.



I feel good

therefore I am good

therefore everyone loves me.



I am good

You do not love me

therefore you are bad. So I do not love you.



I am good

You love me

therefore you are good. So I love you.



I am bad

You love me

therefore you are bad.

*Knots by R D Laing*

http://www.oikos.org/knots2.htm

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