Why do some girls date down - take 2

[steve12b]

A thread below this discusses why some girls date people of lower social classes, aka bad boys. The answer is obvious: they want someone exciting who is more concerned with pleasing themselves rather than reaching a status that will get the reporter to side with them in a new story.

My question is this: Why do some girls choose guys who actually are less desireable than themselves?

By less desireable I mean the kind of guy, typically an AFC, who just isn't that attractive to the general female population? They don't have money, aren't funny, have low self-confidence, etc etc.

 

[fuse]

Because they have a low self-esteem. There is no mystery to it.

 

[steve12b]

Is it really that simple, or are we just not seeing the complete picture. My thought is that maybe the guy actually does have higher value, but only to her. Have you ever been inexplicably attracted to someone who nobody else likes? I mean in my case my gf is physically attractive, very intelligent, socially well adept...in fact the main thing that makes her "unatractive" is that she's strongly opinionated and will not back down when she believes she is right. And she's head over heels for me, a guy who has weak social skills and few friends, low self-confidence, and little motivation to actually improve myself. I'm pretty much uncool, but am easy to get along with because I don't stand up for myself (because I don't think I have the skills to do so).

Explain that. My only explanation is that she likes that I'm caring towards her and am different from everything else in her life. I'm a lot like her dad...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...By less desireable I mean the kind of guy, typically an AFC, who just isn't that attractive to the general female population? They don't have money, aren't funny, have low self-confidence, etc etc.

Because in the grand scheme of things, these things are superficial and not unique. Go onto any block of a major metropolitan city and you will find wealthy, good looking, funny guys with confidence; big whoop. What's important is how women feel about themselves when they are with a particular guy. Guy's are way too focused on what they have and how the compare to other guys to recognize this.

 

[frivolousz21]

Because in the grand scheme of things, these things are superficial and not unique. Go onto any block of a major metropolitan city and you will find wealthy, good looking, funny guys with confidence; big whoop. What's important is how women feel about themselves when they are with a particular guy. Guy's are way too focused on what they have and how the compare to other guys to recognize this.

exactly

 

[potato]

On sites like this and on relationship sites there are always comments made by guys not understanding why a woman goes for a certain guy or particular type of guy that the poster refers to as a loser or ugly or whatever. I think that this perspective comes from not seeing what the girl sees rather than the guy being a loser or whatever.

Often times what makes it work between a particular man and woman can be explained in no other way than that they have chemistry. Typically when someone has lots of options they will choose those who they best get along best with, who sees the world as they do, who they have the most chemistry with.

If you just chase a woman because she has big boobs or a nice rear there is a good chance that you’ll never find love. However if you pursue those women who you can also be friends with, you will more likely bond and have a lasting relationship.

 

[MooseGod]

My question is this: Why do some girls choose guys who actually are less desireable than themselves?

By less desireable I mean the kind of guy, typically an AFC, who just isn't that attractive to the general female population? They don't have money, aren't funny, have low self-confidence, etc etc.

Because they get free dinners, flowers, and get their asses kissed on a 24/7 basis until something better comes along.

...and what Francisco D'Anconia said.

 

[Poonani Maker]

I don't know, man. It's cruel world. When I know a woman, maybe 9 years younger than me, has deep feelings for me, but ends up marrying her AFC boyfriend because of what others have said about me (I've got a bad reputation with women in my social circles), all I can say is it's her life and if she wants conformity and listening to others,' like her parents,' advice then far be it from me to try to change her mind on the matter. I mean she can, while sitting next to her boyfriend, turn her head around and look back at me, but once she ties the knot, that's it. I can't help her now. The best thing for YOU to do is to get another woman on your arm, and another, and another, and another, and don't stop just keep changing them out, never giving them time to think.

 

[bigjohnson]

Because in the grand scheme of things, these things are superficial and not unique. Go onto any block of a major metropolitan city and you will find wealthy, good looking, funny guys with confidence; .....

But statistically speaking you will also find a lot fewer of them than there are women looking for them. Look at a bell curve and compare the area under the +2 to +3 sigma part of the curve to the overall area. Rich successful good looking guys are rare in the population. Not every hot woman can have one and that's just how it is, because the supply of 7+ pretty young things is much more plentiful, more like the area under the +1 to +3 part of that same shaped curve.

A million 6' tall Chinamen is a lot of tall Chinamen, unless you're actually counting in China. Just because Wall Street, NYC is well stocked with guys with good careers doesn't make them common in the general population.