Why do people "settle"?

[Fuglydude]

hey all,

My gf has tried explaining this to me but since I'm kind of a dumb@ss with stuff like this I can't get it through my head. maybe you guys could help me out. Its just so illogical for people to settle...such an obvious barrier to long term happiness.

My definition of "settling": committing to partners that they don't ultimately wanna end up with. Personally i'd never commit to a woman unless I could see strong long term potential (god that makes me think of long term potentiation...i'm such a nerd!)...aka serious marriage potential down the line. For me the opportunity cost is just too great to commit to someone less than that. If I was single I'd be throwing lotsa loads around. As a guy with a high sex drive I love sexual variety and gettin physical with lotsa different women. Plus you gotta love the chase! Call me a slvt...but atleast I know what I am. For me to sacrifice sexual variety and hookin up with lotsa chicks would mean that the girl that I commit to would really have to be worth it.

Serious long term potential means that i have to be PROUD introducing her to my friends and family and having her on my arm when we're out. She also has to be my best friend and good in bed...and yes I have to find her very attractive and she has to be intelligent. I guess I'm really picky...which is why I was single for 25 years!

I just don't get why people settle! Its such an obvious barrier to long term happiness! Any explanations?

 

[KontrollerX]

Well I think people settle for a few different reasons.

Off the top of my head the reasons I can think of at the moment are...

-The partner isn't totally what the person is looking for in life but they are pleasant to be around and fit the good enough mold also a person like this may settle for this person if they've been in a string of bad or unsatisfying relationships. This person to them then seems like the best they'll ever do so they clamp down tight on the relationship keeping it going even if it will never be as fulfilling as they'd like.

-This next one is quite simple the person is a bigtime loser/AFC and this is the only partner they've ever been able to acquire and they don't think they'll ever get anybody else.

 

[PhatE1vis]

I agree with you and you're thinking the right way. But what you forget is that most people are afraid of being alone. That fear is stronger than the unhappiness of settling.

 

[Fuglydude]

I agree with you and you're thinking the right way. But what you forget is that most people are afraid of being alone. That fear is stronger than the unhappiness of settling.

If you have a strong social support network you won't really be lonely...plus if you're doing stuff in your life that makes you happy, then that'll help you make you happy as well.

Sexually, given the growing sexual liberalization in our society, its not exactly hard to get laid. So that's simply another physical need that can be met easily.

 

[azanon]

First you; you have excellent standards and expectations for a potential long-term mate. Just make sure that your standards for yourself are equally the same. It isn't logical to expect excellence if you yourself are not also excellent. I'm not talking looks here either. Looks are ~10% (as estimated at laddertheory.com). And rightfully so! What good is a good-lookin' loser to a woman?

Now for your main question, why do people settle? Well, a great many of these are just AFC men who rarely if ever dated, are scared of girls/women, and eventually realized that society expects them to be married, or decided that was what they should do. So they end up marrying the first person that wants to be with them permanently.

In other cases, be sure to look closely to see if there's overall equitability. If you see a handsome dude with a fugly chick, then look closer. Is he jobless/broke/recklasses/undependable? Or is she mitigating her bad looks with a 6-figure income, rich parents, awesome cooking/cleaning skills, etc? Sometimes there's equitability when it doesn't seem like there is on the surface.

 

[STR8UP]

Irrational fear.

 

[lookyoung]

People settle for a number of reasons.

1. There is no such thing as the perfect person.
2. People want family and kids because of religious and family values.
3. People get sick of the player life style.
4. Woman in todays society are garbage so if they find one that is good but not perfect men will settle.

 

[lookyoung]

People settle for a number of reasons.

1. There is no such thing as the perfect person.
2. People want family and kids because of religious and family values.
3. People get sick of the player life style.
4. Woman in todays society are garbage so if they find one that is good but not perfect men will settle.

 

[Last Man Standing]

...Serious long term potential means that i have to be PROUD introducing her to my friends and family and .... She also has to be... good in bed...

If she isn't good in bed, could she compensate by being "good" on the bathroom floor??

 

[penkitten]

people settle when they can no longer stand the fight ....
be a soldier and keep marching.

 

[Z Man]

hey all,

My gf...

So are you "settling" for her?

 

[Last Man Standing]

People settle for a number of reasons.

1. There is no such thing as the perfect person.
2. People want family and kids because of religious and family values.
3. People get sick of the player life style.
4. Woman in todays society are garbage so if they find one that is good but not perfect men will settle.

This is a good synopsis of reality!

 

[MightyMate]

Because of boredoom and insecurity. I settled with 2 girls now, but i wanna more. Just settled to keep em coz they are dope.

 

[joekerr31]

because when you get right down to it life is a scary thing.

while we are amply distracted now a days with television and movies and buying stuff, etc. - deep down we realize that one day we are simply going to die.

and given that our time on this planet is so short, most people at some point give up waiting for perfection and 'settle', hoping that they will still experience something magical.

but psychologically, what drives them to this is the fear of death and the fear of time running out and the associated fear of being alone (because we consider 'down time' or 'alone time' in our society to have no value).

for women there is the additional psychological fear of 1) losing their market value in their 30s and 2) having a child is their reason for being and better to settle nad have kids than not and not have kids (in her mind, she can still dump the chump later if mr. right comes along).