Why do people settle?

[Being_the_Don]

Do you ever look at some people who have set standards for themselves then throw it out the window b/c of pressure? And it's not just about relationships but education, career, exercise, etc. Why just take what others expect of them instead of just going for what they want? In the end (because that's what it is) all they've got is regret. They might try to rationalize by saying it's not all that bad b/c at least they got such and such out of it (if they're married that usually means a kid) but what does it matter if they're not happy? And why please other people instead of yourself? Even when others try to tell you what to do, who you should date, etc. why listen to them? The best way to tell them to Fcuk off is to live your own life. :trouble: To win just keep going for what you want even if at the moment it looks like you aren't getting it. But instead most people settle, give up on their goals and just take what comes along or go searching for what others tell them they should have. Why are some of the people who seemingly are happy people who actually settle for less? What's gained from copping out?

 

[floydtheater07]

Good post, as this is something that I feel strongly about.


I think one of the main factors in this equation is pressure. Not only are men expected to have settled down by at most the age 0f 35, although I am only 19, I predict that the situation begins to seem less flexible. I am aware that it becomes difficult to maintain a decent physique, and a lot of the girls that were attractive back in the day have already settled, so there seems to be less options. So I think a lot of guys get scared and just accept the easy, reliable choice. Of course, this ends in nothing but regret and depression, so I have promised myself not to let it happen. It's funny, because parents keep telling their kids to follow their dreams, when many of them have not. We under-estimate ourselves and pretend that we weren't meant to achieve these things, but that's just a cop-out. If you have kids, that's one thing. But if you are not tied down to any responsibility, then in the end the only person that you have to answer to is yourself. As long as you can do that and feel good about who you are, you're probably on the right track.

 

[The Experiment]

Mediocrity is safe, simple, and easy.

All you have to do is just put in enough effort not to drown but not enough effort to stand out above the rest. Its why some people go the gym after work and why some people sit down on the couch in their place after work. Why try to approach a hot girl who may shut you down when you can have an average girl who would do no such thing?

Everything in the US and Westernized nations is easy. As a result, we've become accustomed to ease and not breaking out of the safety zones that hold us in. Better to wrap yourself up in that warm blanket of mediocre security than to risk failure...or success, which some would consider to be worse.

They will tell you to follow their life because its all they know. Also, they hate to see people doing better than them. Imagine a good friend gritting his teeth while congratulating you on your new promotion while he is stuck in his entry level job, kissing ass to get a $500 salary increase. Its like Gore Vidal says, "Everytime a friend succeeds, a little part of me dies." That may be paraphrased but he nails that quote. Most people live by that. Understand why some people are hating on you and its easier to weed out the good criticism from the useless fluff.

 

[Mental]

Do you ever look at some people who have set standards for themselves then throw it out the window b/c of pressure? And it's not just about relationships but education, career, exercise, etc. Why just take what others expect of them instead of just going for what they want? In the end (because that's what it is) all they've got is regret. They might try to rationalize by saying it's not all that bad b/c at least they got such and such out of it (if they're married that usually means a kid) but what does it matter if they're not happy? And why please other people instead of yourself? Even when others try to tell you what to do, who you should date, etc. why listen to them? The best way to tell them to Fcuk off is to live your own life. :trouble: To win just keep going for what you want even if at the moment it looks like you aren't getting it. But instead most people settle, give up on their goals and just take what comes along or go searching for what others tell them they should have. Why are some of the people who seemingly are happy people who actually settle for less? What's gained from copping out?

Easy answer. Because it's "easier." It's easier to take a smaller risk, and hopefully earn a fairly steady income, than it is to try and start your own business.

Starting my own business has been pretty much one big loss so far. I'm big time in debt, with no guarantee of getting out unless I go to the soul crushing 9 to 5 route. When rent comes, it's hard to say "no" to a steady paycheck and SOME certainty.

I haven't earned anything since April, and probably won't start earning until at least September. And sometimes it become trickier to justify doing what you want when you don't earn anything.

Sometimes you must give up certain things for maturity. Not all of it's bad.

 

[Being_the_Don]

I think that if a person acquiesces once he'll rationalize it as being for the best. When something difficult comes again he'll acquiesce again and the rationale will be that it's for the best. Then a pattern has started and eventually everything that person wanted will be gone. Sure there might be a woman, a family, maybe even a decent house and retirement benefits but in the back of the mind was that plan that never happened. And there's the saying it's better to tried and failed than to have never tried at all or something like that. Well, even thinking about failure makes it that much more a possiblity than saying: "To hell with all else just do it! And fcuk whomever wants me to mess up!" The way I look at it is that the one who's really living it is me. I know how I feel and what I want. Nobody else really does and they can't give it to me, I've got to get it for myself. It's that way for the women I'm interested in. I've got my standards and yes they're preferences but I know those standards are what will make ME happy not to please other people. And same goes for school and career. What I want in life is what I want and that's what matters. The thing is that we might not even realize that the pressures of others-their subtle and even open messages-are having an effect on us, it might take an outside observer to say "Wow. You're doing such and such?" or "You thought what about this?" And then you stop and realize that this person has drawn attention to your shift in thought, a shift that you were not even aware was taking place. And that should be a jolt to your mind that those messages from others are having some psychological affect. Which means you get angry and fight back all the harder. There's always going to be disapproval from the outside and people wanting you to fail, fall flat on your face. It's a war against what others want you to have and what you know you need. And when it comes down to it giving in to them is giving up on yourself. Fcuk that. For me knowing what I need I will have what I need. All of it. Not for other people but for me. That's why I'll never settle. It's my life and I'll have it.

 

[RogueWarrior]

I'm a firm believer in not settling especially when it comes to women. Prolly why I'm still single. Sure I'd lament about it but then when friends tell you to give up on some HB and go for something easier I'd feel pretty damn offended. It's the same thing as them saying "You're not good-looking enough, tall enough, or rich enough to score a hot chick so you'll have to settle." Or worse it's like "Well, you're short and fat so that's who WE (the royal WE) think you should be with."

Ummmm...yeah...BITE ME!!!

People settling has got to be the chief reason behind the high divorce-rate.

I also believe that those who NEXT women rather than become better DJs are settling.

 

[floydtheater07]

I'm a firm believer in not settling especially when it comes to women. Prolly why I'm still single. Sure I'd lament about it but then when friends tell you to give up on some HB and go for something easier I'd feel pretty damn offended. It's the same thing as them saying "You're not good-looking enough, tall enough, or rich enough to score a hot chick so you'll have to settle." Or worse it's like "Well, you're short and fat so that's who WE (the royal WE) think you should be with."

Ummmm...yeah...BITE ME!!!

People settling has got to be the chief reason behind the high divorce-rate.

I also believe that those who NEXT women rather than become better DJs are settling.

I totally agree with the divorce-rate statement. Too many people get married because they feel that they should.

 

[Paintballguy]

Too many people get married because they feel that they should.

That happens way too much.... So many people get married so fast and end up divcored six monthes later.

Personally, I never settle for less then what I want. I never have and I never well. That is probably why I have a good paying job, nice car, etc etc... I also believe in putting in lots of hard work which pays off immensely.

 

[Freeman]

people settle because they realize that you wont find that perfect man or woman- you have to weigh their flaws-their imperfections so to speak-because we all full of them-the trick isnt finding the perfect girl-but finding the chick that fits you-from there you will find her-that comes from being yourself-im not talking about the you who is a chump who gives in because you think thats what she wants-but the tru you-the raw and uncut-only then will you find someone who you can see yourself with-the chick who you can cut loose with...