Why do people form Oneitis?

[MixMaxster]

I have an interesting question for all of you out there.

I know many people who have the whole oneitis deal going on. A friend of mine was recently heartbroken after his now ex gf dumped him. They had loved each other and everything, but she said it wasn't going to work out. He is still convinced that she is the one for him and that she will come back and on top of that everything she does he interprets as signs that she will.

So here comes the questions, now I have other friends in similar predicaments except that they're still involved with their S.O. and aren't sure what they should do. They feel compelled to stay with them as a means of committment and what have you. So what causes people to develop this oneitis syndrome? And better yet, when someone feels like they almost HAVE to stay with someone JUST because they want to stick it out and not just dump them, is that love? or what is that?

 

[quest]

Originally posted by MixMaxster
I have an interesting question for all of you out there.

I know many people who have the whole oneitis deal going on. A friend of mine was recently heartbroken after his now ex gf dumped him. They had loved each other and everything, but she said it wasn't going to work out. He is still convinced that she is the one for him and that she will come back and on top of that everything she does he interprets as signs that she will.

So here comes the questions, now I have other friends in similar predicaments except that they're still involved with their S.O. and aren't sure what they should do. They feel compelled to stay with them as a means of committment and what have you. So what causes people to develop this oneitis syndrome? And better yet, when someone feels like they almost HAVE to stay with someone JUST because they want to stick it out and not just dump them, is that love? or what is that?

the more girls you have, the more girls you want.

the first girl you kiss you will feel more strongly about then the 100th girl you kiss.

because at the start, you don't know how easy it is.

often people will build a lengthy relationship with one of the first few girls they ever kiss, so then IF they become single again, they still have no idea how the game works. they can't cope.

 

[Pantyr8er]

I think it has to do with the fact that you found someone who supposedly feels the same way about you as you do for them and all the work you did to get to that point. People just fall in love with the feeling of being in love and don't want to lose that feeling so they try and do everything they can to keep or regain it.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

It's a bad combination of inexperience, a huge imagination and unrealistic hope.

Because these guys haven't had a lot of experience in qualifying women nor understanding what's really going on in their relationship they fall in love with the hope of what may happen if they just hang in a little longer. They imagine the two of them together happily without doing anything for the relationship other than doing AFC things like supplicating and surrendering his manliness to her.

This never happens if you go out with several women at once so you can compare one woman's actions to another's and THEN determine which one would be the best woman for you. They need to look at their interactions with women realistically and stop dreaming about what they wish would happen.

 

[MixMaxster]

What about with women?

I know of many who will stick it out in the long run because they feel it's love.

Like with this one girl I know, she has doubts with her bf a lot of the time, but she's so committed to him that she doesn't want to seem indecisive and just dump the guy.

I've been holding back on what to say to her, but I was almost considering just having a long talk with her and what not. In my experience, love is great, but not when you're unhappy in the process.

Who knows what opportunities you might miss out on as well if you just stay with who you have because you think that's what love is.

 

[myfriendblu]

QUOTE]Originally posted by MixMaxster
. So what causes people to develop this oneitis syndrome? And better yet, when someone feels like they almost HAVE to stay with someone JUST because they want to stick it out and not just dump them, is that love? or what is that? [/QUOTE]

Why? Because it is 100 percent natural to want commitment and be with one person and one person only, to fall in love. It is natural, and humans in one on one monogamous relationships are happier. Some people argue that humans aren't a monogomous species. I really beg to differ. For thousands of years, people had short, violent life spans. When you met someone, often it wasn't for long due to a variey of reasons, including sickness and death. So you quickly formed a very intimate bond with someone and because it often didn't last awile most people made the most of their time together. So i think oneitis is actually quite a natural feeling to have, but a feeling you must work yourself out of and "undo"

 

[bobbob]

Oneitis happens because its the natural response an emotionally healthy human being has when they find someone they like, and who likes them in return. Its only dangerous if its not founded in reality (i.e. the other person doesn't feel the same way about you).

 

[MixMaxster]

So what do you think about the dilema of being in a relationship with someone for a while and feeling like there's someone better out there. In the manner that there's someone else you really have a good time with and connect really well with, but are stuck being with someone you love and have been with for a while. Almost like you wonder if you're just trying to break away from the committment as a way to try something new or get out of the problems in the relationship instead of dealing with them.

But where does one draw the line between someone who could be better for them and staying with the one they have? What are your guys thoughts on that? Would you stay with them, or if you really felt like it would work with the other person that you would go with them instead?

Any thoughts?

 

[defiancy]

People have oneitis because they're AFC

 

[DjDreamer]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
It's a bad combination of inexperience, a huge imagination and unrealistic hope.

Because these guys haven't had a lot of experience in qualifying women nor understanding what's really going on in their relationship they fall in love with the hope of what may happen if they just hang in a little longer. They imagine the two of them together happily without doing anything for the relationship other than doing AFC things like supplicating and surrendering his manliness to her.

This never happens if you go out with several women at once so you can compare one woman's actions to another's and THEN determine which one would be the best woman for you. They need to look at their interactions with women realistically and stop dreaming about what they wish would happen.

Well put!

I dream of having a harem where I can obtain my queen by the simple act of the process of elimination...

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Originally posted by defiancy
People have oneitis because they're AFC

I thought a person is defined as an AFC is they are characterized by oneitis.

?????

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

It is the "Natural order of things"!!!

 

[sixtyfwee]

Oneitis forms because deep down you dont beleive that you can do better. Think about it.... if after breaking up with your HB4, you instantly bedded 10 HB9's would you still have oneitis?

Oneitis like all emotions, is a process you run in your head. You DO NOT have three pints of the oneitis emotion running through your body waiting to go active. Instead you sit at home, remember the girl, think about the girl, create situations for you and the girl, and many more.

Like all emotions, oneitis is your own energy being shaped in a deconstructive manner. The great thing is once you realise this and just STOP it, it goes away.

Oneitis is desire without a clear path for results. Give that desire a clear path - perhaps completing the bootcamp, or someother task, and suddenly you are giving your energy a direction, no longer oneitis - but motivation to get better!

 

[klaz]

Why do people form Oneitis?

Because we're all in love with drama to some extent. We like being miserable. We want to have strong feelings that may or may not be returned. We want, we want, we want...... What we can't have.

For myself, I've been biten badly by Oneitis on 5 separate occasions. I fell in love with the Idea that I created in my head of them. In 3 out of the five, I never had any real relationship with them. No sex. no kissing. Nothing. Just the infatuation i created.

i loved the pain. I can still remember creating scenarios in my head where I would feel misery, depression, anger etc. Rightious anger. I felt strong in my desire for an object that i couldn't have. <laughs> Its kinda funny now. But I can still feel the twinges in my skull if i think of those girls. But on the other hand I'm unlikely to get myself hung up like that again. Unlikely. Lol.