Why do men get one-itis?

[El Payaso]

This guy can probably have any woman he wants instead he's sulking over one woman with nothing inherently special about her: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...revealing-reporters-not-slept-three-days.html

All the money, fame and status he could wish for yet he's sulking over her.

 

[WanderingMan]

Because once we "connect" with someone, it's in our human nature to STAY connected. That's how we STAY together, pair-bond, fall in love, and get lonely when they're not there - all that stuff. If we didn't miss them, then we wouldn't care if we were with them or not, and probably never have kids and never procreate. Unfortunately one person usually gets over the other first, it's rarely a mutual breakup. So, someone is almost always naturally hurting during a breakup. It's just life.

 

[skinnyguy]

She's crazy in bed.

 

[El Payaso]

She's crazy in bed.

How much crazier in bed can she be over the next woman?

 

[Infern0]

Oneitis comes from having a scarcity mindset.

If you lack confidence, self esteem etc and don't back yourself or belive you can achieve the things you want this is what creates a scarcity mindset.

If you are in that mindset you form unhealthy attachments to things that you view as positive. Example being if you end up with a girl but don't think you deserve her due to aforementioned issues.

Guys with low self esteem get the Oneitis

Guys with healthy self esteem belive that there are plenty of options and that they deserve to be treated well, if they aren't, they leave the situation rather quickly and move on to the next, they don't get Oneitis.

It's not actually about her, it's about the guys unhealthy mindset.

 

[Lozboss]

Oneitis comes from having a scarcity mindset.

If you lack confidence, self esteem etc and don't back yourself or belive you can achieve the things you want this is what creates a scarcity mindset.

If you are in that mindset you form unhealthy attachments to things that you view as positive. Example being if you end up with a girl but don't think you deserve her due to aforementioned issues.

Guys with low self esteem get the Oneitis

Guys with healthy self esteem belive that there are plenty of options and that they deserve to be treated well, if they aren't, they leave the situation rather quickly and move on to the next, they don't get Oneitis.

It's not actually about her, it's about the guys unhealthy mindset.

Yes and No but you know as much as anyone that shaking the connections you form from relationships is never easy.

 

[Lozboss]

Why? Because he put her on the highest pedestal in the world. And since she took off running from that pedestal, he has no one there to fill the void. Therefore he is left with something to devote all of his time and energy to. This means his left sitting around at home all day thinking about it.

That's what we call incorrect behavior. If he had another plate to fill the void and so he could fill her void (NOT PUT EITHER ON A PEDESTAL), it would be a little blow to the ego but it would not take more than a day or three to get over. I think the worst part for Tiger, or at least what I think would be the worst part for me, is that it's embarrassing the media covered their relationship and he got dumped by her. Though I couldnt care what other people think, it's just a pride thing.

You are right.

My point is few can value someone without putting them on a pedestal.

In order to have a health relationship you must value your GF/Wife above other women. After a breakup you can get over things but it isn't instant. It takes time and dating other women (gaining that perspective) to realize that your Ex is replaceable.

This doesn't mean you need to think that they are the only option.

 

[SgtSplacker]

I just don't get it. If I had money like that i'd have a kid young, divorce my wife and begin systematically crushing every single punanny in a 100 mile radius. Every single vagiina that moistens at the thought if being rich would fall prey to my desires. So yeah roughly 99% lol

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Credit to cynetix and NMMWCR, long gone Down Juan's.

I believe that her role in your life is to make you a better man. Were it not for her, you would still be a fool bumbling around in darkness. Her presence is capable of lifting you up higher than you could ever have imagined. And thus her presence is a double-edged sword. You cannot have her, you will not have her, at least not at this stage in your life (we are probably talking about anytime within the next five years, if at all), because if you DID then you would not be compelled to improve.

Response:

Sounds like Jungian synchronicity to me. You had some kind of internal issue that needed to be dealt with so your subconscious latched onto this girl to provide you with the incentive to confront an internal fear.

The bold is the reason why.

 

[om1xr]

Because they think they can't do any better and because of ego attachment/addiction. Period.

 

[WanderingMan]

I think there's a confusion here. Two different types of scenarios at play:

Scenario #1) Guy meets girl, they hang out as friends, guy gets attached, "falls" for her, stops trying to date other women even though she already has a boyfriend and has not reciprocated his romantic interest or affection.
-unhealthy and detrimental

Scenario #2) Guy meets girl, they start to date, they get attached to each other, commit, so on and so forth. Then girl breaks up with guy (or other way around), guy is heartbroken for a period of time.
-100% healthy, normal and natural.


And really, I don't think a man who was dumped necessarily has "one-itus". He's just dealing with a break up. Isn't there a sticky'd thread on here dedicated just to that?

 

[Cremasta]

I'd say it's a combination of optimism and desperation.

Most people have in their head a checklist of things that they find really attractive and make up their perfect girl.
The problem is that many think they've found the perfect girl after only ticking off the top 4 or 5...
Bit tits - check
Brown eyes - check
Plays guitar - check
Looks like that girl I had a crush on when I was 12 - check

That's the one for me!!

The blinkers go on and they can't see all those things about her that are simply annoying.
Instant oneitis and you can't understand why things aren't going the way you think they should.

 

[KingBeef]

I'd say it's a combination of optimism and desperation.

Most people have in their head a checklist of things that they find really attractive and make up their perfect girl.
The problem is that many think they've found the perfect girl after only ticking off the top 4 or 5...
Bit tits - check
Brown eyes - check
Plays guitar - check
Looks like that girl I had a crush on when I was 12 - check

That's the one for me!!

The blinkers go on and they can't see all those things about her that are simply annoying.
Instant oneitis and you can't understand why things aren't going the way you think they should.

OMG.. Your list is almost on point with mine. I would just have to add nice arse and cute as well.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

I'd say it's a combination of optimism and desperation.

Most people have in their head a checklist of things that they find really attractive and make up their perfect girl.
The problem is that many think they've found the perfect girl after only ticking off the top 4 or 5...
Bit tits - check
Brown eyes - check
Plays guitar - check
Looks like that girl I had a crush on when I was 12 - check

That's the one for me!!

The blinkers go on and they can't see all those things about her that are simply annoying.
Instant oneitis and you can't understand why things aren't going the way you think they should.

Looks like for this list they focused on superficial qualities only... So you probably will fail.

 

[Cremasta]

OMG.. Your list is almost on point with mine. I would just have to add nice arse and cute as well.

Haha! No, that list was just to illustrate the point.

I have no interest in guitars or any of the girls from when I was 12

 

[Peña]

Tiger Woods was never an alpha anyway. He married a woman he never loved and said he fell in love with Vonn. Just goes to show you even the rich and famous are weak for women.

 

[El Payaso]

I think there's a confusion here. Two different types of scenarios at play:

Scenario #1) Guy meets girl, they hang out as friends, guy gets attached, "falls" for her, stops trying to date other women even though she already has a boyfriend and has not reciprocated his romantic interest or affection.
-unhealthy and detrimental

Scenario #2) Guy meets girl, they start to date, they get attached to each other, commit, so on and so forth. Then girl breaks up with guy (or other way around), guy is heartbroken for a period of time.
-100% healthy, normal and natural.


And really, I don't think a man who was dumped necessarily has "one-itus". He's just dealing with a break up. Isn't there a sticky'd thread on here dedicated just to that?

Yeah, but not sleeping for THREE days? I don't know if it's the truth or they're exaggerating but that seems like stupid one-itis.