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Why do I have the mindset of contacting right after a date???

tomwesten27

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I am a victim of this mindset and I need someone to help me better understand it please.

Why do I think that after a first date the girl NEEDS to hear from me? As opposed to waiting a few days to look less needy or more BUSY...

I don't even know how myself and other men developed this mindset...please school me! More detailed the better.
 

Maximus Rex

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You're Not in Abundance

tomwesten27 said:
Why do I think that after a first date the girl NEEDS to hear from me? As opposed to waiting a few days to look less needy or more BUSY...
Lack of spinning plates and operating from the mentality of scarcity.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjHSISVojoY

How Abundance Fuels An Upwards Spiral Of Emotional Centeredness And Frees You To Attract Savvy Girls


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcjY1o4Q6Sc
Get Your Elbows In The Mud! Become "Non Resistant" To The B.S. In Pickup & Get Abundance With Girls
 

tomwesten27

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Espi said:
My advice is, Don't even try to understand why. Better to just take my word for it and not call or text them until at least a day or two after.

If you can discipline yourself to minimize the texting and calling, even when they initiate contacting you, you will immediately begin elevating your game.

In my mind 9 out 10 guys text them the same day they get the number.

Delaying a response is, IMO, CRUCIAL for maintaining attraction between those first few dates.

She wants to feel that insecurity and tension.

She is looking for a guy who is not needy. Who has a life.

Whose world won't end with or without her.

Basically THEY WANT A MAN WHO IS A CHALLENGE.

This is what they look for in a "high-value" man.
Makes sense. I mean could it hurt to even wait 3-4 days after a first date? Is there a such a thing as waiting to long to set up the next date?

Also at the end of the date the most I will say is "I had a fun too." but only when the woman says its first. Then I vanish for 3-4 then usually text for another date.

Am I on the right track? Just recently been trying this to see how it works...
 

rascal99v

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Probably because you don't want to lose out on a second date after you felt the first date went well. Some guys feel like they need to contact the girl for reassurance to know that she still has interest. That comes from insecurities inside along with your mindset. Once you gain the confidence you need, it won't bother you anymore. That fact is, that most girls will text or call you after the date. If not, you still should have the self confidence not having to call right after the date because you know another date will happen based on the previous date. Also, having other women as options will reduce any AFC behavior you might have.
 
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devilkingx2

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she doesn't need to hear from you the day she saw you, and if she does, she'll text you.

the reason you want to text her is because you want to hear from her, I think we call that neediness, you've gotta get over that.
 

Harry Wilmington

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Explanation of this mindset: Think about all the movies, TV shows and songs you've heard over the years, and how they've affected your psyche. Most of them have brainwashed you into thinking a woman WANTS to see you everyday; therefore, you MUST reach out to her at all times.

Want proof? Here are some sample lyrics from Justin Timberlake's "Not a Bad Thing":

Said all I want from you
Is to see you tomorrow
And every tomorrow
Maybe you'll let me borrow, your heart
And is it too much to ask for every Sunday?
An while we're at it throw in every other day to start


So, a guy hears this on the radio 75,000+ times a day. And what's the message being conveyed? "A girl wants to see you all the time... every single day, she needs to see you to feel loved." And this is just one song - the majority of songs on the radio convey this same message.

Then, there's the movies and TV shows. Think of how many scenes you've seen where, at the end of a date, the guy turns to the girl and says "So... I had a great time. Can I see you again tomorrow? I'll call you when I get home..." Now, for purposes of TV and movie, the girl is scripted to say "sure, I'd love that" in response to this guy's request. As your own dating life has probably taught you, though, the actual response - i.e. her not picking up your call/text or wanting to see you again - is not very favorable. And logically, you probably know this. But, your subconscious can't really tell the difference between what's real and what's scripted. So, when you see these things in movies and on TV, your brain thinks "Yeah, if I want a girl to like me, I definitely have to set up a date while on the date and let her know I'm going to contact her so she'll be assured of my like for her and won't try to date anyone else!"

So, that's the reasoning behind why you feel that way. As those of us on the board with more experience can attest to, though, it's actually BETTER for you to show some restraint and be more patient. I started getting WAY better results with women when I changed my mind frame to waiting 4 days after a date before contacting them. What I found was two things: one, my retention rate for 2nd dates increased dramatically; and two, usually by the 2nd or 3rd day, THEY would be hitting ME up with a "check in" text that would result in me being able to set up another date with them. So, you definitely want to get to the point where you can do this - TRUST me, your dating life will change for the better if you can delay calling them so quickly between dates. Hope this helps!
 

Zimbabwe

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At the end of the date, i always say "let me know when you get back , so i know you made it back safe".

If they don't text i assume it's low IL
 
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