Why do I feel like I need a relationship? And why do I miss her?

[AFC_Schism]

Some of you may remember me from this thread: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=169956

Basically I broke up with this BPD girl back in January (4 month relationship, it was my first serious relationship) and even though I've hooked up with hotter girls since then, I still find myself missing her even now. I keep trying to tell myself I don't care anymore, but not a day goes by where I don't think about her. I don't understand it, she isn't attractive anymore, she was suicidal and depressed all the time, and when I was with her I was wishing I was single and looking for a reason to break up with her. There is no reason why I would want her back, I have hooked up with gorgeous, level-headed girls since then that put her to shame, but it's almost if I can't help myself.

She put me through a lot of ****, told me I saved her life and that I was her perfect guy, a girl like her makes you feel important and desired and since it was my first semester in college and we lived in the same dorm we literally spent every waking hour together for 4 months straight. Maybe I don't miss her specifically, but the concept of having a girl I can be intimate with, and since she was the only girl I really was intimate with (I've ****ed other girls than her, but again, she was the first real relationship) I guess my mind goes back to her. I'm kind of known as a "player" now and all of my friends and I make fun of her for being a psycho, none of them even have the slightest idea that I still miss her.

I don't know what is wrong with me, can anyone give me some insight or what to do here? Has anyone been in the same scenario I have that knows what I'm going through?

 

[Captain]

Date even more women. Do not dwell on your ex, if you find yourself thinking about her, distract yourself. It will take time.

 

[AFC_Schism]

Date even more women. Do not dwell on your ex, if you find yourself thinking about her, distract yourself. It will take time.

How much time, though? I feel like we've almost been broken up as long as we had been together. Shouldn't they kinda... cancel each other out?

 

[Serg897]

I broke up with my ex at around the same time you did if I remember correctly. It was also a short relationship (maybe 4.5 -5 months) with a girl I ended up caring a lot about so I can relate to this.

Like you, she is still on my mind often. Not all the time, and not as much as before, but she'll pop into my thoughts frequently.

What keeps me going is the knowledge that its in the past, that it ended for good reasons, and that the relationship can never go back to what it once was. There were inherent problems, just like there were with your relationship. And, I came out of it with MUCH new knowledge and experience to prepare me for the next relationship. I made mistakes, but they are mistakes that I wont repeat again.

Its all about the journey. Let the thoughts come but don't dwell on them. See other women and gradually she will disappear from your mind. Its not productive to be unhappy over this. Instead embrace your reality and look towards the future.

Hope that helps.

 

[Ease]

You only miss her because she was your first serious relationship.

In a relationship we experience things that are unique, the feeling of a girl admiring you, closeness, affection and all those gay things. Thats why sometimes the interest level of your girlfriend can be more important than her personality.

The feeling of losing this can be deep. The memories of the conversations and good feelings run over and over in your mind. The thing that effects us most is that you lost it and fear of not having it again. Not so much that the girl is perfect, far from it in reality. It's simply the feelings that drive our logical minds crazy. This type of infatuation is never substantial, only the act of our minds.

Its actually our minds that do this to ourselves. Once you realize that you can and will achieve the same happy and exciting feelings with a new girl, you realize how interchangable and unimportant girlfriends can be. The loneliness sends you into insecurity and loss of self confidence, which makes you even more obsessed with the old memories, which leads to more loss of self confidence.

Over time and experience, you learn not to get so attached and dependant, and you know there will be next girls out there. More importantly you improve your own game. But when in the actual situation, logical thinking goes out the window and we are left alone with our depression. Its only a human mistake to get lazy and sloppy with your LTR game and at the end of a long relationship it can be difficult to regain your swagger.

You know this already deep down but its hard to get into your own head. The cure is easy, get a new girlfriend.

 

[Cure]

I still think about my ex all the time, and its over a year since I saw her last...

Its just tough and a b1tch.. I gotta get myself a new girl, so have you.

Good Luck

Cure.

 

[lifemisspent]

Being with an amazing girl is like being on drugs, when the relationship is over we go through drug withdrawal just like an addict would. For some of us ( me ) the high is a real euphoric high, but then the low is even worse................ and the loss of that high makes us do things that a junkie without his drugs would do. , act irrational, pannicky, depressed etc............Im starting to understand all this now and trying to deal with it. The key is too double up on distraction for example go to the gym twice as much, go out with your friends twice as much, watch the greatest show on earth ( family guy ) twice as much and if you have any hobbies double up your dose of those too. Eventually you will stop thinking about her...............keep the faith.

 

[sanoj]

You only miss her because she was your first serious relationship.

In a relationship we experience things that are unique, the feeling of a girl admiring you, closeness, affection and all those gay things. Thats why sometimes the interest level of your girlfriend can be more important than her personality.

The feeling of losing this can be deep. The memories of the conversations and good feelings run over and over in your mind. The thing that effects us most is that you lost it and fear of not having it again. Not so much that the girl is perfect, far from it in reality. It's simply the feelings that drive our logical minds crazy. This type of infatuation is never substantial, only the act of our minds.

Its actually our minds that do this to ourselves. Once you realize that you can and will achieve the same happy and exciting feelings with a new girl, you realize how interchangable and unimportant girlfriends can be. The loneliness sends you into insecurity and loss of self confidence, which makes you even more obsessed with the old memories, which leads to more loss of self confidence.

Over time and experience, you learn not to get so attached and dependant, and you know there will be next girls out there. More importantly you improve your own game. But when in the actual situation, logical thinking goes out the window and we are left alone with our depression. Its only a human mistake to get lazy and sloppy with your LTR game and at the end of a long relationship it can be difficult to regain your swagger.

You know this already deep down but its hard to get into your own head. The cure is easy, get a new girlfriend.

Good reply, Ease!

 

[WORKEROUTER]

You only miss her because she was your first serious relationship.

In a relationship we experience things that are unique, the feeling of a girl admiring you, closeness, affection and all those gay things. Thats why sometimes the interest level of your girlfriend can be more important than her personality.

The feeling of losing this can be deep. The memories of the conversations and good feelings run over and over in your mind. The thing that effects us most is that you lost it and fear of not having it again. Not so much that the girl is perfect, far from it in reality. It's simply the feelings that drive our logical minds crazy. This type of infatuation is never substantial, only the act of our minds.

Its actually our minds that do this to ourselves. Once you realize that you can and will achieve the same happy and exciting feelings with a new girl, you realize how interchangable and unimportant girlfriends can be. The loneliness sends you into insecurity and loss of self confidence, which makes you even more obsessed with the old memories, which leads to more loss of self confidence.

Over time and experience, you learn not to get so attached and dependant, and you know there will be next girls out there. More importantly you improve your own game. But when in the actual situation, logical thinking goes out the window and we are left alone with our depression. Its only a human mistake to get lazy and sloppy with your LTR game and at the end of a long relationship it can be difficult to regain your swagger.

You know this already deep down but its hard to get into your own head. The cure is easy, get a new girlfriend.

Excellent post.

 

[Poonani Maker]

I know what you mean, man. It's the kind of woman that, idk, makes you. She makes YOU. She helps you to understand ALL women better, how fragile they are, how really Alien they are. They are totally different creatures. You begin to appreciate women more when you're with a GOOD woman, an Honest woman, an emotional loving woman. They're diamonds in the ruff. The kind of woman that makes you See the Stark differences between us. Not this metrosexual sh!t and there are a plethora of woman who will lead you down that metrosexual path. Steer clear of those. If I see myself in another woman, her eyes, then I go after her. She has to already be a good honest person from her mother, or father's upbringing. Men will make women jaded, however, no matter how they were raised. It's so hard to find a good one.

 

[f283000]

Why do you miss her? BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT TALKING TO OTHER WOMEN!

When you don't got other options you end up thinking about the last woman that gave you the time of day and you end up obsessing over here. This is what oneitis is all about.

It's really simple. If you are a man that is seeing multiple women in life you are not going to be obsessing over just 1 woman. Oneitis happens to guys that lack options. The moment you go out with another hottie or get a hot new gf you are going to be forgetting your ex in no time (unless you have issues).