Why do I feel like I always need to pull

GrowingPains

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Went out with my friends tonight. I have been realizing that I always feel that I need to end up with a girl or else the night isn't a success. In fact, I even told my friend this last time when I was out with him.

I envy those that don't care. They can have a good time without approaching every woman they find attractive and without feeling like they lost or are inferior if they don't approach.

This time I went out with the mindset of just having fun with my boys. That works for a while but as the night started to end, I started to feel like I was supposed to be with a chick.

I just want to have a good time and not be a slave to my desires. Any advice?
 
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fastlife

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I think age is part of it. You're 23--no sh1t you're gonna want to pull. Give it to 26 or 27 and then things'll chill out a little and you'll wish you had the motivation you do now.

I think the other part of that is that you probably haven't really pulled enough to get the sense of novelty/need for validation/possible self-doubt out of your system. That's another function of time. For me, at least, I reached a point where I had done pretty much everything I wanted to do with pretty much every type of girl I wanted to do it with, and it became less about pulling just to pull and more about pulling because I wanted that particular girl on that particular night. If it's a meh girl, these days I just bail out.

As far as actionable advice--couple different directions you can take this:
  • If this is a problem, set a rule. No pulling for 3 months (unless she falls in your lap and you want her). Focus on enjoying your friends instead--a good friend will be there for you no matter what and is worth more than any girl you'll EVER sleep with. But they'll also grow up, settle down, move away, and you'll never have the same dynamics with them you do right now. Enjoy it--I don't regret any time I've spent with my bros.
  • Up your standards. Quit going for the low-hanging fruit and go after the type of girls you really want. One really good pull will give you more fulfillment than a dozen so-so's. They'll also keep you occupied longer and set the bar higher for future girls.
  • How's the rest of your life? If you're using pvssy to fill other voids, then you're not filling sh1t (other than more pvssy). That's a problem. You should have at least one or two other passions that give you MORE fulfillment than another random bar thot (and I use that term as placeholder for ALL women). If you don't have that yet--it's OK--you're 23. But now is the time to start trying on different hats, taking chances on things that interest you, etc., etc.
  • Pull until you're sick of it. LOL. You have the whole rest of your life not to pull. Chances are, it'll lose it's luster (to some extent) eventually.
  • If this is an addiction--as in, completely pathological, this is ruining your life, or you were abused as a child or some sh1t--invest in a therapist. For the record, I DON'T think this is the case. More realistically, you're just a 23 year old dude lol. It's all good.
 

stormrider

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It’s because you don’t have a social life outside the night clubs. You have no ecosystem that has women coming in and it’s messing with your sense of abundance.

A guy with an ecosystem is more likely to not give a sh1t. He might even be dismissive of stupid girls. But a guy who’s main source of validation comes from the night clubs is going to feel his entire self worth is based on his ability to pull - which ironically makes him less likely to pull. He’s going to put up with so much Sh1t and have almost zero boundaries. His self esteem will eventually hit rock bottom and at best he will pull the town slvt - his female energetic equivalent.
 

stringpuller

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Went out with my friends tonight. I have been realizing that I always feel that I need to end up with a girl or else the night isn't a success. In fact, I even told my friend this last time when I was out with him.

I envy those that don't care. They can have a good time without approaching every woman they find attractive and without feeling like they lost or are inferior if they don't approach.

This time I went out with the mindset of just having fun with my boys. That works for a while but as the night started to end, I started to feel like I was supposed to be with a chick.

I just want to have a good time and not be a slave to my desires. Any advice?
I feel your pain. Try this. Shift the pull desire to more of a desire to learn about the people you meet. Not by talking but by listening. Study people and you will find that the needy pull becomes more of the mind that your screen or evaluating the people you meet. Men or women.
It goes a long way for your future and who you allow in your life. It will build your strength and character.
 
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Mauser96

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GrowingPains

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I think age is part of it. You're 23--no sh1t you're gonna want to pull. Give it to 26 or 27 and then things'll chill out a little and you'll wish you had the motivation you do now.

I think the other part of that is that you probably haven't really pulled enough to get the sense of novelty/need for validation/possible self-doubt out of your system. That's another function of time. For me, at least, I reached a point where I had done pretty much everything I wanted to do with pretty much every type of girl I wanted to do it with, and it became less about pulling just to pull and more about pulling because I wanted that particular girl on that particular night. If it's a meh girl, these days I just bail out.

As far as actionable advice--couple different directions you can take this:
  • If this is a problem, set a rule. No pulling for 3 months (unless she falls in your lap and you want her). Focus on enjoying your friends instead--a good friend will be there for you no matter what and is worth more than any girl you'll EVER sleep with. But they'll also grow up, settle down, move away, and you'll never have the same dynamics with them you do right now. Enjoy it--I don't regret any time I've spent with my bros.
  • Up your standards. Quit going for the low-hanging fruit and go after the type of girls you really want. One really good pull will give you more fulfillment than a dozen so-so's. They'll also keep you occupied longer and set the bar higher for future girls.
  • How's the rest of your life? If you're using pvssy to fill other voids, then you're not filling sh1t (other than more pvssy). That's a problem. You should have at least one or two other passions that give you MORE fulfillment than another random bar thot (and I use that term as placeholder for ALL women). If you don't have that yet--it's OK--you're 23. But now is the time to start trying on different hats, taking chances on things that interest you, etc., etc.
  • Pull until you're sick of it. LOL. You have the whole rest of your life not to pull. Chances are, it'll lose it's luster (to some extent) eventually.
  • If this is an addiction--as in, completely pathological, this is ruining your life, or you were abused as a child or some sh1t--invest in a therapist. For the record, I DON'T think this is the case. More realistically, you're just a 23 year old dude lol. It's all good.
I have also been thinking about the quality woman thing recently. Two women have recently made me realize how valuable a quality woman is opposed to low quality. I certainly prefer fit, professional, mature, badass women. After interacting with those two, my bar has been raised.

I have thought about the idea of going monk mode and not trying to pull for some amount of time. But I feel like it would just increase my sexual urges without any real solution. I think I just need to be active in not being upset about not pulling. I wanna focus on being more present in everything I do. I like the idea of getting better at just focusing on meeting people and seeing if they're interesting. I am working on increasing my social circle right now so this is perfect for that.

I agree about friends. My friends are amazing and I appreciate the time we have together. I am just working on not letting my expectations get in the way of a great time. My dad suggested separating the two. Which I think may be a good idea. Look for women alone, or with a group of guys who the focus is girls that night. And hang with the game without looking for women.

Fortunately, my passion is quite clear as I thought a lot about it early on. I'm in grad school right now and I love my research as well as overcoming challenges in grad school. I need to be better at focusing on it for extended periods but I will work on that.

Thanks for the replies guys. I'll work on it.
 
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jaymbrs

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I used to be this way too. And even though I still want to pull girls because lets face it, it's a better time when you get females, I no longer go everywhere with that intention. Now if I was hitting up a club, then yes. That's the primary purpose of going. But I don't go clubbing anymore. May go hand in hand with where I hangout now which is mostly sports bars.
 
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