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Why did you guys get Divorced?

The Bomb

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I am married now and I can see how easy it is to get divorced.

The stuff I hate most about my wife.

1. My wife let's the smallest things bother her.

2. She holds grudges. For example if I don't want to go some were she wants to go,it turns into a big deal. Even if I don't want to go I tell her she can go with out me.

3. She doesn't appreciate anything. She drives a 50k Lexus suv, a 10k wedding ring, has a debit card and for the most part gets what ever she wants.

4. She does not appreciate my family. My family has helped us financially and she will not say one good thing about them.

5. In our 3.5 years of marriage she talks with her mom and sister everyday. I know she tells them all the problems in our marriage which I kind of don't like.

6. I don't like her family. They never say anything good about any one except there own inner family. My family has been very good to them.

7. Her younger brother divorced his wife and abandoned the kid (doesn't pay child support and doesn't give her a dime). My dad said that at the very least he should at least buy things for the kid. My wife went and told her family that. Isn't that a crappy thing to do?

Today I reached my boiling point. She said she wanted to go out for NYE and I said I would go out tonight but not on new years eve. We have 2 small kids and don't feel like being around drunks. We were supposed to meet up with her sister and bro n law and she said to them on the phone we are not going out we are not normal.

I blew my top and said if your not happy you can leave anytime. She said she will.

Am I in the wrong here, or is my wife a ****?
 

The Bomb

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I have more to add, but my lap top broke, and am using an IPAD!
 

Desdinova

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I got divorced mainly because my ex-wife cheated on me with her best friend's husband.

The Bomb said:
3. She doesn't appreciate anything. She drives a 50k Lexus suv, a 10k wedding ring, has a debit card and for the most part gets what ever she wants.
This speaks volumes about your marriage. You have conditioned that woman to being spoiled by you. In the beginning of every relationship, a woman will 5hit test you to see how much they can get away with. You've given her no limit with how far she can go. In summary, women need a man to say "NO" not only to keep their emotional impulses in check, but to maintain their respect for you.

Is your marriage repairable?

Well, let me put it this way. Once you've conditioned a woman to being spoiled, it's extremely difficult to take it away and raise her interest in you at the same time. She's most likely staying in the marriage for the financial benefit. I doubt she loves you.
 

Buddha_Mind

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Was your wife always this way? Are there things about your family, specifically, that prevents her from wanting any relationship with them? How old are you? How well did you guys know each other before getting married?

Sorry for all the questions--honestly I like to think things can be worked through if you really love her. Maybe you could try a few game techniques here to see if you could rekindle some spark to your marraige?

When was the last time you guys went out and had a date? Have you guys done anything fun together, just the two of you, anytime recently?

PS--Disclaimer: I am not married and claim no absolute answers. Just seems like there are some proactive things you could do here...clearly now is the time to start working towards solutions..before sh1t gets worse or one of you does something they'll regret.
 

betheman

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The Bomb said:
I am married now and I can see how easy it is to get divorced.

The stuff I hate most about my wife.

1. My wife let's the smallest things bother her.

2. She holds grudges. For example if I don't want to go some were she wants to go,it turns into a big deal. Even if I don't want to go I tell her she can go with out me.

3. She doesn't appreciate anything. She drives a 50k Lexus suv, a 10k wedding ring, has a debit card and for the most part gets what ever she wants.

4. She does not appreciate my family. My family has helped us financially and she will not say one good thing about them.

5. In our 3.5 years of marriage she talks with her mom and sister everyday. I know she tells them all the problems in our marriage which I kind of don't like.

6. I don't like her family. They never say anything good about any one except there own inner family. My family has been very good to them.

7. Her younger brother divorced his wife and abandoned the kid (doesn't pay child support and doesn't give her a dime). My dad said that at the very least he should at least buy things for the kid. My wife went and told her family that. Isn't that a crappy thing to do?

Today I reached my boiling point. She said she wanted to go out for NYE and I said I would go out tonight but not on new years eve. We have 2 small kids and don't feel like being around drunks. We were supposed to meet up with her sister and bro n law and she said to them on the phone we are not going out we are not normal.

I blew my top and said if your not happy you can leave anytime. She said she will.

Am I in the wrong here, or is my wife a ****?
she sounds like a ****!

sorry to be so blunt but did you not see any of this sh!t before you got married?

as for my divorce...the kids grew up and well, I couldnt see myself staying with ehr, she was looking forward to be a granny...I wasnt, the growing old together thing wasnt attractive to me, she had put on weight and was pretty insular, not very sociable.
 

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The Bomb

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Desdinova said:
I got divorced mainly because my ex-wife cheated on me with her best friend's husband.



This speaks volumes about your marriage. You have conditioned that woman to being spoiled by you. In the beginning of every relationship, a woman will 5hit test you to see how much they can get away with. You've given her no limit with how far she can go. In summary, women need a man to say "NO" not only to keep their emotional impulses in check, but to maintain their respect for you.

Is your marriage repairable?

Well, let me put it this way. Once you've conditioned a woman to being spoiled, it's extremely difficult to take it away and raise her interest in you at the same time. She's most likely staying in the marriage for the financial benefit. I doubt she loves you.

I agree, that I did spoil her. I think the biggest problem in our marriage is that she is very high strung. I am also high strung, but don't dwell on things. My wife has never refused sex from me so I am assuming she still loves me.

She is a house wife that takes care of the kids and has no friends. I feel that this is a problem because she is bored and takes it out on me. I told her many times to go to the gym,do yoga but she is not motivated.

She is not a happy person and that is what I hate most!
 

pdx1138

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The no friends part.

My brothers wife, same thing. They nearly divorced a year ago. He put her in her place which surprised her and now everything is peachy. Still has no friends though.
 

Bible_Belt

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Forgive me for kicking you when you're down, but this is what you get for buying a housewife a $10k ring and $50k SUV.

Both of you sound very naive in regard to relationships. You are thinking that meeting her logical needs in life is enough to make her happy. I was married for seven years and although we weren't rich; we had everything we needed without her having to work. I thought that having a nice Florida condo, two cars, and spending money without her having to work would make her happy. The reality was that she just sat at home and got depressed.

But relationship problems go both ways. "Fault" is not an especially useful concept, because it just leads to blame, which is hardly ever productive. "Everyone has problems" is a more constructive way to look at it. Your wife's problem is that she thinks you need to be the one person who meets all her needs. Husband/father/provider is hard enough without being expected to be her best friend and entertainment coordinator at the same time.

These are the type of things that you would talk about with a good counselor. By no means does counseling fix the problems by itself; it's more like a less damaging way of venting your frustrations while you try to understand the other person. I think a good counselor would tell her that she needs friends and activities outside the home.
 

speed dawg

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I'll give this a try. These are my honest answers, and what came into my head first.

The Bomb said:
The stuff I hate most about my wife.
Seriously, you just said you HATE your wife. First red flag.

The Bomb said:
1. My wife let's the smallest things bother her.
Eh, I do the same thing. Not a deal breaker, but can make other things seem big.

The Bomb said:
2. She holds grudges. For example if I don't want to go some were she wants to go,it turns into a big deal. Even if I don't want to go I tell her she can go with out me.
Are you sure this is on her? Sounds like she's just being a woman. Sounds like you need to grab your nuts and tell HER where you're going. Call the shots.

The Bomb said:
3. She doesn't appreciate anything. She drives a 50k Lexus suv, a 10k wedding ring, has a debit card and for the most part gets what ever she wants.
Sounds again like you may have conditioned her this way. How was she when you met her? Again, if you married her knowing these things, then look in the mirror.

The Bomb said:
4. She does not appreciate my family. My family has helped us financially and she will not say one good thing about them.
Big red flags. If your family's don't like each other, it's hard to overcome.

The Bomb said:
5. In our 3.5 years of marriage she talks with her mom and sister everyday. I know she tells them all the problems in our marriage which I kind of don't like.
WTF? This is a marriage killer. You're supposed to break away from your family in marriage.

The Bomb said:
6. I don't like her family. They never say anything good about any one except there own inner family. My family has been very good to them.
See #4.

The Bomb said:
7. Her younger brother divorced his wife and abandoned the kid (doesn't pay child support and doesn't give her a dime). My dad said that at the very least he should at least buy things for the kid. My wife went and told her family that. Isn't that a crappy thing to do?
Looks like drama runs in the family. Awesome.

The Bomb said:
Today I reached my boiling point. She said she wanted to go out for NYE and I said I would go out tonight but not on new years eve. We have 2 small kids and don't feel like being around drunks. We were supposed to meet up with her sister and bro n law and she said to them on the phone we are not going out we are not normal.
Normal is whatever you want it to be. Sounds like you're allowing her to define it.

The Bomb said:
I blew my top and said if your not happy you can leave anytime.
I've done this before. You better be ready to back that up if you say it.
 
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