"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

Read more...

Why can't mothers stay slim like in the old days?

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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edger

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MatureDJ said:
I don't know what you're seeing, but there are some hot looking moms out there, especially here in NY. Maybe it's a geographical thing, but lots of mothers I see on Long Island, are smokin'. They have nice tight, well-toned, shapely bodies. I could jizz my pants just thinking about it.
 

Jitterbug

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One main reason is that they're having kids at much older age so the body doesn't recover very well like it would if the mother was younger.
 

mrRuckus

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Women think they're *supposed* to gain that weight nowadays so they just let themselves go and eat whatever junk they want while pregnant "for the baby."

There's really no need to gain much fat while pregnant. Think about it. Calories you take in that you don't use are stored as fat. The mother is not using those calories and the baby is not using those calories so it is stored. Why take in calories no one is using?!

It's an excuse mothers can hang onto like it's a cap of honor. "oh it's okay that i got fat - i'm supposed to - i have kids." And since culturally we pretty much accept it in our ignorance, it's reinforced as correct in most of the country.

I just watched my sister-in-law balloon up and everyone just thinks it's normal and ignored that she eats like crap. It's a year and a half after having the kid and she's still huge.

And now i get to watch my little brother get married this month. :(
 

piranha45

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People don't exercise, either.
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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insidious

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On the one hand, I agree with you Mature.
On the other I think you are being incredibly disingenuous singling mothers out.
Look at everyone else in that picture. Show me a family unit nowadays that looks that slender...especially a large family unit. Seems that outside of Mormons, size of your family is directly correlated to the size of your gut.

We are all fat...not just mothers. It's a societal issue. Back at the turn of the century (I'm guessing this picture) we had an entirely different lifestyle. And food was a different creature back then as well.

I can think of 2 specific examples in my life of men who seemed to triple in size once fatherhood set in while their wive's weight gain was moderate, at most.
 

Andy_Dufresne

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It's not only historical; go to any country outside of North America and you would be amazed at the difference.

1. Most foreign women get some form of exercise (i.e. walk or ride bike to work, take public transport) on a daily basis
2. Most foreign women are more in touch with their femininity
3. Fast food is a growing market in many countries but most foreigners still cook their own meals and prepare their own food. Most of this food is not hormonally tainted like it is in the US.
4. A lot of daily customs in foreign countries preclude the use of readily available snacks, junk food, etc. Foreigners watch what they eat (as they spend more of their income on food than Westerners)
5. Most importantly, foreign women take pride in their appearance, and realize its potential for attraction.

The flip side is true for foreign men as well. Most foreign men dress well and are in touch with their masculinity....this makes up for some of the disadvantages they may have in height, overall weight etc. as compared to a North American.
 

LovelyLady

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One reason is diet.

Meat was not so readily available - and when it was consumed it was all natural meat. Now there are growth hormones to make animals grow faster - hormones that we as humans hold on to in our cells/bodies when we consume it.

Same is true for milk/milk products (mammory glands) - hence the early breast development in girls and the increase in "manboobs" on boys. Also interesting to note is that when you eat meat (and the fat) from a pig's stomach - that fat deposits onto your stomach - same is true for thigh meat, butts, etc. (Gross, huh?)

Most meals were homecooked - to have cakes, fried foods, and general "feel good" foods translated to a lot of work. The added expense of these foods/ingredients to make these foods also translated to a financial burden for the family.

Fast food did not exist... today's Mother eats on the run - the fat content in fast food is incredibly high.


Secondly is lifestyle.

The Edwardian era had walking as the primary mode of transportation (the woman in your photo is actually wearing an Edwardian Walking Skirt! - (it was actually called that!), stairs instead of elevators/escalators. Entertainment was more active than passive - people gathered socially for event focused activities - garden parties featuring croquet competitions, hunting, fishing, horsebackriding/jumping competitions, rodeo, swam to keep cool during the Summer (no air conditioning...) gardening, boating, tennis, dancing - they had innumerable "outings" that were active in nature - there was no passively hanging out night after night after year after year after year in front of a tv or computer screen.

Fashion

Undergarments/foundations attributed to a false apearance of slimness (although the lady in the photo is thin). Corsets were worn until WWII when women were asked to stop wearing them so the metal used in the stays could be used towards the war effort. Then women wore girdles until the 60's (some still do, but now most common are called bodyshapers/bodyslimmers.)




Big Money

Fashion Industry: In response to the expanding waistline of women, the "Big is Beautiful" movement was launched to promote big women's fashions and a whole new industry was born $$$

The Fat Indu$try. Pharmaceutical and the healthcare industry make loads of money off the health problems associated with fat.



Social/political correctness: unconditional love is a lie.

There is a tv show about a woman named Ruby who is grossly obese and trying to lose weight. Yesterday while cleaning my home I listened to her show. She had an old boyfriend re-surface when he heard she was losing the weight. He had cared about her dearly, but had to finally breakup with her because she would not lose the weight. Her conclusion was "he needs to love me for who I am - even fat"

Well, being loved for who you are is a good thing, but the fact is that love is conditional - this idea of unconditional love is crap. Love has conditions - and it should. We are talking about giving our love to someone - you better believe there are conditions that need to be met.

A condition that a person takes care of him/herself so they stay as healthy as they possibly can be is not an unreasonable one. A condition that they not get so fat that they look disgusting is not an unreasonable one. Love and respect are married to one another. You cannot respect someone who does not respect him/herself - so how can you love that person?

It is considered rude to acknowledge when someone is fat. Two years ago I decided to tell two of my girlfriends that I was worried they were getting waaay too fat. I came right out and said I never in a million years dreamed that at this age they would look so terrible. I reminded them of how they looked and behaved when I met them. I said I was worried they were going to end up dieing from heart attacks. I was serious. I invited them to go to the gym with me. They did, and they felt great after working out - but it was ultimately just too "hard" for them to change their lifestyles.

So now, almost 2 years later - one is diagnosed diabetic and on a doctor's diet. The other has her knees giving out from the weight and now cannot even bend to get stuff off the floor without it being an ordeal.

They say it is hereditary. Well, we all descended from these thin Edwardian people... :rolleyes:
 
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LovelyLady

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MSwrestler said:
Not just women, men as well. Everyone is so fat these days.
This is true. Most of the men in my age group look like they are 8 months pregnant. :crackup:

They are walking heart attacks waiting to happen, too.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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speed dawg

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LovelyLady said:
One reason is diet.

Meat was not so readily available - and it when it was consumed it was all natural meat. Now there are growth hormones to make animals grow faster - hormones that we as humans hold onto in our bodies when we consume it.

Same is true for milk/milk products (mammory glands) - hence the early breast development in girls and the increase in "manboobs" on boys. Also interesting to note is that when you eat meat (and the fat) from a pig's stomach - that fat deposits onto your stomach - same is true for thigh meat, butts, etc. (Gross, huh?)

Most meals were homecooked - to have cakes, fried foods, and general "feel good" foods translated to a lot of work. The added expense of these foods/ingredients to make these foods also translated to a financial burden for the family.

Fast food did not exist... today's Mother eats on the run - the fat content in fast food is incredibly high.


Secondly is lifestyle.

The Edwardian era had walking as the primary mode of transportation (the woman in your photo is actually wearing an Edwardian Walking Skirt! - (it was actually called that!), stairs instead of elevators/escalators. Entertainment was more active than passive - people gathered socially for event focused activities - garden parties featuring croquet competitions, hunting, fishing, horsebackriding/jumping competitions, rodeo, swam to keep cool during the Summer (no air conditioning...) gardening, boating, tennis, dancing - they had innumerable "outings" that were active in nature - there was no passively hanging out night after night after year after year after year in front of a tv or computer screen.

Fashion

Undergarments/foundations attributed to a false apearance of slimness (although the lady in the photo is thin). Corsets were worn until WWII when women were asked to stop wearing them so the metal used in the stays could be used towards the war effort. Then women wore girdles until the 60's (some still do, but now most common are called bodyshapers/bodyslimmers.)




Big Money

Fashion Industry: In response to the expanding waistline of women, the "Big is Beautiful" movement was launched to promote big women's fashions and a whole new industry was born $$$

The Fat Indu$try. Pharmaceutical and the healthcare industry make loads of money off the health problems associated with fat.



Social/political correctness: unconditional love is a lie.

There is a tv show about a woman named Ruby who is grossly obese and trying to lose weight. Yesterday while cleaning my home I listened to her show. She had an old boyfriend re-surface when he heard she was losing the weight. He had cared about her dearly, but had to finally breakup with her because she would not lose the weight. Her conclusion was "he needs to love me for who I am - even fat"

Well, being loved for who you are is a good thing, but the fact is that love is conditional - this idea of unconditional love is crap. Love has conditions - and it should. We are talking about giving our love to someone - you better believe there are conditions that need to be met.

A condition that a person takes care of him/herself so they stay as healthy as they possibly can be is not an unreasonable one. A condition that they not get so fat that they look disgusting is not an unreasonable one. Love and respect are married to one another. You cannot respect someone who does not respect him/herself - so how can you love that person?

It is considered rude to acknowledge when someone is fat. Two years ago I decided to tell two of my girlfriends that I was worried they were getting waaay too fat. I came right out and said I never in a million years dreamed that at this age they would look so terrible. I reminded them of how they looked and behaved when I met them. I said I was worried they were going to end up dieing from heart attacks. I was serious. I invited them to go to the gym with me. They did, and they felt great after working out - but it was ultimately just too "hard" for them to change their lifestyles.

So now, almost 2 years later - one is diagnosed diabetic and on a doctor's diet. The other has her knees giving out from the weight and now cannot even bend to get stuff off the floor without it being an ordeal.

They say it is hereditary. Well, we all descended from these thin Edwardian people... :rolleyes:
Well....you can't say it much better than that. I have quite a strong opinion on this, but after that post, I have nothing to add.
 

ketostix

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You don't have to go back to the turn of the century. Just go back to the 80's, 70's and 60's and women were a lot slimmer. I think there is something to hormones and other additives in food, but I also think all these fat women you see nowadays is a sign of how women don't think they have to meet any standard.
 

kody_starr

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What really amazes me is the "Jabba the Hut" phenomenon. That is women (and men) who have let themselves go so badly, eating all they want, and rarely if ever exercising, that their faces become so bloated, their chins so swollen from water and fat, and their belly so expanded, that they start to take on the shape of Jabba the Hut from star wars.

You would think they would take a look in the mirror and say: "I need to do something about this," but that does not seem to be happening. I guess these people are married and therefore have no incentive to look good for a spouse already locked up. And chances are, their spouse has gone through the same physical transformation and are in no position to complain without the charge of hypocrisy.

At some point, I'm just going to break down and cry whenever I see these people in the future. It's really getting out of control.
 

mrRuckus

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LovelyLady said:
One reason is diet.

Meat was not so readily available - and when it was consumed it was all natural meat. Now there are growth hormones to make animals grow faster - hormones that we as humans hold on to in our cells/bodies when we consume it.

Same is true for milk/milk products (mammory glands) - hence the early breast development in girls and the increase in "manboobs" on boys. Also interesting to note is that when you eat meat (and the fat) from a pig's stomach - that fat deposits onto your stomach - same is true for thigh meat, butts, etc. (Gross, huh?)
What you are saying here is tantamount to astrology.
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

Read more...

Jitterbug

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kody_starr said:
What really amazes me is the "Jabba the Hut" phenomenon. That is women (and men) who have let themselves go so badly, eating all they want, and rarely if ever exercising, that their faces become so bloated, their chins so swollen from water and fat, and their belly so expanded, that they start to take on the shape of Jabba the Hut from star wars.

You would think they would take a look in the mirror and say: "I need to do something about this," but that does not seem to be happening. I guess these people are married and therefore have no incentive to look good for a spouse already locked up. And chances are, their spouse has gone through the same physical transformation and are in no position to complain without the charge of hypocrisy.
If such couple try to have sex, would that be Missionary Impossible?
 

amoka

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My mother, who is 52 and is still with my father, sometimes gets mistaken as my "girlfriend" when we go out.
 

Interceptor

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Meat that has been exposed to hormones, and then ingested by humans will have an effect on our own hormonal profiles.

Thus, men who eat meat with estrogeniclike properties will tend to deposit fat much like women.

And women who eat foods exposed to testosterone like substances will tend to deposit fat like men.

In addition to the manifestation of secondary gender characteristics as well. (ie Gyno in men. etc...)

Disrupted hormonal profiles are becoming much more common.
And it does have an effect on how we store fat on our bodies among many other things.

There are also two types of fat, subcutaneous fat and viceral fat.

According to your own genetics, the fat you eat will be dispersed into either one of these areas.
It can be assumed that since fat is the hardest to break down, the fat ingested that is either animal visceral, or animal subcutaneous, could be processed in the human body maintained as such, and stored into the corresponding areas in our own body.
 

Scaramouche

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Dear All,
Simple really calories in versus calories out.....Until I was ten,I grew up in postwar Britain,no problem with obesity there,why?Well firstly there was not much rich food unless you could afford the black market we lived mainly on bread,oat meal,potatoes and cabbage,one egg a person a week,a little bacon,small quantities of very poor grade meat,copha margarine and jam...for the children there was Malt from the US Mid West,powdered egg from the Eastern USA and concentrated Orange juice from California (May God Always Bless America)...looking back there were no fat people in my school,One girl was obese her parents it was rumoured had speculated on real estate during the War and had no shame in purchasing black market food...So the next to consider was exercise,no one I knew had a car so you walked,or rode a push bike,no one had a refrigerator so you had to go shopping lots....Mum used to go shopping Three miles away would buy two stone of potatoes a week (28 pounds)and cart that home plus sundry other shopping,say twenty pounds not to forget,us kids on a large stroller,Washing was done by hand,in a big tub on a washing board,then wrung out by hand first,then passed through a hand operated mangle (wringer) bluddy hard work...then everything had to be ironed,even dish cloths...Believe me Women worked,but they were happy...then there was entertainment,only half the households had TV,only one Station,and that poor quality as it was,finished at Ten PM and so people walked to the pubs,movies or dances......So there you have it,more exercise not less food,probably more,but less rich food.
 

darkstarrr

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Scaramouche said:
Dear All, Simple really - calories in versus calories out.....
Phenominal story SM. I enjoy posts like these when I return to the board.

DS
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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