Why cant I look people in the eyes?

[incognito42]

I would prefer to look people in the eyes when I talk to them, but I feel like I creep people out when I look them in the eyes. SO I end up having conversations with people where me eyes are darting all over the place, and I come off really creepy and/or insecure and it is impossible to engage people. I think this is a much worse outcome, but I find it impossible no matter how many times I tell myself to just act natural, to look people in the eyes for more than 2-3 seconds without pulling my eyes away out of fear that I am creeping them out. I dont know how to fix this.

How can I know whether I am creeping people out, or whether it is all in my mind? Maybe Im not staring bullets through people, and it is all in my mind but I dont know how to a) figure this out on my own or b) fix this problem if it actually is one

I believe tehre are certain things people can change baout themself, and certain things they cant. I am cont8ent with the way I look, which is the thing I cantchange about myself. But I lack confidence when it comes to looking people in the eyes and also communicating. The tone of my voice and the patterns in my speech arent natural. These 2 things seem like things I CAN change about myself. Why does it feel so impossible though, how can I fix this?

 

[Dilberto]

Eye contact is crucial.......brutha. I used to be exactly the same way before, too. With enough self-confidence......your gaze should easily melt a hole through other people's eyeballs.

 

[smooth guy]

Look at their eyebrows till u get more comfortable.

 

[Answers]

Its a subconscious thing. You can't look people in the eyes because you have little self esteem or you feel you're not good enough. It can easily be changed by changing the way you look at people.

 

[Maxfarsigth]

I had the same problem.
What i did was just practicing in a scenario where i wouldn't mind if people think i was weird.
For eye contact: the mall or plain public street.
For conversations: friends o a girl your not attracted to.

Maybe smiling works. In order to feel relax, pay attention's to the conversation and ideas and not to your voice tone.
I have improved this issue by just practicing.

 

[OneEyedJack]

Your first step is stop caring what other people think. That is what is fueling your eye contact.

I'm a mouth looker, I guess I read their lips while they talk. I am working on making more eye contact and doing a pretty good job, but I find it much more comfortable to look at the mouths.

 

[Heart Break Kid]

Smile or have a smug look, it's easier. Realize it makes you much more attractive: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=133937
So no unless you're squinting you won't creep them out! Do it a little less when you first meet someone but after that indulge yourself.

 

[Mr Plow]

I don't know why people get this problem, I personally couldn't think of anything easier? I tend to struggle more on communicating the right feeling and vibe.

Bear in mind, that as long as you have eye contact, they are also looking *you* straight in the eyes too. So take this as a good IOI

 

[Centaurion]

Look at their nose tips if you are uncomfortable looking directly into their eyes. They won't know the difference.

 

[droogie]

I try to focus on what the person is saying more than anything; you'll be able to engage in conversations better. If you focus on trying to figure what they're thinking too much; the self conciousness takes over and your eyes start to avoid the other person's eyes.

 

[DonRaul]

Yep its all about confidence. When meeting eyes with someone you feel superior to you, your subconscious tells you to look away. Just practice it. look at everyone in the eyes and stare for as long as you can. Penetrate!

 

[intel123]

not to sound mean but are blind .. ?
look at them in eye in the business world eye contact is crucial its a everyday thing

 

[skirtChaser]

try looking at chicks t its, that's what I do, just try not to drool

 

[Midnight Carnival]

I used to have this problem, but I got used to look people in the eyes since I've had dark glasses. Now I can do it even without them, not that I really have to because I wear them most of the time anyway.

 

[Bonafide]

Just look them in the eyes. It's not hard. It's nothing. It's natural. Just be cool, relax. Don't make something bigger than it is.

 

[PrinceBeavis]

Well, you're not supposed to freakin' STARE them in the eyes! That's the way to REALLY freak them out! It's totally NORMAL to look into someone's eyes, then look away, then look in the eyes again, and so on....
You're totally overthinking....totally.

....You say you look into people's eyes for 2-3 seconds.

...One-One thousand, Two- One Thousand, Three- One thousand...
So? That's about right....what's the problem?

 

[DonJoseCantosie]

C'mon Butthead's b1tch, Cut him some slack dude. Its not always easy for people to feel comfortable having eye contact with another person, if u've felt insecure or had low self asteem in the past(I know quite a bit of us have)

But to the TC, it just takes practice. Learn to resist the urge to look away at the key moments. When u say something, look in their eyes now and then, and then when they say something...look at them in the eyes most of the time. It just takes time to get use to it. Hoped this helped

 

[PrinceBeavis]

Dude, read what I wrote again....and read what he wrote.

I AM cutting him slack. I trying to tell him to relax and to quit worrying about it, and overthinking it. I even provided a demonstration by counting out the seconds he says he makes eye contact.....2 to 3 seconds is totally normal....any longer than that is going to freak people out.

 

[DonJoseCantosie]

Well, you're not supposed to freakin' STARE them in the eyes! That's the way to REALLY freak them out! It's totally NORMAL to look into someone's eyes, then look away, then look in the eyes again, and so on....
You're totally overthinking....totally.

....You say you look into people's eyes for 2-3 seconds.

...One-One thousand, Two- One Thousand, Three- One thousand...
So? That's about right....what's the problem?

Ok i just read it again, it just seemed like u were criticizing him at first, but after rereading it...yea...sounds different. Silly me! Ku ku ku! lol

 

[PrinceBeavis]