why cant i get dis ***** outta my head?

[strey]

its been six months. i have been with five girls since. this one-itis is outta control. it needs to stop. im still having crazy dreams about this girl all the time. some times i dont think about her for days and other days i cant stop thinking about her. she was remarkable in the sack and pretty much the hottest chick i have been with. what can i do?

p.s. i feel like an idiot coz i have been through this **** before, but it has never been like this, i mean never, and i didnt even date this chick for very long. but i have never had a connection with anyone like the one i had with this girl.

 

[squirrels]

p.s. i feel like an idiot coz

Using spellings like "dis" and "coz", you SHOULD feel like an idiot.

You never really "forget" a girl you have a deep connection with. And you can't let them go just by sleeping with women, unless sex is all it was for you. What you need to do is realize that, like sex, "deep connections" can be made with more than one girl in your lifetime.

I still have dreams every now and then about women that I've fallen for. You can't fight it, because fighting a thought just makes it stand out even more in your head. If you go out sleeping with other women specifically out of reaction to this girl, then when you're having sex with other girls, THIS girl will be in the forefront of your mind. Just like if I were to say:

Whatever you do, DO NOT think of a GREEN HIPPO.

What's the first thing that pops into your head?

It's like 311 says,

To go against for its own sake,
You're still controlled by the course that the other man takes.

You just have to accept it. Admit to yourself that this girl had an impact on your life, for good or ill, and forgive yourself for that. Don't fight the thoughts. When they surface, just acknowledge them and let them spin in your head until they wear themselves out and go away. You can't really decide what you think, but you CAN decide whether you energize those thoughts or simply let them run down and die.

You need to focus on your OWN life. Just because you're feeling miserable about this girl doesn't mean you can't be happy in other aspects of your life and do the things you want to do. You're feeling lousy about rejection, you're not in mourning.

 

[joekerr31]

Whatever you do, DO NOT think of a GREEN HIPPO.

What's the first thing that pops into your head?

this is exactly what keeps oneitis going on. its like having insomnia and the laying in bed constantly thinking about how you can't sleep - and the reason you can't sleep is because you keep thinking about now being able to sleep. hehe.

also (not that anyone cares) but i've found that quiting smoking (which i did recently) is very similar to oneitis. its the same mentality, a constant obsession with something that you can't have.

thats why you'll find that the successful non smokers are the ones who don't obsess. sure, they get cravings, but they don't fool themselves that having a smoke will fix their life. they move on. like me, i took up jogging.

same thing with oneitis - you just gotta move on. or you just gotta stop thinking about the fact that you cant sleep and you'll fall asleep.

easier said than done, but it is what it is. stop thinking about green hippo.

the one good thing about getting older is that you really do become so much stronger internally. what would have broken you as a 20 year old you push through with determination in your 30s.

in your 20s you cry over spilled milk, in your 30s you just clean up the mess and go buy some more milk.

 

[Eddie417]

There's a saying that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Bull. It's through his d*ck. I've always fallen harder for the ones that match my enthusiasm in the sack. Only thing that will fix this is time.

 

[zubs]

Q: why cant i get dis ***** outta my head?

A: You're immature

 

[LostAndConfused]

It's like 311 says,

To go against for its own sake,
You're still controlled by the course that the other man takes.

Sounds cool. Which 311 song is that quote from?


And to strey: embrace what you had with your one-itis as good memories, but at the same time realize that you must move on.

 

[Axcell]

Sounds cool. Which 311 song is that quote from?


And to strey: embrace what you had with your one-itis as good memories, but at the same time realize that you must move on.

The song is called "Reconsider Everything"
Anyway, I was and still am going through a similar situation. It will be very difficult to get over her, and there is no doubt that you will ever forget her. From time to time, I still think about my very first girlfriend. You just need to channel those thoughts, accept them, and move on!

I recommend you check out my post in the thread located below, I posted it a little while ago to somebody who had a very similar situation as you, and I strongly believe it is the best advice I can give to you.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=133557

Also, this is something I learned the HARD way. Many DJ's on this forum say to get over a girl, start seeing many other women because it does two things for you.

1) When you surround yourself with plenty of women, your mind gets carried away from that girl you claimed you love so much, and it makes you realize there are plenty of fish in the sea.
2) If the women you broke up with sees you with plenty of women, she will fill with remorse and regret breaking up with you. Most likely, she will apologize to you and feelings will start to emerge within herself. Jealous is KEY in women. Hopefully at this stage, by realizing that she wants you, you will not want her anymore. (Once you realize you are able to get something, you don't want it anymore.)

BUT when you approach these women, don't have the mind frame that you are only talking to them to get over your girlfriend. THIS IS THE WRONG WAY TO GO! If you go this way, you will only see yourself thinking about that girl more often.. it happened to me.

Try out this routine: Channel your energy in a sport/working out and other physical activities for about 2-3 weeks. If sports aren't your thing, focus on getting your grades up. Chances are that when you had a girlfriend, quite a bit of your time involved her in some way whether it was meeting to go to the movies or talking to her on the phone. Fill up that free time with activities so it's not filled with time to mope around about her! I, personally, wanted to get my grades up because I found they were really lacking when I was with my ex-girlfriend. Than start meeting girls, etc.

In short, when you break up with your girlfriend and you want to start seeing other women, do not have the mind frame that you are only meeting those women to get over your ex-girlfriend because it will hit you right back in the ass and your mind will only consist of even more thoughts of her.

Hope I helped, props to Squirrels for that post - a good read! Strey, I recommend you read his post 2-3 times over to ensure you soak up the most of it.