Article below:
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What scares me the most is that when I stand beside my husband for our wedding, I might feel not as happy as I thought I would be.
People chase me around with questions about my life’s decisions that seemingly stray away from what society sets for us. Being 27 with no prospect of getting married or even an interest in dating, somehow, can irritate some people.
They get mad because instead of being feminine, I choose to be loud and speak my mind freely. They hate that I have the freedom to choose whatever I want for my life instead of being trapped in what they’re struggling with. They get annoyed when I say I will spend my youth on anything but marriage. They even curse me just because I say, “Having a child when you’re broke is a criminal act.”
That's why I don't like talking with men, or worse, married men. All they can talk about is marriage and having kids, as if the baby comes out of their own hole. I'm sick of those men who tell me to hurry up or I'll get old, as if a man can stop me from aging and make me immortal.
They think that getting married is the ultimate goal a human can achieve. The superiority complex these men have, thinking that women won’t complete their lives or be whole just because they aren’t married, irritates me beyond belief. Men think that the purpose of a woman’s life is to give them a child, to continue their bloodline only. I only told them that I don’t fancy marriage so much, and they were already giving me a speech. Imagine how they would react now if I told them that I’m childfree, they would look at me with pure disgust.
There is almost nothing I can get by discussing this with men, other than “You’ll get wrinkles and no man will find it attractive,” or that sex is life-changing activity, or that it’s a wasted life if I stay single and die like Holy Maria. Oh, I wish they would use their free time to study something important rather than objectifying women. Or at least, learn as much as they watch adult videos.
It always rings like, “You should get married sooner,” as if there is a deadline, and if I don’t, I’ll die by the end of the year.
But strange thing is that it’s completely different with the married women I happen to meet. When they ask my age or whether I am married or not, almost 90% of them tell me not to get married anytime soon.
Instead of encouraging me to rush through life, they tell me to slow down and take it one step at a time.
“Oh you’re still young,” or “Enjoy your life first, you can get married anytime you want.”
When men say about getting old, women tell me that I have so much time to discover myself. When men say to settle now or I won’t get the opportunity twice, women warn me to never settle for less and to know my worth. The difference is that married women tell me all sides, while married men sugarcoat it and leave out the terrible parts — maybe because some of it happens because of men like themselves. Married women tell me the ugly truth as it is, they give me something I can analyze and think about instead of fantasizing over it. They give me the real picture, unpolished and raw, so I can see through it.
After the gym, I sat with an auntie, and our conversation flowed to the point where she said that, “Even with a man you love, you can still get hurt. Marriage won’t change a person, you marry someone whose mistakes you can tolerate.”
The contradiction between men and women on this topic makes me so curious that I spend a lot of time reading about it. In the end, I am sure about calling off “the wedding” for now until I am truly ready. And if it takes forever, then so be it.
I can’t imagine saying yes to a man only to find out later that I regret it. I am so terrified that if I lay in bed with him, all I will see are my dreams looking back at me with anger and disappointment.
As Jo March once said in Little Women, “Our lives aren’t just about getting married and having kids, our lives are so much bigger than that.”
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Thoughts?
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What scares me the most is that when I stand beside my husband for our wedding, I might feel not as happy as I thought I would be.
People chase me around with questions about my life’s decisions that seemingly stray away from what society sets for us. Being 27 with no prospect of getting married or even an interest in dating, somehow, can irritate some people.
They get mad because instead of being feminine, I choose to be loud and speak my mind freely. They hate that I have the freedom to choose whatever I want for my life instead of being trapped in what they’re struggling with. They get annoyed when I say I will spend my youth on anything but marriage. They even curse me just because I say, “Having a child when you’re broke is a criminal act.”
That's why I don't like talking with men, or worse, married men. All they can talk about is marriage and having kids, as if the baby comes out of their own hole. I'm sick of those men who tell me to hurry up or I'll get old, as if a man can stop me from aging and make me immortal.
They think that getting married is the ultimate goal a human can achieve. The superiority complex these men have, thinking that women won’t complete their lives or be whole just because they aren’t married, irritates me beyond belief. Men think that the purpose of a woman’s life is to give them a child, to continue their bloodline only. I only told them that I don’t fancy marriage so much, and they were already giving me a speech. Imagine how they would react now if I told them that I’m childfree, they would look at me with pure disgust.
There is almost nothing I can get by discussing this with men, other than “You’ll get wrinkles and no man will find it attractive,” or that sex is life-changing activity, or that it’s a wasted life if I stay single and die like Holy Maria. Oh, I wish they would use their free time to study something important rather than objectifying women. Or at least, learn as much as they watch adult videos.
It always rings like, “You should get married sooner,” as if there is a deadline, and if I don’t, I’ll die by the end of the year.
But strange thing is that it’s completely different with the married women I happen to meet. When they ask my age or whether I am married or not, almost 90% of them tell me not to get married anytime soon.
Instead of encouraging me to rush through life, they tell me to slow down and take it one step at a time.
“Oh you’re still young,” or “Enjoy your life first, you can get married anytime you want.”
When men say about getting old, women tell me that I have so much time to discover myself. When men say to settle now or I won’t get the opportunity twice, women warn me to never settle for less and to know my worth. The difference is that married women tell me all sides, while married men sugarcoat it and leave out the terrible parts — maybe because some of it happens because of men like themselves. Married women tell me the ugly truth as it is, they give me something I can analyze and think about instead of fantasizing over it. They give me the real picture, unpolished and raw, so I can see through it.
After the gym, I sat with an auntie, and our conversation flowed to the point where she said that, “Even with a man you love, you can still get hurt. Marriage won’t change a person, you marry someone whose mistakes you can tolerate.”
The contradiction between men and women on this topic makes me so curious that I spend a lot of time reading about it. In the end, I am sure about calling off “the wedding” for now until I am truly ready. And if it takes forever, then so be it.
I can’t imagine saying yes to a man only to find out later that I regret it. I am so terrified that if I lay in bed with him, all I will see are my dreams looking back at me with anger and disappointment.
As Jo March once said in Little Women, “Our lives aren’t just about getting married and having kids, our lives are so much bigger than that.”
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Thoughts?
