why are guys scared to approach?

[pimpfromdayone]

Yeah I understand exactly what you're saying, I do the same thing...

 

[ikkenai]

I'm shocked when a girl DOESN'T respond favorably to an advance, not the other way around.

It's not all peaches and cream though, because you're doing so many approaches with success that even a university full of girls will see it in action and become insecure. I've picked up on girls right in front of a girl that I picked up a week prior. Also, you become a little too social, which becomes approval-seeking in a way.

 

[Cheat_LBJ]

Originally posted by animal crackers

Honesly though, girls LOVE to be approached. Really get that into your heads. Don't YOU love to get approached? Even if the girl isn't hot it at least feels good that another person took interest in you.

We're all DYING for attention in this world. Be the guy who loves women and loves life, and you will be successful.

You don't think there's any difference between your average guy -- who maybe gets approached once in a while -- vs. the average woman, who gets approached multiple times per day in all walks of life?

We love getting approached because it is a novelty and stops us from having to do some work...for a woman, you don't think it gets tedious?

We're dying for attention because it isn't always paid to us guys...women get attention from the time their t!ts pop out during puberty.

They have all the attention they want already.

 

[animal crackers]

Originally posted by Cheat_LBJ
You don't think there's any difference between your average guy -- who maybe gets approached once in a while -- vs. the average woman, who gets approached multiple times per day in all walks of life?

We love getting approached because it is a novelty and stops us from having to do some work...for a woman, you don't think it gets tedious?

We're dying for attention because it isn't always paid to us guys...women get attention from the time their t!ts pop out during puberty.

They have all the attention they want already.

No you're wrong. Girls love getting approached. They love it even more if it's from a guy the MAY consider dating.

They will act like they think you're annoying (if you do it wrong) but DEEP DOWN they NEED to know that guys desire them.

And besides club/bar/ party settings the 'average' girl really doesn't get approached often.

That's your job, give her something to smile about.



animal crackers

 

[donovan]

Originally posted by animal crackers
No you're wrong. Girls love getting approached. They love it even more if it's from a guy the MAY consider dating.

They will act like they think you're annoying (if you do it wrong) but DEEP DOWN they NEED to know that guys desire them.

And besides club/bar/ party settings the 'average' girl really doesn't get approached often.

That's your job, give her something to smile about.

I agree and disagree. Girls do get approached in some way or another all the time if they're good looking. But not in an attractive way. Just make your impression!!


-------------------------------------
My blog about attracting women..
http://attraction-chronicles.blogspot.com

 

[head_wall]

Originally posted by Q-Unit
As most of the forum people here are aged 18-early twenties - they don't have a fully developed sense of danger. And thusly overhype the danegrs of being rejected. Those older men who have trouble approaching (25+) are that way because they've assimilated a false sense of danger from societal values.

You only live once - but your sexual peak (18-22) also happens to be at the very same time a mans sense of danger is skewed. I assume this is natures way of alllowing people to attract mates without worrying abotu the consequences. Although this contradicts my first idea...

BAH!

Actually.....

I'm what you could consider an "extreme" skier. I jump off cliffs, ski over things that would kill or seriously injure me if I were to fall. Now, when I'm doing these things, I'm SCARED, I mean it's really scary. But I still DO IT and GO FOR IT instead of sit back and say to myself, "Noo, I'll fall and die if I try that." And guess what? I, for the life of me, up until this point, cannot cold approach a girl. I mean, even if I see at school, sitting by herself, looking as if she's WAITING for me to come to her, I won't do it, because I don't think I can. Crazy, huh? I mean, I won't DIE if she doesn't like me!

The thing is, if you believe you can do something, even if it is very scary for you, you can do it, or at least try. If, on the other hand, you DON'T BELIEVE IT, nothing can make you approach. That's why, we as Don Juaners, need to learn to BELIEVE we can approach and get SOMETHING of value out of the interaction, even if we are rejected. The meaning of it has to change.

 

[head_wall]

Originally posted by kav_3
Well i'm sort of one those guys, but i'm getting over it i've approached 2 chicks so far in college, one today and one last week, and when I approached today I felt so calm like it was nothing, and now i'm wondering why it was so hard in the first place, i'm going to keep on trying to approach chicks this week and if I do it without getting scared, i'll post a fr at the end of the week or something.

This is gold right here. "The second time will be much easier" this says. It makes the idea of approaching seem much easier. YAY!

 

[pimpfromdayone]

Well, there sure as hel-l IS a reason why certain guys are successful and certain guys aren't.... no, there isn't a formula yet, but perhaps one could be made. It would have to take into account: physical attractiveness, social status, personality, confidence, money, how interesting someone is, and power, among other things....

 

[pimpfromdayone]

That's true, but, statistically speaking, some people are more attractive than others. I am talking about not just to one person, but to everyone as a whole. If you took every woman in the world and made her take a survey judging the attractiveness of different men, one man would be at the top of the list, and then they would be ranked after that. For instance, a very large percentage of the female population find Brad Pitt very attractive. His probability of "picking up" a random female is therefore really high. Does any of this matter? No, but I'm just talking mathematics here.

 

[I_Only_Live_Once]

It's a fear of rejection combined with shyness. A person who is shy might not even go up and talk to many people to begin with so they feel uncomfortable to approach. For a person who gets over their shyness or was not shy to begin with, they don't want to get rejected. Psychologically, getting rejected is usually the most undesirable emotion, and acceptance is the most desired emotion. When you approach, you put it all out on the line. It's different from writing a test, because usually the person feels detachment when doing something like that. It doesn't feel personal.

The good news is that we can choose how to react. As mentioned by others here, you can reframe your thought process. Instead of thinking "oh no she didn't like me", think to yourself "that was fun and well worth the experience". Ten years from now, you're not going to give a rat's a$$ who turned you down, only those who you're with. When you begin to realize how irrational and inefficient that fear is, and consciously reframe your mind, you will overcome it.

 

[white_hype]

this may sound weird but I used to be afraid to approach for 2 main reasons.

1- fear of not knowing what to say... I didn't want to go up to a girl and be like "hi" then ... and with all the reading here/other sites to just follow up with "so where are you from" I'd feel like an AFC. I guess the pressure was really high on me b/c i have such high standards for myself in ALL aspects off life (which I believe is a good thing but when PU'ing, when you need to be smooth, it was hard on me)

2- fear of being rejected and shattering my "confidence." It was weird. WHen I was 18 I was rarely rejected and managed to hook up with a LOT of girls (13 in one summer). This gave me A LOT of confidence... but I became busy and stopped PUA so much and then it set in. Whenever I went out I was afraid if i approached some mediocre hb7 and she wasnt "into me" that i would feel as if i had been living a lie. That I wasnt as good as I thought I was. ALso, my friends looked up to me a lot at this point b/c i had been so successful with girls that the pressure of that got to me... so i stopped approaching as often, and as a result, my progress with girls dwindled and i wasnt hooking up with as many girls.

now i can approach any girl almost all the time (working on it to make it all the time

 

[pimpfromdayone]

Yeah, not knowing what to say is like a big obstacle for almost anyone, including me. I figured that yes, I could just be completely natural and AFC and it would be easy to say "hi" and all that normal crap, but when it got down to it I really didn't know how to be attractive and make it look natural at the same time. I knew being an average guy wouldn't get me that far, but then at the same time I didn't want to be awkward trying to pull of DJ stuff. Now I know better than to have a pre-made plan, I just play off the situation as best I can and pay attention to her cues about what she wants to talk about and I have also learned that I can say basically anything I want if I am confident. I will usually break the ice with a simple comment about something, as if we are already friends, then I progress into the teasing and treating her like a little girl, and I find that it works better than just jumping straight into the coc-ky stuff..... you gotta disable the bit-ch shield, but at the same time you gotta build rapport, so it's a fine balance. But like you said, things can get awkward QUICKLY if you can't find anything to say, because then it is absolutely obvious you are just trying to pick her up. What a fu-cking hard time we guys have huh.