A little back story on me - when I was in high school, I was fat and it just destroyed my confidence with the ladies. I basically never interacted with women at all and so I had zero dating life and very little social life. After high school, I lost all the weight and became pretty good looking but I had developed such a terrible attitude towards women (in terms of having low self esteem, feeling like dating was impossible, feeling like women had impossible standards, feeling like women were almost an alien species that I had to change myself completely to make them like me) that it didn't matter. I had no dating life in college either.
After college, I worked obsessively hard at myself - I got a job in sales and I killed myself to be the best possible employee I could be (end result is I'm currently making about 200K a year living in a very reasonable cost of living area at the age of 29 - a beautiful 3000 square foot house here is only 300K). I learned in depth about fashion and started dressing extremely sharp. I continued to work on my looks in terms of taking care of myself, getting as muscular and lean as possible, etc... I made some great friends and really worked on having great relationships with family and friends. I worked on having a great lifestyle - I currently go out to the trendiest bars, clubs, restaurants, sports events, I vacation 6 times a year in NYC, Miami, Toronto, Tampa, etc... etc.....
Yet despite all that, I can't seem to completely destroy my self limiting beliefs and I can't stop being so goddamn harsh on myself. I never feel like what I have to offer is enough - I always want to make myself better looking, more successful, more educated, more charismatic, more exciting of a lifestyle before I feel like a decent woman would want to be with me. Enough is just never enough. I see a woman at a gym that I want to approach and I honestly think to myself that she would only like me maybe if I was another 20-30 lbs bigger and more jacked. I drive myself crazy by constantly telling myself that I need to be better, better and better. Everytime I see a girl I really like, I automatically tell myself this story of why she would never want to be with me. I have totally convinced myself that women will not like me unless I'm totally and inhumanly perfect in every way.
I know I am severely disconnected from reality. I know that I am in the top 1 to 10% of everything that men get judged on yet I can't stop feeling like that's not enough. I can't stop feeling like dating is hopeless and that women have completely impossible standards. The f*cked up thing is that reading forums and websites like this has contributed to my problem, it hasn't solved it. I have very good natural social intelligence and social instincts - reading books and forums about how I had to behave around women gave me severe paralysis by analysis. The truth is, that if I just had been my normal confident self around women from the age of 16, I would have probably already had an awesome wife by now. Reading books and forums on how to behave around women made me feel even more that women were some kind of alien subspecies that I had to manipulate my behavior to make them like me. How do I snap out of it?
After college, I worked obsessively hard at myself - I got a job in sales and I killed myself to be the best possible employee I could be (end result is I'm currently making about 200K a year living in a very reasonable cost of living area at the age of 29 - a beautiful 3000 square foot house here is only 300K). I learned in depth about fashion and started dressing extremely sharp. I continued to work on my looks in terms of taking care of myself, getting as muscular and lean as possible, etc... I made some great friends and really worked on having great relationships with family and friends. I worked on having a great lifestyle - I currently go out to the trendiest bars, clubs, restaurants, sports events, I vacation 6 times a year in NYC, Miami, Toronto, Tampa, etc... etc.....
Yet despite all that, I can't seem to completely destroy my self limiting beliefs and I can't stop being so goddamn harsh on myself. I never feel like what I have to offer is enough - I always want to make myself better looking, more successful, more educated, more charismatic, more exciting of a lifestyle before I feel like a decent woman would want to be with me. Enough is just never enough. I see a woman at a gym that I want to approach and I honestly think to myself that she would only like me maybe if I was another 20-30 lbs bigger and more jacked. I drive myself crazy by constantly telling myself that I need to be better, better and better. Everytime I see a girl I really like, I automatically tell myself this story of why she would never want to be with me. I have totally convinced myself that women will not like me unless I'm totally and inhumanly perfect in every way.
I know I am severely disconnected from reality. I know that I am in the top 1 to 10% of everything that men get judged on yet I can't stop feeling like that's not enough. I can't stop feeling like dating is hopeless and that women have completely impossible standards. The f*cked up thing is that reading forums and websites like this has contributed to my problem, it hasn't solved it. I have very good natural social intelligence and social instincts - reading books and forums about how I had to behave around women gave me severe paralysis by analysis. The truth is, that if I just had been my normal confident self around women from the age of 16, I would have probably already had an awesome wife by now. Reading books and forums on how to behave around women made me feel even more that women were some kind of alien subspecies that I had to manipulate my behavior to make them like me. How do I snap out of it?
