Who takes break ups harder? Men or Women?

[Outlaw_]

I tend to think men take break ups harder than women. Why? Women are expressive creatures. If they are sad about it, they cry? If they are going through a tough situation they will talk it out with friends. Their friends will come to the rescue & take them out, call to check on them and make sure they are working through it.

Men, on the other hand, crawl into our hole and go within. We share it with no one, sometimes not even our best friend. Then, in order to prevent looking weak, we tell everyone we are "ok", but deep inside we are shattered (maybe even not that deep). We look tough on the outside, though.

Also, when a woman moves on, they are gone. Men, we still try to have make up sex, etc. Most of the times, when a woman calls an ex, he will respond. How many times have men contacted an ex, to get "crickets"?

Of course I'm generalizing here, but I wanted to open this conversation up to see what you guys think.

 

[samspade]

Generally speaking you are correct. A lot of it has to do with options. But let's say that the couple is equally "in love" or whatever with each other. The man will not deal with his emotions properly. Women are experts at coping. Men are creatures of action, and post break-up is exactly when many forget to act. I don't mean spin plates, I mean exercising, traveling, writing, whatever it is that keeps the wheels spinning. They should be talking to buddies too, but not dwelling on it. Definitely let the emotions out privately and get them out of your system so they don't leak out publicly. But you're right, a lot of men crawl into a hole and wallow in self-pity.

 

[DJDamage]

I say it depends on the individual mindset and the quality of their partner more then their gender.

The more options they have in the dating market the easier and faster the replacement of a loss of partner will be and felt.

 

[MtnMan]

Generally, I think the dumpee takes it harder than the dumper. As a man, getting dumped by a hb hurts the ego, and I think ego tends to be a bigger deal for men. Girls can cry and be visibly hurt after a breakup with no damage to the ego. A man generally has to suck it up.
I take break ups quite hard. I even have trouble when a plate drops. My ego is pretty fragile. Most of my work with game centers around being outcome independent and trying to leave the ego out of it. Easier said than done.

 

[guru1000]

The dumpee, irrespective of gender.

 

[samspade]

Good points about the dumpee, since the dumper has already begun the process and is prepared for the turbulence. Options matter too, although I think too many DJs conflate female sexual options with what it is they are usually seeking - relationship options. A man looks at a regular woman and thinks "she can get laid any night of the week." The woman looks around and thinks "why would I want to bang any of these guys?" If you've ever fukked a girl on the rebound you know what I mean.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Outlaw,
Can one generalise?....I don't think so,Though Mountain Man certainly has some good points...In general,experience conditions you,as the exposure to increasing doses of venom condition the snake charmer...here the spinning of plates can be such an advantage,in cushioning the blow...We all lose lovers,I never look back in the rear vision mirror,just think Ho Hum,that's another lolly pop finished!...onto the next,what new experiences are in store!

 

[zekko]

I think it depends on the individual.
But overall, I think men take it harder, just for the simple reason that women can usually find another man more quickly and easily than a man can find another women...generally speaking.

In other words, women have more options, so they can usually move on easier. While it is true that maybe they need more validation than men do, they tend to get it, so their safety net is there. Men usually do not have the built in social support system that women do. They tend to depend more on themselves than on a social network made up of family, friends, and lovers like women do.

 

[Don-Kong]

She-man

 

[Poonani Maker]

Well, it depends. Yesterday, I overheard a chick on the phone with her boyfriend who'd just told her "You'll really 'like' her..." (this new girl he'd met) and she snapped back "No, I won't!" and you could tell that she was almost about to cry or panic (funny, to me, she probably deserved it, and he could do better, so he just used her for a while for pvssy, haha, we "upgrade" too )

If she's hot and knows it, if she's not hot and doesn't know it until a dude does this to her, then the girl who knows she hot and can get almost any guy will not really get slammed by it especially if she's "experienced" "sexually" so-to-speak, but if she's limited in getting banged in her life, then she may have a harder time "coping."

 

[MtnMan]

I'm going to translate this:

If she's hot and knows it, if she's not hot and doesn't know it until a dude does this to her, then the girl who knows she hot and can get almost any guy will not really get slammed by it

If shes hot (or thinks shes hot) she will be fine because she knows she can get banged easily in case of a breakup.

especially if she's "experienced" "sexually" so-to-speak, but if she's limited in getting banged in her life, then she may have a harder time "coping."

She will be even more fine if she was a slut before said LTR.



Did I get it?

 

[Redwood]

Definitely men here. But it usually depends on who was the one actually dumped.

For the women, it is usually a big surprise when they get dumped because there are very few men willing to walk away from a crappy relationship.

For the men, it is basically the norm since women do it the majority of the time.

 

[BMX]

Godzilla.

 

[JustOlder_!]

Anytime you start messing with a gal and invest your mental energy, your going to go through some withdrawal symptoms. The best way is like a bandaid - rip it off, delete phone calls, message, text ...whatever...and move on. Out of site, out of mind. Just the way it is. If you keep reminders , than your going to have the high emotional pain - can't speak for women as I don't care once the split is made...but my hunch is the guy is always worse because women have usually had a lot more practice at this game.

 

[Outlaw_]

This is a great conversation guys. Because there is a good variety of opinions here. For the people who state, "the dumpee"...Mauser96 pointed out what my thoughts were is that ~75% of dumpee's are men.

Why is that? Because men will stay in a ****ty relationship, because they are comfortable. If you've been out of the game for a year or years, you have to retool to get back out there. For those of us who have experienced this, we know how it looks on the other side (the it's cheaper to keeper side).

This is a good reason to spin plates, so you don't set yourself up for being the dumpee. But there is a cost to spinning plates from a time & mental energy stand point.

 

[Poonani Maker]

It's really sad, cause I know this girl from grade school (our cubbies were next to each other) and I know of her marrying a dude from a rich all-boys pre school while in college and having 3 kids with him. The econ for Tech goes south a bit in 2001 and he is a tech guy, so their income probably suffers while he regains his feet. But no, she could not wait for that and wanted to be rich Now, so she divorces him and marries a Clooney'esque well-to-do Vice President/President whatever type of fella, whalla, she's wealthy and can now show off her pictures on Facebook etc of their yacht with wine in hand etc etc. of their big house etc. You can tell by the pictures that it appears that they are not really close couple, it looks as if he is revovling around Her and that she calls the shots, it's like looking at two independents in a sense as well as he has a lot and could probably drop her quickly if he wanted due to his money and ability to make money, but he still clings to her, this money-grubber. Poor father of her children who she discarded so quickly 12-13 years ago. I'm thinking the Reese Witherspoon/Ryan (something I forget his name) breakup, and this chick I knew since 6 years old's favorite movie is Cruel Intentions, go figure, and what a nightmare, lost hours, lost lives.

Also, forgot to add, her daddy is an elder in a very Puritanic do-goody-good Christian church.

 

[nismo-4]

I say men. Here's my take.

If a woman gets dumped, she may or may not feel hurt, but she'll just look in her iphone and call the next cutest guy in her contacts. Women ALWAYS have options. Men, not always. If men had options always, this board wouldn't exist. When a man gets dumped, he will try to make amends, but the woman has already moved on. It's even worse that a woman will mentally break up with you months before actually telling you it's over.

It's not always the dumpee. I dumped Katy Perry 3 weeks ago. I didn't hear her roar, nor did she come after me like a dark horse. If any of you did this, she wouldn't be hurt. She'd go write a new song and date her co-writer, if not the producer. (This is a hypothetical, just to illustrate a point.)

I'd dump Taylor Swift if she gave me reason to do so, and then she'd write a song about Judge nismo. It would be called "Case Dismissed." :trouble:

I've gotten to a point where I have little-to-no trust for a woman, and I don't believe in love.

Overall, it's better to dump first. Things between a man and a woman either move forward or backward. Standing still is just as bad as moving backward. Don't waste your time with such women. Women kick us to the curb with no letup. Why the f**k should we, as men, just keep taking it while they keep dishing it out?

 

[JustOlder_!]

[ backward. Don't waste your time with such women. Women kick us to the curb with no letup. Why the f**k should we, as men, just keep taking it while they keep dishing it out?[/QUOTE]


I think your not asking yourself ...beyond f'ing ..what do want them for? And list it out....I think you will find either your dull or your going to find most gals dull.

 

[Moonlounger]

I'd have to say men. Growing up I've seen my sister get dumped by dudes and she's back in the game in a few days max. If she dumped the dude, it's almost instantaneous, like they never had a relationship at all.

 

[Outlaw_]

It's looking more & more like most people think men. Hmmm...I wonder what women would think about this.