Who pays on the date.....?

[Keymaster of Goza]

This is a point I'm never sure on.

Usually I just take the bill and start paying and if she offers money I take it or if she asks how much she owes I just say "I'm from the old school and always believe the man should pay on the first few dates". This sometimes weeds out the LJBF crowd since it makes it clear what your intentions for the relationship are.

I did this once and she said "a date?..is that what this is?"
10 minutes later I was getting the LJBF speech.

Some say it depends on who asks who on the date.

Some say its the alpha male role to pay.

Some say that looks bad because it looks like you're trying to buy your way in.

I've always wondered on this point . Suggestions?...

 

[wise_mage]

Ive had this question too. and it has never been clearly answered- trickynick told me the man should pay but it just seems like trying too hard aint it? you are spoiling her more than she already is. she does nothing and you pay for everything. as if her body was worth that much!

 

[trickynick]

You guys this is not up for debate. It is a fundamental principle of seduction and romance that the seducer must take responsability for the date, that includes planning paying for it. No well-respected seduction authority believes otherwise.

 

[wise_mage]

well then trickynick, when is the time to start sharing the costs? after how many dates? cause its not like I have all the money in the world to spend.

 

[Take No Dirt]

Originally posted by wise_mage:
well then trickynick, when is the time to start sharing the costs? after how many dates? cause its not like I have all the money in the world to spend.

The general rule to follow by is: whoever suggested the meal/snack/dinner/supper should foot the bill. Notwithstanding what I just said, if she has the financial means and if she values her relationship with you, before long, she will offer to pay from time to time.

 

[Don the Legend]

Initially the guys always pays for the dates. But as a relationship starts to develop, you want her to invest in the relationship. Allen has a great article about this that describes why you want her to put her time/effort/money into you. After all, you are worth it.

Legend

 

[WildThang]

Depends. If you do priming dates (usually a good idea) initial expense comes to a cup of coffee or two, which is no big deal.

If there's potential, I'll usually pay for the second date unless she offers. But it will be something that involves action and is fairly cheap - not a movie or a meal. And *definitely* not an expensive meal.

By the third date we're usually meeting at my house or hers for an evening in, so again it's not an issue.

A lot of guys don't get that expensive dates are A WASTE OF MONEY.

If a chick has low interest, lavishing money on her isn't going to modify her fundamental contempt for you, the air you breathe and the space you fill so unappealingly.

If a chick has high interest, lavishing money on her isn't going to raise her interest level. (Unless she's a gold digger - and then the interest isn't real anyway.)

If you opt for a date in, you:

Save money on expensive wining and dining, which does fvck all anyway

(As opposed to an action date which can leave her physically excited and breathless, but not knowing any more about you.)

Can move things bedwards (or floorwards, if you're in a hurry) more easily

Get points for cheap but effective gestures, like bringing wine or your 'special CD compilation' - or whatever else sets the mood

Compare this with the expensive meal date, which immediately puts you in chickville where you can spend a fun evening fielding questions about your pets, your parents, your job, whether or not you agree with abortion, your job, your exes, and did I mention your job? - all while trying to keep some shreds of challenge and mystery.

What I'm really saying is that paying for the date is never the issue. What you need is a successful date strategy that minimises the cost to you, maximises the return and has the most chance of keeping you out of AFCville. Money only becomes an issue if you're spending too much of it in ways that don't advance your chances of success.

 

[ACTION]

TrickyNick:

No well-respected seduction authority believes otherwise.


I would have to disagree, as this happens more often than you think. (This chick just paid for our lunch date the other day.)

Originally posted by WildThang:
What I'm really saying is that paying for the date is never the issue. What you need is a successful date strategy that minimises the cost to you, maximises the return and has the most chance of keeping you out of AFCville. Money only becomes an issue if you're spending too much of it in ways that don't advance your chances of success.

WildThang's post sums it up pretty well. I mean, why the fukk do we always have to pay, especially when I've heard females time and time again say, "Oh, I'm just going out with him to get a free dinner. I ain't givin' him nothin'."

Get the picture?

 

[Keymaster of Goza]

Another point on this is that in North American culture , who picks up the tab for a meal seems a very big issue. In an overtly materialistic society, being "cheap" is about the worst insult that could be heaped on anyone. Witness George Costansa in the Seinfeld series.

In other cultures e.g. Britain, Europe, Australia I think "going Dutch" is more or less expected in most situations.

Maybe someone from outside the US / Canada would like to offer an opinion on my original question?

 

[Nightwing]

Originally posted by Don the Legend:
Initially the guys always pays for the dates. But as a relationship starts to develop, you want her to invest in the relationship. Allen has a great article about this that describes why you want her to put her time/effort/money into you. After all, you are worth it.

Legend

I agree with you DTL, as the man, you pay for the date--but the key is to make your dates all CHEAP DATES. Chicks will tell guys that its the one who asks for the date that pays, but they say that for convenience because lets face it, 99% of the time, they arent going to ask the man, ususally its us asking them. So in order to avoid spending large amounts of money on a chick that really dont like you, go places that are free, or places that cost little to nothing. And as DTL said, as the relationship progresses, you should expect her to invest more into the relationship in terms of paying for dates, etc.

 

[GREAT WHITE SHARK]

cheap 1st dates ok to DJ to pay
2nd date - if high interest - DJ to pay
3rd and on.. split the bill, it creates intimacy, you are sharing, capisce

 

[Ralph Bellamy]

You know what Keymaster? I am overdue for thinking about this one.

Fact is, I usually pay for just about everything on the first date. It's a courtesy thing, I asked her, I should back it up.

However...the *one* woman in the last six years who actually offered to, and in fact did, pay for part of the first date...evolved into a LTR and in fact I almost married her. (Why I didn't was her call but I got over it.) Still the best relationship I have ever had. Maybe it was just her personality...then again, maybe I should *look* for something like that.

 

[Borknagar]

I try not to pay anything if I don't have to, why waist money on some b*tch that'll never last a week anyway?

 

[shandoli]

Fukk, if u realize during the date that u r being used for free dinner, then halfway through when u have eaten, excuse for the toilet n dissappear.
lol

ditch the b!tch

------------------
"Do your best when it counts"

"Good DJS don't do Different thingz, they just do thingz differently"

 

[lordclem*]

WELL...... first date i pay by the second date she pays(with *****...kinda ***** like but shes only being honest)
lol
MONSTER*

ASK BEFORE THE DATE EASIER,BUT I AM A WILLY TO PAY FOR THE FIRST DATE BECAUSE I ASKED? AFTER WE "CLICKED" AND MOVED ON, WE SLPIT

 

[WildThang]

Originally posted by Ralph Bellamy:
You know what Keymaster? I am overdue for thinking about this one.

Fact is, I usually pay for just about everything on the first date. It's a courtesy thing, I asked her, I should back it up.

However...the *one* woman in the last six years who actually offered to, and in fact did, pay for part of the first date...evolved into a LTR and in fact I almost married her. (Why I didn't was her call but I got over it.) Still the best relationship I have ever had. Maybe it was just her personality...then again, maybe I should *look* for something like that.

Good call.

No matter what the situation - you can *always* tell a lot about a chick from her reaction.

If you do the dinner thing and she takes it for granted that you're paying - that's a big red flag. Even if you have sex later, she's basically marked herself out as a prostitute who will most likely only stick around for as long as you keep spending.

If she *expects* you to spend money on her by right of female entitlement - do I need to say any more about how bad that is?

 

[UpNCominDJ]

O.K. this is it when your on a date it's a good idea to just pay fellas but if she decides to pay some of the bill tell her to save it for next time this way she wont feel as if she owes you something and if she does she'll be more than happy to pay for the next date unless your with a golddigger any real woman will pay on the next go around

 

[VeryBadGirl]

WildThang and Ralph are right on... you can tell a lot about a woman by how she reacts and acts around this issue. Goldigger or Giving? Spoiled or Normal?

If I ask a guy out, I'll pay for the date. If he asks me out, I offer to pay half. Usually, the guy accepts. After that, going dutch each date usually works untili you enter an LTR - then you can do the every other date method which usually works well.

 

[DonJuan'sGirl]

Well, here's my opinion:
The man pays for the dates.....at least for the first month...and that is that!
If a woman offers to pay, her intrest level is obviously LOW!!!! Make that your FIRST sign that she is not worth your time!!!!
I will offer to pay my half when I just don't want to see him again, and I don't want him to think he was used....but If I am really interested in him, I'll let him pay....(but after a month, I"ll start maybe paying for a drink or paying the tip, etc..like I said)
Now, if you don't want to waste alot of money, like everyone else said, do cheap dates....this is another way to guage interest.....because when I really like a guy, I don't care WHAT we do--as long as we are together, geting to know one another....an expensive meal isn't going to show me his intrests, hobbies, etc. Nor is a movie, where we don't even get to talk!!!!!!
Movies are BAD first second even 3rd dates!!!
There is no talking!!!!!
ummmmm, what else??
oh, yeah. I've said this before, but I"ll reiterate....I think it IS the mans job to pay for the dates--period, because when it becomes LT (this is what I hope to achieve one day) then I will (as the woman) be doing the cooking, cleaning, etc....I"d NEVER ask him to cook or clean, as I'd expect him not to ask me to pay for stuff....But even though I expect the man to pay, if I don't have any interest in him, I drop him..I won't waste his time or his money....point of the story???
Do cheap dates and drop a female who offers to pay...she's not 'cool' cause she's paying...she's not interested

------------------
Look Deeper and You Shall Find What You Seek

 

[WildThang]

Originally posted by DonJuan'sGirl:
oh, yeah. I've said this before, but I"ll reiterate....I think it IS the mans job to pay for the dates--period, because when it becomes LT (this is what I hope to achieve one day) then I will (as the woman) be doing the cooking, cleaning, etc...

So if a guy pays for your dates, does that mean you'll come round and clean his apartment for him?

I mean fair is fair - you're checking out if he's a spender, so it's only fair he should check out what you're like with all that cooking and cleaning and stuff like that, huh?

Anywayz - you're dead wrong about women with low interest wanting to pay. In my experience it's the opposite - a woman with high interest will *want* to start paying very quickly. She'll at least offer.

Why? It's a sign of maturity and adulthood and that she's *not* expecting me to be money-guy by default.

If she doesn't get that, she doesn't get me. <shrug>

True, some chicks will do the pay-off thing you're suggesting here. But it's smarter not to get to the point where you're officially dating them anyway.

That's why - I say again - the coffee date is such a great idea. All you'll ever waste is one hour and two cups of coffee. And if you're smart you can pick a stylish location and get all the benefits of that without turning it into some kind of major Hollywood performance.