I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
+1 :yes:penkitten said:wonderful advice lady !
Bingo, almost!LovelyLady said:Everything will cost 25% more than you think it will.
Don't get a roommate - get a place you can afford alone.
Pay attention to how much natural light the place has - it will make you happier to have sunlight.
Don't get a pet for the first year.
Don't become the place everyone parties and crashes at. It's your home, not their dumping ground.
No matter how humble, keep it clean.
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
In terms of location I'm fine as long as it's not somewhere ghetto. I can deal with noises and such but not the kind that'll scare you like dudes hitting each other with a baseball bat.Master Bates said:Firstly, location location location. Being within walking distance of stuff to do and places to eat/drink is much better than having to get in your car and drive ten minutes just to get to a cafe or whatever, and it's worth the extra money (plus think of the money you'll save on gas).
Secondly, if you're like 99.9% of people and hate listening to other people's noise, do what you can to find a place where you'll be subjected to other people's talking, screaming, laughing, pounding, partying and music as little as possible. Older places tend to have more soundproof walls and doors. And getting a top-floor apartment is really worth it
Both of those may be things you don't put all too much consideration into while looking for an apartment (if that's what you're looking for), but believe me, weeks/months/years into settling in, you'll understand.
Also, extras like a pool and exercise room can be a nice draw, but don't place things like that above more important factors such as mentioned above.
that's all I can think of right now. there's some other good advice in this thread.
I'll never get a roommate. I can just imagine a roommate who would bring ten people in the house everyday who I don't even like. yup I want a place for myself.LovelyLady said:Everything will cost 25% more than you think it will.
Don't get a roommate - get a place you can afford alone.
Pay attention to how much natural light the place has - it will make you happier to have sunlight.
Don't get a pet for the first year.
Don't become the place everyone parties and crashes at. It's your home, not their dumping ground.
No matter how humble, keep it clean.
If you're 19 or older, change the "want to" to should. At 19 or higher, it really is only an issue of when you think it's the right time to be an adult. Granted, I don't really count the college kid that's only home for the summer, but if you're not in college, you need to be working and one of the things your job should pay for is your housing. If you just stay with your parents, you're actually hurting yourself more than you are hurting them (by them paying your housing), because by using them as a crutch, you aren't motivated to help yourself.vagrant said:I want to start living on my own. For those who have done it. How did you guys start? What did you learn? What advice would you give me?
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
You know you are exactly right. All my life everything was hand given to me and now I'm struggling. I didn't know that one day I was going to have to work my as$ off to support myself. I regret not taking school seriously when I had the chance, because at the time I felt there wasn't any need for it at all and now I'm paying the price.azanon said:If you're 19 or older, change the "want to" to should. At 19 or higher, it really is only an issue of when you think it's the right time to be an adult. Granted, I don't really count the college kid that's only home for the summer, but if you're not in college, you need to be working and one of the things your job should pay for is your housing. If you just stay with your parents, you're actually hurting yourself more than you are hurting them (by them paying your housing), because by using them as a crutch, you aren't motivated to help yourself.
You start by plotting a career path and a long-term plan. Don't just get a job to pass the time. Actually strategize as to how you are going to constantly increase your pay or launch a successful career. Ask yourself, "how am I going to "get mine" in this world". There's a lot of money with your name on it in this world. All that's lacking is you doing what it takes to get what's yours.
This is also very sexy with the ladies.insidious said:Buy a cookbook and start small. Your first step towards true independence is learning to feed yourself cheaply and healthfully.
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
anyway, back to reality....meitenesrigas said:Get a maid. Without one your place will be disgusting. This rule does not apply for most gay males....
Where I am at a cookbook would make you look really emasculated.
Why is it that so many of you cannot imagine life anywhere outside of Iowa or Florida?Master Bates said:anyway, back to reality....
You have been talking about the American way of life alot in some of your posts, without much experience to back it up it seems. In the U.S we have super hot American girls, and also super hot girls from other countries who have moved here. You said you are helpless without your mother or girlfriend. Alot of American males cook and clean so they do not feel this way. I do not buy my girlfriend things, except for a $20 starbucks card this Christmas. It really isn't the way the media portrays us on TV for everyone here.meitenesrigas said:I admit it, I am helpless. Without my mother or a girlfriend I would be lost in life.
I guess in America you cook, clean, and buy your girlfriends things. All this and they still insist on wearing flip-flops and not taking care of their bodies. Something isn't right about that picture.
Especially true :rockon:LovelyLady said:Everything will cost 25% more than you think it will.
A lot can be said about living off the independence of others. Why learn how to take care of yourself if someone else will do it for 'ya?fuzzx said:replace the WANT with 'am in a dysfunctional family'.
You SHOULD NOT WANT to live on your own. It sucks period. Its lonely and no amount of partying, sex and women make up for that. I've been living on my own for quite some time now in places where no english is spoken or written. Let me tell you, I would LOVE to move home. If I lived in the same country, you bet your ass I would be at home 24/7.
Do not move out unless its absolutely necessary! Most cultures look at the North American standard of living on your own as complete dysfunction... There is no need unless its necessary for you to do so because of work. Save your money and get educated in something or start a business. Paying ur own bills and making ur own food sux ass.
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.