Where would a woman fit into my life?

[Luthor Rex]

My 30's have started and now I'm not so sure where a woman would fit into my life.

I have gotten to a point in my life where my sex drive is no longer an albatros around my neck. It's manageable now and not nearly as inconvenient as it once was. So having a woman around for sex is something I can largely live without.

From the time when I first started thinking about girls I always imagined them as fufilling a companionship role for me. Someone to be my partner who I could share my life with. Yes I know how sappy that sounds, but having a best friend who I can pal-around with and enjoy a hot fvck with sounds good to me. As I have more experience now with women in relationships and women as friends I must say - they make horrible companions. It is to my utter sadness that I must now say that expecting companionship from a woman is just asking too much from them.

Without a woman I can't have children, and I would want any children of mine to have a good mother. One day I would like to have children, but not this year. Mid to late 30's would be best for me. So I don't need a woman right now to knock her up.

These are the roles I've see women as fufilling in my life and I've gotten to the point where two of those three either aren't a big deal anymore or I just don't think is possable.

So I'm feeling a bit lost and I was hoping maybe some man with more expereince could perhaps tell me what I'm missing here. Maybe a different perspective or just something I'm not seeing. Because honestly, if things keep up like this - I'm not sure that a woman will ever have a place in my life again.

 

[Kings_royalty]

they make horrible companions. It is to my utter sadness that I must now say that expecting companionship from a woman is just asking too much from them.

That's not true bro, some girls make great companions, it seems like you haven't found the right one for you though...YET.

You can find a girl that suits your need, the hard part is finding out what those needs are.

 

[joekerr31]

you sound like me when i was 30.

some advice...

first. you actually are in a great spot which you are viewing as a problem. your outlook on women is great - what you are seeking from a relationship is exactly what you should (ie. will be a good mother to my kids, a good companion, etc.). the problem here is that in your mind you think if you don't get those things that you will have suffered some horrible unspeakable fate. as a result, here you are searching how to change you HEALTHY attitude into something ELSE. the ONLY problem with your current state is your anxiety over how NOT getting married and having kids effects the value you place on your life.

second, low quality women, as ive said here many times, make for horrible companions. high quality women are rare, but they do exist. women who you are compatible with and who share the same beliefs as you will be a TREMENDOUS support as you go through life. they will be there to pick up your laundry when you can't make it to the cleaners. they will be there when your parents die. they will be there for your struggles and triumphs and cheer you on in both cases. etc. HIGH quality women will do this. (an important caveat though - MEN, you must attack life such that you are able to stand firm ON YOUR OWN. if a high quality woman comes along an adds to that great, but you must be able to revel in your ability to be your own man first)

third, it sounds to me as though there may be issues at play here that you aren't telling us and may not even be aware of. i would suggest they are

1) a negative outlook on the whole subject. finding your "match" is rare, but it does happen. all good things in life come with hard work and patience, finding a great woman is no different. I think you've given up prematurely - which is the worse thing you can do because it sabotages you in the future.

2) you need to accept that things will happen in their own time. its amazing how life can work out when you just let go and enjoy the ride. maybe this period is a time for you to be working on you.

3) its possible that you are poor at spotting high quality women. they often aren't the HB 10s. they often aren't the women wearing the skin tigh halter tops and flirting with every guy that comes there way. start looking at the world around you a little different and see if anything new sticks out to you - you might be surprised.

4) are YOU a high quality man yet. now, lets remember, if i asked that to any guy 99% of them would say "hell ya i am, im the prize". but guess what, they aren't. they haven't fully found themselves, their belief system, etc. - they haven't become a force for good in the world, they are still hungry ****s looking for a p*ssy to f*ck.

anyway, to summarize. don't freak out. if you never find a woman thats fine, if you do thats fine also. the MOST important thing is that you focus on BEING HAPPY. and thats not just something you do one morning, its a focus on a way of life - developing a POSITIVE life perspective / philosophy. BECOME that which you seek and what you seek will find you (not trying to be corny, but its true).

and keep that high quality attitude going - DO NOT settle for some bimbo just to have kids. I've had various points where it hought i should just settle - pick some woman who im somewhat attracted to and who doesn't drive me crazy, get married, buy the house, have the kids, etc.

but i haven't. im still searching for miss right. and the reason im still searching is because whether or not she is out there, there is one thing i know for sure, the outcome of marrying someone who isn't miss right is disasterous. If you can just barely stand her now, 5 years into the marriage it will be like living with a she devil. and even worse, 50% of what makes up your kids will come from her (and even more will be conditioned in to them as they model her behavior).

and back to never finding miss right. if that happens - SO WHAT! dude, in the grand perspective NO ONE cares if you get married and have kids. despite what people think, it makes NO DIFFERENCE if you seed lives on. none at all.

you have this life to live and thats it. you're born, you experience life, you die. and when its over, ITS OVER. so never look at life with regret, or concern over whether you are doing the right thing - JUST LIVE (and LEARN how to live also).

soo many people waste their lives trying to fill out a checklist of items. some of those items are good things to pursue (ie. job, relationships, etc.) - but they have to be qualified. Having a job is great, but having a crappy job isn't. having a relationship is great, but having a crappy relationship isn't. yet people stay in both just so its checked off teh list and they can delude themselves that they are making progress in life.

all in all you sound like a guy who has a lot of his life well in hand. I think all you have to do is become a little more confident and secure in yourself - regardless of whether you have a woman or not - and when you do that you'll suddenly 'bump' in to miss right.

i know what i'm suggesting requires a little faith that everything will be just fine - but hey, life is hell if you don't have a little faith in yourself, life and (to an extent) other people.

 

[joekerr31]

oh one other thought - this is something im struggle a bit with now myself ...

i've become so self reliant that i find most women annoying as hell. i find their neediness to be the equivalent of someone running their nails down a chalk board.

but at the same time, im also realizing that im still growing. i've always been an ultra ambitious, idealistic person. as a result i've left little room for long term relationships - i've been too focused on NOT letting external factors (including women) steer me from my goals.

but now that i've achieved a lot of those goals, im finding i've got more mental 'energy' to be more 'present' in a relationship.

so i've got my fingers crossed that as i enter in to a phase of life where i'm = truly open to the demands an LTR holds (with the right woman of course) that miss right will show up soon

and if she doesn't, oh well, i'll keep enjoying my life as i am now.

 

[joekerr31]

oh and one other thing - cut down on the porn!

just joking (sort of). your libido is probably low because any time you want you probably relieve it with porn (99% of single males do this).

cut down on it and watch how women go from looking like a Burger King Whopper to a juicy sirloin steak.

 

[STR8UP]

Welcome to the best time of your life!

 

[STR8UP]

oh one other thought - this is something im struggle a bit with now myself ...

i've become so self reliant that i find most women annoying as hell. i find their neediness to be the equivalent of someone running their nails down a chalk board.

I don't really find women annoying.....I kind of get a kick out of watching them, matter of fact.

I know what you are saying though. That's why I try not to get too involved.

 

[squirrels]

Where would she fit? Between the sheet and the mattress.

 

[jonwon]

My 30's have started and now I'm not so sure where a woman would fit into my life.

I have gotten to a point in my life where my sex drive is no longer an albatros around my neck. It's manageable now and not nearly as inconvenient as it once was. So having a woman around for sex is something I can largely live without.

From the time when I first started thinking about girls I always imagined them as fufilling a companionship role for me. Someone to be my partner who I could share my life with. Yes I know how sappy that sounds, but having a best friend who I can pal-around with and enjoy a hot fvck with sounds good to me. As I have more experience now with women in relationships and women as friends I must say - they make horrible companions. It is to my utter sadness that I must now say that expecting companionship from a woman is just asking too much from them.

Without a woman I can't have children, and I would want any children of mine to have a good mother. One day I would like to have children, but not this year. Mid to late 30's would be best for me. So I don't need a woman right now to knock her up.

These are the roles I've see women as fufilling in my life and I've gotten to the point where two of those three either aren't a big deal anymore or I just don't think is possable.

So I'm feeling a bit lost and I was hoping maybe some man with more expereince could perhaps tell me what I'm missing here. Maybe a different perspective or just something I'm not seeing. Because honestly, if things keep up like this - I'm not sure that a woman will ever have a place in my life again.

single is a pleasure, being with a certain women can be a pleasure, but single life is still very attractive and GOOD, with single life, you know its you that makes it or breaks it and makes the GOOD times happen, so i feel you when you state where does a women fit?

I am single and had a few opportunities, let them slip by since i LOVE my single life and i simply find a relationship at this stage to be some what of a restriction to things i enjoy doing.

single life:
Get up when you want (except on a week day )
Do what you want when you want.
Live by your OWN rules only.
All your money is your own.
Dont have to comply to a time-table or a schedule of things to keep a thing going.
Can date and see who you want.
Can do anything you want with respect to the laws of the Land.

I have had sex with about 12 different women this year, hell i was sleeping with a 20year old student last weekend, blonde.

So another thing, if you can apply yourself right even sex is easy to come by.

so why even be in a relationship.

i too have had loads of relationships and even been married and i swear:
I have never ever ever been happier in a relationship then i am single NEVER, ok sometimes there are GREAT times, but still only on a PAR with my SINGLE life great times and never better, but the pace of my happiness on my life is totally attributed to ME and only ME, selfish? so what my own happiness is the most important thing in this world and at my age i have realized that happiness is BEST when i am single.

And i dont plan to change that for a very long time, at least until i think about starting a family, then and only then would i entertain a relationship over what i have now.

There is no need to be in a relationship it is simple social pressures thats all.

 

[Luthor Rex]

Thank you for the replies.

I do agree very VERY much with the sentiment that no relationship is better than a bad relationship.

Having a family is something I've always just assumed I would have. It's a part of my larger imperial schemes: I didn't mean a family in the way that the spinless-husband on one of the stupid TV-comedies-for-women have a family, I mean like the Godfather has a family (well minus the killing).

Odd thing is the older I get the less seriously I can take women. Sometimes I wonder if I will end up with the most pvssy when I can't take women seriously or care about them anymore.

:rock:

 

[d9930380]

I feel exactly the same, I don't want kids so I'm unsure what the point is too. So if it doesn't happen I don't care, if it does happen then I know it will be because she's the right girl and maybe that might change my views on marriage and kids. The other thing is I've realised is that looks DON'T last, if you marry for looks, in 10 years the reason for marriage will be gone and your life will be hell, either from a divorce that will cost or you will be living with a demon.

Either way, I feel no pressure at all. I actually find it liberating, being single no longer seems like such a bad thing.