Where I'm at with this...

[Foggy]

I'm in the process of recovering from a massive oneitis (and depression) with a close friend who basically became the center of my universe. The situation got pretty bad, but I would say that I was succesful (or lucky) in managing to keep her friendship without scaring her away with all my clingyness. The point is that this whole situation has made me very concious of just how insecure I am as a person, and I've gotten heavily back into the idea of personal developement (not necessarily becomming an expert pick-up artist, but I need to be secure with myself in general and capable of holding a good conversation with people).

I've gone through and made a list of things that I most need to work on. I know there are articles here for almost all of this, but some I would like specific advice on, and as many further resources as possible.


Jealousy and Anxiety - The big ones. I notice whenever I'm hanging out with my friends and I'm not the center of attention or I'm not being funny I end up getting pangs of jealousy and it really ruins my game (especially when girls are around). A couple nights ago I went out with some friends; that happened, and I ended up trying too hard to be funny, failing, and then becomming miserable for the rest of the evening. I need to be able to feel secure with myself when I'm around friends without feeling like I have to impress those around me.

Conversational Skills - Are really bad. I find that a lot of times I spend too long thinking of things to say. Even worse, when I do say something my speech is broken up with pauses to think, and I second guess myself far too much. That said, this is something I'm fairly confident that practice will improve for me... what I'm not so sure about is:

Sense of Humor - My dad has a very bad sense of humor (as in he tries but always falls short of being funny, it's actually kind of annoying) and my mom doesn't ever try. If being funny is genetic, I'm screwed. What I'd really like are confidence boosting success stories on this, but from what I've gathered some people have this and some people don't. I can already see myself ending up where my dad is, and it's very depressing for me.

Errections - Bleh, nothing ruins my game like getting a hard-on in the middle of kinoing with a girl, and it seems to be something I'm especially susceptable to (as in, just sitting next to a girl so that we're physically touching in some way will do it). Any advice for avoiding that?

 

[EdHunter]

You should immediately start reading the DJ Bible...start off with the introduction, then read some of Pook's stuff---esp. "15 Lessons" and "Be a Man" and "Kill that Desperation"...it's gold.

In terms of conversation, read around in the conversation section of the bible.

Under sense of humor, Casanova's Guide to humor is a good start.

And as for erections, well, by the time you're done reading Pook's stuff, you'll realize that you don't need to apologize for your sexuality anyway, so it won't matter.

 

[Foggy]

Ok, I'll check those. The problem with errections is not so much embarrasement about getting them, but that only one head can really think at a time so to speak. It completly kills what little game I have.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Hmm Foggy erections are not a bad thing. I can get them without touch. Just knowing a woman (through her body language) wants me for sex, especially upon just meeting/seeing each other, gives me a boner sometimes or a half boner (and I make no apologies) and actually women will get closer to me (because it Feels good) as a result of this energy that we are sending each other's direction. Keep conveying to the woman you're with that having sex is just as easy as taking a crap (feels great and takes nothing to do it). Also, you don't have to talk when in the midst of your friends. I suggest you take up racing or drive your car around a lot. This will be something you can get fairly good at (accomplished) fairly easy (cost of gas) and with this precise knowledge of something that you can do very well, then you'll not need to prove yourself to others because you've already proven to yourself (that you can act fast and without hesitation). Be a risk-taker and do the things that seem dangerous to others, especially women.

 

[Foggy]

Right now my problem is that I'm trying to swallow this entire self improvement thing at once and I don't feel like I have really clear steps on where to go. To be honest I don't even really care that much about getting laid - that'll be a goal once I'm comfortable with myself. However, I still have limiting beliefs that I'm somehow genetically tied down to being boring with really bad sense of humor and that being confident won't really change that. I'm not just b****ing about it. I'm pretty sure that I can change, but dropping this belief is really hard. The major reinforcement of this is my father who is not only boring and mostly unfunny. Whenever I'm around him I think to myself if I end up to be like this, I'll kill myself, and whenever I'm in social situations I tend to get negative feedback that leads me to feel that I'm the same way as he is. It's kind of like... which comes first? The positive feedback or the self-esteem. Is it even possible to achieve a high self-esteem if the majority of your social interactions make you feel like you can't hold a good conversation or make a joke that gets people laughing? Is it possible to have positive social interactions without self-esteem?

What would be most helpful to me at this point would be some advice for people who have been where I am right now, and have gotten out of it, particularly what steps they took that got them there.

 

[Touchout]

What would be most helpful to me at this point would be some advice for people who have been where I am right now, and have gotten out of it, particularly what steps they took that got them there.

Pretty sure most everybody has been in your situation at one point, but the good news is the only way to go is up.

As for some advice, I recommend reading Weapons Of Mass Seduction by Senor Fingers. It has some of the most inspirational and practical posts out there, I feel this guy was the best DJ to come to this site...yes, even better than Pook.:nervous:

Set clear short term goals for yourself, things which are hard enough to push yourself out of your comfort zone but easy enough to complete.

And there's nothing else anyone can really say besides just get out there and start fixing your flaws with experience.