where does jealousy and insecurity come from if you've never been cheated on?

[big weezy]

Where does the feelings of jealousy, insecurity stem from if you've never been cheated on before?

i've only been in one relationship in my life which wsa a short one, about a month and then the other times they were all 'almost' where we might have gotten together officially and slept together and it didn't happen..

it seems the events of the 'nearly' and all the failures and last minute cancellations have affected my mind to an extent that i become jealous and insecure, needy and clingy even with girls i'm not officially with yet.

where does this stem from? i've never been cheated on before yet i seem to have this inferiority complex that she'll leave me if someone else comes in the picture, or if she mentions another guy i become insanely jealous and we're not even going out!

it's like i need to be the center of their attention at all times, i must have a fragile ego.

 

[PapiChulo]

Lack of options in the past? Something went wrong in your childhood? I personally started to realize that the lack of childhood and my parents had an impact on my behavior as an adult.

 

[big weezy]

Lack of options in the past? Something went wrong in your childhood? I personally started to realize that the lack of childhood and my parents had an impact on my behavior as an adult.

i always have a lack of options.. in my entire life i've never had more than 1 option and 3 maybes, and usually as a domino effect if i lost 1 option i'd somehow lose all the maybes.. it's like the story of my life.

each time though i had a good date, i felt more confident i would go out and sarge cos i felt i could get more numbers easily and if i didnt then i'd know i'd be in trouble. like 2 months ago for instance with my oneitis, i wanted to make sure i capitalized on my new found confidence and went sarging like crazy, got a few numbers but they all had bf's or weren't interested.

now im back to zero. it's heartbreaking to an extent having 1 girl interested in you and you lose her cos you can't hold your nerve and get nervous as you know you may go for months before you get another one.

 

[SamTheHobit]

Good question, can anyone else elaborate?

 

[Mike32ct]

The "almosts" in the past have you feeling that each new girl is "too good to be true" and "it won't last" because she'll be "just like the others.". I struggled with that for years. As bad as it was, in the long run, it was the best thing for me. I don't get excited about women anymore. She has to PROVE she is really interested. A number, a date, even a makeout means nothing in this age of flaking.

 

[5string]

Newsflash

At some point, you will be cheated on. It may be after you have fallen in love and placed all of your trust in "the one." Be prepared as it will hurt and affect you deeply. It will also make your subsequent relationships all the more difficult and trying, however, don't lose faith. There really are some quality women out there although the pool of such women has significantly diminished due to brainwashing by the media, Kim Kardashian and Rosey O'Donnell.

We have all been there.

 

[big weezy]

i think it must be related to my childhood whereby i was an only child for 9 years then a sibling came along so suddenly now i had to share the attention of my parents or what actually happened was i got little or no attention and my sibling did so i became resentful.. it makes sense actually why i seem to throw a tantrum when a girl isn't paying full attention to me at all times, it probably reminds me of those bad feelings as a child.

the clingy and needy behavior i cant explain, maybe it's me desperately trying to retain the attention from the girl even if it's going to ultimately be negative.

lack of options is definitely a symptom and even now when i get options i start to think they'll cancel or flake even though i have no justification that they will but cos of 2008 where i had a massive period of like 20 flakes i feel like i need to mentally prepare for a cancellation, which is hard to do when you get excited about a date for it just to fall apart. like say i triple book dates for a certain night and they all cancel.. it's like they know another plate has cancelled so they've lost interest, i dont know how they sense it.. but they do.

then it's back to the drawing board. im unlucky cos i only get a number on average once every 2 weeks if that, and that's not assuming she's EVEN interested! so all my hopes get pined into one girl no wonder i get oneitis.. and any girl who's willing to see me more than 1 date i seem to latch on to and feel jealous and possessive.

 

[betheman]

My Personal view is that insecurity and jealousy stem from poor self esteem and or lack of self worth(same thing maybe). this is why it is vital to work on you, to be able to achieve happiness within,rather than rely on external factors for your validation.
lack of self worth = 4/10 becomes elevated to an unrealistic 7-8/10, suddenly she is too good for you and you have to work harder to keep her, she is soo good someone will take her away from you, the fear of losing her grips you, the thought of someone else having her (someone better than you) consumes you!

does any of this resonate with you?
the key is improving yourself, becoming a better you. learnign to accept that while you may not be THE prize, you are A prize.

 

[BigSmooth]

I agree with betheman. Often it seems that insecurity ands jealousy is the result of lack of self confidence, and inexperience. I remember when I had my first girlfriend, and every time she skyped a guy friend, or chatted on Facebook with them, or texted them, I'd feel kind of insecure. But by doing so makes you give up allyour power in the relationship, and the girl will look down on you.

So just improve your inner confidence. Don't just act confident, be confident. If your girl says that she's going to go out with a guy friend to catchup, tell her "alright have fun babe." it shouldnt bother you becaue your life doesn't revolve around her, and you should be confident that you have the ability to keep your girl. Meanwhile, that makes you have free time to go talk to YOUR lady friends.

 

[Bud_Fox]

Low self esteem I think.

However, if you are jealous there must be something your GF is doing to make you feel this way. For example, has she ever told a white lie to you, flirted with another guy? Or maybe her IL in you is slightly lower that yours and thats causing jealousy.

Don't accuse her of cheating because she won't be your GF much longer if you do. Talk to a friend, or post here. Write down on a sheet of paper whats bothering you, then when you are ready talk to your girl in a calm manner. Don't bottle stuff up. The relationship won't end well if you do