"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Where do you hide your money? Here's an idea for ya

STR8UP

Master Don Juan
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I was on AOL earlier today. Sometimes I will click on one of the articles for the hell of it. One that caught my eye today was about unusual places AOL members hide their money. I'm assuming they got the ideas off an AOL message board. Got about halfway through the little slideshow and almost pissed myself when I read this one:

"I put my serious money under the mattress. My lazy 350-pound wife is usually in bed most of the day and night. A thief would give up trying to move that "beached whale" off the bed. So for me, I have a great hiding place." -- Scarano
:crackup:
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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backbreaker

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i always keep some cash in the house.. it comes in handy for various reasons. I have a can of spinach in the counter that I usually keep a couple of hundred bucks in... no one would dare touch a spinach can.

also I keep some, usually about half and half, in the stuffing of my oldest dog's bed. I don't have to worry about anyone coming within 5 feet of it
 

~attrACTION~

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That's a great idea, but unfortunately I don't have a 350-lb wife. I don't have a 350lb anything actually. Pretty funny though :D
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

Read more...

Dark Chivalry

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~attrACTION~ said:
unfortunately I don't have a 350-lb wife.
That can easy be arranged on Match.com ;)

Mine is inside one of the legs of my table.
 

Mr.Positive

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:crackup:

Then again, the 350lb wife has a better chance of finding the money. The more money you save, the more lumps in the bed. Then you would have a 350lb wife with expensive cloths and a brand new SUV.
 

Dark Chivalry

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Or maybe she uses it for a liposuction...
 
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